This Regret (52 page)

Shit! There I go again thinking about Kellan.
I swear, it's a curse. I just love hurting myself. When I know, what I should be doing is forgetting . . .

Afterward, Aiden drives us over to the bar and we walk inside to find Jen and Kade working.

Jen smiles at me, looks at Aiden and then pretends to go about her business as we find a seat close to the pool table. I try my best not to make eye contact with Kade, but I can't help but to feel his eyes burning into us.

I look over Aiden's shoulder pleading with Jen to come wait on us before Kade has a chance to. The last thing I need is Kade ruining my mood just as I'm starting to feel better about things.

"So what are you drinking tonight?" Aiden leans his head down to look at my face. He knows my attention is somewhere else and I almost feel bad for not thinking about his feelings when he's been nothing but nice all day.

Seeing that Jen is on her way over, I set my gaze on Aiden and sigh in relief. "Probably just beer for now. I don't want to start out with anything too heavy. It's been a while since I've drank so I'm probably a lightweight."

"Good idea." He beams as Jen walks up beside us smiling.

He jumps to his feet and instantly grabs Jen's arm pulling her in for a hug. Jen stiffens at first, surprised by Aiden's boldness, but then relaxes and hugs him back. I guess she sort of forgot what he was like since he's been gone. He's a damn hugger.

"Aiden. It's . . . ah . . . good to see you," she stammers as they pull apart. "Here with Phoenix." She looks at me questioningly. "What can I get y'all?"

Not noticing Jen's awkwardness, Aiden takes his seat and pulls out his wallet smiling ear to ear. He looks at me waiting for me to place my order first.

"Give me a Miller Lite, Jen. I'm going to take it easy for now." I nod over at Kade who is watching us with an evil grin now. "No shots. I’m not here to get drunk."

"I'll take the same," Aiden confirms. "Just bring me two to save you a trip. I'm pretty thirsty tonight."

Nodding, Jen walks away to grab our drinks.

Eying the pool table behind me, Aiden stands up and grabs my hand. "How about a game of pool? Remember those days?" He looks at me with a smirk.

Of course, I remember those days. The person that wins gets to kiss the other person wherever they want to, no questions asked. I'm not trying to play
that
kind of pool.

I nod my head, reaching for the beer I desperately need at the moment. I smile at Jen. “Thanks, love." Then I turn back to Aiden. "I don't think that's a good idea." I shake my head and take a gulp of my beer. "In fact, it's a horrible idea."

Ignoring my rejection, he pulls me over to the pool table with a smile. "Just relax. Maybe you will change your mind by the time we get to the end."

"This is supposed to be just as friends," I remind him as he racks the balls.

He laughs but doesn't turn to look at me. I watch the back of his head and take another gulp of my beer. For some reason, even though Kellan is gone, the thought of kissing another man makes me feel sick to my stomach. I don't want another man’s lips to taint where Kellan's has been. I like knowing that I can hold on to a piece of him knowing he was the last to touch me there amongst other places.

He hands me a cue stick and leans against the table with a smile that says he’s sure of himself. He used to have a way with me. Not now. I won't cave in to him this time. Even if he does look good with his dark fitted jeans, blue shirt and baseball cap. He's very attractive in a clean and preppy kind of way. His skin is too flawless for me. I used to think that was what I wanted; what I needed to be happy because he was so different from Adric and Kellan. I was wrong.

I want Kellan's rough, sexy edge. I want his dark interior and mysterious exterior. I want someone that can take me for a ride into the unknown. I want someone that can keep me on my toes; handle me as if I'm anything but breakable. I guess deep down, I need his bad boy persona. After staring at the beauty of his art, I crave it.

"You break," he says. "You were always good at that."

"If by good, you mean sucked. Then yes. I am good at breaking balls." I laugh at myself and position myself to break the balls.
Too bad I might be breaking his balls tonight as well.

Just as I’m about to make my move, Aiden comes up behind me, brushing my hair behind my ear, pressing his body against mine. I pull my shoulder up to meet my ear, uncomfortable with him touching me, so he backs away without a word.

Two beers later and one shot of Jack in, the game is almost over and it's down to just the eight ball for him. I stand here staring at the eight ball as if I can control where it goes.
Do I want him to make it?
I can't tell just yet. He's been giving me flirty little smiles all night and I have a feeling, I might let him just for the fun of it.

Kade's been staring at us most the night, giving us dirty looks. I can't tell if he's mad I'm with someone else other than him or someone else other than Kellan. I don't get him, but if he wants to keep making me feel like crap, then why not. I've got quite the buzz going on anyways. The first time I've been slightly happy in over two weeks.

"Steady," I tease. "You're going to miss that. Your arm is shaking."

Aiden turns away from the table to look at me. "That's because I've been wanting to kiss you all night."

I feel my stomach knot up hearing the words actually come from his mouth. I used to love those soft lips. Maybe I could again if I just try. I shake my head to myself.
Nah, there's no way.
I try to convince myself, but with each drink of beer, he becomes more and more tempting.

"Then take your shot," I dare. "I'll let you, only if you make this shot. This might just be your only chance." I smile at him.

Taking a swig of his beer, he smiles back and prepares for the shot. It seems to go in slow motion as the eight ball slowly sinks into the left corner pocket.

Like a man on a mission, he sets the cue stick down and runs his tongue over his lips, wetting them. He moves closer to me, reaches out to grab my hips but then stops.

Okay. Well that's a little strange.
"What's the problem, Aiden? Am I suddenly not kissable," I ask teasingly. “I promise not to bite . . .”

I feel the heat of someone's body behind me, causing me to stiffen. Then my eyes close and my breath hitches as I feel warm breath on the side of my neck.
The smell. Oh God, that smell
. Whoever smells just like Kellan can just take me now. I swear, I'll keep my eyes closed. I'm buzzed enough to pretend.
I think.

An arm wraps around my waist, resting a hand on my stomach before I feel lips just under my ear. I feel the coolness of metal rubbing against my flesh and my sex clenches with no effort at all. "You are very kissable." Soft lips crush my neck and I gasp. "You are so fucking beautiful I can't go a day without looking at you and the only one you’ll be biting is me."

My body trembles under his touch and my legs almost give out on me.
This cannot be happening. It has to be the shot. It's the shot. Am I that drunk?

I feel the lips again as a hand tightens around my waist, pulling me against a body. My heart flutters. I'm definitely not drunk. Those lips would sober me up enough even if I were in a drunken coma.

"Kellan," I whisper.

A set of firm hands spin me around and my breasts smash into a firm chest as a hand slides up the side of my face before tugging my ha
ir passionately. "I've missed you so damn much, baby." His thumb rubs circles over my cheek as I stare in awe.

How is it possible he has gotten more beautiful than the last time I saw him?
His hair is wind-blown and messy from him running his fingers through it and his jaw is lined with the perfect five o'clock shadow. Everything about him from his worn out fitted jeans, snug white shirt with piercings pressed against the fabric and old Converse shoes turn me on. He's a walking fucking orgasm and I hate him for it. I want to scream at him for hurting me and making me want him all over again.

"What are you doing here?" I find myself pulling away even though I want nothing more than to be in his arms. “Do you think I'm just supposed to forget everything you did to me?”

Aiden takes a step closer to me and places a hand on my arm, protectively. Too bad for him, protecting me from Kellan is the last thing he’ll be able to do. "You want me to take you home? We can leave now."

Kellan's hand grabs my waist, pulling me against his body as his other hand presses against Aiden's chest, separating us. "Listen here,
Aiden
. Put your hands on my fucking woman again and I will kill you. Never touch what is mine. Understood?"

I look back and forth as the boys square off, looking each other dead in the eyes. At least, Kellan is looking Aiden in the eyes. Aiden keeps losing contact, looking a bit nervous. I feel bad for him, but so turned on by Kellan at the same time.
Is that bad? Man, this is confusing.

I get so lost in them, it takes me a second to realize he called me his.
Wait! What?
He takes off leaving me alone, but I'm his. That makes no sense.

I pull Kellan's hand away from Aiden's chest and back away from his grip. He's only going to hurt me again. I know it. I can't let that happen. I won't.

"I'm not yours, Kellan. You left. Remember?" I hate myself for the words that keep spilling from my mouth, but I'm mad and hurt. I told him I loved him and he left. He just left as if what we had meant nothing to him. “You had your chance and now . . . it’s too late.”

I grab my purse and walk closer to Aiden, grabbing his shirt to pull him along. "Let's go!" I yell. "I can't be here right now. I need to get out of here.
”

"You can't leave with him!" Kellan runs up beside me and cups my face in his hands, forcing me to look him in the eyes. "I need you to stay with me. Please, don't go. I should have begged you before; I didn't, but I am now. I can’t lose you, Phoenix. Please give me one more chance." His eyes soften and I find myself falling to my knees in front of him, his pleas making me weak.
I can’t do this.
I can’t fight against the one person I love with all my heart. I just can’t. I've seen how my life is without him. I'm miserable.

He drops down on his knees in front of me and scoots closer to me so our bodies are touching and his hands are caressing my face. "I don't want to go another day without holding you. I can't fucking do it and I won't." He swallows hard and dips his head, looking at me through wet lashes. "I have never wanted to spend more than one day with a woman, but I have spent every day wanting to spend one more day with you." He licks his lips, wetting them and my heart stops dead in my chest. "I fucking love you, Phoenix. I love you so much it hurts. Just the thought of breathing is too much for me to take on if it doesn't involve you by my side. From now on, every breath, every beat of my heart and every tear I'll ever shed will be for you. I want to give you everything. You own me. My heart and soul is yours. I can't imagine a world without me being yours. I only left because I thought I was protecting you. I realized being gone that I can only truly protect you being by your side." He smiles and looks down at his jeans. "Besides, I already told you, you'd be the only one to take my clothes off. I sort of really need you now."

We both smile into each other’s arms before he leans closer, brushing his lip ring over my bottom lip. My head is still reeling from him confessing his love that I can barely even think straight. "Now tell me, Phoenix. Are you mine now? I won't give up until you are. That, I can promise you." He grabs my chin, looking straight into my eyes, our foreheads touching.

I nod my head, tears streaming down my face, knowing that this man will always be able to break me. I love this man so much it hurts. His grip tightens on my face and he smiles. "I love you too, Kellan. God, I love you so much. Don’t ever leave me again. Please! I barely pulled myself out of the depression I was in. I won't be able to next time."

His lips desperately crush mine, as he grabs me, pulling me up to my feet. Holding me firmly against his body, he runs his hand up the back of my neck before tangling his fingers through the bottom of my hair. His kiss deepens and I welcome it with a moan. In this moment it is just the two of us; not Kade, Jen, Aiden and us. It's just us and I can stay like this forever.

His tongue hungrily tangles with mine, tasting every inch of my mouth as if he can't stand the thought of never tasting me again. The feel of his eager tongue turns me on so badly, I have to fight the urge between my legs to orgasm right here in the bar.

Then it doesn't help when I feel his erection pressing against my belly.
Oh shit, I need this man; it's been too long.
Everything about him is everything I've ever needed.

He pulls away, sucking in his bottom lip while smiling down at me. "Mm
m, you taste too damn good. I almost can't control myself right now." He presses on his jeans and adjusts them with a smirk that soaks my panties. "I. Love. You," he says in my ear. "I love you, I fucking love you and I'm never leaving you again. Never. Do you understand that?"

Nodding my head, I smile at him and he pulls me in for a hug, kissing the top of my head.