Throttled (8 page)

I rubbed my face, wishing I could wash it all away and go back in time. I’d been a total dumb fuck and there would be a heavy price to pay and most likely groveling. I wasn’t one to grovel and beg, but this was my sugar. I’d do anything for her, to keep her, and make her mine. The closer I got to the house, our house, the more I knew I fucked up.

After paying the cab driver and walking up the driveway, I pulled out my phone and checked my messages. Not a message since I left her.

Me: I’m sorry. I love you.

The house was eerily quiet. It had been quiet before, but tonight it was deafening. Suzy was missing. Her joy and laughter usually filled the space. The girl was a damn chatterbox at times and as I walked to the bedroom I realized how much I missed it—how much I missed her. The stillness of our house made me feel uneasy. I wanted my woman in our bed with me. I wanted to hear her giggle as I whispered in her ear before she fell asleep. She was the sunshine in my day; she softened me and filled my life with happiness.

I emptied my pockets, placing my wallets and keys on my nightstand. I removed my clothes, the stench of the clubs clinging to the fabric as I tossed them to the floor. No reply from Suzy as I crawled in bed, laying the cell phone next to me. I didn’t want to miss her message. I stared at the ceiling, watching the fan create moving shadows in the darkness. For the first time in months, I felt completely alone.

Fuck, maybe I was pussy whipped.

Chapter 7 ~Macho Bullshit

Fuming. It’s the only word I could use to describe what I felt. City had always been a little on the impulsive side, but tonight put the fucking icing on the cake. How could he think I had been unfaithful? I told Izzy no strippers, but did she listen? Of course not, when does she ever listen to anyone?

I had too much to drink, but I was still in control. I wasn’t sloppy drunk, just at that point where everything was wonderful and nothing got me down. Well, nothing until Mr. ‘She’s Mine’ Caveman killed the party. When the guy that City laid out tried to dance with me, I said no and pushed him away. Izzy intervened. Fucking Izzy, said it was my last night and every girl had the right to dance with whomever they wanted before they’re officially off the market.

I didn’t see any harm in it. It was just a dance and nothing more. My girls surrounded me and they would never let anything happen to me. Furthermore, I don’t cheat. It’s not in my nature. I’m madly in love with City. I don’t mean just that type of comfortable love. I’m talking that take my breath away, make my stomach flip type of love that I couldn’t imagine being without. But, and this is a huge but, could I deal with his testosterone-laced fist throwing macho bullshit for the rest of my life?

If I answered the questions based solely on the amount and way I loved him, the answer would be yes. If I used my brain and really thought about City and his quickness to stake his claim and scare anyone with a cock away from me, the answer would be, “I honestly don’t know.” He said that’s his way of protecting me and it’s how he’s built.

The night I was attacked at the Neon Cowboy, his level of protection increased and became almost stifling at times. Somehow I managed to survive the first twenty-something years of my life without his watchful eye and brute fists. The trauma we endured during our relationship didn’t help matters. My assault and then almost losing him in the motorcycle accident—they were events that put a strain on our emotions but brought us closer together.

The night we sat in the hospital waiting to hear if he would survive was the longest night of my life. I couldn’t form a coherent thought until Mia told us that he’d survive. I felt like my world was ending. I didn’t have control and I hated it. Control is something I strived to maintain. I made my lists and planned everything out. Having City’s life hanging in the balance and relying on someone else to make him better was maddening.

I didn’t think I could ever get mad at him again, but here we are. City walked off and left without talking to me. He didn’t want to believe anything I had to say. He jumped to his crazy ass conclusions and stalked off.

My mind was hazy as I sat on the barstool and watched the club moving to music that was muffled in my ears. I couldn’t process anything but my thoughts of City and what the fuck just happened.

“Suzy, let’s go upstairs, babe.” Sophia grabbed my elbow, trying to get me to stand.

“No,” I whispered, not ready to move.

“Come on, I’ll go with you. Let’s get out of here so we can talk,” she said as she brushed my hair off my shoulder.

I looked at her with blurred vision; a line of tears sitting in my eyes hadn’t yet fallen. “What’s there to talk about? He walked out on me.”

“Now listen to me, woman. He loves you and you love him. You both have been drinking and the scene went south quick. You know that isn’t how City is, babe.”

I blinked, letting the tears cascade down my cheeks. “That’s exactly how he is, Sophia. I don’t know if I can deal with that forever.” My voice cracked as I wiped my cheeks.

“Up ya go, sugarplum, upstairs for you. You’ve obviously had more to drink than I thought if you’re questioning your future with this man.” She grabbed me around the waist, helping me stand on steady feet.

“Fine, Soph, but only because I could use a little peace and quiet. There’s no one else I can talk to about him and get an honest opinion but you. They’re all related or partial to the Gallo family.” My legs felt rubbery as we walked past the dance floor and made our way to the outside elevators. “Thanks, Sophia.” I smiled at her. She was my best friend, the only person in the world that knew everything about me. We’d been through too much together to not be able to read each other like an open book.

She smiled back at me but didn’t say a word as we entered the elevator. I sagged against the wall, trying to keep my balance as it was ascending to the top floor. As soon as we walked into the suite, I kicked off my shoes and threw myself on the couch. Wrapping paper, boxes, sex toys, and lingerie were strewn around the room. Partially empty glasses, bottles of liquor and champagne sat on the coffee table. The night started with so much promise.

“Alright, beautiful. Spill your guts,” Sophia said as she sat down next to me and put my feet in her lap. God, I missed times like these. Sophia and I used to stay up late at night having talks about men and our problems. Life had changed so dramatically for both of us over the last two years. Being here with her, like this, made my broken heart long for the olden days.

“Did you hear what he said to me?” I asked, nestling my head into the soft throw pillow.

“I did. He was drunker than I’ve ever seen him.”

“So what, are you saying I should give him a pass?”

Shaking her head, she rested her hand on my chin. “Never. Fuck that. I’ve learned you can never give someone a free pass, but don’t throw it all away. Look, I fell in love with Kayden and Lord help me that man has been a whole heap of trouble. I should’ve been tougher on him and called him on his bullshit more. I paid the price, but I’ve learned and now we’re in a better place. You need to talk to City and tell him how you feel.”

“He hurt me tonight, Sophia.” I closed my eyes, remembering how my stomach fell when he pushed me away.

“Physically?” Her eyebrows turned downward as her eyes snapped to my face.

“No, he hurt my feelings. He basically said I cheated on him. The accusations stung.” The tears started to flow easier. His words finally sunk in and I’d processed the entire scene as if watching a bad movie. “He’s never been mean to me. Tonight he was just a plain asshole.”

Sophia chuckled, covering her hand with her mouth.

“What’s so funny?” I squinted at her, not understanding the humor of the situation. “I’m sitting here pouring out my soul and crying and you’re laughing. What the hell, Sophia?”

“You said asshole like it was a word you used every day. Not so long ago you were using terms like ‘get the heck out of here’ and ‘you big b’. The shit just rolls off your lips like it’s been part of your vernacular for years.” She rubbed my leg, running her nails over my skin. “He’s a man, Suzy. They do not like to see their woman near other men. That guy said some nasty shit too. I’m surprised City didn’t beat the fuck out of him until he was unconscious.”

I sighed, putting my arm over my eyes. “City changed me. I can’t deny it. He made it sound like I was a piece of property. I mean, why doesn’t he just piss on me like a dog marking his territory?” My eyes were heavy and burning. The tears and alcohol made it hard to keep them open.

“Now you’re just being overdramatic. Let’s get you tucked into bed and see how you feel in the morning.” Sophia moved my legs to the couch and pulled me up by my arms. “A little help would be nice,” she said, as she tried to hold me in a sitting position.

“I’m just so tired. Just leave me here.” I opened my eyes to look at her and quickly closed them after seeing she wasn’t amused.

“Get your ass in that bed. All the drunk bitches will be back and they’ll wake you up.”

I stood, using Sophia for leverage and wobbled. “Yes, Mom. You’re so damn bossy.” I smiled, leaning forward to kiss her on the cheek. “I’ve missed you, Soph. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

She wrapped her arms around me embracing me in a tender hug. “You’d be at home making lists about lists.” She chuckled, releasing me and helping me toward the main bedroom.

“You’re probably right. I was such a boring human being.” My voice had become quiet, almost mouse-like as sleep started to overcome me.

“In you go, princess,” Sophia said as she pulled back the covers.

I didn’t bother to get undressed. I just wanted to sleep. I wanted tonight to be over and deal with everything tomorrow. Grabbing an extra pillow, I turned on my side, tucking it into my body. I’d grown used to snuggling against City. I needed something to fill the void and the pillow was my only option.

The lights turned off before I heard the click of the door as I drifted off into a restful sleep. All thoughts and worries disappeared as I dreamed about my City. His deep voice, ice blue eyes, and the feel of his arms wrapped around me. I could feel the love he had for me even in my dreams. He invaded every part of my life, became ingrained in my entire being.

I loved him even subconsciously.

Chapter 8 ~ Groveling Doesn’t Make Me Weak

I rolled over, feeling for my phone, but didn’t find it where I left it. Somehow, during the night I had pushed it under Suzy’s pillow. I tossed and turned, waking up feeling like I never slept a fucking wink. There were no new messages or calls on my phone and no word from Suzy or any of the girls.

Bits and pieces started coming back to me as I lay in bed staring at the ceiling. I fucked up and I managed to do it royally. I left Suzy behind without so much as an “I love you”, just an accusation and shitty words. I had to fix it. I fucked up and I had to man up and say I’m sorry.

I grabbed my head, the throbbing almost blinding as I climbed out of bed. The quiet from the night before that felt deafening now became overwhelming. I couldn’t sit around the house today and idly wait for Suzy to come home so that I could ask for her forgiveness. I had to go to her, find her, and mend the shattered pieces I made of our relationship.

Leaning over the sink, I stared at myself in the mirror and was disgusted by the person looking back. I was better than this. The man that acted out last night wasn’t me. He was a jealous asshole and I’m a lovesick fool. I quickly showered and brushed my teeth before throwing on my jeans and t-shirt. I didn’t give a fuck what I looked like; I just had to get to Suzy.

I barreled down the highway, making my way to the hotel. Izzy hadn’t replied to a text I sent her before I left. I kept the phone in my pocket on vibrate but it remained still. I weaved in and out of traffic, needing to not waste another minute away from Suzy.

The closer I came to the hotel the more butterflies filled my stomach. What if she didn’t forgive me? I know I hurt her and I prayed that our love for each other could overcome the words of the previous night. As I shut off the bike, sitting in the parking lot of the Shepard’s Hotel, I texted the only person that may be awake at this hour – Sophia. It was only eight AM, but I was banking on her above anyone else.