Ties That Bind (23 page)

“I can still feel him touching me,” Kate
scrunched her face up, trying to focus her mind on Gavin. “I just
wanted him to go away.”

“You can’t scrub your skin completely off,”
Gavin grabbed a towel to wrap around her.

“You’re soaking wet,” she frowned at him.

“You scared the hell out of me.”

“Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. I didn’t mean to snap.”

“You didn’t snap,” she assured him. “I’m just
sorry I scared you. I’m a little foggy still.”

“Can you get dressed or do you want me to
find you some clothes?” he offered.

“I can get dressed,” she smiled at that. He
was being very sweet. And he was very wet. “Why don’t you leave
those clothes in the tub? I think some of your clothes are in that
laundry basket in the corner.”

He looked like he didn’t want to leave her
alone again, but knew she had regained her senses enough to not let
him drip water everywhere. He quickly stripped out of the wet
clothes and wrapped a fresh towel around his waist—hurrying to be
sure he was in the same room as her.

“Don’t worry,” she assured him. “I’m feeling
a little better now. I won’t make you break down any more
doors.”

“Good,” Gavin rubbed his shoulder gingerly.
“It’s not as easy as it looks.”

Kate ducked into her closet for a second to
shimmy into her pajamas, reappearing in time to watch Gavin
retrieve the clean clothes she’d left folded in the laundry basket
for him. Lord help her, despite everything that had happened, she
couldn’t help drinking in the sight of him. He really was
breathtaking. Kate knew that one day in the very near future she
would be free to trace each and every bare muscle with her
fingertips but today was not that day. She didn’t want the memory
of her first time with Gavin to be in any way linked to Justin.

“What kind of food did you get us?” She
turned her thoughts down a safer path.

“Burgers. Not sure how good they’ll be cold,”
he answered apologetically.

“I’ll toss them in the oven to warm them up.”
Kate left him to change in privacy, although she was secretly glad
he hadn’t donned more than boxers and a t-shirt. She might be fresh
off a trauma, but she was still human and there was something very
comforting about padding around in this relaxed state with him.
They ate piled up in bed. Once she’d begun to eat, Kate realized
she was starving. She fell asleep that night curled up tight in
Gavin’s protective embrace.

Sunbeams trickled through the curtains,
playing merrily across Gavin’s features. Kate watched him sleeping,
sure the archangel Michael could not be as beautiful as her
Gavin—could not have features as perfectly carved. If she already
planned to marry him, was it wrong to do so sooner so she could
feed this yearning for more of him and still honor their decision
to wait until they were married?

It seemed silly. Certainly everyone assumed
they were sleeping together already. But then, Kate knew why he was
so adamant. It was the same reason she played along. Neither wanted
to be completely swept away by the physical side of their
relationship, and the pull was strong enough she was sure it would
overtake them both if they gave in. She’d never wanted someone so
badly; she’d never felt so wanted. By waiting, it somehow seemed
more special. She seemed more special. He treated her like she was
the most valuable treasure on earth.

In the past, Kate had rushed headlong into
relationships, feeding her passion with little heed to anything
else. Kate blinked and sat up suddenly, realization hitting her
like a lightning bolt. In her reckless youth, she’d always chased
love. She’d jumped into bed with boys like Peter because, if only
for a moment, she’d felt like she was worth something in their
eyes. But she wasn’t worth any more to the Peters of the world than
she had been—or still was—to Jack.

When she’d burned herself a little too badly
playing with that fire, she’d carefully constructed her self worth
by being the best at whatever she did. And she avoided love at all
costs lest another loss remind her…. Had Gavin been right? Had she
been trying to prove to Jack that he should love her?

“Where are you right now?” Gavin’s voice
interrupted her reverie.

“Lost in my own crazy head,” Kate smiled at
him, curling back up at his side. “I think I know my next
step.”

“Do you?” He twirled a strand of her hair in
his fingers. “What is that?”

“Well it’s more of a vague inkling than a
solid plan,” she hedged. “But I do intend to talk to Jack
today.”

“I’ll go with you.”

“I think you should go to work.” Kate shook
her head. “Every office is made out of glass, you’ll get to see it
all anyway.”

“I’d planned on quitting today.”

“Are we both going to live on our good
looks?” Kate teased. “I mean, I know I’m ravishing, but that’s
still a lofty expectation.”

“Goofy wench,” He tickled her side. “I think
I could find another job.”

“But you wanted this job. And you work so
well with Jessica and Liz. The three of you are an amazing team.
This Jack thing will settle down and then you’d be sorry.”

“It feels disloyal,” he scowled.

“Don’t make a decision today,” Kate
persisted. “At least cool off first. Then decide.”

“I’ll give it a couple of days,” he finally
promised. Ty whined to remind them he still needed to be
walked.

“Come on,” Kate stretched, suppressing a
wince when she realized her chest was still sore from having
scrubbed the skin raw the night before. “Let’s go walk our dog
together.”

“Only if you let me doctor up those scratches
when we get back,” Gavin’s brow furrowed as he nodded to the angry
red skin peeking out from under her pajama top.

“It’s not that bad,” she argued.

“Really?” he went to touch her above the
heart and she couldn’t stop the wince. “That’s what I thought.
We’ll stop in and buy some gauze at the corner drugstore.”

“Fine,” she conceded. “Then you have to stop
and buy me a bagel and coffee, too.”

“Whatever you want,” he promised. Ty whined
again and they both moved a little faster to slide on some
jeans.

Gavin didn’t want to let go of Kate the
entire walk. They’d stood outside the drugstore for a full two
minutes with her assuring him that she and Ty would be just fine
while he bought whatever he felt was necessary to bandage her
scrapes. Over and over, his fingers grazed her cheek tenderly. Time
and again, he kissed her forehead or tucked a lock of hair behind
her ear. It was Kate’s turn to bite the inside of her cheek to keep
from chuckling at him. Some poor sap jostled Kate at a busy light
and Gavin nearly growled, his arm encircling her protectively.

“You do know that at some point, you’ll have
to let me function on my own again?” She touched his face lightly
as they stopped at her door.

“At some point. I’m not there yet.”

“I’m okay,” she reminded him. Truth be told,
she didn’t want to let Gavin out of her sight anytime soon, either.
But the longer he refused to leave her alone, the harder that would
be. And she’d spoken the truth—at some point, she would have to
function without him. He couldn’t be her personal bodyguard
forever.

She ate her bagel while he got dressed for
work, then sat quietly with a towel wrapped around herself while
Gavin bent over her, brow furrowed in concentration, to clean and
medicate each scratch along her chest and neck. He insisted on
wrapping the wounds in gauze. Kate felt ridiculous but had to admit
it did feel better, less raw, when he was done.

“I’m going to have to wear a turtleneck to
cover all the gauze,” she frowned in the mirror.

“Then wear a turtleneck.” Gavin kissed her
cheek lightly.

“I don’t like turtlenecks.”

“Then don’t wear one. Maybe it’ll heighten
Jack’s sense of guilt.”

“You’re not really helping anymore,” Kate
nudged him playfully. “Go to work.”

“Yes ma’am.”

“I’ll be there soon.”

“Be careful.”

“Yes sir.”

She finally shooed Gavin out the door,
locking it behind him when he was gone.

“You’re going to have to toughen up into a
guard dog,” Kate informed Ty. His tail thumped the floor happily.
“That’s encouraging.”

Kate studied her closet for a while before
finding a tailored button-up that looked like it would hide the
gauze best. The blue fabric looked good with her skin tone. She
carefully picked out her favorite steel gray slacks to go with them
then went in search of her best bra and panties. Even though no one
was going to see them, she needed every confidence boost she could
scrounge.

With that in mind, she carefully applied her
makeup and spritzed her favorite perfume in the hallway, walking
through it to allow the mist to settle on her. She found her Nancy
Sinatra black walking boots—which conjured a childhood memory of
prancing around singing into a wire whisk—and finished the outfit
off with her long, black leather duster. She could take over the
world without breaking a sweat in this outfit, or at the very least
face down her father without running away in tears.

She glanced at the clock. The daily meeting
would be over by now. They’d all be in their offices. It was as
good a time as any. With one last goodbye treat for Ty, she marched
out of her apartment and made her way to the part of SOMA that
butted up against the Financial District. She went straight for the
older building wedged in between the much larger modern ones. She
didn’t pause to admire the brick exposed walls or big steel
architectural retrofitting for earthquakes that had been so
fascinating and so very… San Francisco the first time she’d seen
them. She waved Jen off when the girl had tried to run interference
and stalked straight back to Jack’s office. He looked up in
surprise when she let herself in without so much as a knock.

“Kate. You’re here,” he seemed distracted,
tired.

“Yes, I am,” she acknowledged the obvious.
“We need to talk.”

“Of course, have a seat,” he was more
courteous than he had been in a while and Kate was instantly
wary.

“I’d prefer to stand.”

“Very well,” he didn’t seem pleased by her
response but didn’t argue. “The Chronicle sent you flowers. A lot
of people sent flowers.”

Kate looked around the office, noticing that
vases of flowers covered many of the surfaces in both Jack’s office
and her own across the hall. “Why?”

“Mostly well-wishes. The Chronicle wanted to
assure you they’ve fired Justin and that they would make any
necessary restitution.”

“Oh,” Kate wasn’t sure what to say to
that.

“Kate,” Jack took a deep breath. “They were
very dismayed to learn you no longer worked here.”

“Were they?” she raised an eyebrow.

“More than a little put out, actually. I
promised them I’d do what I could to convince you to stay.”

“Is that so?” Kate wasn’t sure she could
accommodate that.

“My phone’s been ringing a lot, actually.
Word spread pretty quickly of your departure it seems,” Jack glared
across the hall at the three employees who very quickly busied
themselves with something else.

“Oh,” Kate stifled a grin. She should have
known they’d do something. “Don’t worry, Jack. I don’t want the
job.”

“What? Why?” Worry creased his brow. “I don’t
know that these people will take no for an answer.”

“I’ll call the dogs off,” she promised. “Your
precious magazine will be fine.”

“But what about the Christmas party? Who’ll
finish planning that… it’s only a few months away.”

“Stop it,” Kate held up a hand. “Stop talking
and just listen for a minute.”

Jack took a deep breath as if to say
something, but merely nodded instead.

“You reacted really poorly when my mother
chose to have me. You made her choose between her baby and the man
she loved and that was a heartless, selfish thing to do.”

“I couldn’t have a baby then. I had school,
no money…” Jack protested.

“No, it’s my turn to talk.” Kate slapped her
hand down on the desk in front of her. “Mom put herself through
college with a baby. It wasn’t impossible. She chose to have me and
still make it work. You didn’t even hear what she wanted; you never
stopped to think about anyone but you. You broke her heart and left
her to raise a baby on her own and you know it. You know you left
me without a father.”

“Kate, I…”

“I used to let people like you, like Peter,
tell me what I was worth. I used to wonder if I was the reason my
mama didn’t have the things other mom’s had. I used to feel so
guilty for… existing. I tried to balm the pain. I tried to fix it.
But all I was doing was tightening the binds.”

Kate paused, looking around the office she’d
come to love over the past months. Heads suddenly ducked back to
work as people realized her focus had shifted from Jack. She smiled
half-heartedly and turned to look at Jack again.

“I came because I wanted to know you. I guess
part of me hoped you just hadn’t known about me, that some merry
mix up had kept us from being a family. And God help me, Jack, I
actually started to get attached to you—started thinking of you as
my father. But you’re not. You’re a sperm donor and nothing
more.”

She let the bite of her words hang in the air
for a moment, hardening her heart to the tears that hovered in the
moss green eyes on the other side of the desk.

“I don’t deserve the way you treat me Jack. I
can’t help that looking at me makes you feel guilty. I love Jessica
and Liz and—obviously—Gavin, but they’ll be part of my life even if
I don’t work here. You’re not a part of my life, though. You made
that choice, repeatedly. Now I’m making the choice to not let you
hurt me anymore. Tell Tara I’ll find a way to still be friends with
her, just give me some time.”