Thrown (12 page)

Let’s face it, just being with Stoker is exciting even if we were sitting at home. Being with him at a beautiful secret beach is all bonus extras.

The water gets deep really fast but it’s crystal clear and as I swim I can see weeds and rocks on the bottom far below. Stoker is about ten feet ahead of me and he keeps looking over his shoulder to check I’m OK.

This is the farthest I’ve swum in a long time but I feel fine and the pace he has set is a gentle one. I swim in his wake, my strokes falling into time with his, and the coldness of the water not bothering me at all now. I look back at the beach and it looks so far away. Stoker’s black car looks tiny sitting in the parking area and I can’t even see the rocks where we stowed our clothes.

I look ahead again and Stoker is rounding the edge of the rocks, swimming out of the cove and disappearing from my sight. A panic grips me. I’m so far from shore and he can’t see me. What if I get cramp? My breathing increases not just because of the exertion of swimming but because I’m working myself up into a state of anxiety. ‘Just breathe calmly,’ I whisper to myself.

What sort of fish do they have in these waters? Are there sharks? No, there aren’t any sharks in Cornwall except basking sharks and they’re harmless to people. Just stay calm.

Stoker’s voice call from beyond the rocks. ‘You OK, Amy?’

I let out a big exhale. His voice is like an anchor. I feel calmer.

Breathe. In. Out. Follow his voice. Steady strokes.

I swim around the rocks and he’s there treading water, waiting for me.

He looks so good.

‘You alright?’ he asks, looking concerned.

‘I’m fine.’

‘We’re almost there.’

Almost where? There’s nothing out here except deep water and rocks.

I follow him a little farther along the cliff face then he heads for the rocks and climbs out onto them, smiling and waiting for me to join him.

A minute later, I’m standing on the rocks with him, the breeze cooling my skin. ‘Nice view,’ I say, shivering a little.

‘I didn’t bring you here to see the view. You still got your pebble?’

‘Yeah.’ I hold it up to show him.

‘Follow me.’ He walks a little way along the rocks then points to a cave above us. ‘This is it.’

‘A cave?’

‘Not just any cave. This is the Cave of the Mermaid.’

‘There’s a mermaid in there? Now I
am
impressed.’

‘I don’t think anyone else knows about this cave. James and I found it a long time ago and we named it. You can’t see it from land and you can’t really see it from a boat either. We found it totally by accident when we were swimming out here and fooling around on the rocks.’

He clambers up and holds down his hand to help me. I take his hand and he pulls me up. He’s strong. I climb the last few feet on my own and then I stand at the entrance of the Cave of the Mermaid.

Stoker is standing there grinning like a Cheshire cat. He points to the wall just inside the cave. In a natural alcove is a white stone statue of a mermaid. She’s sitting on a rock combing her hair as mermaids do. The alcove goes back into the rock and there are pebbles of all shapes and sizes and colors scattered around the statue.

‘You have to give your offering to the mermaid before you enter the cave,’ Stoker says, placing his black pebble in the alcove. ‘It’s a rule that James made up and I always follow it.’

I put my blue pebble next to Stoker’s. ‘So all these were put here by you and James? You must have come here a lot.’

‘Over the years, yes. We used a rubber dinghy to bring some stuff out here, including the mermaid which we got at a junk sale. The tide doesn’t reach this high so it’s all dry inside. Come on.’ He picks up a flashlight from the ground and leads me back into the cave.

The ceiling is high enough that we can walk without stooping over.

The flashlight picks out an alcove which Stoker reaches into and pulls out a lighter in a plastic zippy bag. He gets it out and uses the flashlight to find a candle sitting on a chrome candleholder. He lights it then finds more candles dotted around the cave and lights those too until the whole place is lit up.

The cave is maybe twenty feet wide by thirty feet long and at least ten feet high. In the far corner is a ring of stones set out to mark a fireplace.

‘You have fires in here?’

‘Yeah. There’s a hole above there that takes the smoke out like a natural chimney. I burn duraflame logs that you get at the store instead of wood because they’re easy enough to carry out here in watertight bags and they burn longer than wood.’

‘What do you do out here?’

‘Just sit and think mainly. Sometimes I draw. It’s comfy, look.’

There are inflated air mattresses on the floor and fold-up chairs.

There’s even a small plastic collapsible table.

‘It’s amazing,’ I say.

‘I thought you’d like it.’

‘Stoker.’

‘Yes?’

‘Could we have a fire? I’m kind of cold.’

‘Of course!’ He goes over to the fire circle and gets two fire logs from a stack by the wall. He places them inside the circle and uses the lighter on them. They start to burn slowly. I’m shivering. Swimming in the sea then standing in a cave is a good way to lose body heat.

‘There are some blankets over there,’ he says, pointing to a stack of blankets and pillows near the mattresses.

‘Do you sleep here?’

‘Sometimes. After I got out of hospital I used to come here at night and sleep here sometimes. I felt close to James here because we found this place together. This is probably the only thing we did together. He was into his sports and I was into painting but this place brought us together. He even named the mermaid. Her name’s Mara.’

He looks around the cave. The flickering light from the fire dances over his arms, making the celtic bands seem to shift and writhe.

‘I can’t feel him here anymore. I know that he put some of those pebbles in the alcove and helped me build this ring of stones to make the fireplace but I can’t feel his presence like I used to.’

I wrap a blanket around me and he says, ‘Come over here by the fire.

It’s warmer.’

I sit next to him and he puts an arm around me. He makes me feel safe. I lean into him. ‘Aren’t you cold too?’

‘A bit. The fire should catch in a minute.’

I look into his lovely gray eyes and for the first time in my life, I want to kiss someone. I’m not just going through the motions. I want it. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted anything more.

Whether the thought causes a subtle shift in my body language or in my eyes, Stoker catches it and he leans forward slowly. I close my eyes and I feel his lips touch mine, softly at first then a little more firmly as our mouths meet and we taste each other for the first time.

He tastes like a mixture of clear sea and sharp mint. His lips work with mine perfectly and I feel his hand lift from my shoulder to the back of my head, his fingers in my pinned-up hair and tracing down the back of my neck, sending shivers down my spine that have absolutely nothing to do with being cold.

We break for a moment and he looks at me, his eyes roaming across every inch of my face as if he needs to remember every detail of me.

‘Amy, I’ve wanted to do that since I met you.’

‘Me too,’ I admit, snuggling against his chest and looking into the fire.

‘You warmer now?’

‘A little.’ I look back up to him and we kiss again, our mouths more familiar with each other now and moving together in unison. This time when we break, I put a hand on his shoulder and trace the strong curve of the muscle down over his bicep and forearm until I reach his hand. He intertwines his fingers with mine and we sit in front of the fire in the cave holding hands, each lost in our own thoughts.

I feel much warmer now.

*

Stoker

She’s amazing. I had to think long and hard before bringing her out her because I’m the only living person who knows about the Cave of the Mermaid. Now I’m sharing that secret with Amy and I’m so glad I did. I know I can trust her. I don’t know what it is about her but I just feel so comfortable with her and I feel as if I’ve known her forever.

It isn’t just physical attraction, it goes beyond that. But when she came out of Promise House in those high shoes with that sunhat and shades on, her tight black top and jeans revealing her figure, I was blown away. The bikini bottoms were almost too much for me to handle. Great legs. Great ass.

It’s probably a good thing she didn’t take her top off because I don’t think I could stay sane if she was walking around in just her bikini. Also it makes me less conspicuous for keeping my t-shirt on. Amy thought I was being arsey when I said it stays on but I wasn’t saying that because she’d said the same thing; my top was never coming off. I never take it off. Not after the accident and the scars it left on my back and left side.

Nobody wants to see that.

I can still taste her on my lips. She tastes sweet like cherry. And she feels so good leaning against me like this. I know she’s been through a lot in her life and I just want to hold her and say it’s all going to be OK

because I’ll protect her.

And maybe she’s the one who’s going to save me without even knowing it. Three times now I’ve left the house when Dad went on a bad drinking session and three times I’ve done things I’m not proud of. I can’t help myself. I have to release the pent up anger somehow.

It’s a good thing Dad doesn’t know about the arrests because he’d fly off the handle. Or maybe if he did know about them he’d think I was more of a ‘man’. They don’t make me feel like a man, they make me feel ashamed. I’ve hurt people and it isn’t right.

When I’m around Amy, I don’t feel that anger. Even just thinking about her makes me feel calm. I want to feel calm. I want to feel like I do right now, with her in my arms and the taste of her on my lips.

Perfection.

I bend my head to hers and she comes up to meet me, our lips locking.

I don’t think a kiss has ever tasted this good. I place my fingers on the back of her neck and she shivers. Her skin is so soft and smooth and warm beneath my touch despite her saying she’s cold. I venture into her mouth with my tongue and she reciprocates. She tastes so fucking good.

All of the girls in my life up until now have been tourists. It’s easy and it’s simple and it has a built-in time limit. They come for a couple of weeks on holiday then they’re gone. No one expects anything more and everyone knows what they’re signing up to. No ties. Definite end time.

Fun and romantic while it lasts and maybe a few interesting stories to tell your friends when you get back from your holiday.

That was my life.

Every summer.

Not any more. For the first time, I want something else. I want it to last. I don’t want fun and frolics on the beach while checking the date behind a girl’s back and thinking, ‘she’ll be gone soon. Then I’ll move on to the next one.’ No more of that.

I don’t know how Amy has affected me like this but it’s just the way it is. I knew it from the moment I saw her on the porch of her house.

Destiny. Maybe. I don’t know but it feels like destiny.

I close my eyes and feel the warm glow of the fire on me.

Amy is quiet in my arms and I wonder if she’s asleep. If not, she’s very content and just enjoying this closeness.

Perfection.

*

Amy

I think I drifted off to sleep. I open my eyes and the fire is burning low. Stoker is leaning back against the cave wall with his eyes closed.

‘Stoker, are you awake?’

He opens one eyes and peers at me. ‘Of course.’

‘Liar.’ I punch him on the chest playfully.

He grins. ‘I’m awake now.’

‘What time is it?’

He picks up the flashlight and shines it at a spot on the wall where an old pocket watch dangles from an outcropping of rock. The watch says it’s almost two o clock.

‘Almost three.’

‘The watch says almost two.’

‘The clocks went forward one hour in spring. I didn’t adjust it.’

‘Maybe we should be getting back.’

‘Yeah, we should. It’s a rough swim out of here at high tide.’

‘What?’

‘Don’t worry, that isn’t yet. I timed our visit for minimum hassle from the sea.’

‘Did you count on falling asleep?’

‘No. I didn’t count on kissing either.’ He grins.

‘Want another one?’

‘Yes, it’ll give me strength for the swim back to the beach.’

I lean forward and kiss him. He kisses me back and the contact sends tingles through my body. We break and I’m almost panting. That was passionate one. They’re increasing in passion every time. I’m not sure how long it’s going to be before things get hotter and I’m not sure how long I can wait.

In an effort to keep some decorum, I stand up and say, ‘Come on, we need to get back.’ I need a hot shower or a soak in the tub. Falling asleep wearing wet clothes was not a good idea, fire or not.

Stoker gets up and kicks sand over the fire. He starts extinguishing the candles one by one until we’re in blackness illuminated only by the flashlight. We walk out into the sunshine. It warms me a little but the thought of getting back into the cold water chills me inside.

Clambering down the rocks is easier than getting up them. We reach the water’s edge and the cold sea washes over my feet. The thought of immersing my body in the deep water frightens me.

Stoker senses something is wrong and takes me hand. It’s just a short swim back to the beach and we have towels and I’ll put the heater on full blast in the car and take you home. How does that sound?

I nod.

‘OK. On three we’ll jump in. Keep holding my hand. 1…’

I prepare myself for the shock of all that cold water washing over me.

‘2…’

He tightens his grip on my hand.

‘3…’

We jump and suddenly I’m under the water, hearing it rushing around my ears and pulling me down. I kick out with my legs and feel my face break the surface. I take a breath and tread water, my body almost numb from the chill.

Stoker is beside me. ‘The sooner we get moving the warmer we’ll be.’

I can tell he’s cold too but he’s trying not to show it. He waits for me to start off then he swims along next to me. We round the rocks and swim into the cove and I can see the beach but it looks too far away. I’ll never make it will I? If only I wasn’t so cold.