Three Shifters for Sarah (Siren Publishing Ménage Amour) (19 page)

“What do you mean?”

“I mean I can give it up,” he told her. “I can give it all up, the Circle T, the pack, everything. Because to be with you I would give up my life.”

She opened her arms for him, and he leaned to her in the seat. She loved this man so much for his strength and his goodness and felt like the luckiest woman on earth that he loved her back just as fiercely. However, she wouldn’t allow him to throw his life away for her, and knew that’s exactly what he was offering to do.

“I can move here to New York to be with you, and we can be together,” he told her as he squeezed her tight in his arms.

“No, Ryan.” She shook her head, prepared for a fight. “I’m not going to let you do that. Your life is out there in the west and your responsibilities. If you moved up here to the city you’d be the most miserable man on earth within a week.”

Ryan was a wise man and he had no argument to give her. The truth of her words had hit home, and he let her go and bowed his head in defeat. A dark thought seemed to cross his mind, and his eyes grew suspicious as he watched her.

“Is it that you still think we aren’t human?” he asked her, and she could read the pain in his voice.

“Of course not,” she protested. She couldn’t stand seeing him hurt. Taking a deep breath, she looked out at the dark street and knew she had to be completely honest with him. Ryan deserved no less. “But if you guys weren’t shifters I could have seen myself moving out to Montana to live.” There, she had said it. It was out in the open between them.

“But we are shape-shifters, Sarah. We’re
your
shape-shifters.”

She wiped a tear out of her eye. “I’m so sorry, Ryan. I’m a normal person and used to a normal life. If you three would be miserable living here in the city, think how I would hate to live as the only nonshifter inside of your wolf pack.”

“I’m sorry you are a nonshifter,” he countered angrily. “I had always thought my mate would be my own kind. When I scented you as my mate in the corral that day, I was very surprised, and to be honest, somewhat disappointed that you were not a shifter.”

“Now you know how I felt,” she shot back at him, needing to get this off her chest, too. They didn’t have much time left, and they had saved the painful words for the last. “I also thought if I fell in love with a man he would be of my own kind. That night in the bunkhouse when I saw you three shift, I wasn’t only scared of the unknown, I realized it had ruined what could have been a beautiful relationship between us if any one of you had only been a normal person like me.”

“You’re still my mate, Sarah.” He seemed so disappointed now when he spoke to her. “You still wear my mating mark.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t try to get rid of it,” she assured him, opening the door of the car and climbing out.

Her overnight bag was in the backseat, and after she retrieved it she slammed the door shut. Neither of them went anywhere. Sarah stood outside the passenger-side window of the SUV looking in at him, and he sat behind the wheel stoically regarding her.

“Say good-bye to TJ and Lance for me,” she told him, holding back her tears. There would be time to cry once she got inside.

Ryan nodded that he would do as she asked.

“So I guess I’ll see you around,” Sarah persisted.

“You know you’re always welcome at the Circle T.”

“You guys will try and make it back to New York soon?”

“We’re crazy busy on the ranch right now, but maybe in the fall.”

Sarah knew this was it. Things had not worked out. Theirs was an impossible situation, and there was a very real possibility she might not ever see any of them again.

“Good-bye, Ryan,” she told him from the curb.

He leaned across the passenger seat and looked out the window at her. “Remember that in spite of all of the BS about shifters and nonshifters and Montana and New York that I still love you. All three of us love you.”

“I love all three of you, too.”

She watched him drive away, standing on the street corner and waiting until his SUV was lost from sight. When he was gone she climbed the steps to her apartment building and went inside.

It was over between them.

Ryan didn’t have a room in the city. He hadn’t had time to procure one. All his focus had been on romancing Sarah. Now tired and frustrated from a day that had turned sour, he headed to TJ’s hotel to crash.

When he got to the room Lance was also present. The two half-brothers had been having a conversation. TJ held the door open for him, and Ryan entered. By the look on his face they could tell things had not gone well.

“Come in and have a drink from the minibar,” Lance greeted him. “Looks like you need a strong one.”

Ryan didn’t answer. He just grabbed the drink Lance handed him and downed it in a single swallow.

“You scared her away again, didn’t you?” TJ asked with accusation in his tone.

“We all scared her away,” Ryan acknowledged. “She couldn’t get past what we are.”

“Who can blame her,” Lance said. “After what she saw out on the ranch and then all three of us coming up here to make love to her this weekend. No wonder she got spooked.”

“When we were together Friday night everything was fine,” TJ said in a quiet voice, a faraway look on his face as he stared out the window. “The two of us had a wonderful night together.”

Lance turned to Ryan. “I’ve already lost one mate in life. I don’t want to lose another one.”

Ryan made himself another drink. “Sometimes life sucks. You’re old enough to know that, Lance.”

“I’m not going to let us lose her,” TJ said and picked up his Stetson, getting ready to leave the room. “I’m going back to her tonight.”

Ryan pushed TJ against the wall and held him firm. The larger of the two men, Ryan held TJ in place until the younger man calmed down enough to talk sense to.

“I allowed you to defy me once and didn’t punish you for your indiscretion. Don’t challenge my orders again or I
will
make you sorry.” Ryan added a growl under his voice to let his young Beta know he was deadly serious this time.

TJ shrugged away from him and went to sit back down. “I’ll do what you say, Ryan. But tell me what we’re going to do now. I know it isn’t easy for you either. You love her as much as I do.”

Ryan looked at both TJ and Lance. He loved these men like brothers. “You did good with Sarah, guys. We all did. But we’ve got to understand the decision was never ours to make.”

Lance nodded that he understood. “It’s up to Sarah to decide now, isn’t it?”

“We’ve done all we can do,” Ryan said. “She knows how we feel about her now, knows what we want from her and what kind of a future we can offer. If we pursued her any more we would just make stalkers out of ourselves, and the three of us are better men than that.”

“So you’re saying we just leave then?” TJ asked.

“We have reservations out of LaGuardia tomorrow morning at nine. I booked a ticket for all of us. We’ll be back on the Circle T tomorrow afternoon.”

“I wonder if any of us can really concentrate on our work now,” Lance mused.

“It’s the best thing for us,” Ryan said. “I love Sarah Winter more than I could ever describe. But I also have faith in her ability to do what’s right. If I didn’t have that kind of faith in her, then I couldn’t put much stock in making her my mate. She’ll make the right decision for herself but also the right decision for us.”

“And what if she makes the wrong decision?” TJ asked.

“There isn’t a wrong decision here, TJ. Only the final say of our lady is the right decision, and to get to that we’re going to all have to give it some time.”

“How long?”

“I don’t know. Weeks. Months. However long it takes. In the meantime we go on with our lives.”

* * * *

The elevator in Sarah’s building was out of operation again. She slung the overnight bag over her shoulder and trudged up the steps, numbing exhaustion claiming her before she got to her front door. In the corridors she passed on her way up, the familiar sounds of her building drifted into the stairwell to accompany her, a baby crying, a TV left on too loud, a couple having an argument over money.

When she turned the key in the lock and stepped inside her unit, she was amazed the fairy-tale weekend was at an end and her real life was still just the same as she had left it. Pitching her overnight bag on top of her coffee table, she stripped out of her clothes and headed for a quick shower. The warm water even failed to soothe her weary bones and within five minutes, she was dried off, had her night clothes on, and was unmaking the hideaway bed.

She had things she needed to do. A week’s worth of laundry was stacked in her hamper, her messy apartment demanded to be tidied, and she hadn’t been online to check her emails in two days. But all of that stuff could wait. It was after midnight, and if she was lucky she would get about six hours of sleep before Monday morning hit her like a roaring freight train.

She turned off the bedside light, crawled under the blanket of her lumpy mattress, and closed her eyes, willing the sleep to come, but unfortunately her brain was still on overload from everything that had happened.

It was a hot night outside, and her air unit didn’t work very well and when it did, it was a major expense. The heat kept her awake, and she tossed and turned trying to find a comfortable position that would launch her into the neverland of sleep.

All the while she had to keep her mind a blank. It wouldn’t be good for her to start rehashing recent events now. She had to think about getting to sleep tonight and getting to work in the morning. It was time to just put one foot in front of the other and concentrate on the mechanics of life.

Sarah had never felt sorry for herself and wasn’t about to start now. Her dreams were out there somewhere waiting for her. She just had to be tough enough to make it to the finish line.

* * * *

Sarah couldn’t escape her dreams. As soon as she drifted off the fogbound Great Plains of her dream world greeted her. She was pretty sure this was the Circle T she was imagining in her dream. It looked almost exactly as she remembered it except for all that fog.

There were dream horses running in the pasture, and she remembered how happy she had been here for her week of vacation.

When she turned around Ryan was leaning against the fence next to her, his cowboy hat cocked low on his brow and a piece of sage brush dangling from his mouth.

“Perhaps living with a pack of wolfs wouldn’t be so bad after all,” he told her in a kind voice.

Even in her dream she felt attraction to him and the surge of electricity that kept their relationship so passionate and volatile. “You promised not to intrude on my dreams anymore.”

“Sorry. This is our last night in town. I couldn’t help it. I had to see you one more time.”

Sarah put her hand over his on the fence. “No, it’s okay.” She was actually happy to see him. “I’m glad you came. I had a hard time getting to sleep tonight, and you’re a nice surprise.”

He took a step closer to her, and it was so real she had to remind herself it was only a dream. “You know after I go back to Montana we won’t be able to do this anymore.”

“You mean it doesn’t work from all the way out there?”

“We’re too far away from each other then.”

“That’s too bad. I would have invited you into my dreams every night.”

He bent and kissed her, his lips tasting every bit as fresh and delicious as they had in the real world. “For a normal person you are very incredible,” he told her.

“If I was incredible I would have already gone away with you.” She sighed and became sad. “I’m weak, Ryan. That’s why I can’t ever become one of you.”

“You’re stronger than you think. A regular human shouldn’t even have this dream link with a mate, and you do.” He tipped her chin back and forced her to look up at him. “And TJ was right when he told you my mark should have left. But it didn’t. You’re marked same as a shifter female now.”

“What does that prove, Ryan? I’m not a shifter.”

“No. But I think it means if you gave it a chance you could be happy living with us on the Circle T.”

Sarah shook her head. “I don’t think I could be. I’m just too boring and an everyday person. I wouldn’t fit in with you guys.”

“I think you’re going to change your mind one day. It’s an open invitation whenever you do.”

She held his hand to her heart and gave his palm a kiss. “I’ll always love you three guys.”

“We’ll always love you.”

“I wish I was a shape-shifter female so I could be your woman for the rest of my life.”

“I wish you were, too.”

He kissed down her neck, and his hands took liberties with her body. “Can you make love to me in our dream, Ryan?”

He smiled at her with a wicked glint in his eyes. “This is new for me, too. I’ve never had a mate before. But let’s find out.”

His fingers went inside her pants, and his mouth found her nipples through the open front of her shirt, and her question had been answered. They made love all night in the fog-shrouded plane of their dream.