Thought Crimes (14 page)

Dana:
We're out of sync with the rhythms of nature …

AM
: You, personally?

Dana:
Yes, that's what acceleration exposes … The danger of rushing nature, of competing with time, as if time and nature are in some way separate from, or outside, us … I'm sure the experiments proved the opposite of what the scientists wanted.

Ed:
These hot-house boys are exactly the kind of soldiers you don't want in an army … Distressed, anxious, impatient, full of unpredictable energies …

Dana:
Homesick …

Ed:
Everything's always being lost to them, but home is permanent … If you can't hold onto time, associations become important …

Dana:
Which is counterintuitive … These boys can expect their parents to be alive all their life. So you'd think they'd feel more secure, that the world around them might seem too constant.

Ed:
They'd be a disaster as soldiers … How would you motivate them? … The last thing Philip cared about was making a better world, or protecting values. So far as he could tell, nothing changed except him and his friends. The future, fuck it!

Email from:
Rachel Ingram, Marginal Films
To:
Astrid Mirch, Marginal Films

Agree that Wilkinson is crucial. Conditions are OK, but her terms are not. US$100K is way high. Offer AU$30K and go no higher than 50 … If that proves unacceptable, we may need to look at co-production arrangements. – R.

Eamon:
The boys are trained to think quickly and decisively … They know, intuitively, that delay, or failure to act, has long-term implications … Which is fine in theory. They do learn quicker than normal boys. They're not as distracted by shifting environments. But that doesn't mean that they're comfortable or efficient … The boys were so spaced-out! … That's what the scientists underestimated. Growing up fast is hard work … Suppose hothoused soldiers go into combat with a conventional army. They're engaged for three weeks … Well, you'd want to be close to victory by then, or have back-up resources, because your boys will have aged five months in that time.

Fiona:
Life's so intense. They find it difficult to reflect. Reflecting on their experience is agony.

Eamon:
I wouldn't doubt that Axcel obtained useful data … They've on-sold the information and the technologies for a fortune. But did it do the participants any good? Were those boys ever happy? … I don't think so.

Fiona:
Everyone needs to belong. We need to have a sense of belonging to a particular moment in history, and of that history being crucial to something much bigger still.

AM:
A continuum …

Fiona:
That's right … To feel part of a continuous history … For them, the past's a slippery eel. Eric knew that he'd never have any investment in the future. Not beyond a sense of personal sacrifice. He was only worth what he was worth to other people.

Eamon:
He saw death charging at him like a road-train on the wrong side of the freeway.

Fiona:
When he was thirteen months old, Eric broke his leg.

Broke it in two places. A normal boy of eight or nine might have been laid-up for eight weeks, but Eric's leg was healed in ten days …
What sort of miracle is that?
It's amazing. Think of the advantages to a fighting force … But, if a superior
said something
that hurt Eric, the hurt stayed with him. He might age twenty or thirty years, but he'd remember any emotional wound like it was yesterday.

Eamon:
Imagine a vast army of Erics clutching their teds and singing ‘Twinkle Twinkle'.

AM:
Did Axcel offer you psychological counselling?

Eamon:
It was mandatory.

Fiona:
Brainwashing.

Eamon:
No. They meant well, but what could they know? Everything they said was made up on the run … They weren't trying to cause harm, or to make us suffer, but their business was information gathering.

AM:
Are you surprised that you're still together?

Eamon:
As a couple? Yes.

Fiona:
Yes and no. We thought about a fresh start … But there's Eric. Who would he have to honour his memory? And how could you ask someone who hadn't experienced it to understand what it was like? That's why the parents are still so loyal to Axcel. They put us through hell, but at least Axcel knows what we went through.

Email from:
Dr Magnus Verde, Axcel International
To:
Astrid Mirch, Marginal Films

We believe that you have been in contact with a former employee of this organisation, Dr Michele Wilkinson. Be under no illusions, Dr Wilkinson was dismissed for medical reasons after a sustained period of erratic, paranoid behaviour. Her testimony will have no value. Further, she is bound by agreements that prohibit public comment. No film containing Dr Wilkinson's explicit or implicit critique of our operations could hope to survive legal challenge.

Yours,
Dr Magnus Verde

Email from:
Rachel Ingram, Marginal Films
To:
Astrid Mirch, Marginal Films

The lawyers share your view that Verde's threats are bluff. Of greater concern to me is AI's knowledge of our intentions. Avoid direct communication with Wilkinson until certain that her new identity can be safeguarded. Alan suggests that you employ a second crew not au fait with the purpose of the Wilkinson interview. Your comments? – R.

Email from:
Will McAllister, McAllister & Marr Investigations
To:
Astrid Mirch, Marginal Films

A, I'm satisfied with Wilkinson's bona fides. Motives are more questionable. Threats to her person should be treated seriously. Axcel has a reputation for not tolerating hostile ex-employees. While the aspersions they cast on Wilkinson's mental stability are tactical, you should proceed with caution and scepticism at every level. – Will

Robert:
Max was difficult. Ahead of his group intellectually, but socially, he swung between extremes; affectionate or icy, passive or ecstatic. Volatile. Caroline called it an emotional-memory deficit. Max could never recall where he'd left you emotionally. You could be torn apart, dreading to see him the next time, and he'd re-appear, behaving like an angel, unembarrassed by anything that went on previously. It didn't register. Or Max would forget about the really great time you'd had together and go straight for the throat.

AM:
Did you feel responsible?

Robert:
Caroline said we had to accept that Max might have been like that even if he hadn't been hot-housed.

AM:
I meant the question more specifically, in terms of your personal responsibility for the way Max turned out.

Robert:
Did I feel responsible for his troubles?
… Of course I did.

AM:
Did you ever feel a bond with him?

Robert:
Getting close was hard. I'd defy anyone not to be scared of Max and his moods. I was scared for myself and Caro, scared for him. You couldn't connect with Max. He expanded and contracted. His mother knew I couldn't handle it.

AM:
Did you mention your fears to the doctors?

Robert:
Yes. Something was seriously wrong. I thought the boy should be removed, to be closely watched, and helped.

AM:
And they refused?

Robert:
His mother did … She thought his troubles would ease, and it would all be over so quickly anyway. She loved Max.

AM:
And you found them?

Robert:
They were in the living room. He'd raped her, before strangling her with the belt from my dressing gown. Then he shot himself with a pistol he'd smuggled off base. Max was two and a half … Or seventeen, depending how you look at it.

AM:
How did Axcel handle it?

Robert:
They were devastated.

AM:
Did they warn you against speaking about it?

Robert:
They knew they didn't have to.

AM:
Meaning?

Robert:
They knew they didn't have to.

AM:
And they've kept you on a stipend since.

Robert:
Yes.

Email from:
Astrid Mirch, Marginal Films
To:
Will McAllister, McAllister & Marr Investigations

W, as promised, Robert put on a show. I smell a rat. How is it that Axcel have kneecapped anyone tempted to supply photographs, and suddenly this bloke wanders in from nowhere to tell his horror story. Your view? – A.

Email from:
Will McAllister, McAllister & Marr Investigations
To:
Astrid Mirch, Marginal Films

A, like you, I have suspicions, but I am suspicious about all the couples who've made themselves available. Axcel has been out to subvert the process from day one. Take nothing at face value. – W.

Ed:
One thing I didn't mention … Philip liked art. That was unusual. Most of the boys hated paintings and photographs. Anything that slowed down normal reality or caught it for posterity … But Philip loved films and photographs …