Thorn in My Heart (40 page)

She did not know the worst of it then. But she knew enough to be wounded.

“Forgive me, Leana. I realize what I am asking of you today.”

“Nae,” she said, her lower lip beginning to tremble, “you do not.”

“If there were some other way…” Jamie dropped his chin, unable to look at her. He'd told her he wasn't afraid of her tears, but he was. Another lie.

“Wait for Rose,” she said softly. “
That is
the other way.”

He forced himself to face her, even if it meant sharing her sorrow. “Your father insists we've waited long enough, Leana. He's made his wishes very clear.”

“As he always does.”

“Rose knows your father's pernickitie ways. She'll not blame either one of us for doing his bidding, least of all you, her dear sister.” His voice faltered as the truth came out unbidden. “I believe Rose loves you more than she does me.”

An odd light came into Leana's eyes. “You may be right, Cousin.”

He swallowed the last of his apprehension. “Then you'll agree? You will do this thing, be a proxy bride for Rose? For me?”

“Aye, Jamie,” she whispered. “I will. For you.”

Nothing is more easy than to deceive one's self,
as our affections are subtle persuaders.

D
EMOSTHENES

I
will not cry. I will not.

Leana pressed her hands against her skirt and bowed her head. “I'm ready, Neda.”

The airy kell wafted over her head, falling in graceful folds around her shoulders. She eyed the pulled thread work, marveling at its intricate rose pattern, a subde reminder of whose bridal veil she was wearing.
Forgive me, Rose.

For the last half-hour, she'd moved as though in a dream, checking every moment to see if she might wake and find it all gone. Yet it was not a dream at all. It was real. Before the sun disappeared from the sky, she would stand beside her beloved Jamie in her own parish kirk and hear him vow to love and cherish her. Not by name, no, but she would hear the words. His hand would touch her hand when he slipped on the ring, his eyes would look into hers when they turned to speak the vows, his lips would say the words she longed to hear:
Even so, I take her before God and in the presence of his congregation.

Take me, Jamie!
‘By the law and all that was holy, she knew he could not.

Leana touched the kell, letting the solid feel of it bring her thoughts in line. “Thank you, Neda.” She gazed into the long mirror, a borrowed treasure from Susanne, brought to Auchengray on Mr. Elliot's ox-drawn cart. Leana blinked as she stared in the glass. She touched the delicate petticoat beneath her gown, then held out her foot for the matching shoes.

Neda stood back, her face knitted with concern. “Are ye sure about
this, lass? Seems a bit hasty to go on with the waddin. What if yer sister comes ridin up with Willie?”

“Nothing would please me more, Neda.” She nodded at Roses gown, stretched across their box bed. “See that her gown and shoes are carried to the kirk. We can dress her in the manse, if need be.”

Neda's brows arched. “I thocht Jamie said
ye
were supposed to wear it.”

“I'll not ruin my sisters lovely gown. I agreed to wear the kell to appease my father, but the gown will wait for its rightful mistress.”

“Now who's the heidie daughter?” Neda teased, though her eyes shone with approval.

Leana turned back to the mirror, smoothing her hands across the elegant cambric veil, secredy pleased at the chance to wear it once more. Might Jamie be swayed by the sight of her in such fine array? Men never seemed to care about a woman's clothing. Still, unless she was mistaken, her new claret gown had caught Jamie's eye earlier.

Though it wasn't his eye she longed to catch. It was his heart.

Her conscience wisely reminded her of her role that day:
A proxy bride. No more than that.

“Come, Neda,” she said, keeping her tone light. “Finish pinning the kell in place. They're shouting for a bride on the lawn.” Susanne and the others had already swept down the stair to join the wedding guests gathered for the procession to the kirk. Jamie had agreed to explain the unusual turn of events. Leana could only imagine what their neighbors would think of it all. When Fergus McDougal had put her aside last month, gossip had flown thick and fast through the parish hills. A proxy wedding would keep them blethering until Candlemas.

Neda pressed a pair of gloves into her hands. “Best put these on, and say a prayer for your sister in her travels. If your mother were here, that's what she'd be tellin ye.”

Leana slipped her fingers inside the white silk, smoothing the fabric in place, then dropped her hands to her side with a pensive sigh. “What would Mother think of all this, Neda?” Leana turned aside to circle the room, afraid of what she might see in Neda's eyes. “Would Agness
McBride be in this room, helping me dress to take my sister's place? Or would she be busy in the spence, sending notice to our neighbors that the wedding must wait for Roses return, never mind the trouble and expense?”

“I…canna say, lass.”

“Then you
have
said.” Leana turned to find Neda's coppery head bowed with regret. “You think what I'm doing is wrong.”

“Nae, I do not.” Neda lifted her chin to meet her gaze. “I think what your faither is doin’ is wrong, putting his thrifite before honor. And I think what Jamie is doin is wrong, marryin’ a child who does not love him instead of marryin a woman who loves him with all her heart.”

“Neda, please!” Leana glanced at the door to the hall in dismay, dropping her voice to a terse whisper. “Do not say such things.”

The housekeeper folded her hands before her and straightened her back. “I will say this, and then I will say no mair: This day was not of yer choosin, but it's a day the Lord has made, and so we're to rejoice and be glad in it. Take it as a gift. Hug it close to ye. Make merry with yer friends. And show James McKie what a fine wife he might have had.”

Leana wrinkled her brow in confusion. “Am I to…punish Jamie then?”

“
Och
, not at all! Ye're to please him, lass. He deserves a fine waddin as well.” Neda fussed with the kell for a moment, as though considering what she might say next. “I think young Jamie will not mind havin ye for his proxy bride. I've watched him look at ye when he thinks ye dinna see him.”

“You have?” Leana's hands grew cool inside her mother's gloves.

“Aye. Niver with disrespect, mind ye.”

“But he loves Rose,” she protested.

Neda shrugged. “So he
often
says. But he looks at you. Like a man who wishes for somethin he canna have.”

Leana pushed down the hope rising inside her like yeast dough on a warm hearth. “He has no need to wish for me when he has Rose.”

“Aye, but
does
he have yer sister?” Neda regarded her evenly. “If so, whaur is the lass? Have ye not considered that she might be stayin away
on purpose? She was
sair
afraid of marriage, Leana. And not in love widi Jamie McKie, best I could tell.”

“Neda, dont…” She pressed her hand to her mouth, the faint scent of lavender from her mother's gloves calming her, giving her strength. “Don't…tempt me with this.”

“ ‘Tis not a temptation if he loves ye back.”

“Jamie doesn't love me, Neda, and I cannot pretend that he does.”

Neda chuckled softly. “Nae, but I can, if only for the day, watchin ye take yer vows.” Brushing a last bit of lint from Leana's gown, the housekeeper nodded with satisfaction. “It's time ye made yer appearance, or yer faither will be stormin up here lookin for ye.” Neda touched a hand to her cheek, then hurried out the door, leaving Leana with naught to do but follow.

Out on the lawn the Lowland bagpiper was filling his bag, preparing to pipe the bridal party to the kirk in Newabbey. With squeaks and grunts, the cylindrical chanter came to life as the notes of a lively reel accompanied Leana down the stair. By now Jamie had likely been spirited away to the barn with some of the young men of the parish, prepared to follow discreedy behind the bridal party, well out of sight. Judging by the noise beyond the front door, the rest of the household had moved to the lawn. Some waited on foot, others on horseback. All bore bridal favors and libations to share with travelers they might meet along the way.

Her father waited for her at the bottom of the stair, dressed in his best coat and waistcoat, his ebony hair gathered into a severe knot. His dark eyes appraised her as she drew near, though she saw no affection in his gaze and heard even less in his voice. “Where is Rose's gown?”

“I could not bring myself to wear it, Father.” Seeing his brow darken, she hastened to explain. “If Rose arrives in time, she'll have need of it. And if she does not appear until the morn, I want her to find her gown clean and pressed, waiting for her.”

“Never mind your sister just now.” He glanced about, as though looking for attentive ears, then lowered his voice. “Your gown is bonny enough to catch Jamie's eye.”

A chill ran down her back.
It isrit his eye I hng to catch.
Her own thoughts only moments ago! What else might her father know? She looked away, lest he read her face like a book. “It is too late to catch Jamie's eye.”

“You're about to be a bride, Leana. The kell, the kirk, and the vows. I believe I've made the best of the situation, don't you agree?”

“Father!” Her head snapped back as panic beat a path to her heart. “Don't tell me that's what this proxy business is all about!”

“This proxy business,’ as you call it, is meant to bind your cousin to this property in marriage. Though it matters not which daughter he claims, you are the better choice.”

His cold logic frightened her. “But I cannot simply
steal
Jamie, as though he were a wedding gift left unattended.”

“But that's exacdy what the lad is: unattended.” Lachlan looked about him. “I see no sign of Rose. For all we know, the lass has no intentions of going through with this wedding. But I do. I've paid for it, and I'll see it done. With you as the bride.”

“
Why
, Father? Why like this?” Distraught, she asked more boldly than she should, “If I was, as you say, the better choice, why did you not insist Jamie marry me from the beginning?”

He wagged his head, as though only fools asked such questions. “I cannot tell my nephew whom he will marry. I can only tell him which of my daughters he may
not
marry.” His lips curled, but he did not smile. “A father's rights only extend so far, Leana. I'd hoped your appearance in kirk today might give Jamie a reason to change his mind.”

“Your hopes are in vain, Father.” Determined not to be swayed by his twisted sense of reason, she led him toward the door, her chin held high. “I am merely Rose's proxy, as you requested.”

“Your sister is too young to grasp the meaning of love, and we both ken it well.” He stepped close behind her, placing his hands on her shoulders and bending over to growl in her ear. “Let me say this more plainly: Jamie stole your heart months ago. See that he lays claim to the rest of you before the morn's morn.”

“Father!” Stunned, she spun around to face him. “I will not behave like a—”

“Wheesht!” He grabbed her roughly by the arms and pulled her away from the door. “Need I remind you that no man will have you?”

The truth at last: Her father wanted rid of her.

She turned her head, feeling ill. His face was too close, his contempt as thick as the whisky on his breath.

Lachlan shook her, as though she'd not heard every terrible word. “I promised to get you a husband, Leana, and I have done my duty by you. See that you do yours before this day ends.”

“My…duty?”

He released her as abrupdy as he'd seized her. “You ken very well what I mean.”

Leana swallowed the bile that soured the back of her throat. “And if I do not do this…duty?”

He threw words at her like stones. “Then you will never marry. Never. It is Jamie McKie, or it is no one. The wedding vows you speak today will not be spoken by you again in your lifetime. Do I make myself clear?”

Oh, why should vows so fondly made,
Be broken ere the morrow,
To one who loves as never maid
Loved in this world of sorrow?

J
AMES
H
OGG

E
ven so, I take him before God and in the presence of his congregation.
Leana held back her tears, whispering the vows in her heart, practicing for when she would say those words aloud to Jamie.
Even so I take him.
Aye, she would gladly take him as her true husband. But not with tricks and threats, her father's stock in trade. Not by seduction or deception. Not simply because Rose was not there to stop her.
Nae.
Leana would bravely show Jamie her heart, in as many honest ways as she could, and let him choose her or not, once and for all. She could bear a lifetime alone; she could not bear a lifetime of wondering if one last appeal might have changed his mind.

The assembly prepared to leave for the kirk, most of them on horseback. A volley of pistol shots rang through the wintry air, followed by girlish screams and male laughter. The horses whinnied and shook their heads but kept their feet on the ground, while a startled wren took to the sky. The piper abrupdy changed his tune, and the gathering ambled forward with Duncan leading the way, pulling her horses reins as she clung to the pommel.

The day was colder than any Hogmanay in memory. Though the air was dry at the moment, the low gray clouds seemed thick with possibilities. Jamie rode well behind her, since tradition required the bride to arrive at the kirk first. A groom waiting for his bride was considered most unlucky, though in truth Jamie was doing just that: waiting for Rose.

“Say a prayer for your sister in her travels,” Neda had said.
Aye, but what to pray?
That her sister would arrive shortly and claim Jamie forever? Or that her sister be delayed in Twyneholm another day or two? Leana was ashamed to admit which prayer she favored, and so she simply prayed for Rose's safety and trusted God for the outcome.