Thrall (29 page)

“She’s stronger than you know,” Hale said. “You have to let her grow up sometime.”

“No, Hale!”

“I’ll do it,” I said. They turned to me as one.

“Honey, there’s still time,” Dad said. “Give it another week before...”

“Dad,” I stopped him. “What if this is something only I can do? If I don’t help you, and Ais succeeds...?” Dad’s face was a mask of misery, but I pressed on. “What kind of person would I be if I didn’t try?”

Dad turned away from me and sat heavily on the staircase. Hale caught my eye, nodding in gratitude. Then he left us, wordlessly, and pulled the door closed after himself. Dad didn’t speak for a long moment.

“You don’t have to do this to prove you’re good,” Dad said quietly.

“Don’t I?” A tinge of bitterness entered my voice. “Thane said the Lilitu in me will win out over my humanity. That it’s only a matter of time.” Dad caught my hand and pulled me down next to him on the staircase. I burrowed against his chest.

“Thane is a bitter old fool,” he said. “He can’t believe there are Lilitu capable of good.” His voice hitched. “But I know there are.”

I pulled back and looked up at him. Dad took a deep breath, then let it out slowly.

“It was your father, Paul, who realized the Guard needed a Lilitu ally,” he said. “He was only nineteen when he convinced the Guard to capture an infant Lilitu to raise. When Leadership handed the baby Karayan over to Thane, Paul was transferred to a unit halfway across the country to keep him from interfering in Karayan’s development. Paul resented the move, but he believed in the work the Guard was doing, so he played the good soldier. I joined his unit ten years later.”

“How old were you?” I asked, drinking in the story.

“I’d just turned twenty,” Dad said. “Paul saw in me the younger brother he had lost to the Lilitu. He became my mentor. My friend. We trained and worked together for six years. When Paul learned that Karayan had run away, he was devastated. By this point, the Guard was in serious decline. We’d lost over two thirds of our forces to old age that decade, and we weren’t recruiting fast enough to replace them. Lilitu continued to cross into our world, and it was getting harder to hunt them down. Paul believed, more strongly than ever, that the Guard needed a Lilitu fighting on our side. But Leadership refused to let another innocent man die to try again. Paul knew the key was to raise the baby Lilitu with love...” Dad stopped. I realized he was struggling with emotion.

“Dad,” I whispered. He squeezed my hand.

“He suspected there might be Lilitu who didn’t want this war any more than we did. I don’t know how he did it, but he managed to find one. She agreed to give a daughter to the Guard. But in order for her to have a child...” Dad stopped again, trying to hide the depth of his grief.

“Someone had to die,” I said. And then I knew. “It was Paul.” Dad nodded.

“He left me a letter asking me to raise his daughter. As soon as I read it I knew what he was doing. I knew he would be dead in three nights. I searched through the city for him but...” Dad closed his eyes for a long moment. “When dawn broke that third day all I wanted was blood. Vengeance. Three weeks later, she brought you to me.” Dad looked into my eyes, his face radiant with the memory. “I knew her instantly,” he said quietly. “I’d seen her once before in a dream. It was because of that dream I joined the Guard. She’d guided me to Paul’s outpost. I never would have met him if it weren’t for her. I don’t know how but she knew - six years before Paul sacrificed himself to bring you into the world – she knew that I would be raising her daughter.”

I watched his face, breathless.

“I don’t know anything more about her,” Dad said. “But there was goodness in your mother, Braedyn.” He tucked a lock of hair behind my ear. “She stayed just long enough to give you your name, and then she passed you to me. When I held you for the first time, I knew I could never trust anyone else to raise you. In his letter, Paul asked me to keep you secret from the Guard until just before your sixteenth birthday. Over the years, I’ve grown to appreciate Paul’s wisdom. The Guard would never have let me get to know you like I have. You have incredible empathy and courage, and you’ve taught me more about love than anyone I’ve ever known. I’m so proud of the young woman you’ve become.”

I felt tears welling in my eyes. “Then you have to let me do this,” I said. “For Paul. For my mother. And for you.” He looked up, and I saw his eyes were swimming in tears as well. “You raised me hoping I could prevent another war with the Lilitu. It’s time to let me try.”

Dad squeezed my hand, unable to speak. After a long moment, he nodded.

I felt a growing fear pressing in on me, but I had made up my mind.

Tonight, I had to make Karayan believe I was ready to betray my family.

That night, I laid down to dream.

I turned to study the roses in my garden, and Karayan was there. She simply waited for me to speak.

“I’ve been thinking about what you said,” I murmured. “About picking the right side.”

She studied me with a veiled expression. “You seemed pretty adamant about sticking with the Guard. Are you telling me you’ve had a change of heart?”

“You didn’t tell me the Guard could sense the traces I left in Parker’s mind,” I said, turning on her.

Karayan looked at me, suspicion warring with curiosity in those deep green eyes. “Thane?”

“He hasn’t found anything yet,” I said. I didn’t have to fake the anger in my voice.

“Mm.” Karayan said flatly. “Must have slipped my mind.”

“Maybe,” I said. “Or maybe you figured one way to get me away from the Guard was to force them to drive me out.”

“Ooo, yes,” Karayan said, smiling. “Let’s pretend this was my master plan. It’s so Machiavellian, I love it. But I’ll need more than your word that you’re ready to join our team.”

I felt doubt wriggling in the back of my mind, but I kept my voice steady. “Meaning?”

“Meaning you’ll have to earn your place.” Karayan studied me. “If you’re serious about this, I can make sure there’s a part for you to play.”

“Just tell me what you want me to do.”

“Very well,” Karayan said, smiling. “I’ll be in touch.”

“When?” I asked, trying to hide my swell of panic. “Winter Solstice is in less than two weeks.”

“Be patient,” Karayan said. Without another word, she vanished.

I felt weary. I turned and saw a pool of stars at my feet. A parting gift from Karayan? I looked around, suspicious, but I was alone in my field.

The stars within the pool seemed more inviting than they used to. As I glanced into the glassy darkness, I caught a whiff of his scent, felt the lifting power of his laughter. I knew I should be careful, that I couldn’t let myself make a habit of doing this. But I let my hand close around Lucas’ dream anyway, and his sleeping mind pulled me in.

I found Lucas walking through a deserted carnival. Wind pushed a few papers along the ground. It was oddly lonely. I moved to his side and laced my fingers through his.

“There you are,” he said. “You’re late.” His smile was mischievous.

The carnival lit up, warm lights blazing into life all around us. I grinned, delighted. Lucas drew me toward the Ferris wheel. In moments we were sitting in a car, rising up, rocking more gently than reality would have allowed. As we approached the top of the ride, I saw the city spreading out beneath our feet. It seemed we were higher than we should have been; the view was magnificent. Lucas looked out over the city, the dream wind playing through his hair.

The moment was both too perfect and unreal. I leaned against Lucas, aware that everything I experienced here was born in his mind. He’d created this entire world for us. And it would be extinguished if the Wall came down and Ais’ forces began their hunt. I might be all that stood between Lucas and death... and I had no idea what I was doing.

“I’m scared,” I whispered.

“Don’t be.” Lucas’ hands curled around me. “I’ll protect you.”

I felt my stomach turn. It wasn’t fair to expect a complicated conversation from dream-Lucas, but I wasn’t interested in platitudes. “You can’t protect me, Lucas.”
You can’t even protect yourself,
I wanted to add.

“I’d do anything for you.” He caught my chin in one hand and gently lifted it until I was staring into his eyes again. “I love you, Braedyn.”

I knew it was a dream, but the words burned into me with the power of ten thousand suns. Lucas leaned forward and kissed me. All my worries were obliterated as we held each other, suspended above the gleaming city, losing ourselves in the shared sensation of our kiss.

I rose from bed early the next morning. I glanced out my window at Lucas’, but his drapes were closed. The giddiness I’d felt last night had faded into a warm glow. He’d said he loved me. Even if it was only a dream.

I went down to breakfast and found Dad waiting for me, eyes ringed with exhaustion.

“You didn’t sleep?” I asked.

He shook his head. “Should I call Hale?”

I felt the warmth inside cool a little, remembering what I had done last night. “Yeah.”

When Hale arrived, I told them both about my conversation with Karayan, and how she told me I’d have to wait until it was time to bring me in on the plan.

“Then we wait,” Hale said. He didn’t look happy. “Let’s just hope she doesn’t keep us waiting for too long.”

But she did.

A week passed, each day burning a mark in my mind. Thirteen days until Winter Solstice. Twelve. Eleven. Ten...

Every day I sleepwalked through school, returned home, stumbled through practice, and fell into bed exhausted.

Every night I expected to find Karayan waiting for me in my field of roses. Every night I was disappointed. Each hour became an exercise in patience, until my mind felt frayed under the strain of waiting. My entire life, my entire world was on hold.

The Guard tried to maintain their duties, focusing on the job at hand. Gretchen continued her search for the hunting ground. Thane kept up his search for victims of the Lilitu’s touch. Hale and Dad canvassed the city for Thrall every day. But we were running out of time, and we all felt it.

I started going to sleep earlier and earlier. I’d sit in my rose garden, and when Karayan didn’t show up, I’d turn to the tempting pool of stars. Each night I wrestled with myself, but each night I gave in and ended up closing my hand around the gleaming spark of Lucas’ dream. We spent the nights together in the landscapes of his dreaming mind, but even my time with Lucas could offer only limited comfort.

On the Friday night the week before Winter Solstice, Missy dropped by with poster-board, glitter, and glue. She pulled her strawberry-blond hair up into a messy bun and offered to tie mine up, too. She was in great mood; even my reserved quiet couldn’t bring her down. I spent a surreal evening helping her craft five enormous posters for Winter Ball, knowing there was a good chance I’d be somewhere between here and South America on the night of the actual dance.

The next morning I woke up and realized the time until Winter Solstice was no longer measured in weeks, but in days.