Three’s a Crowd (57 page)

‘Of course, and I appreciate that.'

He looked at her intently. ‘And I also wanted to make sure . . . Well, are you going to be okay, Rach? I worry about you.'

‘Hey, don't. I'm fine, I'm good. I'm making plans, I'm getting on with it.' She really didn't want to talk about herself. And the longer they sat here, the more dangerous the territory they were likely to tread.

‘So . . .' she said, uncoiling herself and getting to her feet.

Tom stood up as well. ‘I'll get out of your way then.'

He followed her up the hall and she turned to face him at the door. ‘Thanks for coming, Tom. You go have a fantastic time. Give the girls my love.'

He had a strange look on his face and his eyes were glassy. ‘Rachel, would it be okay . . .'

‘What?'

‘Well, would a hug be . . . inappropriate?'

She breathed out. ‘Of course not.'

He took her in his arms and they held each other close. So close, Rachel could feel his chest heaving, his heart beating against her.

‘Tom,' she said after a long while had passed and he hadn't moved.

‘I can't let go,' he said.

‘Yes you can.'

‘I can't.'

‘You have to,' said Rachel, looking up at him. ‘You've got a plane to catch.'

They stared at each other, and Rachel didn't know who moved first, but all of a sudden their mouths were locked and they were kissing, deeply, and then frantically. And they were pulling at each other's clothes, and stumbling back down the hall to her room. They fell onto the bed and they made love like it was the last time either of them ever would.

Afterwards, Rachel rolled over onto her side and Tom curled into her back, holding her close.

‘I love you,' he said.

‘I love you too.'

‘I don't want to go, Rachel. I don't want to leave you.'

She shifted, turning her head around to look at him. ‘You have to, Tom. But can you do me a favour?'

‘Anything.'

‘Stay until I fall asleep.'

He brought his hand up to cup her face, kissing her gently. ‘Of course.'

Rachel turned around again and he moulded himself into her back, wrapping his arms around her and resting his cheek against hers.

That was the last thing Rachel remembered. The next morning, she woke up alone.

Rachel strolled up towards the cemetery gates, clutching a small posy of flowers. It felt a little weird coming here again. She could never pass this way without thinking of Annie. It was strange to imagine her here, buried under the ground. Sometimes it felt a little creepy, other times it was comforting.

Today she was meeting Lexie and they were going to visit Annie's grave to inspect her newly laid headstone. Rachel hadn't realised how long these things could take, but she'd never known anyone who'd died before, so how would she know? Apparently Tom had recently been in touch with Lexie; he'd been notified that the headstone had finally been laid and had asked if she wouldn't mind going to check it out for them. So Lexie had called Rachel; she didn't want to go on her own, which was quite understandable.

She wasn't waiting at the gates when Rachel arrived, but as Lexie was even less punctual than she was, Rachel didn't really expect her to be. And it wasn't long before she spotted her, bustling her way up the street, wrapped in a coat and gloves and scarf and a beanie. It was cold today, but she was perhaps overdoing it.

‘Hi,' Lexie called out as she approached, her face all pink from the cold air. ‘I'm so sorry, Rachel, I didn't want to keep you waiting.'

‘It's fine, Lexie, I've only been here a few minutes.'

‘That's good.' She came right up to her, giving her a hug. ‘Oh, damn,' she said, stepping back. ‘I meant to bring flowers too, it completely went out of my mind this morning. I got caught up trying to figure out how to use the camera on my phone.'

‘What for?'

‘I want to take a photo, for Tom and the girls.'

Rachel nodded.

‘So, how are you anyway?' Lexie asked.

‘Good, thanks. Everything's good.'

‘Have you heard from the uni yet?'

‘Any day now.'

‘Well, I'm sure you'll be accepted,' she said reassuringly. ‘So . . .'

Rachel looked at her, wondering what they were waiting for. They could walk and talk.

‘I heard from Tom, like I told you,' said Lexie. ‘They're all doing really well, trekking their way across Europe. Have you had any word from them at all?'

She shook her head. ‘It's better that way.'

‘Of course,' said Lexie, giving her arm a pat. ‘He did ask after you. He always asks after you.'

Rachel nodded. She really didn't want to know. It was best not to know what he was doing, or where he was, because then she might be tempted to work out their route, count down days, imagine what might be when he came back. And that was when she hit dangerous territory. Because there were no guarantees. Tom could be in a very different place now, and not just geographically. Rachel had had to accept that once they were apart, and he gave himself the space to grieve properly for Annie, he might not feel the same way about her. She had been his safe harbour and now he had set sail. Anything was possible.

But nothing had changed at this end; Rachel still ached for him, every day. She tried to keep herself busy, keep her mind off him, but that was difficult working part-time at a juice bar. She simply had to get into this course, or she didn't know what she was going to do with herself.

‘And how are your plans coming along?' she asked Lexie, changing the subject.

‘Everything's full speed ahead. We close on the restaurant in Orange in less than a fortnight, can you believe it?'

‘So your house must be on the market already?'

‘No, we've decided to rent it out,' she explained. ‘Everyone, both sides of the family, told us we were mad giving up real estate in Sydney. And the bank seemed to agree. We had enough capital from the sale of the business, so, blah blah, with the house counted as part of our “portfolio”,' she gave a little shriek at that idea, ‘everything went through without a hitch.'

‘So when do you move?'

‘Oh, it'll take a couple of months yet,' she explained. ‘Actually renting the house makes things a lot easier. We can stay here while Scott travels back and forth organising the renovations and
setting everything up. And then we can move when it suits us, which will be a lot less stress in the end.'

‘Still, it's a big move, Lexie,' said Rachel.

‘But I'm just so excited,' she said. ‘I can't tell you. I'm busting to get up there and get started. We've got so many plans.'

Rachel smiled. ‘I'm really happy for you guys. Even though I am going to miss you.'

‘Oh, we're going to miss you too,' said Lexie. ‘That's why you have to come up and visit as often as you can.'

‘Oh, I think I'll have to get in line behind all the family.'

‘You will get priority whenever you say the word.'

‘Thank you,' said Rachel. ‘That's very sweet. I'll look forward to it.'

Lexie nodded, glancing around. It seemed as though she was stalling, maybe she felt uncomfortable about visiting the grave. She was so close to Annie, and the last time she was here she had been in quite a state. But it had to be done, so Rachel decided maybe it was up to her to move things along.

‘So,' she said, ‘shall we do this?'

Lexie frowned, checking her watch. ‘In a minute,' she said vaguely.

Rachel was beginning to wonder what was going on, when she heard a faint toot, and then a car swept around the corner in front of them. Catherine's car. They watched as it pulled up across the road.

‘Lexie,' Rachel sighed.

‘Oh, please don't be cross, Rachel,' she said, turning to her. ‘I just thought we should all be together for this, it seemed like the right thing.'

‘I'm sorry,' she said. ‘I don't think I can stay.'

Lexie grabbed her arm. ‘Please, Rachel.'

‘Lexie, you know I haven't talked to her in all this time.'

‘I know, and you won't ever have to again, if you don't want to. But let's just do this one last thing together. For Annie.'

‘You think Annie would want her here?'

Lexie shrugged, biting her lip. ‘I'm sorry, I shouldn't have butted in. But you two have been friends for such a long time, it just seemed wrong to end it without even a word to each other.'

They heard the beep of a remote lock and looked over to see Catherine walking across the street, carrying a huge arrangement of flowers in her arms. Typical. It was too late, it would be awkward now whatever Rachel did.

‘Fine,' she sighed.

‘Oh, thank you so much,' Lexie gushed. She rushed forwards to meet Catherine, while Rachel hung back where she was. She had actually talked to Catherine once, over the phone. She'd finally decided, after Tom left, that she had to put an end to the constant stream of messages. Catherine had gradually realised that Rachel was deliberately avoiding her, and her messages had evolved from cheery ‘We have to debrief' to ‘What's going on?' to ‘Please, Rachel, pick up. What's wrong?'

So she had spoken to her, though only briefly. She basically told her she needed a break, some space, time out. Catherine had been a little taken aback.

‘Time out? What are you talking about?'

‘I just can't be around you right now, Catherine.'

‘If this is about the Tom thing, I know I handled that badly on the night, but really, isn't that all in the past now? I heard you two even broke up. You couldn't still be jealous, surely?'

And that pretty much said it all. The fact that Catherine could reduce everything down to that, as if jealousy was the issue here. There was no point trying to explain it, Catherine could rationalise her way out of anything, and even turn it into a shortcoming on Rachel's part. And Rachel had had quite enough of that.

But now she was walking right up to her, dressed in a long black coat and large, dark Jackie-O sunglasses, looking the part of the grieving friend. How dare she? After what she'd done.

‘Hello Rachel,' she said, her tone appropriately sombre.

‘Let's get this over with, shall we?' said Rachel, turning on her heel and walking into the cemetery.

Lexie took it upon herself to provide a running commentary as they made their way along.

‘So Rachel's enrolled in a teaching degree,' she began.

‘That's great,' said Catherine. ‘What kind of teaching?'

Rachel didn't respond.

‘High school,' said Lexie.

‘Won't that take years?'

‘Normally, yes,' Lexie continued. ‘But Rachel's applied for this special fast-track program, because there's a shortage of school counsellors, and they want to attract mature-age people with some life experience. They pay for the training and everything, and they have a mid-year intake so she can start straightaway.'

Lexie was fudging a few of the details but it was close enough.

‘That sounds wonderful, Rachel,' said Catherine. ‘I can't believe we never thought of this before. It's perfect for you.'

Rachel still didn't say anything, but that was okay, her spokesperson was ready with a response.

‘I know, it's
so
perfect, isn't it? She's always had that connection with teenagers.' She paused. ‘By the way, how are things going with Alice and her father?'

Rachel's ears pricked up, despite herself.

‘Actually, they couldn't be better,' said Catherine. ‘We're taking it slowly, a step at a time. James came to our house for their first meeting, so Alice would feel comfortable in her own surroundings. That went really well, so then he took her out to lunch, and they had coffee just last week, so she could meet his wife. This weekend is the big one, she's going to their house to meet her half-brothers.'

‘Isn't that amazing,' said Lexie, shaking her head. ‘She has brothers, I didn't even think of that. How is Alice handling all of this?'

‘Pretty well, actually. She's been quite mature about it. She gets a little nervous at each new step, but I have to say James has been so sensitive, so caring. She already seems to trust him.'

Rachel felt a huge sense of relief wash over her. Alice had another parent to love her, she had siblings. She wasn't an only child any more.

‘She seems, I don't know . . . happier in herself,' said Catherine. ‘She's buckled down to her studies, and she even won a short-story competition. Little minx has been writing stories for years, never shown me a thing. Still won't. A teacher submitted her story for the competition, it'll be published in the paper. She said I can read it then.'

‘Do you know where we're going, Lexie?' Rachel said after they had walked quite a way into the cemetery.