Thrive (20 page)

I wanted to hurt her. I wanted to her hurt her so badly, until she couldn’t move and had no choice but to sit and wait for my instruction. I drove into her, using my body to punish her the only way I’d allow. She cried; she sobbed and I knew she was close to begging me to stop. To saying the word that would bring me from the darkness and fight back the demons that wanted to tear her freedom from her. For a split second, one moment in time, I knew why Phil did what he did; why he manipulated and controlled everyone around him. People were unpredictable, uncontrollable, and the only way to protect yourself, to save yourself from rejection, was to control those around you…to take their right to think, speak and act freely away from them.

~Curtis~

The tears fell; they poured and streamed from my eyes and they wouldn’t stop. I knew I’d gone against everything Curtis ever asked of me. I knew I’d defied him, but it wasn’t for nothing. I thought he’d understand, but he didn’t. I thought we were in the darkness together, but we weren’t. I thought we were risking everything, no matter what it was, for our happy ever after, but I was wrong. I was a job, a duty, a way for him to ease his own guilt over Oliver.

I wanted to hate him as his powerful body covered mine, his violent thrusts caught my breath; his hand remained over my mouth to shut me up while he looked into my eyes and ignored the pain I knew he saw in them. I wanted to fight him off, to make him stop, but I needed the punishment of a mindless fuck with Curtis Mason to remind me why we were here. My body wanted more, the pain becoming redundant as my body came to life, my hips rolling beneath him to meet every thrust. My mind wanted him; I
wanted
him to control me, to manipulate me so I couldn’t face the reality that he hated me for what I’d done. My heart needed him because, despite his rejection – his rage and aggression when he told me I was nothing – I knew he was lying. Even now, as our bodies collided in torment, in torture and fear, he was mine. He did love me, no matter how much he tried to push me away, or punish me for wanting to protect him, we wanted the same thing. He was my strength and weakness…and I was his.

My body climbed with conflicted pleasure; Curtis’ eyes met mine with confusion when he felt me tighten around him, arching my back to take him deeper. His hands pinned mine to the side of my head.

“Stop enjoying this,” he grunted, slowing his movements and tearing me away from the edge of paradise.

“I can't.” I rolled my hips, hearing him release a hiss. “I can't, Curtis. You can hate me all you want, but this right here is why I love you as much as I do.”

He shook his head, his nostrils flared with a deep breath of restraint, and his hands squeezed my wrists harder. I kept his gaze, my eyes fixed on his as the realisation slammed into me as hard as the man on top of me.

“Iridescence,” I whispered.

His eyes rolled closed and in a swift move, he rolled us over so I was on top. It was a beautiful sight, watching Curtis emerge from the darkness and knowing I’d done it. The dark storm in his eyes mellowed to a warm chocolate aftermath and the creases around them eased. He looked younger, instantly appearing like a content man who had the world at his feet. The vein in his neck pulsed and a tick began in his jaw as he clenched his teeth and I began moving slowly, pulling my t-shirt over my head and tossing it aside. My knees pressed into the mattress, my hands slid beneath his t-shirt to his stomach, to steady myself.

“Tell me you didn’t mean what you said,” I begged, my hair tumbling over my shoulder. He shook his head. “Tell me I mean something to you.”

His hands moved to my hips, not to demand I take him deeper, or ride him faster, but to reconnect us; to bring us back together with a rhythm we controlled as one.

“You mean everything,” he choked. “I don’t want to hurt you, Skye.”

“I know.” I sighed as Curtis lifted his hips.

“I want to love you. I want to trust you.”

“I know.” I leaned down, took his face in both hands and kissed his desperately.

“But I can't when you do things like this.” He spoke softly, held me in place and slid in and out of me in gentle, controlled movements. “It’s who I am. There are certain things I just can't let you do. Stepping foot in Joe’s is one of them. Being anywhere near-” I kissed him again. I wouldn’t have another man’s name mentioned while we were making love.

The thought struck me and I sat up, drawing a breathless moan to leave us both.

“Curtis?”

“Yes?”

He slipped his hand between my legs and massaged slowly, reverently, with an adoration that brought a lump to the back of my throat.

“I love you.” One final tear fell as Curtis sat up, caging me in and burying his face in my neck. “I love you.”

“I love you,” he replied, squeezing his arms around my waist and lowering me onto him. “God, that’s not even enough.”

“It’s enough for us.” I kissed his neck, my teeth grazing his flesh as he picked up the pace and a new fire set in. “It’s everything. We’re everything. Those three words are everything.”

“You ruin me.” He cried as he spilled himself into me and nudged me over the edge, into a quivering orgasm that spread the entire length of my body.

I held his head against my chest as his tears fell, and stroked my hand through his hair as the final layer that separated us disintegrated, floating away when a sleepy sigh left my animal’s lips.

If there was anything that could bring a man to his knees and force him to submit, it was the love of a woman; the forgiveness, goodness and compassion of the woman who would stand by your side no matter what you had done, and continued to do.

I fell asleep with Skye in my arms…

I woke up in the night in a cold sweat, the remains of a nightmare fading into the distance. I couldn’t remember what I had dreamt about, I had no recollection of the story my mind had conjured up. The tears streamed from my eyes; I turned to Skye as she slept on her stomach, offered a temporary escape and the comfort of sleep. I laid on my side and watched her sleep; I watched the gentle rise and fall over her body as she breathed deeply and evenly. I watched her eyelids flicker and a smile trace the corner of her lips. I watched a strand of hair fall across her face as she turned her head, searching for me in slumber. I let my body relax as I pulled her body into mine, her spine curving against my front as I melded our bodies together and closed my eyes.

With a final deep breath, I closed my eyes and joined my princess in her ivory tower.

I had no recollection of the dream that had woken me up, but it filled me with dread and brought a dark veil over my mind as I drifted back off to sleep.

~Curtis~

Curtis slept the morning away. I helped Geoff onto the sofa, handed him his medication with a cup of tea and he watched daytime TV while I cleaned the house. A thick layer of dust had settled on every surface, evidence of my neglect, so I spent the morning restoring the house to the pristine condition it was in before Thomas died. I was finishing up in the living room, fluffing the cushions and making sure Geoff was comfortable when there was a knock on the door. As I stepped into the hallway to answer it, Curtis arrived at the bottom of the stairs and smiled to let me know he had it. I leaned against the doorframe and watched him limp to the front door. He was in pain and I saw the dried blood around the edges of his bandage; I knew he was paying more than mentally for last night and my heart swelled with the longing to take his pain away. He swung the door open and a stunned Penelope and Jen met a half-naked Curtis.

“Holy shit a brick!” Jen gasped and covered her mouth.

“Hi, girls.” I joined Curtis at the door and turned to him. “Geoff needs more tea.”

He gave me a grateful smile and left, relieved to escape the hungry eyes of my girlfriends. I stepped out and closed the door behind me.

“Uh…wow.” Penelope whistled, shaking her head.

“Who’s that?”

“That’s Curtis.”

“So you’re…?” Jen started, but craned her neck to stare into the kitchen window.

“Yes,” I answered, following her line of sight and spotting Curtis watching me intently.

“Wow.” Penelope said again, and sighed. “I didn’t see a new man coming.”

I didn’t see the judgment coming, either.

“People move on, P.”

“Yes, but Thomas…”

“Thomas is dead.”

I was surprised by my own matter of fact attitude. I missed Thomas every day, but I couldn’t stay locked away forever. The girls had been telling me that for years, so why were they so judgemental now?

“We were just passing and spotted an extra car on the drive.”

“We’ll be staying for a while. There’s a man inside dying.”

“Your-”

“No,” I clipped, refusing to listen to whatever they were about to label Curtis as. “The man who raised him. He has terminal cancer so he’s receiving his end of life care here.”

“I’m sorry, Skye,” Jen said. “Shall I keep Buster for a while?”

I dropped to the step and the girls soon followed, sitting next to me and each put and arm around me.

“Can you keep him, Jen? I can't handle breathing right now, let alone a dog.”

“Of course.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Penelope asked.

I shook my head. “I have to get back inside.” I stood up, forcing composure. “Don’t…don’t tell Ava, okay?”

They nodded and shared a worried look.

“Will you call?”

“When I can.”

I stepped back to the front door and watched them cross the driveway, climb in Jen’s car and I waved them off with a forced smile of content, before turning to open the front door.

“Ms Jones?”

I turned, hearing an unfamiliar voice as a man dressed from head to toe in black came towards me, holding a box out in my direction.

“Delivery.” He smiled, shoving the box under his arm to tip his baseball cap in greeting.

I signed for the package and took it off him, watching him leave with a twinge of suspicion creeping up from somewhere unexpected. Maybe it was something for Geoff; the hospital needed the homeowner’s details for registration with the nursing agency – they’d have it on file for deliveries, too. I wouldn’t have put it past Curtis to order a load of stuff and forget to tell us. I kicked the front door shut behind me as Curtis crossed the hallway from the kitchen to the living room with the cups of tea in one hand and the biscuits I bought yesterday in the other.

“What’s that?” he asked, nodding to the box.

“No idea, maybe Beth sent something.”

I kept my voice steady for Geoff; he didn’t need to know the world around us was falling apart. Curtis saw the worry I was trying to convey and responded how I’d hoped.

“One minute, we’ll open it together.”

He continued into the living room and I moved to the kitchen, setting the box on the island. I couldn’t hear any ticking, which was a relief, but I still jumped when my phone pinged in my pocket. I pulled it out and read the text.

‘Help on the way. Time to focus. JK.’

Jesse. Help?

Curtis startled me when he appeared next to me and slammed his hands on the counter. “Let’s do it.”

I tucked my phone back into my pocket. What was Jesse doing? He said help was on the way. Help wasn’t in a box. He hadn’t sent it. My skin prickled as Curtis picked his keys up off the shelf and flipped out the blade from his Swiss Army, dragging it along the packaging tape that held the box closed.

I was nervous – that word meant nothing in comparison to how I felt. My heart was racing, my sweaty palms stuck to the countertop and my fingers and toes felt numb.

“What if it explodes?” I asked, realising how ridiculous it sounded out loud.

“There’s only one way to find out.”

In a quick, seamless move, Curtis lifted the flaps and we both flinched.

“What is it?” I asked when I could open my eyes, and saw Curtis staring inside.

He reached into the box and set the contents on the counter, discarding the box to the floor. A Teenage Ninja Mutant Turtles stuffed toy. A sealed envelope. A kitchen knife. The patchwork blanket Thomas bought for our baby.

“Someone’s been here,” I said as Curtis tore at the envelope and read the note inside.

“Ready when you are,” he read. “Love always,
P
.”

We said nothing as we stared at the things set out in front of us.

“The turtle is mine.” Curtis whispered, his voice cracking under the strain of holding back his emotion. “From Lois’ house.”

“The blanket is mine. From this house.”

“The knife is Phil’s. From his knife set at home. The one Lois isn’t allowed to touch.”

“Curtis…” I breathed. He sensed the edge in my voice and his eyes met mine. The madness began to culminate between us. “I know where he is.”

“We’re going.” He said, drawing in a deep breath. “Now.”

He grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the kitchen. I pulled against him as he led me to the front of the house.

“We can't leave Geoff.”

“We’ll be back before he needs his next dose of medication.”

Curtis pulled open the front door and we came face to face with a fair-haired man, dressed in dark blue uniform that labelled him as a nurse.

Jesse. The help had arrived.

“Go,” the nurse said, sidestepping and gesturing to a car at the end of the driveway.

The passenger door was open and the engine was still running.