Time to Love Again (12 page)

They both stirred that sense of desire in her. Stephen definitely attracted her. Created a longing to reach out and touch him, even the desire to run her fingers through his hair. He stirred up something deep inside her when he squeezed her hand, not to mention the sparks he ignited when he kissed her cheek.

What would happen if he had kissed her on the lips? She wasn't sure she even wanted to think about that. Yet she couldn't help herself. For a brief moment, she wanted to feel his arms around her, wanted to be held, and told everything was going to be okay. Would have loved to feel his hand stroking her hair, consoling her. Like Frank used to do.

She shook off the feelings. This was nonsense, for goodness sake– she sounded worse than a silly teenager. Maybe he won't come back. Better that he didn't.

Life was fine just the way it was.

 
"Rose, Rose, you're not an old lady. You're only fifty-eight. You have a lot of living to do if you'd let yourself go. You have a lot of love left in you. Let yourself feel. You had a touch of it with Stephen. Life can still be fun. Didn't it feel good to think like a teenager again?" Emma said.

God, now Emma followed her to the hospital. Couldn't she ever get rid of her?

"Not yet, Rose." Emma laughed. "You still need help. Admit it, you liked the tingle deep inside, enjoyed it when Stephen kissed your cheek and squeezed your hand–you wanted more. You need to live again. You need to feel a man's arms around you, feel the excitement surge through your body again. You're too young to remain alone. You have so much to give if you let yourself go."

Rose moved away from the window and walked down the hall, trying to quiet Emma's voice. She was an old woman, what was the matter with her? Besides, she had vowed never to marry again after Frank died. It hurt too much. She couldn't go through that again. No, she'd remain single. Frank had been enough.

"Who said anything about marriage? No one heard Stephen propose to you. He's offering friendship, take it. Lighten up– enjoy life. Don't worry about marriage."

Rose couldn't ignore the voice. Some of what Emma said made sense.

"You used to be full of life. Look at you now. You're withering away. Turning into a pathetic old woman. You ignored all your friends, except Louise, to the point they quit calling. You even turned your kids away. Sure, they had to move because of their jobs, but they used to call all the time. You act cold and distant, indifferent to their needs. Isn't that why they quit calling?" Emma chided.

"How many times have they invited you to visit for the holidays? Yet you refused to go, giving lame excuses. They probably think you don't care anymore. You can't lock yourself away like this." Emma wouldn't let up.

Rose shivered, realizing the truth of Emma's words. The kids had asked her to visit many times, encouraged her to participate in their summers or holidays. "Come for the winter," Francis had suggested only last week. "What do you have to keep you at home?"

She had lied and told him of false commitments, not wanting to intrude on their lives. They didn't need an old woman to drag around. And they certainly didn't need her in their homes. Linda was a wonderful daughter-in-law, but she didn't need an interfering mother-in-law in her household.

Melinda didn't need her either. Besides, she and Melinda were so much alike they were sure to clash over something. No, better to stay home.

"Not wanting to leave your safe cocoon is more like it," Emma said. "If you distanced yourself from your kids, you wouldn't feel sorrow if something happened to them, that's what you told yourself." Emma persisted.

"Didn't you know you'd be lonely without them, guilty if something happened to them? You're living an illusion, Rose, wake up. You can't escape your feelings. They're your kids. You love them whether they're here or not. If something happens to one of them you'll feel the loss as strong as or stronger than that of Frank and me. What's the matter with you? You can't go on this way."

Chapter Eighteen

Stephen understood Rose a little better now that he knew about her husband and sister. Now, it all made sense to him. Too bad he had to leave. The sorrow and pain in her eyes tore at his heart. She had been through a rough time, and for some reason had locked herself away. She wouldn't allow herself to live, let alone love.

 
What a waste of a beautiful life. Everything he had heard about her from Len and Millie made sense now too. Rose had turned into a recluse after the death of her husband and sister. He wanted to reach out to her. Wanted to comfort her and tell her it was okay. But he knew she wouldn't accept it. At least not right now.

But one day.

One day, he'd break through that wall she built around herself. He had seen the smile cross her lips the first time he went there with Sarah. It had slipped out before she had a chance to hold it back. He knew underneath she was a warm passionate woman. It was just waiting to be released.

And he was going to be the one to release it.

He could hardly wait to see her again. Something about her reminded him of his wife. Margaret Ann had that same reserve when he first met her. Shyness, yes, but something more.

Distrust.

Someone had hurt her, and he had a hard time breaking through to her too. Yet once he got to know her, once she lifted that reserve, she was the gentlest, kindest woman he'd ever met. Maybe it was the smile, he wasn't sure, but he knew he wanted to see more of Rose Asbury. Somehow he'd bring her out of her shell.

Somehow he'd make her smile again.

And if he really has his way, he'd make her love again. He couldn't help it. He had fallen in love with her almost from the beginning. He had tried to deny his feelings, but he couldn't any more. Nope, he loved the crotchety old thing. And, he darn well planned to do something about it.

He visited her again before he went off duty. They talked about Margaret Ann and of times long past. He promised to return the next day, though he wasn't scheduled to work. He wanted to see how she was doing. "Where are you going when you leave here?"

"I hadn't given that any thought." Rose walked to the window. "I guess a motel."

"I have an extra room if you'd like to stay with me and Sarah." He hoped she'd take him up on the offer. He wanted her near him. Wanted to show her she what a passionate woman she could be again. But he saw the fear register on her face. Of course, she's afraid you old fool, she doesn't know you. Just because she lived next door, up until yesterday she never even talked to him. Why would she stay with him?

 
"You think about it. They'll probably release you tomorrow. Sarah and I would love to have you." He wrapped his arms around her, dwarfing her with his height. He brushed his lips along her temple. Resisted the urge to move them along her cheek to her mouth. Resisted the urge to crush her to him and kiss her the way he wanted to kiss her. Deep lingering kisses.

Take it slow. Don't rush her. God, it was hard to hold back. She looked so vulnerable. But he knew if he continued she'd pull away. For now he was content just to hold her for a minute. He hated to let her go, but didn't want to overstep his bounds. He pulled away and backed up. "I'll be back tomorrow," he said and left.

* * *

Rose had relished the strength and security she drew from him. The heated rush of hunger startled her when he held her. A wave of sadness overcame her when he pulled away. Where could she stay? Certainly not with Louise, since she was in the hospital, and she wouldn't stay with George alone. Besides, she wouldn't intrude on Molly or Philip.

Where could she go until her house was back to normal? It was nice of Stephen to open his home to her, but the very thought of living in close proximity with this man that so attracted her horrified her. Bad enough she lived next door to him. Nope that wasn't an option. Besides, she had to discourage this friendship. Discourage him. She couldn't allow him to pursue her. It wouldn't work. Not now, not ever.

Or could she manage to live in the same house with Stephen and just remain friends, she wondered? Something told her not. Nope, she couldn't continue the friendship with him, and she certainly didn't want to build any other kind of relationship with him. She couldn't let herself love again.

Why not? She liked him. She was even attracted to him. Why couldn't she at least take the friendship he offered? It wouldn't hurt.

But it would hurt. Rose knew there would be more than just friendship if she allowed Stephen to get too close. No, no, no. She wasn't going down that road again. She gave her heart once and look where it got her.

"It got a lot of happiness, years of it. And two great kids, that's what it got," Emma said. "Think back, remember how happy you and Frank were? He wouldn't expect you to go on like this. He wouldn't like it. Frank only wanted your happiness. What would he think seeing you like this? Living like a recluse, going out only to the grocery store, to church, or to run other errands. Only visiting with Louise. No, you know Frank wouldn't like it. Give Stephen a chance."

Rose closed her eyes. Maybe Emma was right. Maybe she would.

Chapter Nineteen

The next day Sergeant Pilsner came to see her with a few more questions. "You can return to your house, but I suggest you contact your insurance company as soon as possible." He stood near the foot of the bed.

The quicker to make his escape, Rose thought. She saw the discomfort in his face and in his actions. He shuffled his feet and looked everywhere but at her.

"They're going to have to replace most of your stuff. You didn't see the bedroom, Mrs. Asbury. I wanted to warn you before you went home."

Maybe he was afraid she'd go hysterical on him again. "The mattress is torn. Lotions and perfumes spilled out and ruined the finish on your dressers. Your clothes are damaged and are scattered around the room. I'm sorry, Mrs. Asbury, there's a lot to clean up. Do you have someone to go home with you?" He rubbed his hands together. "I don't think you should go there alone."

"I have a friend to take me home." She lied.

"Who?" Emma intruded. "Your only friend is lying upstairs. You have no other friends, unless you ask Stephen."

Sergeant Pilsner nodded his approval and left. The doctor came in before she gave it another thought.

"How are you feeling today?"

"Better." At least she didn't have to lie about that. She did feel better today and the crying jags had become less frequent.

"Do you feel up to going home?"

Rose sat up straighter in the bed. Home, from what she understood there wasn't any home. But she wanted to get out of here. "Yes."

"Here's the name of a psychologist, I recommend you make an appointment as soon as possible." He smiled at her. A sympathetic, slow smile that started with his lips and reached his eyes. "You've had a lot to deal with, you've gone through a traumatic experience," he said. "You need to talk to someone. You can't deal with this alone."

She promised she would make an appointment, waited for him to leave and took her clothes out of the closet. Just as she thought about calling a cab, Stephen came in, carrying a light pink rose.

"Rose, are you going home?"

"Yes. The doctor just released me."

"Do you have a ride? I mean is someone picking you up?"

"Uh..." Rose thought about lying to him, but she didn't really feel like being alone. She had to go back to the house for some clothes before she checked into a motel. She didn't want to go back there alone. "Actually I thought about calling a cab." She hoped he'd offered her a ride.

"Nonsense, I'll take you. A cab, what are you thinking?"

"I have to go to my house first. I need some clothes."

"Not a problem. Go on get dressed I'll be here when you're ready."

Rose gave him a half smile and went into the bathroom.

* * *