This Obsession of Mine (Raine Series #5) (5 page)

Chapter 9

Joey

Five games down, only about a million to go. You can do this, Jo. I stood in the locker room, staring at myself in the full-length mirror, lost in thought. I just couldn’t wrap my head around how I was feelin’. I was supposed to be ecstatic, and excited that I was gettin’ to do the one thing I absolutely loved to do. But somethin’ was missin’. My life felt incomplete, and I was havin’ a really hard time sortin’ it all out. And no matter how hard I tried to get to a good point, all I could do was think back on
that
day.

After I read her goodbye to me, I couldn’t help but feel as though she had ripped my heart out and stomped all over it. As much as I wanted to chase after her, because I knew she loved me just as much as I loved her, I just couldn’t do it. I wasn’t willin’ to go against her wishes, and take the chance that it would end up pushin’ her away from me for good. So for now, I had to bide my time until I could go after her and make her mine.

“Hey Jo, you in here?” Glenn’s voice echoed throughout the locker room, and for a split second I contemplated ignorin’ him, but then thought better of it.

“Yeah! I’m back by the showers.” I shouted back at him.

“Hey! Good game tonight, bro. How ya feelin’?”

“I’m good.” I lied. “Thanks, hopefully those scouts out there thought so too.”

“Your time is comin’, man. I just know it. Well, I just wanted to say good game and say bye. We weren’t sure what ya had planned for after the game, so we’re just gonna head out.” Glenn turned to leave, but slowly turned back around, starin’ at me with that
I-know-your-not-ok
look. “What’s goin’ on, Jo?”

I pushed my hands back through my drippin’ wet hair as I took a seat on the bench between us. “Honestly, I don’t know. Don’t get me wrong, I’m so thankful that I even get to play ball, and that I don’t have to pay for school, but it just isn’t how I expected it to be.”

“Is this about, um…you know who?”

“I don’t know. I guess, maybe. I just feel like I’m goin’ through the motions, and not actually livin’. Does that make sense at all?” I half expected my brother to laugh at how sensitive I was bein’, but to my surprise, he sat next to me and began to talk.

“I wish I could say it was easy with me and Cam, but it so wasn’t. And it wasn’t just because she is as hard headed as they come. Life just tended to get in the way too much. I mean for cryin’ out loud bro, after we got married she had to go back to Arizona and finish school. Those couple of months were brutal on me,
and
our relationship. Not to mention the band goin’ on tour and everything else. Just remember Jo, nothin’ comes easy and the difficult kind of love, is the love worth fightin’ for.”

I sat there listenin’ and takin’ in every word he was sayin’. Given the amount of shit him and Cami have dealt with, I knew he would be a good person to take advise from, but he was also my brother and I knew he only wanted the best for me. “I feel like I’m at a dead end, and my only choice is to go backwards. But to what? Back to Tanya? Back to the pathetic teenager that was in love with his brother’s best friend’s girl?”

“Jo, you go back to what makes
you
happy. If you’re not happy with what you’re doin’ in life, or who you’re doin’ it with, then you owe it to yourself to change it. Make it what you want it to be. Who do you want to be, Jo?”

“I wanna be me, Glenn, but I don’t want to be with
her.
” I pointed out towards the stands outside. “It is literally killin’ me. I can’t do anything right. I lose the one girl I thought I could love forever, and for what? Because I couldn’t be a man and stand up for myself, that’s why. I got myself into this mess, and I’m not about to place the blame on anybody else. I’m in the position I am because of me.” I stood up and walked over to my locker and began gettin’ dressed. Bitchin’ about my life wasn’t gonna get me anywhere, and frankly, I was exhausted just talkin’ about it.

“Jo, I know you can’t tell me everything, but I was serious when I told you I would help you with whatever you need. You’re my little brother, and I refuse to watch you spiral into
this
.” He pointed at me. “Why don’t you come out with us for a bit tonight,
without
her, and just have a good time. It’ll be the old crew, just like the good ol’ days.” We both started crackin’ up when he made it seem like we were eighty or somethin’.

“All right, let’s go.”

Luckily Tanya headed home after I didn’t come out of the locker room. Mind you she only waited a long ten minutes Kayla said, so I wasn’t surprised when I got an angry text message a short while after pullin’ up to the bar, but my brother was right. Tonight I needed to just get out and have fun, and fightin’ with Tanya was
so
not fun, so I hit ignore on the phone call, and then shut my phone off and put it in Kayla’s purse as we headed into the bar. I ordered a round of shots for the entire table, and made my way back over with a newfound pep in my step.

“Alright ladies and…well, ladies.” I laughed. “Tonight the drinks are on me. So here’s to the love and friendship you only find in family. Thanks for bein’ mine.” I raised my shot glass and clinked it against everyone else’s. And the shots didn’t stop there.  After the fifth round, I decided that I needed to blow off some steam, and my first victim to help me do that was…the one and only Kayla herself.

I grabbed KJ’s hand and led her to the dance floor. Of course I got a few looks from Madi, but he knew it so wasn’t like that anymore. The song that was playin’ was a fast one, but as soon as we started to dance, the song quickly ended and they began playin’ one of my favorite Tim McGraw songs, and I just couldn’t help myself. I wrapped my tired arm around KJ’s waist, pullin’ her close to me, and held her other hand out to the side. As the song played on, KJ started to relax a bit, and eventually even laid her head on my shoulder, which was a perfect lead in for the conversation I needed to have with her.

“Hey KJ, what do you think about me and Tanya?”

Her head quickly snapped up so she could look me in the face, “Are you serious? Honestly Jo, you know I love you to death, but I don’t even know what the hell you were thinking with that girl. I don’t know y’all’s situation, but I
do
know that you
don’t
love her. I know, I know, you swear you do, but you forget Jo, I know what it looks like when you love someone, and
this
…isn’t it.”

“Well thanks for…
all
that.” I knew it sounded harsh, but I honestly wasn’t expectin’ all that from that little question.

Kayla stopped dancin’, and held my face in her hands so I couldn’t look away from her, “Joey Green, you deserve nothing but the best. You are an amazing man, and an even better friend. You put everyone above yourself, and you treat my daughter like royalty. I can’t wait for you to be married and have a family, and all that comes along with that, but I’m sorry…I just don’t see you having that with
her
. You deserve so much more than you give yourself credit for, why settle for less?”

I could feel the tears wellin’ up, and I damn sure wasn’t about to start cryin’ like a little girl, especially in front of her. “Thanks, KJ.”

“Any time, love. Now can we please finish our dance, because you know my drunk ass husband isn’t going to dance with me.”

I looked down at her, and we both lost it. We were laughin’ hysterically at just the mere thought of Madison tryin’ to dance. Madison was good at many things, but dancin’ sure as hell was
not
one of them. He looked like a mixture between a monkey and a man with one leg that’s shorter than the other. It was definitely a sight to behold. As the song came to an end, so did my alone time with Kayla. She placed a chaste kiss to my cheek, and turned to walk away, but I quickly caught her by the arm and turned her around to look at me.

“Kayla, thank you.”

“For what, Jo?”

“For being one of my best friends. For believin’ in me, and never lettin’ me give up on myself. You always tell me exactly how it is, and you have no problems callin’ me on my shit. I know I don’t say it often enough, but I love you. No, not like that.” I laughed. “I guess just thanks for bein’ you. I don’t know where I would be without you in my life. And it means a lot to me that you were able to see the potential in a friendship with me even when I was proclaiming my love for you. You’re a pretty cool chick.”

“You’re not telling me anything I don’t already know, Jo.” She laughed. “I’m teasing, and you’re welcome. I’ve never told you this Jo, and I never really thought I would, but…”

“I knew it. You’re head over heels in love with me, aren’t you?” I busted out laughin’ and so did she.

“No, smart ass. When I first met you, you made me feel…safe, and loved. Two things I hadn’t felt in a very long time. Joey, you were there for me when no one else was. Even when Madison was trying to show me how much he could be there for me, you were the one I trusted the most. You made me believe in kindness again, and you showed me what it was to have a guy friend who was capable of loving me as just a friend, no questions asked. Okay, maybe a few questions asked, a few hundred times, but you get the gist.” Kayla wrapped her hands tightly around mine. “Joey Green, I love you so much and I can never thank you enough for being the man that you are. Don’t let anyone take advantage of that or dim your light. You deserve nothing but the best, and I’ll beat any girl’s ass who isn’t willing to give you just that.”

I wrapped my arms tightly around Kayla’s small frame, and gave her a gentle squeeze. “You’re my bestie, girl. BFF’s forever?” I joked.

“Duh! I didn’t give you half of the necklace for nothin’.” She laughed.

“Well it looks like some people are havin’ some fun tonight.” Madison wrapped his arms around the both of us, and gave us a tight squeeze. “What’s all the lovey dovey shit about?”

“Nothing you need to concern yourself with.” Kayla cooed as she pulled Madison’s lips down on hers. Before I could get too uncomfortable, she pulled back. “Come on boys, we got more alcohol to drink. We ain’t done yet!”

“Man, I love it when the redneck comes out in my woman. WHOO! Let’s get drinkin’, hot stuff.”

Madison smacked Kayla’s ass, and then tugged the three of us towards the bar, but I stopped before we approached, to look around for Glenn and Cami, but they were nowhere to be seen. I got a little bit worried, but as soon as I opened my mouth to ask Madison if he had seen them recently, the two of them came wobblin’ out the men’s bathroom, Cami’s shirt half off and Glenn’s jeans unbuttoned with the fly down.

“Well ain’t you two some classy bitches!” I half shouted. “And what in god’s name were y’all doin’, might I ask?”

“Jo, no you may
not
ask.” Glenn slurred. “It’s none of-“

“We were busy having SEX, Joey Green.” Cami made sure to emphasize and yell the word sex, and all of us practically fell to the floor laughing hysterically. Leave it to sweet, lil ol’ Cami to let the cat outta the bag.

We kept the night goin’ with drinks upon drinks, and danced like it was our last night on Earth. We laughed, we cried, we even held one another in a circle as we danced to some horrendous music. It felt like the good old days, and I longed for this. I longed for the days when everything came easy, and we all just had a great time with no worries. Lucky for me, I had these crazy clowns to rely on to always take me back and make me forget my worries.
This
was love!

Diem

I woke up the next morning with an excruciating ache in my head, and only one thing on my mind…water. With the blanket still over my face, I threw my arm over the side of my bed and began feeling around the floor for the water bottle I brought over to my bed before falling asleep, but I kept coming up empty handed. Just when I was about to give up, I heard the distinct crunchy sound of plastic beneath my fingers. I wrapped my fingers tightly around it and pulled. I proceeded to empty the entire contents into my mouth, then threw the bottle back to the ground while I continued to lie there exhausted. There was no way in hell I was moving out of my bed today. Unfortunately, I was about to realize that moving out of my bed was exactly what needed to happen.

I heard a manly moan come from the other side of the covers, and I instantly sat straight up, tucking every inch of fabric I could find around my body, the body that I had just now realized was completely nude. My mouth hung open in shock as I glanced to my left to see what on earth was making such a boisterous noise so early in the morning. When the sound stopped, I slowly let my fingers inch their way over to the sheet that was covering whatever was making the obnoxious sound, and gently pulled them back.

When Alex’s face came into clear view, I let out a tiny scream, and instantly clasped my hands over my mouth before he could wake. I was entirely confused about what was happening, and for the life of me I was unable to recollect anything that had happened after about shot number fifteen. I reached back over to lift the thin sheet to see if we were both wearing our birthday suits, and quickly pulled my hand back as soon as I saw my answer. I immediately began sliding out from underneath the covers, taking only the top quilt with me to wrap around myself. When I finally made it to the floor, I peeked over the edge of the bed and saw that he was still sound asleep, so I made my escape. Unfortunately, I didn’t make it too far because I instantly ran into Troy in the hallway, who nearly managed to give me a heart attack.

“Oh my word, Troy. You’re here.”

“And trying to kill you! You’re funny, and what’s with all the sneaking around with a blanket wrapped around ya? Did you get into some funny business last night?” She looked all cheeky as she said it, and I was instantly mortified.

“You tell me! Because I sure as hell don’t remember going home with Alex.” I whispered so he wouldn’t hear.

“Oh my god! You came home with Alex? You dirty little slut you.” She started to laugh, but none of this was amusing.

“It’s not funny, Troy. You know I didn’t want to do anything with anybody, not when I still have Joey out there somewhere.”

“Doll, let me let you in on a little secret, you don’t
have
Joey, at all. I hate to be the one who has to tell you this, but he’s not yours to claim. He’s married.”

“TO THE WRONG GIRL!” The minute the words came out of my mouth I instantly felt horrible. My eyes fell shut, and I shook my head in disbelief. My behavior towards the entire situation was atrocious, and deep down I think I knew I would never have him again.

I pulled the quilt over my shoulders and clung to it with every breath. I was ashamed of who I had become because of him. As much as I wanted to be with him, my heart just couldn’t bear the unrelenting emotions that I had to deal with on a daily basis. I thought I was doing what I thought was right by leaving him alone, but it was slowly breaking my sanity to imagine him with her, them, as a couple, going on dates, and living together. It was quite literally breaking my heart, and I had not a single clue as to how to fix it.

I sat at the breakfast bar, and hung my head in despair, when Troy came up behind me and wrapped me into a tight embrace. “I can only imagine how hard this is for you Diem, but you can’t keep living every day as if he is just going to appear in front of you. You don’t deserve any of this. You deserve to be happy. Honey, you are only twenty-one years old. You should be out dating, and going to parties, enjoying school, and just being the amazing carefree girl I know you to be.” She clutched my face in her hands, forcing me to look directly at her, “Be
that
girl.” She smiled.

I wrapped my arms tightly around her waist, and almost instantly felt better. It wasn’t like I thought Alex was unattractive. On the contrary, he was gorgeous. He was tall, and extremely muscular, I was pretty sure he played some sort of sport. I just wasn’t sure which one at the moment. And he had the most amazingly beautiful hazel eyes that matched the color of his very well kept hair. And the best thing about him was that he was interested in me and didn’t have anyone else he was dating or married to. So what if we shagged already, it’s not like it wouldn’t have happened eventually. Maybe it was actually better this way, you know, getting it over with and all.

After drinking a few sips of tea that Troy so graciously made for me, I made my way back to my room. I gently pushed open the door as to not wake Alex up, but to my dismay, he was already up and getting dressed, and my what a sight it was. I stood against the doorframe ogling him, when he turned around and cleared his throat.

“Can I help you?” He smirked…and I melted.

“Perhaps.” I smiled back.

“Look, thanks a million for last night. You are amazing, but I gotta get out of here. You know, errands and shit.” He pulled his t-shirt into place, and I was suddenly bitter about it.

“About last night…” He was still gathering his belongings, and not at all paying any mind to me, so I just threw it out there. “Did we…you know…shag?”

Alex’s head popped straight up, and his mouth dropped wide open in shock, but then a familiar sound came out of it…laughter. “Do you really think that little of me? No, of course we didn’t. I would never take advantage of you like that, Diem. I have to say, I’m a little appalled that you think so little of me.”

“No, no, no, wait. You’re taking this wrong. Oh crap, I knew I would muck this up. I don’t think of you that way, Alex.” I reached out for his hand and took it in mine as I took a seat on the bed. “You’ve always been nothing but gentlemanly towards me, and I honestly just wanted to make sure
I
wasn’t the one who made an arse out of myself last night. I don’t usually get that intoxicated, and I wasn’t sure what I tried to do to you. That was my only reason for asking, honest.” I took a chance and glanced up him, but he was slowly sitting down on the bed next to me.

“I’m so sorry for being so accusatory towards you, Diem. Girls always tend to think the worst of us guys, and I never want you to think or look at me that way. I really like you, Diem. You have to know that I would never take advantage of you in that state.” His hands were clasped around mine, and I quite literally couldn’t take my eyes off of the look of them.

I smiled up at his honesty, “Well…then I just have to ask one extremely embarrassing question. Um…why am I naked if we didn’t do anything?” I could feel the blush rush up my neck and cover my entire face as I spoke.

“Well…let’s just say that
you
really weren’t going to take no for an answer.”

My hands flew up to my face, covering the entire thing. “I am sooooo sorry, Alex.”

“Don’t be.” He pulled my hands from my face and held them in his, “In any other situation, I would’ve been more than happy to do the things you asked me to do, but not when you are
that
intoxicated. But…I did however enjoy the forwardness that you portrayed last night. I always thought of you as timid and shy, and boy you are most certainly
not
either of those. I hate to just up and run, but I really do have so much to do today, and then I have to head home to visit my mom. But would you like to get together for lunch tomorrow?”

“Absolutely, just text me.” I watched as Alex made his way out of my room, but I couldn’t let him go just yet, “Alex?”

His head popped back in around the corner of the doorframe, “Yes?”

“Can we please just act like nothing happened last night, and start over?”

“Forget about what?” He winked, and my heart melted just a bit.

After I heard the front door close I fell back onto my bed with a wide toothy grin plastered on my face. I couldn’t remember the last time I felt so utterly happy, and the best thing about Alex was that I didn’t have to deal with any drama, at least not so far. Who knows, maybe this was exactly what I needed right now.

The rest of the day was spent in bed, and doing absolutely nothing but watching ridiculous amounts of reality TV. I was just about to fall asleep when my cell phone ringing had my heart jumping from my chest. I glanced down at the screen, but I didn’t recognize the number. It said that it was a call from San Francisco, but given that I didn’t know many people here, I figured it was most likely a wrong number. I switched my phone to silent, curled back up on my bed and immediately began drifting off to sleep.

I woke up on campus, and wasn’t quite sure how I had got there. I was wearing my pink fluffy robe that I had fallen asleep in, and my matching pink slippers. There were a ton of people walking around, but not a single one paid me any attention. I shouted to one of them, but she didn’t answer and that’s when I started to worry a bit. That was…until
he
walked by. It was the exact same scenario as the other day, and if I didn’t know better, I would think I was having a serious case of, how did everyone say it here, ah, déjà vu. He stopped in front of me to reach down and grab a book that he dropped. He was having a conversation with some guy that was walking next to him when I shouted his name.

“JOEY! JOEY, IT’S ME!” I waved my hands back and forth, right in front of him, but he just continued on with his friend. That’s when I realized that this was nothing but a dream. “Joey, please just look at me, just once.” I whispered to myself as a tear began to roll down my cheek. I wanted to wake up badly, but then I felt a warm finger graze my cheek.

“Don’t cry, sweetheart. You’re much to pretty to cry.”

He was talking to me. He was actually right in front of me, standing face to face, and that just made the crying that much worse. “I’m so sorry.” I babbled.

“Why are you sorry, sweetheart? You know, I’ve been thinkin’ about you every day since you left me.”

“I’m so sorry I left at all, Joey. I wish I could’ve done things differently, but you’re married.” My head fell in fear and loss. I knew it was all just a dream and that this wasn’t reality, but part of me could’ve stayed here all night long if it meant I had the chance to be with him.

His deft finger slid under my chin, pulling it up so we were looking into each other’s eyes. “I’m fixin’ it, sweetheart. You know you are the only one I want in this life, and I’ll do whatever I can to make you mine. I just need you to give me the chance to do it. Don’t give up on me, Diem.  Please don’t.”

His lips fell to mine, and my eyes fluttered shut as electricity began to flow through my veins. Every emotion I had ever felt in my life was suddenly heightened, and I could feel every inch of him pressed against me. My fingers interlocked behind his neck as I pulled his lips as close to mine as they would allow, but in an instant, they were gone. He was gone, and I was left utterly alone.

I awoke with a jolt, sitting straight up and clutching my heaving chest. It was all a dream, nothing more, I repeated to myself over and over again. But I needed it to be
more
. Was he coming to me in my dream to tell me to wait for him, and was I really willing to do just that? I was even more confused than I had been before, and I was completely and utterly frustrated at the situation. I needed to get over him, and I needed to do it now. I reached for my phone and typed out a text to Alex. My finger hovered over the send sign as I contemplated what this would mean, and without another second to hesitate or talk myself out of it, I hit send and prayed he would respond soon.