Tightening the Knot (20 page)

           
“Oh, well, I could see it’d be scary if it had red sand.”
 
There was sarcasm in his voice, but he wasn’t being cruel.
 
They gave up looking for meaning in the seemingly random objects and chatted about what the dance might be like and whether or not Meredith had remembered to pack Greg’s black socks to go with his suit.
 
When there were only a few minutes left in the session, Martha gave Stan an elbow to the ribs and he stood up to explain the objects.
 
Greg and Meredith had been right about the paper and the rosary.
 
The timer was meant to represent patience and the last item turned out to be a blindfold.
 
It was in the spirit of trust, as was the next activity.

╣ Chapter 26 ╠

           
Since Meredith had guessed the blindfold, as far as the leaders knew or cared, she was also in charge of wearing the blindfold.
 
Greg’s job was to lead her back to their room with his voice only.
 
He was not supposed to just take her hand.
 
He decided to have a little fun with this task and had Meredith walking up and down random hallways until she realized he wasn’t heading for their room.
 
The second trip in the elevator tipped her off.

           
When they did make it back to the room, Meredith locked herself in the bathroom for some primping.
 
She tried something a little different with her hair by pinning up just one side.
 
It looked good.
 
She slipped into her blue dress and put on a necklace.
 
It caught the light as she fastened it and Meredith started to feel pretty good about her appearance.
 
A knock at the door made her jump.
 
Greg wanted to shave and she should have just let him in, but she took another look in the mirror and touched up her lipstick first.
 
Her stomach flipped when she opened the door as though she was about to go on a date.
 
She had almost forgotten what that felt like.
 
It was a giddy sort of nervousness that she was overjoyed to be feeling towards her husband.
 
It also worried her just a bit as she was afraid she was about to mess it up.

           
When she did open the door for Greg, he looked as though he was about to be annoyed and then changed his mind at the sight of her.
 
“Okay, this was worth the wait.
 
But I need to hurry now so we’re not late.”

           
Meredith smiled at the compliment, feeling for once as though she deserved it, and then paced by the door while Greg finished.
 
He had been only half dressed and still needed only five minutes to be ready.

           
They walked hand in hand to the dance and it should have made Meredith more optimistic.
 
It didn’t.
 
Although this was not the artificial happiness of those days at home, it felt just as fleeting.
 
While the togetherness of this event was facilitating a rekindling of sorts, nothing had really changed or been resolved.
 
It seemed an unlikely possibility that they would find time for a meaningful discussion in a room full of mostly strangers, and her parents, so she worked hard to shake off the uneasiness and prepared to enjoy this event, if in fact this portion turned out to be enjoyable.
 
She would worry about showing her inner Scarlet O’Hara tomorrow as well.

           
It was a few minutes past ten when they arrived and the music was already playing.
 
Greg opened the door to reveal silver and gold fringe hung from the doorframe.
 
It gave Meredith a brief prom flashback.
 
The inside was even more juvenile.
 
Someone had taken the fairy tale ball theme literally.
 
The walls were littered with cartoon posters and storybook pictures.
 
Everything from
Rupunzal
to
Rumpleskiltskin
was represented and a giant Big Bad Wolf cutout was guarding the appetizers.
 

           
Aside from the décor, the event actually looked promising.
 
The food smelled wonderful, the music was loud enough for dancing, but not so loud you couldn’t talk over it, and a few couples were already busting a move on the parquet floor.

           
Meredith spotted her parents about the same time they spotted her and Greg.
 
Jeanette waved them over.
 
It was still slightly odd for Meredith to be at a supposedly romance-inducing event with her parents, but she consoled herself with the knowledge that it was probably weirder for Greg.
 
If it was, he didn’t show it.
 
He greeted his in-laws warmly and the four of them settled in for a fun evening.
 
About an hour into it, he even danced with Jeanette so Bill could have a father-daughter dance.

           
The food turned out to be as delicious as the aroma had promised, and even included bite-sized cheesecake so Meredith got to have some of her favorite treat after all.
 
The DJ was moderately insane, but in a good way.
 
The night was marred only slightly by an attempt by the organizers to interrupt with a Cinderella-themed game.
 
This involved all the women tottering around in one shoe while husbands tried to find a match.
 
Many of the men seemed to be grabbing random shoes and the whole thing temporarily devolved into multiple games of keep-away until there was a patent leather addition to the punch bowl.
 
Things settled down a bit after that as it was nearly time for the big countdown.
 

Having made plenty of noise at
midnight
with everyone else, and lingering soreness sadly preventing them from keeping up with a room full of older couples, Greg and Meredith headed back to their room about
12:05
.
 
Meredith felt too hot and sticky to get in bed so she got into the shower first.
 
She expected Greg, who never stayed up this late, to be out like a light when she was done.
 
Instead, he was sitting on the end of the bed.
 
He patted the space next to him and said, “I think it’s time we talked about something.”

╣ Chapter 27 ╠

The words were a bit ominous, but his tone was not.
 
Meredith was taken slightly off guard.
 
This was likely for the best as it gave her less time to fret about what was coming or try to make any sort of helpful plan.
 
She lowered the towel from her hair and sat down with it in her lap.
 
She waited quietly to see how Greg would begin.

“Well, this has been fun.”
 
He was apparently going to work up to the main event.
 
Meredith didn’t know yet what the main event was going to be, but still didn’t blame him for stalling.

“Yeah, I… I really did have some doubts when we got that itinerary, but I’ve enjoyed myself.
 
For the most part.”

“The dancing was fun.”

“Uh huh.”

“I’m glad you got your shoe back pretty quickly.”

“Yes, thanks for that.”

“No problem.”

They sat silently, staring at separate but equally uninteresting spots in the carpet.
 
Meredith couldn’t quite bring herself to prompt the serious conversation, but didn’t want to miss this opportunity.
 
She was going to sit right there until Greg said
something
, or until he fell asleep.
 
After another minute, during which a group of raucous guests could be heard passing by their door, Greg began again.
 
“You still want to have a baby, right?”

Meredith opened her mouth to say the obvious “yes” when he surprised her by adding, “With me?”

She answered without hesitation.
 
“Yes, of course.
 
I want that.”

“Because I know we’ve been going through a rocky patch, but I think we’re… maybe not all better, but it feels like we’re trying again.”

“I want that, too.”
 
Meredith’s voice was barely a whisper.

“I have a confession to make.”

He paused and Meredith turned to look at him.
 
He was still looking at the floor as he continued.

“Before we can really move on, I need to be honest about something.”

“Okay.”

“I… I
did
see a doctor.”

“You mean, like a fertility test?”

“Yes.
 
He said… or the test showed
,
it didn’t seem like there was any medical reason I wouldn’t be able to father a child.”

Meredith was stunned, and confused.
 
“But that’s good news!
 
Why didn’t you tell me that?”

Greg had been rather stalling up till that point.
 
Now that the confession was out, he started talking rapidly.
 
“Because you wanted it to be me.
 
I know you did.
 
Every time we tried and failed, I could see it chipping away at you.
 
I know you wanted me to be tested first because you couldn’t bear the thought of the problem being on your side.
 
You wanted it to be my fault and I didn’t know how to say it wasn’t.
 
And when I told the doctor we had been trying for a year, he said sometimes it can take that long even if there are no real problems so once I knew I was okay I hoped we’d get lucky before… before you had to… and then the more time went by the harder it was to tell you and I just don’t know when it got out of hand.”

Meredith said nothing in response.
 
She didn’t know how to answer because she felt wrong.
 
She should have felt betrayed.
 
She should have been angry that Greg had lied to her, that he had made her feel badly about setting up that appointment with the doctor without his permission.
 
She should have been upset to discover that their months-long stalemate had been the result of an unnecessary lie and not the fear or anxiety she had thought.
 
And yet she could not push away the only emotion she did feel… guilt.
 
It was completely unexplainable because that little voice deep down had no idea what it was talking about.
 

Meredith eventually said the only thing she could say, that she didn’t know what to say.
 
Greg accepted this, for now, and they went to bed with barely a “goodnight,” both exhausted at the end of a long year.

****

           
Meredith awoke to the sound of the room door clicking closed, and the louder sound of Greg groaning at the noise.
 
She noticed two things as she sat up; it felt later than
6:30
and she smelled cinnamon.
 
Greg had gone to the early breakfast by himself to let her sleep in.
 
And in case that wasn’t nice enough, he returned carrying one of the largest cinnamon rolls she had ever seen.
 
The bottom of the plate felt warm as she took it and a thin layer of icing oozed down the sides.
 
It tasted as good as it smelled.
 
The only problem was that Meredith wasn’t sure if she was enjoying Greg’s usual thoughtfulness or if he was working to get out of the perceived doghouse.
 
She should really let him off the hook, but wasn’t sure if she should be the one to bring it up again.
 
Okay, really she wasn’t sure if she had the guts to bring it up again.
 
Why was talking with her husband so difficult?
 
She hated the answer that came to
her, that
she was simply out of practice.