Throttle MC: A Stepbrother Romance (9 page)

“Well,” he continued, “something kinda sparked between us, and before I knew it she was saying goodbye to her friends and shacking up with me.  Said she was happier than she ever would have been back east.  And for a while, I believed her. Then she got pregnant with Hadley.  I married her because that’s what Tessa wanted, and everything seemed to be set. 

“Thing was,” he smiled sadly, “Tessa got real depressed after Hadley was born. Don’t get me wrong,” he said, looking up at me.  “She loved Hadley.  But I think she felt kinda isolated.  I don’t know.  And I was away a lot on club business those first few months.

“Anyway, somewhere along the line, she started using.” Lon sighed.  “She hid it from me pretty well, at first.  I didn’t notice a goddamn thing. Then one night, I came back from a trip to find Hadley screaming in her crib and Tessa strung out on the sofa.  When she finally woke up the next morning, we had the first big fight we’d ever had.  She swore to me that she hadn’t been using long, and that she wouldn’t do it again.  And like a fucking idiot, I believed her.  She must have kept hiding it from me after that, because I didn’t see any evidence of her using again until about seven months later, when she O.D’ed.”

Lon looked at me now.  His expression was intense, his jaw set hard as stone. “I wanted Hadley to have a better life, you know? The one her ma would have had if she hadn’t met me.” He was silent for a moment, and when he began talking again a bitter tone had crept into his voice.  “When Hadley cut off contact with me, I figured it was the price I had to pay for getting her away from all this.  It hurt, but whenever I missed her, I’d think, ‘Good.  It’s good that she ain’t here.  She’s making a life for herself. A better life than her old man could give her.’

“But now...” He shrugged his shoulders slightly and frowned.  “She’s back. And I’m really fuckin’ glad she’s back.  But part of me wants her to leave again, you know? I’m scared of her getting sucked back into all of... this.”  He nodded his chin toward the door.  “I feel like I’ll be a lousy father if I make her leave, but I’ll be a lousier father if I let her stay.”

I sighed, trying to think of what to reply.  What would Lon do if he knew that the person he was confiding in, the person he considered like a son, was exactly what he was worried about happening to his only daughter? 

And, God help me, I was just as worried.  Hadley... there was just something about her.  The way her eyes flashed at me when we sparred.  The way she had moaned underneath me clutching at my arms as she screamed her release. She was unlike any other woman I’d ever known. She was dangerous.

She was my sister.

I wanted to piss her off so badly that she would leave and never come back.

But even more, I wanted to take her into my bed, fuck her senseless, and make goddamn sure that she never looked at any other man again.

Lon was looking at me as I stood there in silence, trying to think of something to say. Finally, I decided I just needed to ignore everything I was starting to feel about Hadley, and tell Lon what I really thought.  “Hadley’s fucking smart as hell, Lon,” I said, looking him in the eye.  “She can sure as hell take care of herself, too. She’s been doing it for years, right?” Lon nodded, a look of regret flashing across his features. I pushed down the urge to apologize and continued. “So, maybe it’s time to just let her do what she wants to do,” I said.  “Accept her.  Be glad that she wanted to come back and see her dad.” 

Lon looked at me for a moment, expressionless, and then finally nodded slightly.  “Yeah,” he said. “Yeah.  You’re right.  I gotta let her make her own decisions.  Her own life.  I fucked that up once.  I gotta give that to her.”  His mouth twisted into a wry grin.  “Thanks for lettin’ me go all girly on you there for a minute, son.”

I grimaced involuntarily at the word, then quickly recovered and clapped him on the back. “No problem, man.” I opened the door and left Lon alone with his thoughts. 

Son
.

Goddamnit.                     

Back out in the bar, Jimmy saw me and approached. 
Great. Just what I need.  More fuckin’ Jimmy.
I thought he was going to challenge me again on the meth lab idea, and to be honest, with the foul mood I was in now, I was reconsidering option one as a response. But Jimmy had another subject in mind.

“That Hadley sure has grown up into one fine piece of ass, eh, Ryke?” he leered at me.  “Too bad she’s your sister now. But hey, Hads and me go way back.  She was my first, you know? And who knows? Maybe we can pick that shit up where we left off.”

I swear to God, I have never wanted to fuck someone up as badly as I wanted to fuck up Jimmy right then. I had to push away the tempting idea of trying to break as many teeth of his as possible with one punch.  As I stood there working on controlling myself, my thoughts turned back to the conversation I had just had with Lon.  Fuck, had Lon been thinking about Jimmy and Hadley together?  Had he asked for my advice because he was trying to come to terms with the idea of them as a couple?

“Anyways,” Jimmy was saying nonchalantly, “If Hads and me do get back together, you and me would be practically related. 
Brother
.” 

“Hadley’s not my sister, Jimmy,” I said, my jaw clenching. 

“For all intents and purposes, she is,” Jimmy replied.  “Hell, must be torture to see those fine tits and know you can’t have ‘em.  But don’t worry,” he continued.  “I’ll be glad to give you a play by play any time you want.”

Jimmy had been gunning for me a lot lately, so that was nothing new. But there was an edge in his voice I hadn’t heard before. And it was all about Hadley.

“Fuck you, Jimmy,” I said, turning away.

Behind me, he laughed. “That’s right,” he taunted.  “She will.”

Three weeks later, I was still in Cheyenne.  I was still living at Lon and Randi’s, trying to decide what to do with my life, and doing my best to avoid a repeat of what had happened with Ryker the morning after I had arrived.

It hadn’t been easy, even though I got the feeling he was avoiding me, too.  But he and I knew all the same people.  Hell, we lived in the same house, although lately the only evidence I had of that was hearing the rumble of his bike pulling up late at night, after the rest of the neighborhood had gone to sleep.  I saw him at the clubhouse, though.  Usually, he had at least one woman hanging off him like they were drowning and he was the only one who could save them.

It bothered me a hell of a lot more than I wanted to admit.

I tried like anything to talk myself out of feeling that way. After all, I didn’t want Ryker.  Well, that wasn’t the truth.  I wanted him all right, probably more than I’d ever wanted anything in my life.  But I tried to tell myself that it was just because I knew I couldn’t have him.  Late at night, when I was lying in bed, trying to drop off to sleep, I’d hear his bike pull up, and I’d fantasize about him coming silently into my room, doing everything he had done to me that first day.  As I lay there, my hand would move slowly downward until I was touching myself, imagining that my slick finger was his insistent tongue.  As I arched my back and shuddered through my silent orgasm, I would tell myself this was the
last time
I would give into that temptation.  But I knew it wouldn’t be. I couldn’t help it.  My body wanted Ryker Stone, and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it.

Unfortunately, Ryker wasn’t the only one I was trying to avoid.  But unlike Ryker, Jimmy was doing anything but try to avoid me.  It seemed like he would show up everywhere I was, almost like he had some sort of damn GPS tracker on me.  Even though nothing had happened between us, Jimmy was growing more and more possessive in his words and his actions. I knew he was doing his best to send off the vibe to everyone else that I was his territory.  As though our past adolescent experimenting somehow meant that we were destined to be together. 

But I was not Jimmy’s girl, and would never be his.  The fact was, the longer I was in Cheyenne, the more I realized Jimmy had transformed over the years into someone I didn’t much like.  At first, I had been so excited to see him again.  He was a friend from so long ago, a link to my past and the girl I had been.  But there was an arrogance to him now, an aggressiveness that bothered me and frankly scared me a little.  And the hungry, keen way he looked at me when we were together set off warning bells deep down inside me.  Those bells told me not spend too much time alone with Jimmy Stocker if I could help it.

To tell the truth, I had been a little surprised when I first learned that Jimmy had been patched in to The Throttle. Somehow, I guess I had assumed that when my dad caught us fooling around all those years ago, he would have cut Jimmy out of any future with the club. After all, he had been angry enough to send me far away from everything I’d ever known.  I couldn’t quite figure out how I felt about the fact that Lon sent me away but let Jimmy stick around.  Today, Lon didn’t seem to have any hard feelings at all toward Jimmy.  On the contrary, Jimmy’s position in the club seemed rock solid. I tried not to think about that too much, because when I did it kind of made me mad.  It made me feel like I was less important to my father than Jimmy, just because I was a woman.  Like my vagina had been the entire source of the problem, not Jimmy’s roving hands and raging hormones. It reminded me of how upset I had been as a little girl the first time I realized I could never be a club member, only an old lady. 

In between trying to avoid Ryker and trying to avoid Jimmy, I ended up with a lot of free time on my hands.  I spent some of it looking at job ads online, trying to think about what I was going to do next.  The trouble was, I didn’t even know where I wanted to live. Going back to Vermont seemed ridiculous.  I had hated it there.  But the idea of staying on in Cheyenne felt strange.  Even though my roots were here, I didn’t feel like I quite belonged anymore.  I looked at some jobs in the Denver area, and applied for a few here and there: waitress, receptionist, something called a “quality control inspector.”  Nothing sounded interesting enough to be worth moving to a new place for, but I felt like I had to do something. To at least pretend to be moving forward with my life.  

I had started hanging out with Lucy a little, and this morning I was back at Crouse’s while she worked the morning shift.  As she waited tables and bustled around the restaurant, I sat at the counter with my laptop and a cup of coffee, working on my résumé. “Having any luck with the job search?” she asked me as she came back from giving someone their change.

“Not much,” I sighed.  “I guess it would help if I knew what I was looking for.”

“What’d you major in, again?”

“Psychology.”

“Huh.” Lucy looked at me quizzically.  “Couldn’t you just open up a psychology practice, or something?”

I laughed.  “I wish.  But with no money, no clients, and no experience, I don’t think that’s gonna work out for me.  At least not right now.”

Lucy cocked her head.  “Yeah, I guess maybe you’re right.  But someday, right?”

Even though I was frustrated, I appreciated her optimism.  It made me feel better having a friend to cheer me on.  “Right.  Someday,” I smiled back. “So, what’s new with you?”

She smiled excitedly. “So, you know my boyfriend, Diego?”

“Uh-huh.” Lucy had been seeing Diego for a little over a year now.  He had apparently been two years ahead of us in school, but I didn’t know him back then. I had met Diego a couple of times now, and he seemed like a really nice guy.

“I think he’s going to propose soon!” Lucy half-whispered, half-squealed the last part of the sentence.  She looked at me with wide, bright eyes.  “He said he wants to take me ring shopping!” 

“Oh, my gosh, Lucy!  That’s so exciting! Congratulations!” I smiled at her warmly. It was clear she was really happy. 

“I know!  Now we just gotta start saving up for the wedding. I already know it’s gonna have to be a big one.  Diego’s family is huge!” Lucy chattered on happily about her plans for the big day, and I asked her questions to keep her going.  It was a nice distraction from my directionless life.

We were still talking about Lucy’s upcoming nuptials when the electronic beep of the front door sounded.  Lucy’s gaze flickered up and a slight frown creased her brow.  I turned around and saw Jimmy coming into the restaurant. 

“Hey, Hads! I thought you might be here,” he said, coming up to me and wrapping his arm around my shoulders.  Ugh. 
How does he do that?
I thought irritably.  I needed to find some less predictable places to hang out. 

“Hey,” I greeted him, gently detaching his arm from me.  “What’s up?”

“Not much,” Jimmy replied.  “I just thought I’d get some breakfast.  Lucy,” he called, “Western omelet and a side of bacon.”

“Got it,” Lucy called back, retreating into the kitchen.

“Come sit with me,” Jimmy said, turning toward of the booths. 

I snapped my laptop shut and followed him. “You know, I was working on my résumé,” I said crankily. 

Jimmy led me by the hand to a corner booth, seemingly not having heard me. “So,” he said as we sat down.  “Haven’t seen much of you the last couple of days.  What’s been up?”