Tied Together (7 page)

Ryan’s eyes opened wide, the hazel in his irises disappearing as his pupils darkened under weight of my stare. His lips parted and he seemed to chew on his words before he said, “What are you doing?”

“I… umm, sorry.” The minimal amount of confidence I thought I had vanished, and I dropped my hand and pulled out of his grasp. Looking away, I said, “I thought you had something on your cheek; I wanted to wipe it away.”

Nice excuse. Real nice.

“Brandon, it’s just that…” When I looked back, I was met with confusion and a grimace. My chest started to rip in two. “I think we need to talk—”

“I’m looking forward to my date on Saturday,” I blurted out like an idiot. “Can’t wait to get some of that pussy.”

Oh my God.

Ryan let out a long, low sigh as soon as those words came out of my mouth, and I cringed myself.

“Brandon, look at me,” Ryan said.

I took a deep breath and finally looked at my best friend. There were so many questions lying in his eyes I knew he wanted answered. Only I wasn’t willing to tell him the truth—not yet or maybe not ever. Ryan lifted his hand and placed it on my cheek just like I’d done to him. It certainly wasn’t an action to wipe something off my face. It was soothing, loving, and warm. He inched closer to me, his pink lips begging to be kissed. We were still both straddling the bench and I could feel Ryan press up against me.

Shit, shit, shit.

Through my haze of lust, I caught a blur of movement out of the corner of my eye. At the glass doors of the gym, a woman in workout garb pulled on the handle. I broke our connection and pushed him in the chest, sending him to the floor. I jumped to my feet and made quick time grabbing my towel off the floor and wiping away the phantom kiss we almost shared. Without looking back at Ryan, I darted out the door, almost knocking over the woman in the process. I did the only thing I knew how to do: I ran away and pretended it never happened.

The rest of the week crawled by without any word from Ryan. There was so much guilt and shame resting on my chest that I couldn’t bring myself to call or text him. Playing nonchalant was an option, but I imagined he would have seen straight past that.

Date night with Nicole rolled around quickly since the last time I saw Ryan. I was too occupied thinking of him to even consider this date. Spending time with Nicole was the last thing that I wanted to do, but it had to be done. I had never been with a woman. Hell, I’ve never been on a date. There was no other way to prove to myself that I was gay or straight unless I slept with Nicole.

My closet wasn’t lending any favorable clothing options for the night. It was times like this I would have asked Ryan for his fashion advice. He was always much more into style than me. He was the one who picked out my attire before big class presentations. I told him my focus was on school, not fashion. He responded that one day, I was going to have to go to class naked because he was going to burn all my clothes.

A light green, long-sleeved, button-down shirt and khaki slacks would have to do. It seemed casual with a slight upgrade from jeans. I threw the clothes on the bed and went to the bathroom turn on the shower. My phone vibrated on the dresser when I passed, indicating that I had received a text. It was Ryan.

Have fun on your date. Don’t forget to bring condoms. Text me in the morning.

I reread the text multiple times. That was all he had to say after not speaking to me for a few days? And he assumed I would be having sex with Nicole. Why wouldn’t he? I just as well proclaimed to the whole world I couldn’t wait to get some pussy.

Thanks, will do.
I typed and groaned. Slamming my phone down on the dresser, I trudged in the bathroom and stepped into the shower.

The warm water slid down my hair and over my skin in rivulets. Steam rose in the air, making the whole bathroom warm and damp. I took the bar of soap and lathered the suds over my tense muscles. Closing my eyes, I let the sweet smell of the soap invade my senses and the warm water drain my anxieties away.

I thought back to my time in the gym with Ryan and watching his corded muscles contract as he lifted the weights onto the bar. My mind swiftly concentrated on the way his ass looked in his workout shorts and the erection tented in front of him when we sat close together. I felt blood rush into my groin and fill my cock until I had my own erection jutting out in front of me. I moved my soapy hand down my chest and through the dark curled hairs that led straight to my rock-hard length.

I lightly squeezed the flesh and shut my eyes tight. Slowly, I moved my hand up and down my shaft, allowing myself to fantasize of images I’d tried so hard to deny: Ryan’s mouth on mine, biting, sucking, and trying to steal my breath to make it his own. His mouth moving down my body and stopping to take tiny bites of my harden nipples.

I stroked my erection faster and cupped my balls with my other hand, pulling and squeezing them to enhance my pleasure.

I imagined Ryan was with me in the shower, gloriously naked with streams of water running down his body. He would sink to his knees, kissing the inside of my thighs while grabbing each round globe of my ass. Engulfing my cock, catching me off guard, he would suck on my length as if it were his last dying wish. I pumped my hand in the same rhythm I imagined Ryan’s head bobbing up and down on me. My balls drew up tight to my groin, and a pull from my lower spine told me I was close. I thought about Ryan looking up at me, coaxing me wordlessly to release into his mouth. I felt my stomach clench and my toes curl as I pulled one last time and white ribbons of come fell onto the shower floor.

My orgasm was so strong that my vision blurred when I opened my eyes, and I had to brace my hand on the shower wall to prevent me from falling to my knees. I gasped for air and tried to regulate my racing heart. Immediately fear, guilt, and shame consumed me. It certainly wasn’t the first time I jerked off, but it was the first time I let myself fantasize about Ryan. It was the most intense orgasm I’d ever had, which only amplified my guilt. Maybe this was it; this was what I needed to get past the insane notion that I wanted my best friend sexually. Maybe I’d created this larger-than-life issue in my mind, but that was where it was supposed to stay.

After convincing myself that was the case, I finished my shower and got out to prepare for my date with Nicole. I put on the clothes I’d picked out, sprayed on cologne, fixed my hair, and bushed my teeth. The thought of kissing her made me slightly queasy. Grabbing my car keys, I walked out the door and convinced myself this was the way it had to be. A man and a woman going on a date and possibly having sex; the queasy feeling turned into full-fledged panic.

Nicole was waiting for me at the entrance to her high rise. She lived in an area called the Gold Coast, which was a wealthy part of Chicago. The Gold Coast had tall skyscraper condos, elite stores, and it was walking distance from Chicago’s iconic Michigan Avenue. If my nerves weren’t on fire before, they blazed an inferno now. Nicole was a girl who expected a certain level of extravagance. I was a premed student with an empty wallet and a small credit line. I wasn’t quite sure how I would ever live up to her lifestyle.

Ryan never makes me feel unworthy,
I thought absently as Nicole strode over to my car.

She wore a gold shimmery dress that covered one shoulder, but left the other one bare. It was also short—very short. I was worried that as soon as she crossed her legs, everyone would get a show of what was underneath there. I didn’t want to know.

Fuck, I should want to know.

She opened the passenger door and slipped into my car; her large earrings tinkled like bells on each ear as her head moved. Her hair was done up, and I wanted to cough from the overbearing mixture of her hairspray and perfume.

“Hi, handsome.” She flashed a smile through her flaming red lipstick. “You look smoking hot.” She gave me a hungry once-over. I guessed she approved the outfit, but she would have approved more if I were naked.

“You look very nice,” I said, returning the compliment.

“Oh, well, I wanted to look good for you, but I hope you don’t mind that I’m not wearing a bra with this dress.” She winked.

Oh, fucking shit balls.
I noticed her eyes dart toward my groin, assuming her remark would have a certain affect. I, too, hoped to get a hard-on, but nothing moved below the belt. I needed to change the subject fast.

“Do you like Italian?”

Her face fell. “Umm, sure I do.”

“I thought we’d have some dinner, and then we can see where the night takes us.” I hoped the night would take me straight back home after dinner was over.

She seemed to brighten up again and gave me a devilish smirk. “I like that idea. Maybe we can come back here for after-dinner drinks.”

I may have been a little naïve, but even I knew what that translated to: sex.

Instead of responding, I put the car in drive and headed to the restaurant, which was in Little Italy. The drive was short, and we pulled up to the valet in no time. I hated using the valet because it was about twice the amount to park. It also reminded me how pissed I was at myself for letting Ryan talk me into getting a car, considering I always meant to use public transportation.

“Such a gentleman,” she said when I opened the door to the restaurant. She dragged her nails across my chest as she walked past me. Still, there was no reaction from down below.

The restaurant was small and crowded because it was Saturday night. A very nice-looking, tall man with dark hair and dark eyes greeted us. “Welcome to Antonio’s. Do you have a reservation?”

Would Ryan think this guy was hot?

Uninvited jealousy rushed through my veins. Images of Ryan flirting with this man, kissing him, wrapping himself around him to drive into him blanketed my thoughts.

“Brandon?” Nicole bumped my shoulder, and I blinked away the fog I’d gotten lost in.

“Oh, sorry. The reservation is under Ford.”

The man looked in his reservation book for confirmation. “Ah yes, Mr. Ford.” He took two menus from the stand. “Please, follow me.”

Nicole and I walked past the other patrons until we got to our seats. The tables looked elegant draped in white cloth with fine silverware and wine glasses. The host pulled out Nicole’s chair for her. She smiled the same smile she had given me when I picked her up. I couldn’t help but sneer at him when he handed me my menu.

“This looks wonderful, Brandon,” Nicole cooed as she glanced at the menu.

“I heard it was good; a friend told me about it.”

Ryan had told me about it.

“I’m looking at all the food on other people’s tables; it all looks good enough to eat. Kind of like you.”

She looked at me and licked her lips as if I was the main course of this meal. I swallowed hard and shifted in my seat. I looked away from her and around the restaurant when something caught my eye. Two men sat in the back of the dining room, one with his back to us, but from what I could tell, he had a head of familiar brown messy hair. My pulse picked, and my hands began to shake. When he turned, my stomach dropped. It wasn’t Ryan.

“Brandon!” Nicole startled me out of my thoughts.

“Sorry,” I said, adjusting my glasses. “I thought I saw someone I knew.”

“Well, if he’s as good-looking as you, maybe we can invite him for after-dinner drinks.” She stuck her tongue out to swipe her bottom lip. My jaw dropped a few inches.

“I’m pretty sure I’m not into that kind of thing,” I said as I wiped the sweat forming on my neck. Before this date, I thought I might be over my head. Now, I knew for sure I was. I reached for my goblet of water to take a drink when the waiter came to our table.

“Hello.” He nodded at us. “My name is Ryan, and I’ll be your server this evening.”

Water dribbled out of my mouth, and I choked.

“Sir! Are you all right?” The waiter rushed over to me and patted my back. I took my napkin from my lap and wiped at the mess that trickled down my shirt.

“I’m fine. Thank you.” I waved my hand and then looked at Nicole. She had one eyebrow raised and the corner of her mouth was tugged up. I couldn’t imagine her thoughts were good.

The waiter took our order, and I tried to make small talk with Nicole. She was a trust fund baby and was in between jobs. According to her, she was biding her time until she found Mr. Right and wouldn’t have to worry about working. It made more sense why she desperately wanted to go out with me. During our conversation at the bar, I’d told her I was in school for premed. In some eyes, being a doctor equaled money. What a life it would be to be a doctor’s wife.

Ryan wouldn’t mooch off me when I become a doctor.

Whoa! Wrong thinking.

We finished dinner, and I paid the check. I knew if I did continue dating Nicole, my wallet wouldn’t be large enough. As we left the restaurant, she walked close to me and took my hand in hers. It was an odd feeling. Her skin was silky and smooth, no callouses, and those damn fingernails dug into my skin.
Ouch
. I handed my ticket to the valet, and before I could blink, Nicole wrapped herself around me, bringing our bodies closer together. She wrapped her arms around my neck, and the bracelets she wore jingled in my ear.

“So,” she purred. “Are you coming back to my place?”

I had to make a decision. My mind raced when I thought of all the possible outcomes spending the night with Nicole would have. What would Ryan think? Would he give me the brotherly pat on the back? What would I think about myself afterward? Would the answers regarding my sexuality be resolved? I needed to sleep with her in order to find out what I wanted—to find out what it would be like to be with a woman. Nicole was willing, that part was blatantly obvious. This was my opportunity to prove to myself my feelings for Ryan were all in my head.

“Sure,” was the only answer I could manage. Nicole beamed and let go of me when the car pulled up. The valet exited the driver’s side, holding the car door open for me. Then he crossed in front of the car to open Nicole’s door for her.

The ride back to Nicole’s apartment was silent. I was afraid I would back out if I said a word. We were almost back when we got caught by a red light. I had my eyes trained on the light above when Nicole placed her hand on my thigh. I looked at her, but she was looking straight onto the street, a little grin on her lips. The light turned green, and I drove on with her hand on my thigh. As we drove, her hand climbed my thigh ever so slowly. Sweat bloomed at my hairline, and I tried hard to not bat her hand away even though I wanted to. Her building came into sight, and I blew a sigh of relief.