Tied Up In Heartstrings (23 page)

It’s been over two hours. I don’t want to bother her, but I’m getting worried. Leaving her today SUCKED! I’m not happy about being here. I know I’ve been a complete ass to everyone, but I don’t really care. We’re on the bus headed to New Orleans. Drew isn’t any happier to be here, and even Jon’s a bit pissy.

Eric, I think, is wishing he was anywhere else than here with us. He’s a party animal, and the rest of us have zero interest in screwing around. We usually like to hit a couple bars with the roadies to start off the tour, but tonight we were all anxious to get on the bus and make our phone calls. Our first show is tomorrow. We had our band meeting with the new manager. He was a nice enough guy. At least he won’t be giving
Lex any crap. We won’t tolerate that kind of shit.  We’re brothers first, band members second. Family is first…always!

My phone rings in my pocket and I damn near rip it out of my jeans to hear her voice. “Sweetheart, are you okay?” I ask in a panic.

“Yes, can I put you on speaker? There’s this little blond haired, blue eyed girl following me around telling me you want to talk to her.”

I can her the smile in her voice and it calms me. “Yes. I do, I’m missing my girls…bad! Are you home, yet?”

She sighs, “Not yet, we’re pulling into the neighborhood now.” She switches the phone to speaker, and Sierra starts telling me how she beat her older cousin at checkers, just like Pops, my dad, taught her.

It made my parents life to hear Sierra call them her Mimi & Pops. Talk about over the moon
grandparents. Sierra’s picture will be plastered all over their house by the time I get home.

The girls get home and keep me on
speaker phone all through Sierra’s bath time, story time, and bedtime prayers. Sierra asks me to sing her song with her mama for her, and I do, of course. But I’m still working on my own song to sing to her every day. I want her to hear my words, not someone else’s. I’ve been playing with the lyrics and singing it to her. She seems to like it so far. I’m going to write one for her mama, too.

After Sierra is tucked in,
Lex stays on the phone with me. I tell her about the show tomorrow night and how all the guys are doing. She asks how Drew’s holding up without Court and Gabe. He’s miserable, but it’s not much different than what I’m feeling. I tell her he’s constantly video chatting and waiting for photos from Court. Courtney doesn’t do needy well, so she’s going to blow soon.

She asks if I know anything about what’s going on with Jon and Whit. I don’t, but I suspect something, because he’s texting constantly.
Whitney’s being vague with Lex about it, too.

“How are you feeling, sweetheart? Better?” I hope so. It worries me that she’s felt bad for this long.

“I still feel yucky. I couldn’t eat Kate’s meatball tonight, but I had a little plain pasta and toast.”

Shit. I hate that I can’t take care of her. I thought she was getting better. “Babe, do you want me to call my mom? You know she’d be there in a second to take care of you.” It’s the best idea I’ve had yet! My mom would kill to take care of her future daughter-in-law.

“Absolutely NOT, Garret, it’s just a virus! I’ll be better soon. Please don’t call your mom. I have more than enough help right now.”  She’s probably right, but I’d feel better knowing it was my mom. Shit, I’ll wait and see how she is tomorrow.

“Your Mom called me today. She wants to have Sierra over for a sleepover. What do you think about that?” she asks curiously.

“Babe, I gave her your number. I thought you if wanted to go out with the girls, she could take care of Sierra for you. They loved having Sierra over the other day. I wish you could’ve seen them!”

“Me too. It’s nice that they like her. I’ll call Elizabeth tomorrow.” I pause, drawing in breath to give me strength for what I have to tell him next. “Garrett, I need to talk to you about something, but I want to preface it first with I have no idea how to fix this.”

This doesn’t sound good. What the hell? “Okay, Lex, tell me and let’s see if I can think of a fix, baby.” I’m glad she’s at least coming to me with a problem, instead of holding it in like normal.

“Sierra is calling you Daddy.” She says nervously. Shit...is that what’s wrong? Sierra’s been calling me her daddy for days. How has
Lex not heard it until now? I know she heard it at the school. What’s wrong with that? I was thrilled! My parents have never been happier. I just don’t know how to make it real!

“Baby, is that a problem, because she’s been saying it for days? I know it’s not real, but I like it, and I can’t think of a better name. The only problem I see is I don’t know how to make it true for her, yet. I don’t want people to think I’m trying to take Jed’s place in her life,” I tell
Lex, hoping that she won’t say that Sierra has to stop calling me Daddy.

“So, it doesn’t upset you? I tried to talk to her about it tonight, but it wasn’t well received. I’m sorry.”

Ugh! “Sweetheart. I love it. It makes me happy. You make me happy. She makes me happy. Please, let her just do what makes her comfortable. If to her I am Daddy, fantastic, that’s what I want. If she’d rather me just be her friend and be Garrett, I can deal with that, too. But I got to say, babe, Daddy makes me feel good.”

“You are a good man Garrett. I’m going to bed now, babe, I’m exhausted. Will you call me tomorrow?” I’ll be setting the alarm to call her before school and counting the minutes until then.

“Yes, babe, as soon as you wake up. I love you, sweetheart.”

“I know. Love you, too,” and she disconnects.

When I hang up the phone with Lex, Eric and Jon are playing their stupid, blow shit up, video games. I’m trying to be a team player, but I’m just not fucking happy to be here. I miss my girls. I walk to the fridge and pull out a beer then slap myself down in the chair to pout like a damn lovesick teenager. Jon looks at me and laughs, making me more pissed off. “Shut up, Fucker! You’ll get it one day and I won’t feel sorry for you one bit.”

Jon shakes his head. “Nah man. I can’t let any girl get in my head that way. It’d make me crazy, dude!” I know damn good and well something’s going down with Whitney, though. He checks his phone every ten seconds and is constantly texting. Right then his phone rings and he runs off to the bathroom in the back of the bus to hide.

“Yeah, in your head all right!” I yell out, and he lifts his arm over his back to flip me off. It’s got to be Whitney.

“I’m going to bed, dude,” I say to Eric.

“Damn, this tour is going to suck with all y’all pussy whipped bastards. I guess the only good part is I get first pick of all the hotties.”

“You can have them all. I want them all to stay the hell away from me.” I’ll do everything in my power to keep all those women at arm’s length. The last thing I need is
Lex to have doubts about my commitment. My career already freaks her out.

I take my guitar and head back to the small room at the back of the bus. I need something to distract me from my misery. I want to be sleeping next to my girl, not here!

I start playing with some chords I’ve been working on about Sierra. That kid is too smart for her own good. She asks so many questions…really great ones. I’m often stumped by her inquisitiveness, but I always try to come up with an answer for her. I’ve been singing this to her in the mornings, and she’s giving me more and more lines every day.

The other day, she asked me, where do babies come from?

She looked at me earnestly, and waited for words of wisdom

I said to her, my little friend, babies come from love!

Questions That Children Ask, I never know just what to sa
y…
.

Who Is God? Where is Heaven? Why does that man look that way?

I need some, some inspiration,I don’t want to let her dow
n
…

She looks to me for the answer
s…
I do the best I know how.

I’m working on the song, and Drew comes in with his box of cheddar crackers. “What are you working on? I like it!”

I don’t even look up from my writing pad as I respond to him. “Sierra, that kid comes up with some crazy questions that make me damn proud!” I tell him about the hospital and her reference to how kids grow on love. She’s amazing.

“Damn, dude. You’d think she was yours! You’re like a big proud daddy right now,” he says.

“Yeah man…I think I am!”

Garrett’s been gone over a week now. I miss him badly. We talk so many times throughout the day. He didn’t lie about that, and also true to his word I’ve never called him and had him not answer. He’s always available for Sierra and me, making anyone else wait for his attention.

Elizabeth picked up Sierra this morning to take her to The Lowery Park Zoo and spend a night or two with her and James. I’m still sick, so it comes as a welcome reprieve. I think I need to go back to the doctor’s soon. This morning sickness has turned into all day sickness. I can barely keep any food down.

I’m supposed to go out with the girls tonight, but right now I have no energy. I’m going to have a nap before we go out. I’ll call the doctor after my nap.

I crawl into my bed and snuggle up with Garrett’s pillow. It still smells like him. I miss him terribly. I need to ask him to mail me his pillow now, so that when this one loses it’s Garrettness, I’ll have a back-up.

My phone chimes, but I’m so tired that I can’t even lift my arm to answer it. I fall back to sleep, telling myself I’ll call whoever
it is back in just a few minutes.

It’s really dark in here, or maybe my eyes are still closed. I don’t know which it is, but I can’t bring myself to a conscious enough state to care. I need this sleep more than anything else. It’s feels like I’m catching up from years of deprivation.

It’s the phone chiming, again. I hope everyone’s okay, but I still can’t wake up enough to answer it. I fall back to sleep.

“Alexis…where are you?” I hear the yelling, but can’t really comprehend what’s happening. I’m half-awake, but I’m finding it really challenging to keep my eyes open. I’m being shaken gently. I open one eye half way.
Whitney’s standing over me. “Alexis, oh my God. You’re so pale. Sweetie, I don't think you're okay. We have to get you to the hospital!” She’s dialing her phone before she finishes her last sentence. “Kate, it’s Whit. Lex is really sick! I don’t know, but she’s barely waking up…No…I can’t carry her…I’ll wait for Jason.” She says. “LEX, where’s Sierra?” she asks me.

“Elizabeth McKenna’s,” I answer, using the last ounce of strength I have. I’m too weak to deal with Whit’s freak out. I’m fine…just really tired. I don't even have the energy to tell her that Jason will come take care of me before I close my eyes and drift back off to sleep.
 

My stupid, stupid sister! And don’t even get me started on my WIFE! I swear these women will be the death of me. For over a week these two have been hiding this from me. What the hell did they think I’d do? Flip out? Tell Garrett? Yell at my widowed, unwed, pregnant sister?

Severe dehydration. Exhaustion.
Something about severe morning sickness. She’s six and a half weeks pregnant.

Thank God Sierra was with Garrett’s parents. My sister doesn’t think about how her actions could affect those around her. She hasn’t been taking care of herself. Even before this, everyone else takes priority and she’s way down on the totem pole.

My wife, the love of my life, the greatest mother in the world, my best friend, kept this secret from me. She finally told me when Whitney called freaking out that Lex didn’t show up for girl’s night last night and no one had been able to get in touch with her all day. Whit found her at home in bed too weak to move. We had to call the damn EMTs.

Garrett’s had the same problem. I just talked to him. I couldn’t tell him the news, because my dear wife says it’s not my place. She said it was just my job to get him here ASAP. So I did. He’ll be here any minute.

As for Lex, she is knocked out, but she’s going to be okay. She has a very healthy baby growing in her stomach. I saw it myself on the blurry back and white screen. The heartbeat was very strong. I love that my sister is strong, but I’ll never understand her need to take on the world by herself. At some point this girl has got to learn to be happy about depending on the people around her that love her, and understand that we all need and want to be supportive of her.

I spoke with Garrett’s dad a little bit ago. Sierra is great and having the time of her life. I told them what was going on, without spilling the beans that
Lex is knocked up by their son. They were very concerned, but happy to keep Sierra there and distracted. She has school tomorrow, and Kate is getting them all sorted out about what to do.