This Time Around (16 page)

How fucking dare he ask me this?

“Well answer the fucking question. Is she mine?” he growls out.

“No Liam, she isn’t yours,” I affirm.

“What do- I mean are you sure?”

“What the hell is it with you and Adrian asking me if I am sure of the things I say? Damn it.” I take a deep breath. “Liam, let's go into the living room. We need to have a chat.” He listens to me and joins me on the couch. We sit at either ends, not touching in any way. I look around the room and see the photos that are scattered all around, showing the love in my family. I see a photo of Adrian, Rachel, Jodi and me. I smile and walk over to it and take it off the wall, along with a baby photo of Connie and me. I join him on the couch again and start to tell him everything.

“Liam, Connie isn’t your daughter, because she isn’t mine. Not biologically anyway,”

He goes to speak but I raise my hand to stop him. “Let me get it all out and then you can ask questions. Do you remember the night we met?” He nods his head. “I was at the concert with my best friend Jodi, she was the one practically eating the drummer of the band.” I chuckle at the memories of Jodi. “Jodi slept with the drummer that night and got pregnant. Now as you can imagine, how
many groupies came forward claiming to be pregnant by one of the band members. Well Jodi got that treatment. He refused to take a DND test, he even claimed that he never slept with her. Anyway, Jodi was a very strong willed woman and she refused to beg him for help. We all helped her through the pregnancy and she was in love with the little girl growing in her belly.” I take a deep breath and will the burning tears away, I need to get this out once and for all.

“I supported Jodi all through the pregnancy, as did Adrian and Rachel. We were driving home from a shopping day when a driver of a transit van, ran a red light. He was four times over the legal limit, they couldn’t believe that he was able to function. Jodi was thirty-eight-weeks pregnant. The van hit her side of the car, Liam. She didn’t stand a fucking chance.” Tears are streaming down my face but I don’t wipe them away. The pain has always been there, but talking about her is bringing all the hurt back. I know that Jodi would have been a great mother to Connie and it hurts to know that she never got to see her grow up.

“She was cut from the car and taken to hospital before I was even removed. I remember sitting in the car, my legs pinned to the seat by the dashboard. I watched as the helicopter took my best friend and her unborn baby to the hospital. I had to wait three hours before they would tell me anything. Three fucking hours. Do you know what that feels like?” He shakes his head no. “It feels like someone has reached inside your chest, and is crushing your heart from the inside out. You feel cold and numb. I just wanted to curl up and cry and leave the world behind. The doctors finally came in and told us the news. Jodi had died on the operating table. But they were able to save her daughter. My Connie. She weighed in at six pounds and three ounces. She was perfect. They brought her to me and that was when I was told that I was now her legal guardian. Jodi has it listed in her will that if anything was to happen to her, I was to take full legal rights to the baby. That minute my world crumbled, but I couldn’t stay a pile of rubble for long, I had just became a new mum.” The bittersweet feeling of losing Jodi but gaining Connie will always be with me.

“Jesus fucking Christ. Penny, I am so fucking sorry. Baby, come here.” He opens his arms for me and I take the invite. I crawl into his lap and sob like a baby. I cry for Connie not meeting Jodi. I cry for Jodi for not meeting her perfect daughter.

My world was made a better place the day that Connie James Miller was brought into my life.

I have been sitting outside the hospital for the past fifteen minutes. I can’t get Liam and mines conversation out of my head, our talk yesterday was bittersweet. It always hurts talking about Jodi, but it was also nice to tell Liam all about her. Once we got over the initial talk about Jodi, and Connie’s birth. We called Connie back downstairs and we all cuddled up on the couch and talked about Jodi. What our little group used to be like when we were younger. We talked about Connie’s baby life, much to her embarrassment. Connie loved talking about Jodi and we loved looking at baby photos. We have a few of Jodi while she was pregnant and Connie treasures them. I love that she loves her even though she has never met her.

Just thinking about her makes my heart hurt. I will always have Jodi in my heart, because she gave me the most precious gift you can give someone. I went from a single student, studying to become a nurse, to a single mum, struggling to become a nurse. Even with my family I still struggled, for the first few months I hated leaving Connie, I thought she was going to be taken away from me, just like Jodi was. Matt talked me into seeing a family counsellor and I will always be grateful to him for that. Sucking in a deep breath, I climb out of my car and head into work.

Suzy and Marta are at the nurses station chatting to one of the new Doctors. I think his name is Doctor Butler. I only passed him on one shift, I was leaving and he was starting, but he seems like a nice bloke. The girls smile at me when they see me approach.

“Well good afternoon, Miss Miller.”

“Hey, Suze. Hi, Marta, how are the kids?” I ask her, she has four year old twins and they are a handful.

“Oh you know, they are amazing, when I am not with them,” she winks at me. I see Dr Butler watching us and smiling.

“Oh come on they can’t be that bad,” he says. We all turn and look at him.

“Oh yes they can. You need to have Marta tell you the story of how the twins got in the garden. Do you have children, Doctor Butler?”

“I do. My son is three months old.”

“Awwww, that’s sweet. Enjoy him while you can because before long, he will be demanding that his clothes need to be top brands, costing a small fortune. His pocket money needs to rise weekly and, oh yeah, the taxi service starts,” Suzy says, smiling sweetly. She can smile all she wants because her kids are all grown up. I laugh and walk towards the staff lounge. Popping my bag into my locker I walk back out and join the girls, ready to get my shift started. I see Marta running towards me calling my name and my heart skips a beat.

No, Connie. Oh no, God please no. My heart starts racing for fear my daughter is hurt.

I reach Marta and she is panting, and my mind goes into stupid mode by thinking that she needs to hit the gym and do some cardio.

“There is a guy out front demanding to see you. His son is hurt. He says he is your boyfriend. But I never knew you were in a relationship.”

“Oh shit, Knox.” I take off running and burst through the double doors. I see Liam, sorrow clear across his handsome face. I see Knox lying in his large arms, blood covering one side of his head and he is cradling his right arm. Oh shit, my baby boy.

“What the hell happened?” I ask when I reach them.

“He was riding his bike around the driveway, and Ramsey went crazy around his wheels. Knox tried dodging him, but he lost balance and him and the bike hit the side of the house. He says he wasn’t knocked out.” I do a quick assessment of his head and the blood is still flowing at a good rate, which isn’t good. I know head wounds bleed more, but you can never be too careful when it comes to a child.

“Follow me. Why didn’t you call for an ambulance?” I say, opening the doors. “Doctor Butler, I need you,” I call. I lead Liam through to an exam room and he places Knox down on the bed. He whimpers as Liam steps back.

“I’m here bud. I’m not going anywhere,” Liam states looking at me, daring me to correct him. Does he think I would ask him to leave his injured son? I help Doctor Butler assess Knox’s arm, which is clearly broken from the angle it is sitting. But in children, again it can look worse than it is. Knox cries out when I re-position his arm.

“Fucking hell, be careful will you,” Liam growls out. I let that one slide because I know he is hating seeing his son is pain.

“I am careful Liam, but I need to make sure his arm is in the right place, to ease the pain for Knox.”

“To ease it? Jesus Christ you're hurting him more. Just because he isn’t yours doesn’t mean that you should care less. FUCK!” he all but yells, making both Knox and me jump. He soothes Knox and I stand back from the bed. Tears spring to my eyes from his words. Talk about being kicked in the stomach. How the hell can he think I care less, just because Knox isn’t mine? I treat all my patients the same. If anything I helped Knox skip the people in the waiting room. Doctor Butler is checking the head wound on Knox’s head, and little whimpers come from the little boy. I hear my name being called but I can’t pull my eyes from Liam, who is still not looking at me.

“Penny.” I blink as Doctor Butler shakes my shoulders. “Are you okay?” I nod and clear my throat.

“Yes. Sorry, I- I am-.”

“No it’s fine. Are you okay to clean and glue the wound up?” He turns to Liam. “It isn’t deep enough for stitches and head wounds do bleed a lot more. He will be just fine.” He turns to me. “You okay to carry on?” I nod my head and leave the room. I slump against the wall just outside the room and fight the tears that are fighting to run down my cheeks. I can’t believe he just said that to me. My breaths become hard and I lean forward, placing my hands on my knees trying to calm myself down. Doctor Butler’s voice brings my body upright.

“I hear you speak to any of my staff like that again and I will have you removed from the hospital. Nurse Miller was only doing her job. She cares about every one of her patients. Equally.”

“Listen, I get what you are saying but my son was in pain and I lashed out. I will apologize to her.” I don’t hear what Doctor Butler says in return because I take off for the supply cupboard and get the items I need to clean up Knox and glue his head together, before he goes to X-ray. Adding everything to the trolley I head back to fix up Knox. I stop just outside the door and take a much needed deep breath, before opening the door and walking in. Liam stands from the bed but I ignore him. I stop the trolley beside the bed and give Knox all my attention.

“Hey little man. So, I am going to clean your head and then add some awesome glue that will stick your head together. It will help stop the bleeding, plus,” I lower my voice, “It will leave a wicked scar. The girls love boys with scars.” I wink at him and he giggles. Distraction is a great thing when children are involved.

“Really?” he replies, with a slight hic-up from his crying.

“Yeah, bud. The ladies love a tough guy, huh, Bambi?” I ignore Liam and smile down at Knox. I start to clean the head wound and see that in fact Doctor Butler was right; the wound isn’t that big and just needs some glue. I hate head wounds because they scare the crap out of people, because they bleed so much. I wash away the blood that has coated the side of his head and seeped into his hairline. I then use a dry gauze and dry off the area before adding the glue.

“Are you ready, Knox? This shouldn’t hurt too much, sweetie, okay. But I need to hold the side together once I add the glue. If it hurts too much, tell me to stop and I will.” He nods his head, and his eyes flick over to his dad. Liam steps forward and takes a hold of Knox’s hand. I can feel the heat from his body as he moves in close. It is hard to ignore this man beside me, but I have no choice. I have a job to do, and that job is fixing up his son right now. I get the glue set up and hold the small wound together, Knox winces and I hold my hand still.

“You okay?” He nods his head and keeps his eyes on the pens in the pocket on my scrubs. He is such a brave boy.

“You are a tough cookie, Knox Bradley,” Liam tells his son. My heart swells but my head comes barreling into the equation, telling me to hold that feeling, and that I am still upset and pissed at Liam. I add the glue and hold the wound together, it doesn’t take long for it to dry, and before you can blink I am adding a small bandage over the cut. I brush Knox’s hair back off his forehead and look into his eyes. I see Liam in them; he is a mini replica of his dad.

“All done. You did really good, sweetie.” I suck in a deep breath and turn to Liam. He offers me a smile that would normally make me swoon, but I am standing my ground on this. I lock my knees. “Keep the wound dry for a few days and the glue will do its job. The small bits on top of the skin will dry up and fall off when ready.” He nods his head and goes to speak, but I turn back to Knox. “Okay, sweetie you are all ready to go home. I will sort out some pain medicine for you to take home and your dad can give it to you later if you need it. Be right back.” I walk towards the door but don’t reach it. Liam snags my wrist, halting me. I turn my head to look at him and see regret on his eyes, but it's a little too late.

“I’m sorry for earlier, I ...

“Don’t,” I say, pulling my hand away and leaving the room. I walk the trolley back down the hall and deposit the used items in the correct tubs. I sort out the small bottle of pain medication for Knox and I wash my hands and add sanitizer, before joining Doctor Butler and Marta at the station. They both look up from the records they were looking at and smile at me.