Threads of Silk (17 page)

Ellie stood up and took her latest creation – a soft silk shawl painted in shades of blue – and threw it round her shoulders. A knock came at the door and she ran downstairs, pasting a smile on her lips.

When she opened the door she was glad she’d dressed up. Alex looked so smart in his dark dinner jacket, a snow-white shirt gleaming in the dark of the porch. At least she wouldn’t feel out of place.

The hotel restaurant was just as Ellie had imagined, tastefully decorated with low lighting and soft-footed waiters. At first she felt a bit nervous, but Alex was good company and she began to enjoy herself.

When he’d picked her up at the cottage, looking her up and down with frank admiration, she’d been a little wary, wondering whether she’d have to spend the evening fending off unwanted advances. But she saw him every day at work. Surely he’d have made a move before now, if he was that sort of man.

As the meal progressed she relaxed, reminding herself that he’d only taken her out so that they could talk about her ideas for expanding her ‘cottage industry’ as he called it. As they waited for dessert she swallowed and took a deep breath. ‘We were going to talk about my business,’ she said.

‘I have something to discuss too,’ he said, smiling. ‘But you go first. What can I do to help?’

‘I don’t have enough room at Norah’s. I was wondering if I could use one of the old outbuildings. I’d pay rent of course.’

‘You’re serious about this, then?’

‘I thought you realized that.’

‘Have you thought it through, though? For instance, what will you do if you get so many orders you can’t cope with them all?’ he asked.

At least he hadn’t laughed. ‘I don’t know,’ she admitted, toying with her glass.

He leaned back and tapped his chin. ‘I have an idea. Why don’t you use screen printing instead of painting the scarves by hand. That way, you could produce them in bulk. I could sell them for you – I’ve plenty of contacts in the rag trade.’

‘It wouldn’t be the same,’ she said. ‘I want my designs to be unique – one-offs, exclusive.’

He didn’t seem to understand. ‘You won’t make much money doing it your way,’ he said.

‘It’s not about making money,’ she said.

His eyes hardened. ‘Being in business is all about making money,’ he said, pouring another glass of wine. As he lifted his glass the hard expression melted and he smiled. ‘Anyway, forget about business. That’s not why I asked you out.’

Her heart began to thump. Had she been wrong about him? She was so agitated that at first she didn’t take in what he was saying.

‘… buying a house, not far from the mill on the outskirts of the village. I’ve been too busy to think about moving till now. But if I’m going to settle in this part of the world, I can’t stay in those cramped rooms. I need somewhere for my books, to hang my paintings.’

She smiled nervously. What did this have to do with her?

He reached across and took her hand. ‘Ellie, would you share it with me?’ The pressure of his hand increased and he looked into her eyes. ‘I’m asking you to marry me.’

She stared at him, fighting the urge to giggle. It must be the wine. Surely he was joking. She’d never thought of him that way – not really – and it had never occurred to her that he might be in love with her.

He was looking at her intently, his grey eyes serious, but with a hint of laughter in them. Her hand still lay in his and, as she tried to pull away, his other hand covered it. He leaned towards her. ‘Say something, Ellie, please.’

She eventually managed to extricate herself and looked down at her plate, picking up her fork and pushing the food around. ‘I don’t know what to say,’ she said, her voice a low whisper.

‘Well at least you haven’t said an outright no,’ Alex replied with a little laugh. ‘I’m sorry, Ellie. I shouldn’t have sprung it on you like that. But you must know how I feel about you.’

‘But you’re my boss.’

‘More than just that, I hope.’

‘Well, I did think we were becoming friends. You’ve been so kind, helping me with my “cottage industry” as you call it.’ Ellie managed a little smile.

‘But I wouldn’t have done it for just anyone – it’s because I care about you.’

He hadn’t mentioned the word love, Ellie thought. But she didn’t love him, did she? So why was she even thinking about his proposal? Why hadn’t she just said ‘no’ straight away?

Alex seemed to sense her confusion. ‘You need time to think about it, don’t you? I’ll take you home now – we can talk again tomorrow.’

While he paid the bill, Ellie went into the ladies’ cloakroom. She looked into the mirror above the wash basin. Earlier, she had been flushed and hot. Now her skin was pale and there were shadows beneath her eyes, which looked enormous in her thin face. Her cloud of thick dark-brown hair reflected copper highlights from the harsh overhead light, making her seem even paler by contrast. For the first time for months she looked like the frightened waif she’d been when she ran away from home.

In the security of Norah and Trevor’s friendship, her sense of self worth had grown as she mastered her demanding job and rediscovered her artistic talent. Now, with those few seemingly careless words, Alex had undone all that. For with the mention of marriage had come the fear. She was fond of Alex but she didn’t love him – not in the way he deserved to be loved. The very thought of the intimacy that marriage demanded made her stomach churn with apprehension. Still, the temptation was there. Alex could offer her security, a home, maybe a family of her own one day. And maybe in time, she’d be able to overcome those feelings brought about by memories of what had been done to her as a child.

She splashed her face with cold water. It was no good. How could she even be thinking of accepting him? He was too nice a man to be used like that. Besides, he knew nothing about her – and she would have to tell him about her past. Although she had never told anybody why she had run away from home, she’d never lied about it. And Alex, of all people, deserved total honesty – that was, if she intended to accept his proposal.

On the drive home he didn’t refer to their earlier conversation, helping her out of the car and guiding her up the dark path in his usual courteous way. But as she went to open the front door, he pulled her round to face him.

‘I meant it, Ellie. I love you and I want to marry you. But I won’t press you for an answer. All I ask is that you think about it.’ He cupped her face in his hands and dropped a light kiss on her lips. ‘We’ll talk tomorrow,’ he said, and walked quickly away down the path.

Alex sat in the car for some minutes before switching on the ignition and reversing out of the narrow lane. The evening hadn’t turned out a bit as he had planned. It was his own fault. He really should have given Ellie an indication of his feelings before just blurting out his proposal like that.

But he couldn’t help it and he had dared to hope that she felt more for him than just friendship. Maybe it wasn’t love – not yet. But already she turned to him for help, relied on his advice, appeared to enjoy his company. There was no one else in her life – of that he was certain. And, in time, he was sure he could make her love him – that is, if he hadn’t blown his chances already by his hasty action this evening.

His hands gripped the steering wheel and he put his foot down hard on the accelerator as he turned on to the main road. The need to concentrate as he sped through the dark night almost succeeded in driving the tormented thoughts from his brain. But when he reached his lonely bachelor flat, he paced the two tiny rooms above the back-street tobacconist’s, unable to settle to sleep. Although he knew he would have to be up early the next morning to help Donald with the next batch of testing, he could not get Ellie’s face out of his mind.

He had noticed the brief glint of laughter in her brown eyes at the mention of marriage, quickly followed by a gasp of dismay. Had she really thought he would joke about such a thing? And when she realized he was serious, was it really such a dreadful prospect as to leave her so pale and distraught?

He groaned aloud. This was no good. He must get his thoughts under control. At work tomorrow he would have to face her, behave as if nothing were amiss. He had said he would give her time – and he meant it. But God, it would be hard to talk about orders and invoices, when all he wanted was to take her in his arms and feel her soft lips on his, her body moulding itself to his.

Alex drove to the mill through misty drizzle, his eyes gritty from lack of sleep, longing to see Ellie, yet almost dreading the moment when she would walk into the office. Would she wish him ‘good morning’ and sit at her desk with that brisk, efficient demeanour she usually exhibited during working hours? Or would she greet him with a dazzling smile and the confession that she had thought about his proposal and that the answer was ‘yes’?

Despite his sleepless night, he arrived early as he always did. Only Donald was there before him and before long they were both immersed in the work that until recently had occupied his every waking thought. But they were nearing the breakthrough, he was sure, and there would be more time in the future for his personal life. He would be able to court Ellie as she should be courted, to buy her flowers, take her out. If he was patient he knew he would win her in the end.

As he wound the new sample of thread on to the break-testing machine he tried to concentrate on the calibrations, but all he could think of was Ellie. He realized he knew very little about her, beyond her enthusiasm and capacity for hard work, as well as her undoubted artistic talent. He knew she had worked in the café before moving in with Norah and coming to work at Turner’s. But she never spoke of her life before that. Although she was usually bright and vivacious, he had sometimes caught her in an unguarded moment, her eyes clouded and inward looking, and he guessed that she had not always had a happy life. Well, he would change all that. If he had anything to do with it, she would never want for anything again.

Ellie opened the office door, shook the raindrops off her umbrella and hung it with her coat behind the door. She had hesitated with her hand on the doorknob, expecting to see Alex perched on the corner of her desk, swinging his leg and smiling that quizzical smile. But the room was empty.

After a sleepless night wrestling with her conscience, she had come to a decision. But it was a relief to be able to put off telling Alex a little longer. Norah, of course, had been delighted. Marrying the boss had been every young girl’s dream in her day. But Ellie still wasn’t sure whether she was doing the right thing. True, she was fond of Alex and they shared common interests in the textile business. As his wife, she would continue to work at his side and, she was sure that together they would be a successful team. But was that enough?

Unwittingly Ellie thought of her mother. Mary had married her first husband for love, but after his death, struggling to bring up a family alone, she had been tempted into a loveless match which had proved disastrous. Mary must have asked herself the same questions she was asking now, trying to persuade herself that affection and commitment were enough.

Ellie took the cover off her typewriter and gave herself a mental shake. It wasn’t the same at all. Alex was good, kind, hard-working and Ellie knew he would try to make her happy.

And she would make him happy –
she would
, she told herself. A little shiver ran across her shoulders and she thought someone had opened the door. She turned, but there was no one there. As she settled to work, she promised herself she wouldn’t put off telling Alex what she had decided. And there was something else she couldn’t put off either. She must confess her past. If this marriage was to work, there must be no secrets between them. Alex deserved total honesty.

Norah smiled across the table at Trevor. He was looking very pleased with himself – as well he might, she thought. A new business and a new wife – both in one day. Well, not quite. They wouldn’t be able to get married until his divorce was final. But that shouldn’t take long, now that she’d persuaded Trevor to allow her name to be cited in the petition. He had tried to protect her from Gloria’s vindictiveness, never staying the night at the cottage and refusing to let her remain at the café after it was closed. After all, Gloria had left him and he didn’t see why he should be the guilty party in the divorce.

But it had dragged on too long. Norah wanted it all settled – neither of them was getting any younger after all. And if it meant she had to bear the brunt of any scandal, she could put up with that. Trevor had needed quite a lot of persuading though, the dear old-fashioned man that he was.

She touched his hand as he spread the papers across the table, the deeds and inventory of their new business.

He smiled up at her. ‘Happy, love?’

Norah nodded. She hadn’t been this happy for years, not since Bob had come home from the war, a shadow of his former self. That should have been a new beginning, but she had always had a queer feeling that it wasn’t meant to be. Now, after the years of loneliness she was being given a second chance.

‘You’re sure you’re gonna like Southwold? I mean, you’ve always lived in and around Chelmsford. It won’t be too much of a change will it?’ Trevor’s brown eyes gazed into hers anxiously.

‘I love it – I’ve always wanted to live by the seaside.’ Norah sighed with pleasure. She’d never dreamed it would really happen. Trev’s café was sold, she’d given notice to her landlord and by Christmas they’d be in their new home. She wasn’t going to wait until Trevor was free to marry before moving in with him. As far as their new neighbours were concerned they were already man and wife.

The little cottage on the seafront near the pier was ideal for turning into a tearoom. And there was a spare room so that Julie could come and stay in the holidays if she wanted to. The planning permission for the tearooms was all settled and they would make a start on the work in the new year. By the time the summer visitors arrived in the picturesque little Suffolk town, they would be ready to open.

And it would be no greasy-spoon café either – not like Trev’s Transport. They would serve good wholesome home-made food, Trevor’s pies and pasties and Norah’s cakes and scones. There’d be no opening at the crack of dawn either, or staying open all hours. They’d still have to work hard of course. But with Trevor at her side, Norah wouldn’t mind that.

The only worry was Helen – Ellie as she now liked to be called. ‘Do you think she’ll be upset?’ she asked.

‘Why should she? She must have realized something was up.’

‘I’ve been afraid to say anything until it was all settled. I don’t know how I’m going to break it to her that she’ll have to find somewhere else to live.’

Trevor put his arm round Norah. ‘She’ll be all right, love. Didn’t you say the boss had proposed to her?’

‘But suppose she turns him down.’

‘She’s not that daft,’ Trevor said with a laugh. ‘Besides, if she does, she can always come and live with us in Southwold.’

Norah gave a little laugh. ‘She won’t want to do that. I can’t see her working in a café again now that she’s doing so well at Turner’s. She’ll be able afford a flat in Chelmsford.’ She sighed as she heard the click of the front gate and Ellie’s heels clicking on the stone path.

Ellie hadn’t expected to see Norah back yet and had been so preoccupied with her own thoughts that she hadn’t noticed Trevor’s van parked on the grass outside.

She’d been surprised when Norah told her Trevor was closing the café for the day and taking her to Southwold. They’d been there several times on Sundays throughout the summer, taking Ellie with them once or twice. It wasn’t like Trevor to take a day off in the week though, especially a wet autumn day like today.

Now, her own news went right out of her head as she stopped just inside the door, looking from Norah to Trevor and waiting for one of them to speak. They both looked like naughty schoolkids caught out in some prank – part guilty, part excited.

Ellie looked at Norah. ‘Go on, tell me,’ she said.

‘Trev’s bought a café in Southwold. We’ll be moving up there in a month or two.’

Ellie squealed with pleasure and gave Norah an unrestrained hug, then turned to Trevor and hugged him too. He blushed a little and ran his hand through what remained of his hair. ‘Don’t know what she sees in a boring old codger like me,’ he said with an embarrassed grin.

‘I do,’ Ellie said warmly. ‘She’s a very lucky woman – and you’re a lucky man. And I hope you’ll both be happy in your new life.’

Norah was looking worried. ‘But what about you, love. I feel awful – as if we’re turning you out on the street.’

‘You mustn’t feel that way,’ Ellie said sincerely. ‘Besides, I’ve got some news of my own. I’m getting married too.’

‘You said yes,’ Norah squealed.

After that the evening got rather noisy. Norah got out the bottle of gin she kept for special occasions and they drank toast after toast. Norah and Trevor were so happy that Ellie was relieved they didn’t seem to notice she wasn’t celebrating quite as enthusiastically as her friends.

Later, as she lay in bed listening to Trevor’s old van coughing its way down the lane, she wished she hadn’t blurted it out like that. She hadn’t even told Alex her decision. As she drifted into sleep she realized that marriage to Alex would solve the problem of where she would live. But was that a reason to accept his proposal?

Alex was in the laboratory when Ellie arrived at work next day. But he came into the office seconds after she’d hung her coat up.

‘I heard you arrive. I don’t want to rush you, Ellie, but I need to know. Have you thought any more about…?’

‘Oh, Alex, please….’

‘I’m sorry.’ He shook his head. ‘There isn’t anyone else, is there?’

‘No, Alex. I would have said.’ Ellie felt herself flushing and gave a mental shake of her head. Stupid to hold on to dreams of Harry. It had been so long now, and besides, he probably had a couple of children by now.

Alex sighed and turned away. ‘Better get on with some work then.’ He went back into the laboratory and Ellie sat down at her desk, trying hard to concentrate on the column of figures in front of her. She had intended to give Alex his answer today. She was fond of him and they worked well together. But now her mind was in turmoil again.

She typed frantically for a few minutes, then muttered under her breath. Another mistake. She ripped the sheet of paper out of the machine and screwed it up just as Alex opened the door. He was holding a fabric sample, his expression grim.

‘What’s wrong?’ she asked, her own concerns temporarily forgotten.

‘Another failure, that’s what,’ he said, handing her the material.

‘This one looks OK. I don’t understand,’ she said.

‘Yes, I really thought we’d done it this time. But do you know how long it took, just to weave this small sample? It kept unravelling; we couldn’t seem to maintain the twist on the yarn.’

Alex explained that they’d tried several different synthetic fibres, twisted with the raw silk in different weights but there was always something not quite right, whichever proportions they used.

‘We’ve tried just about everything,’ he said, pacing the floor.

Ellie fingered the material, deep in thought. ‘I know this probably sounds silly,’ she said hesitantly. ‘Have you tried – no, I’m sure you would already have thought—’

‘What, what? Tell me. I’ll try anything once,’ Alex interrupted.

‘Well, let’s see if I’ve got this right. You make the synthetic yarn on Donald’s machine, adjusting the spinnerets to make different weights – deniers – right?’

Alex nodded. ‘Go on.’

‘Then when you’ve got a length of yarn, you take a length of the raw silk and throw them together.’ Ellie paused. She wanted to put this in the right way, so that it made sense. ‘Have you tried mixing them up before you put them through Donald’s machine?’ She was watching Alex’s face, sure that he’d burst out laughing.

But he didn’t laugh. He didn’t tell her she was a genius either.

‘No, no. Forget it. It’s a silly idea,’ she said, wishing she’d kept her mouth shut.

But Alex’s thoughtful frown turned to a wide grin. He leapt up and threw open the door to the lab. ‘Donald, Don, listen. I think the fair Ellie’s cracked it for us.’ He turned round and blew her a kiss, his face red with excitement. Then he closed the door with a bang.

Ellie couldn’t help being pleased that she might have been of some help. This was what she liked about Alex, his enthusiasm. She hoped the experiment turned out well. He deserved to be successful.

The two men were hunched over the spinning machine, which broke down the chemicals and heated them to the right consistency before passing them through the spinnerets. They didn’t look up when Ellie put her head round the door to say she was going home. Alex continued to scribble notes in the little book that he carried everywhere, while Donald carefully dismantled the machine. As he worked he spoke in a low fast voice, explaining what he was doing and Alex nodded agreement.

Neither of them seemed aware of her presence and Ellie couldn’t help thinking that, despite his seeming eagerness, marriage now seemed to be the last thing on his mind.

‘I’m off – goodnight,’ she said again in a louder voice.

‘’Night,’ they both said, without turning round.

When she got home there was no sign of Norah but a note propped up by the teapot in the middle of the kitchen table said that she was staying at Trevor’s for the night. Ellie smiled but the smile was tinged with sadness. How she’d miss her friends when they left for their new life.

She turned the wireless on for company and took her coat off. She didn’t feel like cooking supper just for herself. She looked round the cosy kitchen, suddenly realizing that it wasn’t cosy any more. Norah had already started sorting things out and packing for the move and, without the little ornaments and knick-knacks which usually crowded the windowsill and shelves, the room looked bare and unwelcoming.

As she paced the room, she realized that, despite her interesting job and her growing pleasure in being able to use her artistic talents, she was really quite lonely. Yes, she had friends. She didn’t know how she would have got through these last years without Trevor and Norah’s love and support. And there were Jackie and the other girls at the mill, Fred and Donald – and Alex. What was she going to do about Alex?

She sighed and got the bowl of eggs out of the pantry. As she beat them into a froth, there was a knock at the door. Alex stood there, a broad smile on his face. He swept her into his arms and swung her round. ‘You did it, Ellie – we did it.’

‘What?’ She struggled to free herself. ‘Alex, what’s got into you?’

‘The new thread – it worked.’

‘It wasn’t a stupid idea, then?’ She took his arm and led him into the cottage. ‘I was just cooking myself some supper. Come in and tell me all about it.’

He followed her into the little parlour and sat down in Norah’s old armchair.

‘I’ll just go and finish off in the kitchen. You will join me? It’s only scrambled eggs.’ Ellie guessed that Alex hadn’t bothered to eat.

She left him gazing into the fire and hurriedly prepared the meal. Instead of laying the kitchen table she brought the food into the parlour on a tray. Alex had closed his eyes but he sat up quickly as she put the tray down on a low table between them.

‘Sorry, I’m shattered. We’ve been working flat out on this,’ he said.

‘You must eat though.’ Ellie passed him a plate and a knife and fork. He began to devour the food and she looked on, amused. Between bites, he told her about the experiments. ‘Donald was still there when I left, working out the calculations for recalibrating the machine. And he’s got an idea of how we can break down the raw silk and mix it with the liquid chemical before extruding it through the nozzles on the spinneret.’ Alex stopped speaking and grinned at her. ‘It’s all down to you, Ellie.’

She flushed with pleasure. ‘You would have got there in the end – I know you would.’