Threads of Steel (Bayou Cove) (18 page)

“Kids are pretty resilient,
Doti
. They adapt real well to bad situations. Look at us.”

“Yes, look at us.” She coughed then continued. “Caitlyn’s had a lot of practice. With a dad on drugs and alcohol and running around on me for years and with a mom working two jobs and still not having enough money to pay the bills, the child grew up real fast.”

“I’d like to see her. Do you have a recent picture? Nancy had a picture that your mom gave to someone in her church. She was a doll when she was younger.”

Doti
tried to reach over into the drawer of the bedside stand.

“Can I help you?”

“I have a picture in my wallet in there.”

Anna Marie opened the drawer,
then
gave the wallet to
Doti
, who rifled through some cards and pictures. “
Here.
This is her last year’s school picture. She was in the fourth grade.”

Anna Marie stared at a beautiful child with dark hair and eyes like Ronnie. Her heart squeezed wondering if that’s what her daughter would’ve looked like if she and Ronnie had been parents.

Pushing that thought aside, she swallowed, then handed the picture back. “She’s a real beauty,
Doti
. I know you’re proud of her.”

Doti
rubbed her thumb over the picture, and instead of putting it back into the wallet, held it next to her chest.

“Does she ever spend time with her daddy?” Anna Marie already knew the answer.

Doti
harrumphed.
“Hell no.
She had enough of his influence while he lived with us. I try to subject her to him as little as possible. The judge agreed with me, and at first he came by the house, but then his visits got fewer and farther in between. I didn’t question it. Now he never comes around.”

“But he wants to.”

Doti
snapped her head around. “Why do you say that?”

“I got that impression at the funeral.”

“He was there?”

“Yes. He didn’t know you were sick. He’s concerned about you, and from what I saw he misses Caitlyn. I think maybe he’s changed,
Doti
. I really do.”

“Oh yeah.
That’s what he said the last time and brought one of his bimbos in the car with him to see Caitlyn.”
Doti
coughed again and gasped for a breath before finishing. “I pitched a holy fit. I wouldn’t let my daughter go with him.”

Anna Marie waited while
Doti
wheezed and coughed more. The episode exhausted her. With her eyes closed, she struggled to get her breath.

“Can I do something,
Doti
?”

She shook her head
.

“I can get the nurse.”

Doti
stopped coughing, closed her eyes and seemed to relax.

Anna Marie waited, not sure what to say or do.

“The nurses can’t do anything,”
Doti
said in a low voice. “They’ll have to wait until right before I go to sleep to give me more medication. It knocks the cough right out, but I can’t have it on demand.
”
She tried to laugh, coughed several more times,
then
lay quietly.

“Maybe I’d better go.”

“Will you come again?”

“I’m not sure when I’ll be back in town, but when I do get over, I’ll find you. Where are you staying?”

“Sometimes I stay at home. I have a small house in Biloxi. Sometimes I go to Mom’s when I think I can’t give Caitlyn the attention she needs. I do have a lot of good days, but not around chemo time.”

Anna Marie nodded. “I’m sorry you’re going through this, but there are such wonderful drugs out there now. I hope you know you have to fight and have hope.”

“I’m fighting, but I’m not sure about the hope.”

“Please don’t say that. Your daughter needs you.”

Doti
opened her mouth as if she wanted to say something, but didn’t
.

Anna Marie took a deep breath, reached out, and pressed her hand on
Doti’s
. “I’ll keep you
and Caitlyn in my prayers.”

The door closed quietly behind Anna Marie. As soon as it did, she hurried down the hall, her heart heavy.

This wasn’t the way her visit with
Doti
was supposed to go.
Doti
had changed. Maybe being a single parent would do that, but it seemed to be more than that. Anna Marie was sure that facing death had given her a new outlook on the short life she had left.

When
Doti
asked her if she was happy, a streak of anger zipped through her. Was
Doti
insinuating that she wasn’t?

She turned down the main hall, stopped and threw her body against the wall. Of course I’m happy, she thought. I’ve made something of myself, but even as those thoughts settled in her mind, she knew she wanted more in life.

She groaned. This wasn’t the way her visit with
Doti
was supposed to leave her feeling.

I am happy, damn it. I am.

* * *

Doti
watched the door close behind Anna Marie. She knew every squeak of the hinges and click of the latch in the different hospital rooms she’d been in. This one was a little quieter than some, but it did the same thing as all the others: It shut her out from the rest of the world.

She’d never given much thought to the saying that death was a solitary experience, but lying alone for so many days she’d spent in the hospital, she was starting to understand the profound meaning.

For a long time, she lay unmoving. Tiny streams of light filtered through the window blinds, giving everything in the room a muted appearance. She didn’t turn on a light or turn on the TV
.

She glanced at the clock on the wall. From a hospital bed, minutes seemed to stand still, yet
Doti
knew in reality her time was actually flying by. As long as she was trying to keep up her job and house and see to it that her daughter Caitlyn stayed safe and happy, she didn’t have to think about what was eating away at her insides. But lying in this hospital bed, there was little else to think about.

A shudder slithered down her body. She wasn’t ready for this. There was too much left to do.

God, she wasn’t ready to die.

CHAPTER
11

Nancy shoved the mayonnaise jar into the refrigerator and shut the door a little too hard.

“Harry, you can’t expect me to drag all these kids to your sister’s house. There’s no way we could get anything done. If you can’t keep them for a few hours, I’m going to have to back out of helping her cater that wedding, and we really need that extra money.”

“And I need that time with the guys. Nancy, I’m dead by Friday afternoon. This job is killing me. I need some down time, some time away.”

She spun around. “And I don’t?”

Harry put his dirty plate and glass into the sink already piled high with dirty dishes. Turning, he backed up and leaned against the counter. “But you don’t understand. Sometimes my work is more than I can handle, and instead of cutting back, I’m working extra hours just to keep up with the bills. I don’t know how long I can do this.”

She opened her mouth to say something, but stopped. What she felt would hurt his feelings if the words actually came out. She swallowed the words and reached for the baby’s dirty plastic bowl smeared with carrots
.

She fought a lump of emotion clogging her throat. She wanted to do that wedding. The holidays would be here before she knew it, and that money would help get them through.

“Maybe I can get Jennifer from down the street to come watch Harry here at the house,
then
I could take Samantha with me and try to get the other two to spend the night with friends.”

Harry pushed away from the counter, reached Nancy in two big steps, and gave her a quick kiss on the forehead. “See, I knew you could figure it out. That wasn’t so hard.”

He turned and walked out of the kitchen, leaving Nancy fuming. “Damn,” she said out loud. “It’s always me who has to compromise. Find solutions. Fix the problems around here while he trots on off to the Elks. Damn. Damn. Damn.” She tossed the dish into the sink. “I’m getting tired of this.”

When she turned, she saw Harry, Jr., grinning at her. She swallowed another string of obscenities that she knew would make her feel better if she could just
shout
them out.

“Guess I’ll have to hide in the shed and do a little screaming to get this off my chest.
”

She plopped down in the chair, crossed her arms on the table and dropped her head on them. It felt good to close her eyes and pretend she didn’t have a thousand things screaming for her to do. Dirty dishes waited to be washed by hand because the dishwasher had been broken after it overflowed over a month ago. Three more piles of clothes lay on the laundry room floor even though she’d already managed to do two as she got the kids ready for school.

The checkbook needed to be balanced, something she didn’t want to do because she knew she’d written way too many checks this month. But what could she do? Not take the sick child to the doctor? Not pay the extra expenses for the dance costume or maybe simply ignore one of the bills?

She groaned into her arms. Is this the first step towards depression? Is this how people feel before insanity set in
?

Reading newspaper articles about people just walking away from their lives always sounded bizarre to her. Now she understood. She loved her children.
Loved her husband.
Tried not to think about what her other friends had or how they celebrated anniversaries and birthdays with special gifts and pieces of jewelry instead of having to bake and decorate her own cake.

She tried to appreciate what she had, but this just wasn’t what she pictured her life to be at the ripe old age of thirty-four.

She stood up and looked around the kitchen. Anna would be here in a few minutes and nothing was in its place. She headed for the sink, but changed her mind. Harry sat in the highchair smearing applesauce on the tray
.

“Ugh. Come on, kiddo. Let’s get you washed up. Aunt Anna’s on her way. We’ll keep her out of the kitchen.”

Nancy frowned at the pile of dishes in the sink and the dirty high chair. “Oh, Lord, my world is crashing down on me.”

* * *

Anna Marie loved Nancy and
Harry’s
modest home. Sitting in a cul-de-sac in one of the older, but well-kept subdivisions, it looked like a typical home for a young, growing family—or young,
grown
family—in their case
.

After Little Harry surprised the family, Nancy had her tubes tied. “The surprises are always your best ones,” Nancy insisted when she’d told Anna Marie about the news
.

Anna Marie could tell that Nancy loved her little caboose, but she also knew his addition put a strain on the family budget.

Nancy answered the door with a smile on her face and Little Harry propped on her hip. “Come in. I’m dying to know how the hospital visit went.”

“And I’m dying for a glass of tea or something stronger after that visit.”

Nancy reached out and pulled Anna Marie close to her body with her one free hand. “Tea’s about all I have, but if we’re lucky, I’ll find us a lemon.”

“Sounds wonderful.”
She reached out and rubbed a finger along
Harry’s
smooth cheek.
“Hey, big boy.
Can Aunt Anna hold you?”

“I have to warn you. I was on my way to the bathroom to clean him up when you knocked. He’s a little sticky.”

“
Sticky’s
a good thing.
”
She reached for him and Lil’ Harry nearly jumped into her arms. “Wow, he’s in a good mood this morning.”

“He’s definitely a morning baby, and his mother’s been running crazy trying to get the others off to school and Harry off to work. He’s excited someone is giving him some attention. I’ll get us some tea. Find yourself a clean seat.”

“Mind if we sit on the back deck. The weather is gorgeous today.”

Nancy groaned. “Only if you promise not to look at my messy kitchen as you walk through.”

“Nancy. Come on. This is Anna Marie. I’m not here for an inspection.”

“Okay. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

She followed her friend through the den and into the kitchen trying not to look at the stacks of folded clothes on the dining room table, children’s shoes and socks scattered around the floor, and toys pushed in the corner. This was so unlike Nancy. She wondered if something had happened that kept her away from her housework.