Time of My Life (25 page)

Don studied me, to see if I genuinely meant every word of it.

‘I told you I was messed up. Not that that makes it any better, but I am. I don’t know what I want. I thought I did. But Life has shown me that I don’t. I don’t have a clue what I’m doing and I need to figure it out. I’m trying to figure it out.’

He nodded, studied me some more. ‘Are you still in love with your ex?’

‘I think so. But I don’t
know
.’

He was quiet for a moment. ‘Your life told me he might have a new girlfriend.’

‘My life has one?’

‘No, Blake. He told me when you were in the shower.’

‘That’s a very strong possibility.’

He looked around the estate, then back at me. ‘I don’t love you, Lucy.’ He paused. ‘But I do know that I like you. A lot.’

I put my hand on my heart. ‘That’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me.’

‘I don’t want to be used in some experiment in your life.’

‘You’re not being used.’

‘And I don’t want to be second best.’

‘You’d never be. I just feel like I need to tie up a few loose ends in my life, that’s all.’

He seemed satisfied with that. There was nothing more I could think of to say.

He looked around at the house. ‘Are you nervous about this?’

‘Completely. I haven’t been in a relationship for three years, I’m making every single mistake I could possibly make.’

He smiled. ‘No, I mean, about your life meeting them?’

‘Oh. No. I don’t feel nervous at all. Just physically ill.’

‘It’ll be fine, he’ll do all the talking.’

‘He’s not here and I don’t think he’s coming. I lost my job today and Life isn’t talking to me.’ I swallowed then, realising how deep I was in it.

His eyes widened. ‘Anything I can do to help?’

Everybody was sitting around the table when I poked my head inside the room. Father wasn’t at the head of the table, which surprised me, instead it had been left free for my life.

‘Everybody, I’m very sorry for delaying you; Father, I know you have an important phone call not long from now, we won’t keep you from that but I’d like to introduce you to …’ I opened the door wider and pulled Don inside.

‘This is my family. My family,’ I looked at Don, ‘this is my life.’

He smiled and his dimples took over his face. Then he laughed and I thought there was no way on earth he was going to be able to do this.

‘I’m sorry.’ He stopped laughing. ‘I’m just so honoured to meet you all.’

He held his hand out to Jemima. ‘Hello there.’

‘Jemima,’ she said shyly, taking his hand.

‘Nice to meet you, Jemima.’

Don moved on and my mum hopped up out of her seat. My grandmother didn’t budge, just held her hand out limply.

‘Victoria,’ she said.

‘Lucy’s life,’ he said.

‘Yes.’ She looked him up and down and pulled her hand away.

‘I’m Riley.’ Riley stood up and gave him a firm handshake. ‘I have a jacket just like that.’

‘That’s a co-inky-dinky,’ I said, ushering Don on to my mum.

‘Yes, I left it just out …’ Riley looked out to the closed door in the direction of the hallway. While Don and my mum shook hands, Riley pulled the curtains open. He looked out the window, saw Don’s van and gave me a warning look. I gave one right back and he just looked from Don to me and shook his head and took his seat. Everybody was so busy watching Don, and greeting Don, that they missed our exchange.

‘This is Lucy’s father, Mr Silchester,’ Mum said to Don.

Don looked at me while he made his way to my father. I pursed my lips and tried not to laugh, nervously, while he did the same. Then he took his seat at the head of the table.

‘You have a lovely home,’ he said, looking around. ‘Is this oak?’

‘Yes,’ my mum said, excitedly, ‘We call it the Oak Room.’

‘We’re a creative bunch,’ I said and Don laughed.

‘So tell us, how are you and Lucy getting along?’ Mum asked, hands clasped together.

‘Lucy and I,’ Don looked at me, and my heart quickened, ‘are getting along just famously, thank you. She’s incredibly energetic,’ he said and Riley slid down in his chair slightly. ‘So it takes a lot to keep up with her but I’m just crazy about her,’ he said without taking his eyes off me.

I couldn’t stop looking at him.

‘Isn’t that lovely,’ Mum whispered, not wanting to break the spell. ‘To be in love with life, I can see it on her face. Isn’t that something?’

I snapped out of it then when I realised Mum was staring at me.

‘Yes, well …’ I cleared my throat while I felt all eyes on me and my cheeks blazed. ‘Why don’t we tell him a little something about us?’

‘Well, Mr Silchester and I are renewing our vows,’ Mum said, all excited, ‘Isn’t that right, Samuel?’

My father said a long, lazy and unenthusiastic yes. Don quite understandably assumed it to be a joke and laughed, but as it wasn’t his laugh was misguided and misplaced.

Mum said, a little embarrassed, ‘It’s our thirty-fifth anniversary this year and we thought it would be a nice way to celebrate.’

‘Congratulations,’ Don said politely.

‘Thank you. I’ve asked Lucy to be my bridesmaid. I do hope you will come.’

Don looked at me with amusement. ‘I’m sure Lucy is very excited about that.’

‘Pardon my ignorance on this matter, but how long do you plan on staying around for?’ Mum asked.

‘I’d like to stay around for quite a while,’ Don said and I felt his eyes on me again. ‘But that’s up to Lucy.’

I quickly looked at Riley, who winked at me, and despite my plans to get back with Blake, I couldn’t help but smile.

Edith entered with a trolley of bowls and a giant tureen of soup. She handed out the bowls and began ladling. ‘Courgette and pea,’ she said to Don, then fired me a warning look to let me know she wanted no part of this.

‘Mmm,’ I said, exaggerating. ‘My favourite. Thanks, Edith.’

She ignored me, serving up the soup and leaving me until last.

The intercom buzzed again.

‘That will be the carpet cleaner,’ Mum said and looked to Edith. ‘Edith?’

‘I’ll show him in to the drawing room,’ Edith said, giving me an alarmed look.

I was slightly concerned. If Life had indeed decided to show up, he would not be happy being led into a room with a dirty carpet to clean or with the fact that I’d told a majestic lie. I’d really done it now. But it couldn’t be him, he had deserted me, had left me alone to deal with my family; he would be a lazy foolish Life to back out of that enormous lesson. Unless he sensed a lie, of course, which would mean it was the perfect time for him to arrive, so that I would learn an even greater lesson.

‘Have you been to Lucy’s workplace?’ Philip asked and my heart sank.

‘Yes,’ I interrupted, ‘and actually, funny you should mention that, but I have some news.’ I tried to make it sound positive; gift-wrapping bad news. I needed to say it all in case Life stormed in trying to get me back for this gigantic lie.

‘You got a promotion,’ Mum anticipated excitedly, her voice almost a screech.

‘Actually, no.’ I looked at Don nervously for moral support, then back to my mother. ‘As of today, I no longer work at Mantic.’

She made an
oh
shape with her mouth.

‘Where do you work instead?’ Riley asked, waiting for the good news.

‘Eh … Nowhere yet.’

‘I’m sorry to hear that but they’ve been haemorrhaging money for years, more job cuts were always on the cards.’

I was grateful to Philip for saying this.

‘Did they offer you a redundancy package?’ Riley asked, concerned.

‘Actually, no, because I left. It was my decision.’

My father slammed his fist down on the table. Everyone jumped, the cutlery and condiment bowls all rattled on the white linen.

‘It’s okay sweetheart,’ Philip said to Jemima, who was wide-eyed and looking at her father in terror – at least I guessed it was terror because her face wasn’t moving much apart from her eyes. I put my arm around her protectively.

‘Is this your doing?’ Father demanded of Don.

‘Maybe we shouldn’t talk about this now,’ I said gently to my father, hoping he’d pick up on my tone.

‘I think this is the perfect time to talk about it,’ he boomed.

‘Jemima, come with me,’ Philip said and he brought her out of the room, to my grandmother’s tutting. When the door opened I saw Edith letting Life into the house. Life looked in and saw me, just as the door was closing.

‘Well, answer me,’ Father said patronisingly to Don.

‘We’re not in the courthouse now,’ I said, under my breath.

‘Don’t you dare speak to me like that in my house.’

I ignored him, I kept eating my soup but everybody was silent and nobody moved an inch. Father rarely lost his temper, he was rarely tipped over the edge but when he was, it was mighty. He had been tipped over the edge now, and I could hear it in his voice; the anger was building too and though I tried to keep calm, I couldn’t help but feel my nerves grow.

‘He had nothing to do with it,’ I said quietly.

‘And why not? Shouldn’t he be responsible for your decisions?’

‘No, because he’s not actually my—’

‘No, that’s okay Lucy,’ Don interrupted. I don’t know if it was because he was afraid or if it was because he wasn’t but when I looked at him I saw no fear at all, just annoyance and the desire to protect.

‘What exactly is your role here?’ my father asked.

‘My role,’ Don looked at me, ‘is to make her happy.’

‘Nonsense.’

‘And when she’s happy she’ll find the right path,’ Don said. ‘I wouldn’t worry about Lucy.’

‘I’ve never heard such absolute nonsense. This is drivel. If, in fact, you are to help her on her right path, aren’t you failing?’

‘And how well do you assess your abilities in your role as her father?’ he said, anger in his voice. He was protecting me but he didn’t know what he was up against. He’d barely met me but I felt he knew me better than anyone at this table. My eyes widened. I can’t believe he said that. I couldn’t look at anybody, I didn’t know what anybody was thinking.

‘How dare you speak to me like that,’ Father shouted and stood up. He was a tall man, and he seemed to be a giant beside us all at the table now that he was standing.

‘Samuel,’ Mum said quietly.

‘Lucy left her job because she wasn’t happy,’ Don continued. ‘I don’t see any harm in that.’

‘Lucy is never happy with work. Lucy is lazy. Lucy will never find anything to which she will feel the need to apply herself. She has never applied herself. She has walked away from everything which, and everyone who, has ever been of any use in her life. She wasted the good education we provided for her, she is living like a pig in a home the size of this room, she is a disappointment and a disgrace to the family name – as, clearly, seeing as you are her life, are you.’

Silchesters don’t cry. Silchesters don’t cry. Silchesters don’t cry. It was a mantra I had to repeat in my mind after each nasty word was spoken but I knew my paranoia was right, it was everything that I thought he felt about me and now he was saying it. To me and to the person he thought was my life but was actually a man that I had feelings for. It was beyond humiliating, it was beyond hurtful, it was the worst thing I think I had ever heard or endured. Worse than Blake leaving me, worse than losing every job I’d ever worked at.

‘I am tired of her behaviour, her constant failure to apply herself. We come from a long line of successes. Here in this very room Philip and Riley have shown themselves to be competent men and hard workers, whereas Lucy here has failed, time and time again, to reach the heights that we have given everything within our abilities for her to reach. Sheila, I have stood back and let the course which you have so believed to be right be carried out, but it is clear to see that when left to her own devices Lucy cannot find direction, so it is left to me to find it for her.’

‘Lucy isn’t a child,’ Don said. ‘She’s a grown woman. I think she’s well able to make her own decisions.’

‘And you, sir,’ my father raised his voice even more, so that I was sure it must be echoing through the valley, ‘are no longer welcome in my home.’

Silence. I could barely breathe.

His chair scraped across the wood as he pushed it back from the table. ‘It was lovely to meet you,’ he said gently. ‘Thank you for your hospitality. Lucy?’

He was asking me to leave with him and I wanted nothing more than to get out of the room but I couldn’t look up. I just couldn’t face anything or anyone. If I stayed still, maybe they’d forget I was there. I felt hot tears about to fall and I couldn’t do it, not in front of him, not in front of anybody, not ever, ever, ever.

‘I’ll show you out,’ my mother said, her voice a whisper. Her chair didn’t scrape on the wood, she lifted it just the appropriate amount in order to prevent that and she quietly left the room. When the door opened I saw Life in the hallway, ashen faced. I had let him down too.

‘Lucy, in my office now, we need to make a plan for you.’

I couldn’t look at anybody.

‘Your father is talking to you,’ my grandmother said.

‘Father, I think you should allow Lucy to finish her dinner and you can discuss it after,’ Riley said firmly.

Allow
Lucy. Allow
me
.

‘Edith can warm it, this is of importance.’

‘Actually, I’m not hungry,’ I said quietly, still looking down at my plate.

‘You’re not a disappointment, Lucy,’ Riley said gently. ‘Father is worried about you, that’s all.’

‘I meant what I said,’ Father said, but he was sitting down now and his voice was no longer booming.

‘None of us think you are a disgrace. Lucy, look at me,’ Riley said again.

I couldn’t. Mum returned to the room but she didn’t sit down; she stayed at the door testing the environment, sticking her toe in to feel the temperature before diving in again.

‘I’m sorry,’ I said, my voice trembling, ‘if I have been such a disappointment to you. Edith, thank you for dinner, sorry I can’t stay.’ I stood up.

‘Sit down,’ my father hissed. It was sharp, like a whip. ‘Sit down at once.’

I paused, then continued to make my way to the door. I couldn’t look at Mum as I passed her by and gently closed the door behind me.