Those Who Remain (Book 2) (24 page)

Standing by the door and with arms crossed, I roll my eyes at that. “Convenient since you are the ones who shot O'Neil.”

Roger and Lily shake their heads at me. Are they really defending these two? Whatever.

After an awkward pause, the Doctor tries to salvage the conversation. “Yes… We are very sorry for that. It was a misunderstanding. We have been traveling for weeks now, dealing with this horrible weather. Our car broke down and we had to move on foot. We… Let’s just say we were on edge.”

All my effort goes into not making another snarky comment. If both my friends don’t want me to talk, then I shouldn’t. Old Danny would ignore their indirect pleas, but right now I don’t feel confident enough to do that.

“What are your plans now?” Roger asks them. “We could really use a doctor, especially now with the flu going around. And, as soldier, you could help us defending the town. We can promise you food and shelter. And some peace from the outside.”

Roger’s offer makes a lot of sense. While I don’t exactly like the Sergeant, and the Doctor seems a bit fishy with her fleeting glances and sugary apologies, we do need whatever help we can get. A doctor is an asset we can’t lose. Redwood’s a safe haven and probably paradise to most survivors out there, left to scavenge for supplies during snowstorms—anyone would be glad to stay here.

Lily knows this, because she walks to the Doctor. “This is a good offer. I doubt you’re going find a better place to live out there.”

“I’m not sure… We… We were going someplace else.”

I can’t help myself: I let out a snort of disbelief. “Are you two really going to pass up this opportunity? Are you both crazy? We are in the middle of the Zombie Apocalypse. Take what you can get.”

“Danny, let them be,” Roger says with his hands on his hips. “It’s their decision.”

I don’t know if it’s my own self-hatred talking, but he sounds bitter to me. Annoyed. Disappointed.

I try to fight against this thought, but when my voice comes out, it’s harsh and angry. “Roger, come on. We need a doctor. I said this months ago. We can’t let them just leave like that… She can save people lives. Sure, the bite can’t be a cured, but she can fix other problems.”

The Sergeant looks at me with discontent and crosses his arms. “We are on an important mission. We can’t stay.”

I roll my eyes and give them a short laugh. “Important mission, my ass. What could possibly be more important than a roof over your head and food on a plate?”

Neither two answer. The Doctor avoids looking directly at all of us, preferring to stare at the floor, at the beds, anywhere else. She’s hiding something, and I think it’s not a secret I’m going to enjoy discovering.

“We… We are going to a CDC facility,” she says, hesitating for a while. “It’s… We believe it’s still functional and has people working on a solution for this disease.”

Oh great. They lost their minds on the road. “So you two are crazy.” I roll my eyes. “I mean, where’s this supposed miraculous facility? China?”

“Canada.”

“…Maybe someone to accompany me for a few days? Not for long, of course, just until I reach Canada's border... I do need some sort of guarantee you will help me. I’m on my way to Canada, and need supplies…”

I don’t know why my mind flashes to the bald Professor’s requests. This is the second time he invades my thoughts today. First with that briefcase in the car and now this…

“I’m not sure going to Canada in the middle of a winter as bad as this one is a good idea. The roads are terrible, and—” Roger attempts at reasoning with them falls on deaf ears.

“We know. But if there’s a chance of fixing this disease, of working on a cure, I have to take it,” the Doctor argues with us. “Is that not worth the risk?”

Her little speech brings out a surge of unexplainable anger. Even the suggestion of a cure being possible rises my blood pressure and fill my veins with hot white fury, and I’m not even sure why.

“No. That’s ridiculous. There’s no cure. There can’t be any cure. It doesn’t exist.” I march right to her face. “You are crazy. Both of you.”

The Doctor face is set. “It already exists. Right here. We found a briefcase that belonged to Alistair Spencer. He won two Nobel prizes for his virology work. He was a genius specialized on virus mutations and bio-weapons. Inside the briefcase we found a vial with a cure.”

I know her mouth is still moving, but no sounds registers in my mind.
A cure. In a briefcase. A cure for being a zombie. A cure for the bite. Inside a briefcase some Spencer guy carried.

“Do you have any proof of this?” Roger announces with a frown. “If this is real… We can’t let you two go alone. We’ll help.”

I jerk my head in his direction, shocked. “Roger, you can’t be serious—”

He stares back at me, expression as neutral as it can be. “I am.” He turns to the Doctor. “Show me this briefcase.”

The Sergeant and the Doctor share a nod and he gets up, leaving the office.

I cross my arms and shake my head. “This is all bullshit and you’re falling for it. You are not leaving the town in search of a cure that doesn’t exist and will
never
exist.”

“It’s the truth,” she spats back, staring daggers at me.

After some tense minutes, the Sergeant comes in with the briefcase in hands. He places it on the counter and opens it. Roger takes out a notebook and reads it with a frown. Then he passes it to me.

“This is the vial that contains the cure,” the Doctor says while taking it carefully out of the case. “It’s very fragile, so please be careful.”

While they talk I flip through the pages of messy handwriting and drawings of formulas I’ve never seen before. With each page, something presses harder against my chest.

Alistair Spencer… I know that name. I saw it online. I know this guy, I know he was involved with creating mutated virus that killed loads of people… Most governments considered him responsible for the bio-terrorism during the Pan-African War. But he managed to cure HIV. If anyone would make a cure for zombies, it would be him… They might be right… There might be a cure.

Roger takes the vial and raises it up in the light to see it better. “That’s it? This is it? Wouldn’t it be, I don’t know, more protected?”

And that name Spencer… That bald professor was a Spencer. He carried around a briefcase just like this one; that means we… The cure was… He had the cure with him all along. We could’ve saved my Ma. We could have cured her. It was so close… If I ignored her pleas and took her home, she would be still alive and cured now.

“From Spencer’s notes, I don’t think he had the time to prepare a proper container. I think he barely got out of the Free Republic alive.”

He gives it back to the Doctor. “What are the chances of this working?”

“We don’t know, but I know I can’t live with myself if I don’t at least try to fix this disease.”

Roger gives her a firm nod. “We are coming with you. Lily and I.”

I’m vaguely aware my heart is racing and there’s a ringing inside my ear that won’t stop. When the Roger speaks again, my head feels like is being pierced by sharp spikes.

“We won’t have to take the roads. Between the bad weather, the quarantine zones and wandering infected, it’s far too dangerous. We can go by the woods. With the right guide and enough supplies, you can reach this facility faster.”

“He’s right,” Lily says in a low voice. “It’s safer. I could guide you.”

I want to scream for them not to go. Plead them not leave me alone. But no words come out of my mouth. My head is about to explode, and my heart is breaking in half. Everything is falling to pieces and I can’t stop it. I can’t do anything to stop it.

My eyes run around the room, from Roger to Lily, from Lily to Roger. I can’t breathe. I bolt out of the office and run with no real destination. I hear Roger’s voice calling me, so I get in the first empty classroom I find in hopes he won’t spot me.

I support myself against a professor’s desk, both hands on wooden table. My heart is screaming, swelling inside my chest like a time bomb. A tsunami of everything shitty I ever felt floods my whole body.

This has to be a lie. It has to be. It can’t be true. No zombie movie ever has a cure. At least no good proper zombie movie. That’s not the point. That’s not how it works. Deux Ex Machina, Happy Ever Afters, they don’t exist in real life, they don’t happen in zombie movies either. So what gives? How this can be true?

No. It can’t be true.

“Danny,” Roger’s voice is loud and clear. He’s standing right beside me. “Please talk to us.”

He tries to place a hand on my shoulder, but I move away, hurt and scared. “Don’t touch me. Don’t… Don’t talk to me.”

“Danny… I think we should help them. We need to take them to Canada. I’m going to need you to be strong and protect the town while I do this. Please. I need your help on this.”

I can’t look at him, I can’t face him. My eyes stay on the wood of the desk, the brown mixing with black and I feel dizzy.

“This is good news, Danny. This is going to fix everything. We won’t have to worry about the town’s safety anymore. We won’t have to make so many sacrifices… Why are you so against this? Don’t you want to go back how things were? Don’t you want a normal life again?”

“Shut up! Shut the fuck up!”

“Danny—”

Somehow, I have enough strength to turn to him. Cold runs through my veins, spreading shivers everywhere. I feel stiff and out of my own body. “Don’t you see? Don’t get it? I… I… We… Everything we did was wrong. We shot Louis. We made Margaret shoot Paul. We forced families to kill sick, curable loved ones. I shot my mother. I shot my
mother
! I killed her. And for what? Nothing.
Nothing
.”

Roger’s eyes widen, and then he frowns and closes his fists. There it is. There’s the hate I want.

“Yeah. Now you get it, right? All those people. We killed them when there was a cure all along. We are murderers. I made you a murderer. Best friends for life!”

He punches me on the face. My teeth rattle and my brain blacks out for a second, but the pain feels good. Deserved. Neither of us speaks. Roger’s expression holds anger and hurt. He won’t ever look at me in the same way. Nobody will.

I led them to a path of misery for nothing. I forced them to ignore the goodness inside them and squash it to oblivion, and for what? Nothing. We treated people like monsters when we could’ve found a way to keep them safe until a cure came. We had the resources, we had ways to do it. I didn’t let them. I convinced even my own mother that she was better off dead than a burden.

She’s dead because of me.

“I can never go back, Roger. There’s no normal life with a white picket fence to look forward to. There’s nothing left for me. If you want to risk your life for this cure… Go ahead. It has nothing to do with me anymore. I fucked up too much.”

Roger’s lack of response doesn’t bother me. His hatred, his disappointment, his anger, it all feeds the black hole inside me. He leaves the classroom without looking back.

At the door, Lily’s eyes meet mine. I fall on the nearest chair, waiting for her to come to me. I know she will. She sits next to me and takes my hands into hers. We are both cold, and can’t share any real warmth.

“You did the best you could with the information you had. You wouldn’t have known a cure was possible.”

I don’t look at her.

“Danny… You didn’t know about the cure. It’s all right. You couldn’t have known.”

She wants me to confirm it. She wants me to pretend this isn’t my fault. I don’t have the strength to do that anymore.

“I…knew it was possible, Lily. Everything is possible if zombies are possible. I’m not an idiot.”

“I’m not saying that….” She sighs. “But the chances of a cure reaching us before we all got infected were slim. Too slim to risk considering it. We all know this. Even Roger.”

“Can’t you leave me alone? Slim or not, does it matter? My mother… Ma… I could’ve saved her. Nothing else matters.”

“You still have a future, Danny. We are here for you. Roger’ll come around. He always does. He always forgives you. I already did. You just need to forgive yourself too. If you can’t do it for yourself, then do it for your mother. She would want you to be happy.”

“Well she’s dead, so who cares what she wanted now? And why do you even care? You are leaving, aren’t you? Saving the world and all that? Just leave me the fuck alone, Lily.”

She does, just like I wanted. Nobody will try to cheer me up now. Good. That’s for the best.

My hand finds Lily’s gun still tucked away on my belt, stinging my back. I take the weapon out, feeling its black surface.

Forgive myself? I let out a bitter and long laugh. Why? What for?

In the distance, I hear muffled voices and laughs. Oh, right. Movie Night. The basketball court is just around the corner, isn’t it?

I miss watching movies. I miss losing myself in fantastical worlds and following adventures of more interesting and better people that I ever could be. For the longest time, I watched as life happened to everyone else. I hated life. Life was something to be avoided. Life was being bullied and laughed at. Life was watching my father waste away on a bed, while Ma hid her crying on the other side of the bathroom door. Life was seeing Roger get beaten around by his drunk mother and Lily become colder and colder as the years went by.