Times of War Collection (17 page)

Mutti held my hand tight as she talked to me. “The
Herr Direktor
at the zoo, Elizabeth, he called us in together, all the keepers, everyone – this was a month or two ago. He told us he had something very serious to tell us. Until now, he said, Dresden has not been bombed. Almost all the big cities in Germany lie in ruins: Berlin, Hamburg, Köln. Thousands upon thousands are dead. Only Dresden has been spared. But sooner or later, he told us, the bombers are sure to come, and so we have to plan for this. So far we have been lucky, but our luck cannot last for ever. Why should Dresden be special? When the bombers do come, we are well prepared. We all have basements or shelters to go to, and they are deep, so deep that many of us will have a good chance to survive. We know where to go. We have all done our air-raid drill. But the animals, he said, have nowhere to go, nowhere to hide. If the zoo is hit by the bombs – and in a raid this is very likely – then it is possible that many of the animals might
escape from their cages and find their way into the city. The authorities say this cannot be allowed to happen.”

“What will they do with the animals then?” I asked her. “Will they take them away to somewhere safe?”

“I am afraid not,” Mutti replied. “The
Herr Direktor
told us that very regrettably, it has been decided that we must destroy most of the animals, especially the big carnivores, the lions and tigers and the bears, and also the elephants – any animal that might be a threat to the people in the city. I know this is a dreadful thing to have to do, he told us, but if the worst comes to the worst and the bombers do come, then we shall just have to do it. We have no choice. We should prepare ourselves. That is what the
Herr Direktor
said, Elizabeth,” she cried, almost in tears by now. “To prepare ourselves! How can I prepare myself to stand by and watch them shoot Marlene? Tell me that. I cannot bear the thought of it, Elizabeth. I just cannot.”

“And will the bombers come, Mutti?” I asked her.

She did not reply at once. “I am afraid so, Elizabeth,” she said. “If I am honest – and I think you are old enough for me to be honest with you – I can see no reason why they should not come. Sooner or later they must come. We all know this.”

I think I had never been so frightened in all my life as I was at that moment. Mutti tried to comfort me all she could.

“I should not have told you, I should not,” she whispered, holding me close. “But do not worry. Whatever happens, I shall look after you and little Karli. The air-raid sirens will give us plenty of warning, and the shelter is very near, isn’t it? And it is so deep that the bombs cannot reach us down there. We have practised it so many times. We shall survive this, I promise you. You, me, and little Karli. They can send all the bombers they like, and we will survive. And I make you another
promise, Elizabeth. I shall make sure also that Marlene survives with us. I will not let this war take from me all those I love.” She wiped away my tears then, as she held me at arm’s length, brushing the hair from my eyes. “Believe me, all will be well, Elizabeth. Now let us go inside, and say our goodnights to Papi.”

So that is what we did. In the morning all three of us found ourselves together in Mutti’s bed. Mutti said she had slept better that night than for a very long time. At breakfast, she told us that from now on that is how she would always like us to sleep – together. She was happier than I’d seen her in ages, and so was I. As we left the house that morning, she kissed me goodbye, and then whispered something in my ear as she hugged me. “I have had an idea, Elizabeth, in the night, a wonderful idea, a grand idea. A secret.”

“What?” I asked.

But she would not say any more.

On the way to school with Karli that day, I
heard the sudden throbbing drone of planes overhead. I felt a warm shiver of fear crawling up my back. Then Karli was leaping up and down, and waving wildly.

“They’re ours!” he cried. “They’re ours!” And they were too. This time.”

T SEEMED TO ME
,
AS
I
WAS LISTENING TO
L
IZZIE
, that she was living every moment of the story again in her head, even as she was telling it. But the effort had been too much, and had clearly left her feeling exhausted. She laid her head back on her pillow, and was silent for a while.

“Maybe that’s enough for now, Lizzie,” I told her, getting up to go, and encouraging Karl to do the same. “You can tell us the rest another time, tomorrow maybe. Come along, Karl.” I could see Karl was not at all pleased with me. He didn’t argue as such, but darted me one of his darkest looks.

“Stay,” she whispered, holding out her hand. “Please
let him stay. You want to know what Mutti’s secret was, don’t you, Karli? And now is the right moment to tell you. It is better today because tomorrow will be too late. Tomorrow it will not be the thirteenth of February any more. That is why I must tell you what happened now. It is the anniversary, you see. There is a time for these things. And besides,” she went on, looking at me a little mischievously, and meaningfully too, “besides, as you know, for someone my age, tomorrow may never come. Sooner or later we all run out of tomorrows. This is true, I think. No?”

“Don’t talk like that,” I said, knowing full well I was beaten. “You’ve got plenty of tomorrows left. Now, are you quite sure you’re not too tired?”

“I will be tired when my story is finished, dear, and not before,” she replied.

“All right then,” I told her. “We’ll stay, but only if you drink some more water for me. Is it a deal?” I was only half joking, and she knew it.

“Your mother, Karli,” Lizzie said, with a smile, “she is a most excellent nurse, and I am sure she is an
excellent mother too, but she can be rather bossy sometimes. Am I right?”

“Yep,” Karl replied, nodding vigorously, and grinning triumphantly all over his face.

“It is a deal,” Lizzie said. And she drank a few more delicate sips, before dabbing her lips with her sheet, and settling back on to her pillows.

“It is strange,” she began…

“We were so preoccupied, I think, by the ordinary things in life, that after a while I did not give much thought to Mutti’s mysterious idea. I did ask her about it once or twice, and she said she was ‘working on it’. I certainly did not forget her warnings about the bombers that might soon be coming, nor about the armies closing in on us from all sides. How could I? I just tried my very hardest not to think about it.

Looking back, it is hard to believe now, that I was not terrified all the time. But I was not. Life
went on as normal. Karli and I went to school, as normal – when there was enough coal to heat the place, that is. There was homework to do, and tests. People walked and talked in the streets, as usual. The trams rattled by, as usual. I could not forget the war – of course not, none of us could – but I suppose we all just had to put it to the back of our minds, and get on with living each day, getting through as best we could. Maybe that was the only way of keeping our hopes alive, by looking beyond all we were seeing around us, and the shadow of disaster that hung over us. I hoped so hard that Mutti was right, prayed every night that all would be well, that in a few days the war would be over, that the bombers would not come, that I would look down the street one morning and see Papi come walking home, and I would run to him and he would hold me in his arms again. And when the spring came, we would all go to see Uncle Manfred and Auntie Lotti down on the farm, and we would be friends as
we were before, and Karli and I would sleep in the tree house and watch the moon riding through the clouds, and everything would be just as I remembered it, just as it should be.

The snow came, as it has today, and of course little Karli loved that. He was the only one at school who could juggle snowballs! We went sledging in the park, built a snowman in the garden, threw snowballs at one another on the way to and from school. And the whole city seemed to be sleeping silently under its blanket of snow. The pipes froze. We froze. It was the coldest winter I had ever known. Very soon the snow was not so much fun any more. It just made life more wretched for everyone, particularly for the refugees in the streets. Every day now I would see them in their hundreds, outside the soup kitchens, lining up in the snow, or huddled together against the cold in doorways, the children crying. And the war dragged on, miserably, interminably.

My sixteenth birthday was on the ninth of February nineteen forty-five, a day I shall never forget, and not because I had lots of presents, or lots of friends to the house for a party. There was no money for that, and besides, no one was in the mood to celebrate anything. Mutti and Karli had made me a birthday card, and gave it to me at breakfast. I remember it was a kind of collage, full of cut-out pictures of circus life, with clowns and acrobats and jugglers and horses, and elephants, of course, lots of elephants. I put it up on the mantelpiece behind Papi’s photograph before we went off to school that morning.

When we got home in the evening, Mutti was not there. This did not surprise us. We had got used to her being late home these days. But on this particular evening she was even later than usual. I was beginning to get a little worried, when I heard the garden gate squeaking open. Then Mutti was calling to us from the garden. She was coming in through the back way. I
thought it was a bit strange, but did not think anything more about it. I was just relieved she was home. She came in the back door, stamping the snow off her boots. She was carrying a sack over her shoulder.

“Potatoes,” she said, dumping the sack on the floor, and sitting herself down heavily at the kitchen table. She was breathless and glowing from the cold, and happy too, as happy as I had seen her in a long time. “I shall make a potato soup for your birthday, Elizabeth, with a little ham – I have a little ham left. I shall make you the best potato soup a mother ever made for a daughter. And…and, I have a present for you, a surprise.”

“A surprise ?” I said.

“Of course,” she laughed. “You can hardly have a birthday without a surprise, can you? And I promise you it’ll be the biggest surprise you ever had too! It is outside in the garden. I think it is maybe a little bit too big to bring inside.”

Karli got to the window before I did, which irritated me, because to my mind this was my birthday – my surprise, not his. I pushed him out of the way. I could see it was still snowing outside, but at first I could see very little else. By now Karli had rushed to the back door and opened it. “There is an elephant in the garden, Mutti!” he cried. “Why is there an elephant in our garden?”

Then I saw her too, a huge shadow that moved and became an elephant, as it came towards me into the light from the window. Mutti had her arms around me and was kissing the top of my head.

“My secret, remember?” she whispered. “Happy birthday, Elizabeth.”

“It is Marlene!” cried Karli, leaping up and down in delight.

“Is that really her?” I said. I was still not sure whether my eyes were deceiving me or not.

“It took a while to persuade the
Herr Direktor
,
but in the end I managed it,” Mutti told me. “I told him the truth, that if anything happened to her, it would break Karli’s heart. And I also convinced him that Marlene needed me night and day now, that without her mother she might well just pine away and die of sadness. I had to be there with her all the time. And that is true, quite true. I’m sure of it. Even better, I got him to promise me that Marlene will be spared if the other animals have to be shot, if the bombers come. She might be big, I told him, but she is still only young, gentle as a kitten and no danger to anyone. He was not at all easy to persuade, but as you know, I can be very insistent. From now on, Marlene will be coming home with me from the zoo every evening, and I shall take her back to the zoo in the morning. We shall not let her out of our sight. She lives with us, like one of the family. So, for your birthday, Elizabeth, you have a new little sister. Well, a big sister, I suppose.”

“And she is my sister too!” cried Karli, beside himself with excitement. I remember the exact words he used then. “
Wunderbar! Ausgezeichnet!
” Wonderful! Excellent!

I had no words. I think I was still too amazed to think of any.

“Tonight,” Mutti went on, “we will all have potatoes. Marlene loves to eat potatoes. She loves to be hand-fed, doesn’t she, Karli? Remember? And now we can all do that, can’t we? She eats a lot of potatoes, but the good thing is that she doesn’t seem to mind eating the half-bad potatoes, the ones people won’t eat.”

As we ate our steaming potato soup that night, Marlene eyed us through the window, the end of her trunk exploring the glass. Afterwards, we went outside in the snow, and Karli reached up, took her by the trunk and led her into the woodshed, which was half empty, so there was plenty of room for her to shelter inside from the snow. He stood beside her stroking her ear and
feeding her potatoes as if he’d been doing it all his life, talking to her all the while. And Marlene talked back too, in her own way. No, she did, she really did, groaning and grunting and rumbling – she had a whole language of her own!

I held the lamp for Mutti as she shook out some straw around Marlene’s feet. But I did keep my distance from Marlene. Maybe it was because she was just so huge to be near to – she seemed much bigger somehow in our woodshed than she had back in the zoo. But I think I was nervous also because she had a way of looking at me that I found quite uncomfortable, at first. She was not looking at me, so much as right into me. So I knew she must be able to see the lingering jealousy I was still feeling about her and Karli. But then I began to understand that she wasn’t judging me. No one had ever gazed into my eyes quite like this before. I can only describe it as a look full of curiosity, kindness and love. Any lingering resentment I might have still been
harbouring against Marlene vanished during that first night in the woodshed.

When we heard the wolves howling from the zoo in the distance, and she began to look unsettled and anxious, I reached out and stroked her trunk, to comfort her, and to show her that whatever she felt about me, I felt the same. I remember Karli looking up at me in the shed, and saying, “Now I have two sisters, one with a long nose and one with a shorter one – well, only a little shorter!”

I will not tell you what I said to him, but it was not polite!

Neither Karli nor I slept much that night at all. We knelt side by side by the window looking out at the woodshed. All we could see of Marlene was the dark bulk of her inside the shed. And then, just occasionally, her trunk would reach out into the snowy night.

“She is catching snowflakes, isn’t she?” Karli said.

We were the kind of family who generally kept ourselves to ourselves. We liked it that way, and as Papi had often said, in those times it was safer that way too – always best not to draw attention to ourselves. So until now, our neighbours down the street had taken very little notice of us. But the next morning, all that changed. There was a startled face at almost every window in the street as we walked out of the back gate and into the park, Mutti leading the elephant by the trunk on their way to the zoo, and Karli and I, satchels on our backs, tramping along behind them through the snow, taking the short cut to school. Some of our schoolfriends who saw us, now joined us in the park, dozens of them, until there was a whole cavalcade following along behind, all of them full of questions, and high with excitement.

When we came to the parting of the ways, we all stood and watched Mutti and Marlene walking away through the trees in the direction
of the zoo, before running off down the hill to the school. That day at school no one talked about the Red Army or about the war. We all of us had something else to talk about. Marlene, we soon discovered, had made Karli and me famous overnight. I remember how important it made me feel to be surrounded by a crowd of admirers. It wasn’t a feeling I had experienced that much before, and I liked it. And I could
see, in playtime, that Karli was also enjoying the limelight just as much as I was. What with his juggling, and all his other fancy tricks, he was more used to being the centre of attention than I was. No one called him ‘Pegleg’ any more, I noticed. He was ‘Elephant Boy’ now, and that was fine by him. That evening we threw snowballs at one another, and larked about and laughed all the way home.