Three Days Before the Shooting ... (111 page)

“‘Look, man,’ I said, ‘I hear you talking but I’m not digging much of anything. How come you hitting me with all these riddles? You been drinking?’

“And that’s when you yelled, ‘Mistake number five! Wisdom questioned is opportunity lost! Life has taught us that it is the nature of pig meat to be soft but greasy; therefore take my instruction and approach it with eloquence, silence, and cunning—yea! but with the finest of talcum powder on your hands!’

“‘All right, all right!’ I said, ‘you’re talking about the blackness of truth….’

“‘That’s right, and about illusion, reality, and the key to the lock….’

“‘But I’m confused because you also taught us that truth is a snare and a dee-lusion….’

“‘Mistake number six,’ you yelled, ‘and I will not be misquoted! I said that
their truth
is tricky, and that therefore ours must be even trickier! Look long into blackness! Whales dive four fathoms five and see in the darkest depths of the deep. Therefore ye must think deep black thoughts like the whale! Learn to impose our own truth upon the truth which oppresses, and then wail it on the highways, the byways, and in the barbershops!’

“And, Chief, when you said that I was so inspired that I wondered where you had been all this long, long time—but that’s when I made another mistake!

“Because when I thought it you rose up and yelled, ‘Mistake number seven! I am that which I
am
wherever I am, and ye shall be that which ye see in me, verily! But only after ye grasp in thyself that which ye sense in me! Therefore I repeat: Think! Reflect! Remember! And bear this in mind—yea, in mind bear thee this lest ye be deceived: If a smell ariseth which requires chemical analysis for its identification—it is not, was not, and cannot
ever have
been unnatural!’

“Chief, I swear: You came on like
gang
busters and had me so shook up and inspired that I really began to smell something—oh, sure, I know today what it was, but then it was in the future—so I wanted to ask you, but before I could make up my mind to risk making another one of my mistakes, you began to disappear.

“Oh, yes! I remember, because then all of a sudden I was simply looking into the blackness and listening to your voice fading. Yeah, but before it was fully gone I could hear you saying, ‘Go ye now and find a place to have thy say, and until I come again this way learn ye to say with true feeling that which ye have heard me say….’ And then, Chief, you were gone, gone, GONE! Yes, sir! But I want you to know that I remembered and have been following your instructions ever since.

“Wait, Chief, don’t go! Then a few days after you came to me I was looking through some old newspapers and came across this picture of you and it brought you alive again in my mind. That’s right! That picture made me remember the way it used to be back there—how long ago was it? Let’s see—Eva left me, and then Abel died…. Yeah, and I hit the numbers for a thousand bucks—that’s right, Chief; four-eleven-forty-four, that was my lucky combination. Hell, Chief, that was over twenty-the-fucking-five dam’ years ago! Would you believe it? But it didn’t make no difference, ‘cause when I come across your picture I just sat there and stared and asked myself how the
hell it
could have happened. What I mean is: How could it have taken me all that time to understand how much you had me fooled! But then as I read your statement to that cracker judge and jury it dawned on me for the first time how
wrong
I’d been about you….”

“Yes, and you still are,” Hickman said, “even though I
did
undergo quite a change….”

“… Who you telling,” Leroy said. “I
know!
Oh, but don’t I know it! That’s why I need to get this out of my system! So listen to me, Chief—hell, man, I was there when they
tried
you! But last month when I read in black and white how you told the court that you didn’t rape those pale-face bitches for the sake of some uneducated pussy—which it stands to reason that a stone stud like you didn’t have to do—I
understood
! So for the very first time I dug that you were telling the truth! You took those broads like you were somewhere across the street looking down from a ten-story window….”

“… WHAT!” Hickman yelled. “Are you saying that I …”

“… And you did it out of revenge for all the wrongs those folks—and especially their damn women—had been doing to our people!”

“Now wait, man! Who
are
you,” Hickman said. “I’ve
never—
Do you know what you’re
saying…
.”

“… But up to the time I read about it those bastards had me brainwashed—that’s right! But then the
scales
fell from my goddamn eyes. That’s right, man! And when that happened I understood for the first time that what you had really done was to change what the white folks call
rape
into something that they hadn’t even
thought
about!

“Because, hell, Chief,” Leroy said, reaching out and stabbing Hickman’s chest with a discolored finger’s manicured nail,
“you
[thump!] turned [thump!] their little chicken-shit game [thump-thump-thump!] into a form of
Black
[thump!] fucking [thump!]
Political
[thump-thump—thump] ACTION!”

Resisting an impulse to bash Leroy’s face, Hickman whirled to see if anyone else was listening and shouted, “I DID WHAT!”

“Oh, come on, Chief,” Leroy said, flashing white teeth in a smile of delight, “don’t go acting surprised over my taking so damn long to dig it, ‘cause after all, man, I’m not
educated like
you. But I finally dug it, and that’s
exactly
what you did! I didn’t dig it at the time, but you upped and turned the
tables
on those crackers! Yes, sir! You ran their own filthy game against them! And baby, what I mean is, you changed that stale crap of theirs into something black and
beautiful
!”

For a moment Hickman stared open-mouthed into the exalted discoloration of Leroy’s face, torn between a feeling of repulsion and a need to learn the identity of the man—ghost, rapist, agitator—for whom he was being so outrageously mistaken.

“But, Leroy
—please,”
he pleaded, “I don’t know who on earth it is you think I

am, but I
swear
that I’ve never been the kind of man you’re describing…. I’m a
preacher…
.”

Throwing up his palms Leroy racked his body backwards and braced himself with an admiring smile. “Sure, Chief, I
know
, and a dam’ good one! You been preaching freedom from
way
back. I
dig
you, Daddy—understand? So don’t be standing there trying to look so modest and all. You did a great thing and it was
beautiful
. Because not only did you tell them
what you
were going to do, you
did
it! And then you went to the pen like a man and paid your righteous dues! Yes, sir, you
did
it! And like I say, when I finally figured it out all I could do was just sit there with the
tears
running down my cheeks. And that’s when I told myself—I said, ‘Leroy, you were a mindless, gutless fool! That’s what you were for ever doubting that good brave black man!’ Yes, sir; that’s what I said.

“Chief, that’s the truth! And that’s why it does me so much good to finally be able to admit it. Because I realized that back there when I was seeking for some direction I had found me a real man and a true leader! But then, after finding you, I was too dam’
dumb
to recognize you and give you the loyalty you deserved. Even now it dam’ near breaks my heart to even
think
about it, because after I’d found me a black man who was a true, natural-born leader with the courage to git down in the mud and do battle with the bastards on their own fucking terms I messed up. So sitting there in my crummy little room I told myself that in a man like you we had found what we always needed—which was a man ready and willing to start down in the stone rock bottom of the shit pile and rise up shining with the pride and beauty of Black
BEING!
What I mean is: a man who had discovered the black dynamics of Black
leadership!
And I mean one who was ready and willing and able to pull himself up by his bootstraps and reach down and draw the rest of the race up to the top of the fucking mountain along
with
him! Yes, sir!”

Aware of sweat bursting from his pores, Hickman started away, thinking, If this wasn’t happening to me, I wouldn’t believe it—but before he could take a step Leroy reached out and seized him by the wrists.

“That’s the way it was back then,” Leroy said, “and I finally figured out that my problem with you was that you came to us as a mystery wrapped in a mystery, or a brightness shrouded in darkness….”

“Now, just hold it and listen to me carefully,” Hickman began, but as he tried to free his wrists Leroy tightened his grip and stared searchingly into his eyes.

“Please, Chief, don’t try to deny it,” Leroy sang out with a sudden burst of fervor. “Because I
know
! I
know
that my redeemer liveth! Some folks said that you rose up out of Canada. Others said it was out of Africa, while still others claimed it was either Gulfport, Mississippi, or Boley, Oklahoma…. Some knew you as Prince Marcus, others as Swami Joe, and some by such names as Clexo, Newfoundland Ike, and Sweet-the-Monkey. And then you faded a while and turned up again as Ras the Cleanser, the Hot Wind Out of Africa; and in Detroit you were Dennis the Inspirer; and in Chicago, Black John, otherwise known as the Compound Cathartic-for-all-forms-of-white-sickness; and in L.A. you came as Matt the Revelator and the Dark Sequoia—oh, yes! You were known by different names in different places, but to me, my man, you were
always
none other than Chief SAM, the fucking
Liberator
!”

“… Hickman!” Hickman shouted, “It’s HICKMAN!”

“… You were celebrated far and wide, but the main thing for me was that you
came to us out of a mystery. And that was as a test to see if we were
ready
to be led. Yes, sir, that was it! Because brave leaders have to have brave followers. But like I said, I failed the test. And although it took me years and years, at last I
know
it. I was too dam’ dumb to come up with the necessary, and you knew it. That was the trap you set for all like me who wasn’t ready—just like you told that cracker judge, and, man,
man
, how you told him! You remember?”

“Oh, no,” Hickman said, sighing, “but I’m sure you can tell me….”

“You’re damn right I can! You said, ‘Look, Judge, you don’t have to waste your breath asking me
why
I’m protesting, all you have to do is look into this scumbag you people have been using to reenslave us after all these years of our so-called emancipation! Think about it! You did us wrong! You slapped us square in the face but we told ourselves, “Peace, for they know not what they do.” And so we turned the other cheek and hoped that you would see the error of your ways. But what did you do? Hell, I’ll
tell you
what you did: You ran around and kicked us in the right cheek of our high black innocent behinds!

“‘And when we stood there shaking and reeling and didn’t go down, you hauled off with all your might and tried to kick all the patience and humility out of the
left
cheek of our behinds. And when we
still
held our peace and
still
tried to play by
your
so-called Golden Rules, you got mad and kicked us square in the middle of our
ass!
And that ain’t all, because when at last we got upset and called out to you, “Cease! Halt! Let’s
discuss
this mess like men and brothers,” you rose up and came down on our heads, and on the poor bewildered heads of our innocent wives and our children!’

“And Chief, that’s when you reached way down deep in our bag of sore trials and tribulations and hit him with some deep,
deep
shit from the nitty-gritty!

“You told him, ‘Every time we look around you’re crying
rape
, and when we look to see what you mean we discover that it means anything and
everything
that a black man can do! That’s right!

“‘To live is to rape! And to work is to rape! And trying to learn to read and write in a broken-down school is to rape! And to pray bowed down on our bended knees is to rape—but the worst rape of
all
is for one of us to be innocent and have some lying woman swear on your dog-eared Bible that we raped her!’

“Oh, you really told him! Chief, you said, ‘Hell, according to y’all even knocking out a two-hundred-and-fifty-pound white-assed
prizefighter
with sixteen-ounce boxing gloves in a ring under the control of a white referee and with five thousand mostly white folks looking on is rape! And what’s more, just asking for what is rightfully ours, and which we have earned fair—if not square—is to rape!

“‘Oh, yes! And trying to vote in Ala-the-goddam-bama can get us charged with ninety-nine counts of rape for attacking a broken-down eighty-nine-year-old
ballot box
!’

“Then, Chief, they tried to shut you up, and you
really
laid it on ‘em!

“I can see it now, just like it’s still happening: Two had you by the arms, two
had you by the legs, and a whole
gang
of the bastards had you by the
neck
, but they couldn’t stop you—oh, no! ‘Cause with all those crackers hanging on you r’ared back and roared in thunder:

“‘Rape! Rape! RAPE!’ you blasted. ‘Please, won’t
somebody
be so kind as to get me a law book and a dictionary and
explain
to me what the hell
is
this
rape
I keep hearing so much about? I keep hearing it and I ask myself how can it
be
that it’s all these things for you folks and only one for me? Haven’t I got a right to the tree of life? Don’t I have the need and the right to chase me some happiness? I think and feel it in my bones that I do! I believe in my heart that most of my people do too! Therefore I’m letting you know how
we
feel….’