Read Till the Cows Come Home Online
Authors: Judy Clemens
Tags: #Fiction / Mystery & Detective / General
He seemed incapable of speech, so I ticked off the items on my fingers.
“Okay, first we have my manure lagoon. Not much danger. Not much work to do. The worst that can happen is I have to shell out some of my pollution liability insurance. But I caught it in time, even though you’d already made the call to Pam Moyer.
“Second, one of my cows drops dead in the pasture, electrocuted. What did your lackey use? Battery charger? Portable generator? The lost money is a problem, but the thought of the cruelty is what really gets my goat.
“Third, my electricity goes out. I know, that does happen naturally sometimes, but really, how often does a squirrel actually make a nest and feed on the wires in the main box? Too bad for you, my generator worked like a top. Didn’t think of screwing that up, huh?
“What was next? Oh yeah, Zach Granger’s calf is hung in his hutch. It’s such a rare occurrence I knew there was outside help. God, Hubert, you’re sick.”
He looked like he was going to say something, but Jermaine made a low growling noise, and Hubert’s mouth shut with a pop.
“Okay, what else could go wrong?” I said. I was beginning to enjoy myself. “How else could we screw up Stella’s farm so she’ll want to give in? There’s got to be something a little different. Something not mechanical. I know, let’s let the cows out. It will make a mess, be a lot of work to round them up, and maybe we’ll get lucky and one of them will cause a terrible accident by getting on the road and killing some innocent people.
“But that wasn’t enough, was it? I wasn’t taking the bait. Or else you just wanted to completely stack things your way. How ’bout we burn down Stella’s barn, after canceling insurance on it, perhaps killing all forty of her heifers, and maybe her and Howie, if we’re lucky?”
I held up my hands, fingers splayed. “That’s six nasty items, Hubert. And I didn’t even mention the fresh-faced real estate lawyer you sicced on me. Oh, here’s his card in case you forgot about him.” I pulled it from my pocket and placed it on his desk. “I hope he gave you my message, by the way. Are there more things I have yet to discover?”
He opened and closed his mouth a few times, making him look like the large-mouthed bass Jethro had mounted above his fireplace, but no sounds came out except for a high, breathy whistle.
I leaned forward in my chair and smiled. “Now, Hubert.” I tried to sound sweet, which is hard for me at the best of times. “Have you anything to say for yourself?”
Hubert swallowed forcefully and glanced up at Jermaine, who seemed to find Hubert very intriguing.
“It’s okay, Hu,” I said. “You have permission to speak.”
He cleared his throat and forced himself to look at me. “Okay, I did the manure lagoon. Like you said, how much harm could it do?” He looked at me expectantly, but I stayed silent. “And the electricity, it seemed harmless. I figured you’d have a generator. And letting the cows out—I just thought it would be a pain, not that it could kill anybody. But I swear, that’s all I know about. I don’t know anything about any dead cow, or calf, or, for God’s sake, your barn. I wouldn’t
do
something like that.”
I looked at him, saw the desperation in his eyes, and thought he just might be telling the truth. “If that’s true, how come animals have died? How come Howie and I had to risk our lives to save others? I gotta tell you, Hubert, it’s getting old.”
His face flushed, and he sputtered. “I
told
her to stop—” He clamped his mouth shut and looked horrified.
My insides tightened, but I made myself retain an outer show of calm. “
Her?”
Hubert looked down at the desk, above my shoulders, anywhere but at my face. “I can’t.…”
“Jermaine,” I said. “Hammer.”
Jermaine straightened and looked a good three feet down at Hubert. Lenny put a hand on Hubert’s shoulder and gave him a pat and a smile. It wasn’t a pretty smile.
“I think you can tell me, Hubert,” I said. “I can’t imagine that, whoever she is, she’s either as big or as persuasive as my friends here.”
“Oh,
God
.” Hubert put his head down on his desk and started to sob. I let him go for a minute, then made an encouraging sound.
“It was never supposed to come to this,” he said. He took his fist and pounded it on the desktop. I looked at the guys and they gave me looks of amusement compounded with rage.
“Spill it, Hu,” I said. “You’ll feel much better once you do. Believe me.”
His sobs stopped, but he remained face down on the desk.
“Who is she, Hubert?”
He lifted his tear-swollen face and took a couple of shivering breaths.
“Come
on
,” I said.
“It was Marianne. Okay? Marianne Granger.”
I sat with my mouth open, and blood pounded in my ears. I glanced at Jermaine, who looked as dumbstruck as I felt.
“
Marianne?”
I said. “Marianne killed Zach’s calf? And burned down my barn?”
Hubert nodded miserably. “She first came to me just wanting to put you back a little. She figured if you sold your farm Jude would have less land to work, and he might be so disheartened he’d be willing to give up farming. You know how it is finding land to rent around here. Impossible.”
I suddenly had a flashback from the day before, when Jermaine had mistaken me for Marianne on the phone. No wonder my insurance rep thought I’d called him. I only talked to him twice a year, usually, so Marianne could have easily faked being me. The sneaky little bitch.
“So Marianne wasn’t ready to stop harassing me when you were, huh, Hu?” I said.
He shook his head. “She’s desperate. I don’t know why. She said she’d do whatever it took, whether I went along or not.” He looked at me, a glimmer of hope in his eyes. “I told her just last night I’d have nothing else to do with it. I’d wait until you were ready to sell. I couldn’t deal with any more sabotage. I don’t want to go to jail.”
I stared into Hubert’s eyes, trying to understand where he’d derailed. I’d told him unlimited times, in unquestionable ways, that he would never get my land. And yet here he was, gazing at me hopefully. I closed my eyes, then leaned my elbows on his desk. I sighed and looked at him.
“I know you want my farm, Hubert. Your participation in this…little scheme shows me just how desperate you are. But, you know, I have friends. You’ve now met some of them. And I don’t think you have friends like I have friends. So, let’s make a little agreement.”
He closed his mouth again and managed what I chose to interpret as a nod.
“Good. Here’s the agreement. You stay so far away from me, my farm, and anything remotely attached to it, that it would never occur to me to think of you, ever. Okay? Oh, what do you get from our agreement? You will keep the use of your legs. You will continue breathing. You will not wake up to find yourself holed up in a burning barn. Have we got ourselves a deal?”
A tear made its way slowly down Hubert’s face, and for a moment I was afraid I was going to begin laughing hysterically. I controlled myself and stood up. Bart stood beside me, and Hubert was caught looking up at the four of us.
“You also will not contact Marianne Granger ever again,” I said. “That means you are not to warn her once we are out this door. If you do, I
will
find out.”
I stuck out my hand and Hubert winced so forcefully I was afraid he’d gotten whiplash.
“Have we got ourselves a deal?”
Hubert held out his hand, which, to his credit, shook so slightly I could hardly see it, and I gripped it as hard as I could. “So glad we could do business together.” I turned and walked out of the room. Bart followed, but Lenny and Jermaine held out a moment longer before crowding into the lobby. The receptionist, not surprisingly, had fled.
“So did he?” Bart asked Lenny.
“I think so. I stole a glance at his pants and they weren’t looking any too dry.”
We got out to our bikes and I sank onto mine, trying to take in the meaning of what Hubert had said.
“So my sister-in-law is a psycho,” Jermaine said. He stood in front of me, pretty much blocking all other sights.
“So she is.”
He pounded a fist into his other hand. “Is she next?”
I shook my head. “We can’t go after her like this.”
“Why not?” Bart said. “Sounds like she deserves it worse than Purcell.”
“She does,” Jermaine said.
“She does,” I agreed. “But she’s also married to your brother.”
Jermaine stared at me for a couple of seconds before looping his thumbs over his belt and heaving a huge sigh.
“So what’s the plan?” Lenny asked.
“I’m not sure, but I
am
sure that I need to do it alone.”
All three made sputtering noises, and I put up my hand. “She may have been able to kill Cleopatra and a little calf, but she’s no match for me.”
They looked at me.
“That’s true,” Bart said.
Jermaine frowned. “I don’t like it.”
“I’ll be fine.”
He fidgeted a bit, but he could see I wasn’t open to options. “Okay. But I want a call when you get home safe.”
“That I can do.”
He finally shrugged and swung his leg over his scooter.
When we started the bikes I could see the glass on Hubert’s front door vibrating, but Hubert failed to make an appearance. We let the bikes idle while I hopped off mine and shook all their hands, giving them slaps on their backs.
“Thanks, guys,” I yelled.
Lenny grinned. “Our pleasure.”
“You know I’m going to have to say about fifty Hail Marys for this,” Bart said.
Lenny pointed at me. “You be careful, now.”
I gave him a thumbs-up, and he and Bart waved and took off for home.
Jermaine reached over and gave me a hard hug around my waist. “You gonna be okay?”
“I’ll be a lot more okay once it’s dealt with.”
“You sure you won’t let me come along?”
“I’m sure. You get on home to your wife and baby.”
“You’re the boss.”
I swung my leg over my bike and flipped up the kickstand. Jermaine stayed until I was on the road, then turned and went the other way.
“Hey, Jude,” I said.
“Hey.”
He had a sandwich in one hand and held the door open with the other. His face looked less ashen than it had the last time I’d seen him, when he was practically comatose beside his defunct combine. He gestured me in, glancing at my leathers but not commenting on them. From his lack of excitement and concern, I assumed he had yet to hear about my barn.
I stepped into the living room and Jerry Seinfeld smiled out at me from a little TV. Jude must have been settled on the sofa for supper, because there was a glass sitting on the end table, making a ring, along with a bag of chips. I sat on the edge of the La-Z-Boy, resting my elbows on my knees, and looked at the floor. I was afraid Jude would be able to read my eyes if I looked at him.
“I decided to hire a guy to harvest my oats,” Jude said. “So I won’t need your tractor. Thanks, though.”
I nodded, still not looking at him.
“Marianne in?” I asked the carpet.
“Upstairs. Taking a nap.”
“Any idea how long she’ll sleep?”
Before he could answer we heard a creak on the stairs. I looked up, waiting. Marianne came around the corner and stopped short when she saw me.
“Hello, Stella,” she said. “Did you come to find out if Jude knew who was in your field the other night? I asked him, but he didn’t know.”
I said nothing. Just looked at her. She stared right back.
“I’m going to grab some supper,” she said. “Would you like anything?”
I continued to look at her. She made a move toward the kitchen.
“You didn’t have to ask Jude about those lights in my field,” I said, “because you knew who it was. It was Hubert, sabotaging my manure lagoon.”
She stopped, her back stiff and her head high. I continued.
“That was just the beginning. The manure lagoon was kids’ play compared to what came next. Animal abuse. Arson. Now, I know from the way you acted when you saw Zach’s calf and the new kittens that you really don’t care about animals, but surely
human
life means something to you?”
She didn’t move. Jude sat gawking at me. “What in the Sam Hill are you talking about, Stella?”
“Ask your wife. Ask her how come the day after my barn burns down I find out I have no insurance. Ask her how come wires in my electrical box were cut through, or why cows were wandering onto the road last night. Ask her how it is that Zach’s little calf got hung in its hutch and another full-grown cow was electrocuted in the middle of a field.”
“
What?”
“Marianne,” I said, “did you ever stop to think that Howie or I would die ourselves before we let our heifers get burned alive? Or that Gus’ death would be traumatic to your nephew, who doesn’t need anything further to compromise his health?”
My pulse beat at the side of my throat, and my breath came in quick bursts. I made myself stay sitting and tried to exude nothing but calm. A thought hit me like a thunderbolt.
“And I can’t be certain, but I’m pretty sure my dog wouldn’t wander several miles away on her own.”
Marianne’s shoulders twitched in response, but Jude cut off her reply by jumping up from the sofa. His hands clenched, and he rocked on the balls of his feet.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Stella, but you can just get the hell out of my house.”
I sighed and looked down at my hands, hanging between my knees. “What are you gonna do, Jude? Pick me up and throw me out? Break my legs because I’m giving your wife a hard time? Come on.”
“Who do you think—”
“Stop, Jude.” Marianne’s quiet command echoed in the small room. Slowly, she turned toward me, avoiding eye contact with her husband.
“What happened?” she asked. I knew she wasn’t asking about the barn or Queenie—she obviously didn’t care about either.
“I just had a little talk with Hubert,” I said. “He was a bit flustered and said more than he should have.”
She stood as if frozen, her eyes never leaving my face, her jaw tight.
“
Why
, Marianne? I know you’ve never loved farming, but
this
?”
“Would someone tell me what’s going on?” Jude still stood over me, but he was no longer a threat. Marianne didn’t respond to him, but I wasn’t about to explain her transgressions. I wanted him to hear it from her own lips.
“Tell him, Marianne.”
She kept staring at me, not moving except for a slight trembling that had begun in her lips and moved on to her hands. I might have missed it if I hadn’t been looking for something to give away her tension.
Jude went to her and tried to take her hands in his. She shook him off and strode to the other side of the room, where she stood looking out the window. The room was dead silent for at least a minute before she spoke.
“I can’t stand it anymore. This life. Farming. Not knowing if next month will be the one when the phone gets turned off. Depending on the weather for how stingy we have to be this winter. Wearing the same clothes over and over until they’re practically threadbare, just so we can put gas in the combine. I can’t
stand
it.” She turned and looked at me. “That’s why.”
I completely understood what she was saying, as I had said practically identical words to Howie the night before. I snuck a look at Jude and he stood like a man paralyzed. He either hadn’t been reading Marianne’s signals or had chosen to ignore them.
“You’re not happy?” he asked, his voice small.
“Oh, Jude.” Marianne clutched her head. “Are you completely dense? Have my needs been so secondary you’ve completely blocked them out? I married you under the impression that farming was something you were going to try out. That eventually something else would catch your fancy. Year after year I hoped it would be the last.”
Jude stared at her, his face starting to harden. “Farming is my life. It always has been, and you know it. If you thought different, you were dreaming.”
Marianne spun away from him, her nostrils flaring. Jude took a step toward her.
“You did all those things yourself? You killed Zach’s calf?” He looked at me, suddenly realizing what I’d said. “You burned down Stella’s
barn?”
“And,” she said slowly, “messed up your combine.”
Jude made a choking sound, and Marianne turned cold eyes on him. “Did you really think those holes got in the air filter on their own? The way you baby your machines? I swear you care more about that hunk of metal than about our family. All I did was try to preserve what little we have left going for us. I can see now how little it really is. You’re just a stupid boy in a big man’s body.”
Jude made a move toward her, and I jumped up and got in between them. The last thing Jude needed was to have charges brought against him for battery.
“Jude, why don’t you give Belle and Jethro a call? See if they can come over for a while?”
“I don’t want them here.”
“I know you don’t. But I think it may be better for you if they were.”
He locked eyes with me for a long time before leaving the room to find a phone.
Marianne snorted. “So now you’re going to protect me? Be my knight in shining armor?”
I swung around, grabbed her shirt, and knocked her up against the wall, her feet dangling. I put my face so close to hers our noses were touching.
“I will never, ever, in my whole life, do anything to protect you, help you, or aid you. Understand? Jude is the one who has my loyalty, and I will do everything in my power to see that you are prosecuted for everything you’ve done. You’ve killed—”
“
Animals
.”
I pulled her away from the wall and banged her against it again.
“You have killed, vandalized, and sabotaged. I just hope Jude gets away from you before you destroy him, too.”
She laughed and I breathed in through my nose to keep from hitting her again. Jude came back into the room and stopped when he saw us.
“You want to know why I decided to do this now?” Marianne said, her voice tight from being held against the wall. “After all this time?”
I stared at her, not sure I really wanted to know. I could feel Jude’s tension behind me. Marianne laughed again.
“I’m pregnant.”