Those Who Remain (Book 2) (11 page)

I spot my mother talking to old friends, acting like she’s just as normal as everyone else. She has an uncanny ability of blending in no matter her state of mind. Not once or twice, she went to open the door to Sheriff Benny, utterly calm, even if the man was called because her shouts woke up the entire neighborhood. She went from full-blown anger to calm and collected in seconds. It was like living with an actress—everything seemed part of a play and I never managed to discern what she really felt or who she really was behind it all. I’m still not sure how to feel about her anymore. While Father was the one to blame for her distance, she still decided getting a divorce to marry Paul was more important than talking to her only daughter. I’m not ready to forgive her for that, no matter how angry I am at Father.

Paul’s absence suggests he died. Or maybe he left her—that would be really ironic. My gaze draws her attention, and after excusing herself, my mother walks over toward me.

“You are still here.” She looks at me with a frown. “I thought you would be long gone. Do you plan on staying? Do you really?”

My jaw is tight, and I feel like a piece of stone clogs my throat. “Why not? You think I don’t have a right to be here?”

She opens her eyes wide, then looks at the floor. “That wasn’t what I meant. Lily… I just want you to… I just need to say that I’m grateful for your help.”

I nod. “Okay.”

After a brief awkward pause, she clears her throat. “I’m glad you decided to leave your father behind. He’s no good for either of us. Or for this town.”

For the first time in my life I can’t defend him. Going against Linda Fords was easy, but with my mother things are different. I no longer have the confidence to say I know him better than she does.

“Paul is gone. I’m alone.”

Silence hangs between us. I don’t offer her any words of comfort. When I needed her, she wasn’t there. It’s petty, but years of resentment don’t disappear so quickly. Or maybe I’m really as cold-hearted as my father.

She sighs and then adds, “If you want, you can stay with me.”

The idea of sharing a house with a woman I haven’t talked to properly in ten years is incredibly uncomfortable. What would we talk about it? The fact she mentioned Paul being gone first doesn’t escape me either.

“If he was still alive would you have invited me over?”

I give her enough time to decide, but I am my father’s daughter and her hesitation is all the proof I need.

“Of course. We would’ve tried to make it work somehow….”

“I’m fine on my own. Always have been anyway.”

My bitter tone does its job: she leaves with a curt nod.

A few minutes later, Roger walks over holding two plastic cups. He offers one to me.

“Does it have any alcohol in it?” I ask, body resting against the metal bleachers.

He smiles but shakes his head. Of course, it doesn’t. I accept the drink anyway. It’s chamomile tea, Mrs. Terrence favorite.

“Did you find the guy yet?”

Roger shakes his head and sighs. “No. He probably faked a concussion and slipped away while… While Mrs. Terrence….”

I nod. We drink the tea in silence for a few minutes.

“How’s Danny?”

The question sounds stupid even to me, but it needs to be asked. Roger sighs again, tasting the tea for a bit too long. After what happened, Danny went to his house. Three days later, he’s still in there, doors locked, refusing see anyone.

“The same.”

“Did you try to climb the tree to his bedroom?” I watched Roger do that all the time when they had a fight. Somehow, Roger always ended up the one apologizing first. Or at all. Owning up to his mistakes wasn’t Danny’s style most of the time.

“The window is blocked with wooden boards.”

I don’t know Danny all that well. Roger is the only link between us, and Danny took a very long time to accept me as someone worthy of his attention. I had to watch Star Wars three times, and recite all the names of the minor characters to be allowed to ‘intrude’ on Danny’s time with Roger. We weren’t really close. Still, it pained me to see him hurting. For all his faults and quirks, he meant well and didn’t deserve to lose such a great mother.

“How can I help? What’s the plan here? Let him cool off? Or should I knock down the door?”

Roger gazes briefly at the floor. I wait as he finishes his tea, with a hand on his left side. “I honestly don’t know.”

Like me, Roger has some difficulty in dealing with emotions. Unlike me, he tries hard to change. I can see he’s struggling with how to help Danny, and I wish I had some wisdom to share. I could tell him dozens of ways to get inside the house and force Danny to get out, but Father never taught me how to deal with grieving. Jacob Hunter didn’t do grieving; there was no time for feelings to get in the way of surviving.

I wonder if he even misses me.

“I’m going to give him one more day. Then you can kick the door down.”

We smile at each other. Today his smile doesn’t reach his eyes. I guess my smile probably doesn’t either. Now that the town is saved, now that my blotched attempted rescue ended with Mrs. Terrence’s death, I have no idea what to do with myself.

I don’t belong here. Redwood doesn’t want me. They wanted my guns, and now they have them. I should leave, but I’m afraid of going back to the cabin and finding it empty.

“I’m glad you are here, Lily. You know that, right?”

My first instinct is to ask him why, but that path leads to things that are better left unsaid. Last time I risked hinting at my feelings, he politely apologized and didn’t properly look at me for weeks. No point in embarrassing myself again.

“Yeah. I know. But you might be the only one.” I nod in Linda Ford’s direction. “Some things don't change, I guess.”

“They’ll come around. Most people are grateful for your help.”

I smirk. “You don’t need to cover for them. I won’t shoot Linda anytime soon.”

“I appreciate the effort,” he says with half a smile. “She's only one woman, anyway. She lost back then; she'll keep losing.”

I don't respond. We finish our tea in silence. If he was out there, with the normal people, he would be circled with attention and small talk. Instead, he followed me into the shadows. I wonder how much grief from the others he’ll get from simply talking to me. Father was right about one thing: We’re no good for each other.

“So, are you going to stay at your house?”

“I guess.” I don’t want to admit to him I’m thinking about leaving again.

“We… Well, we took your generator. We thought you weren't coming back.”

“That's okay. Glad it was put to use.”

I look around the room to avoid his eyes. After my attempt at a confession, sometimes we end up not knowing how to act around each other. Hard to believe it has been two years since I decided the secret was too hard to keep.

The scene is hard to forget. Me, pacing around the front porch, waiting for Roger to come for dinner. Father’s frown when I asked him to go buy groceries with an unnecessarily long list, just so I could be alone with Roger. When he finally showed up, I was a nervous wreck. After what seemed to be an eternity of forced small talk, I blurted out: “
let’s go on a date, okay?”

Stupid. After staring at me for a minute, Roger tried to gently explain why he didn’t think it was a good idea. I could recite every single word by memory: We had different opinions about everything that matters, our friendship was too important, he wasn’t ready, he had too much on his plate now that he was running for sheriff; he was a mess, and he couldn’t do that to me.

Worst of all, I nodded and pretended it didn’t hurt. When Father came back with the groceries, I buried myself against his chest. He patted my head, and we never spoke about it ever again.

Afraid the silence will swallow me whole, I try a joke. “You know, this zombie thing isn’t so bad. On the bright side, most politicians are dead by now. Father’s dream did come true, I guess.”

I laugh, but Roger doesn’t. It could be that he doesn’t like joking around about people dying, or it could be because I mentioned Father. Probably both.

“Sorry. Guess that’s not funny.”

He shakes his head a little. “It’s okay. Just… I keep forgetting all the things we lost in this whole mess. Laws. A proper government.”

Every fiber of me wants to roll my eyes. Years of Father’s lectures on politics did their work, because I’m really glad those things are gone. Of course, this just proves Roger was right not to date me. We did have very different opinions on the important stuff. But maybe those things aren’t really important anymore. Maybe I didn’t even care about them in the first place.

“You are not a dictator yet, Roger.” I smile to keep the mood light.

“I hope not.” He chuckles. “Not that Danny didn’t try. He wanted to get rid of the council.”

Danny, for all his faults, had the right idea. In my experience, the council is slow, dumb and picky. When it’s about survival, decisions need to be made quickly and without hesitation.

“Now with Mrs. Terrence gone… Maybe it’s a good idea.”

Instead of disagreeing with me, he clears his throat. “Actually, I’m thinking of…nominating you to take her place.”

I gulp. “Me? That’s… I don’t think anyone wants that.”

“I do.”

Is he serious? “Roger… I don’t know. That’s seems a bit… I don’t think it’s going to work out.”

“I think you would be great. You have the knowledge we need. The council can’t be all about picket fences now, Lily. You know tactics, guns. But more than that, you proved you can place the town’s survival above your… above everything else. I trust your judgment. I can’t imagine anyone better for the job. I don’t want just anyone either. I want you.”

He says all of this while moving closer and closer. We stare at each other for a long time. The cup in my hands is completely crumpled. I don’t know what to say or even if it’s a good idea to speak at all. My heart beats too loudly.

“I need some air.”

I throw the plastic cup in the garbage on my way out. I miss. People stare. Outside, I breathe deeply, filling my lungs with the cold night air as it hits my warm cheeks. Not an hour ago I was thinking about leaving, and now Roger wants me to be part of the freaking town council?

“Lily…” His voice makes me turn around as he comes out of the school, jogging toward me. “Did I say something wrong?”

I hug myself, hoping he’ll think the gesture is because of the cold. “No. It’s just that I… I don’t want to stay here.”

“We can talk at your house or at mine.”

I shake my head, taking a step from him. “I meant staying in town. I’m not sure I can do it.”

Roger shoulders slump. “Oh. I thought you said….”

“I know. Sorry.” I turn around and walk away, arms around myself.

I hear his footsteps behind me. He places his coat over my shoulders. “You don’t have to be on the council. I’m sorry I suggested it. Just stay. Being alone out there is a death sentence.”

It's not a surprise Roger assumes Father left me. It still hurts anyway.

“Not to me. I’m going to be fine.”

My steps are faster now, but he insists on following me. “Lily, come on. Please don’t leave. I….”

“People here look at me like I’m a crazy murderer. They hate me. And I hate them too.”

“But you still came to save them anyway. I know you. You are better than them; you want to do the right thing. If for some reason you think that by staying you are betraying Jacob—”

I stop. He almost bumps into me. I cross my arms and turn sharply to face him. “This has nothing to do with Father. Don’t bring him into this.”
Besides, the moment I left, I already betrayed him.

There’s no going back. Even if I wanted to, Father wasn’t waiting for me back at the cabin. He taught me everything he could, including that choices have consequences, for better or worse.

He shakes his head and sighs. “Okay. Then what’s going on?”

Closing my eyes, I struggle to put into words my frustration, “I tried helping and look what happened. She died because of me, Roger. I messed up. I can’t help the town. The only thing I’m good at is….” I almost say hunting with Father, but stop myself. “I’m just good at shooting deer.”

He takes my hands into his. “It wasn’t your fault. Mrs. Terrence knew what she was doing; she made her choice. She didn’t blame you, and you shouldn’t either.”

“But the rest of the town—”

“They’ll come around.”

“Why would they?”
Zombies or not, this town is still the same. I’m still the same.

“Last time I gave up on you before even trying, and I was wrong.” He sighs again, looks at the ground quickly and then back at me. “I thought that asking for your help, asking you to stay, was selfish. And maybe it was. But it was wrong to give up because you deserve to know.”

My lip is bleeding from me biting it too hard. “I deserve to know what?”

Every inch of my body is aware of how close we are now. Roger’s coat is warm and smells like gunpowder and aftershave. Like him. “That you belong in this town. This place is just as much yours as Linda’s, Frank’s, or anybody’s. This is your home and, if you want to, then you should stay and show them who you really are. Because you’re a good person, Lily Hunter, and everyone will see that eventually.”