Tipping Point (21 page)

“You don’t care about me walking in here, but you’re freaked out about something else right now, or I wouldn’t have been so rude as to barge in on you.”

“At least you admit that it
is
rude. Who says I’m freaked about anything?” He just stared at her, stone cold, and waited. Her stomach dropped.

“Shit. Fuck. Damn it! I am so totally an idiot for saying that. Sorry. I am
not
a dishonest or passive-aggressive woman. I’m so off-balance with you. You keep saying things that freak me out, and if I didn’t feel anything they wouldn’t bother me in the least. I’m fucking terrified of my own feelings, which is ridiculous. When did I become such a coward?”

“Coward, honey? I don’t think so. Just off-balance, like you said. We talked about this before. You haven’t had any time to think or absorb. I have. I’m being impatient and have no excuse for it. I shouldn’t be pushing you.

“We’re both feeling the intensity, and I don’t believe there’s a difference in how we feel. I just think I’ve had a bit more time to take a breath and accept it. I came in here to apologize, because I saw you freak out and I didn’t want you feeling that way any longer than necessary. I want you to be happy with me, not feel pressured.”

“I
do
feel happy. Even when I’m freaking out, it’s not because I’m really upset. It’s because I’m not. I’m freaking out because you’re making me happy, and that is so totally stupid on my part. My brain tells me I have to be smart and cautious.

“Then you say stuff to me that should scare the ever loving shit out of that side of me, and it barely squeaks a protest, but the other part of me wants to wander around like that dreamy high-schooler you mentioned. I don’t want to be the kind of woman who can go ga-ga over some guy, and gets all moony because he talks about marrying me.”

Neil grinned at her.

“But you
are
the type of woman who does, apparently, or this wouldn’t be coming up. Granted, it wasn’t that part of it that really freaked you out. It was me pushing you on your feelings, and I find it so hard to stop myself even now, because I have no problem admitting how I feel. Doesn’t scare me in the least. My only fear is that it will scare you, and I won’t do that. I meant what I said out there, but I need to stop poking at you. It’s not like you don’t already know.

“Come on. Into the shower. I’ll join you, since you offered already. I’m not about to turn down any opportunity you present that involves getting you naked.” She stripped off, turned on the water, and stepped in.

“It really is a hell of a shower you’ve got here. I could learn to covet this thing.”

“Believe it or not, this was important to me because I hate wasting time. I want to get clean as quickly as possible. People always have dribbles for showers to save water, but then you have to be in there for twenty minutes instead of five, using at least as much water, if not more.”

“Mm. Well, there are two of us using it now, so I think it would be safe to go with ten minutes or so, don’t you?

They used up far more than the allotted time, but Mac was practically purring when she stepped out. He toweled her off, but when she started to return the favour he touched her wrist to stop her.

“No. I can’t take it. Lately I have the self-control of a drunken rabbit. It’s humbling to admit, but there ya have it. It might be a good idea if you keep your distance until we finish for the night.” Mac smiled knowingly.

“That’s gonna work, is it?”

“No harm tryin’ anyway, but if you’re within reach I can’t make any promises. Course, if you’re not within reach I’ll probably be looking to get you
within
reach. Oh well. You’re a gorgeous woman. There’s probably no help for me.”

Mac snorted with laughter.

“Oh please. Gorgeous my ass. We need to get dressed so we can get some work done. Get a move on ya lazy git.”

“Yes ma’am. Though I must protest the lazy part. You can’t call someone lazy when they’re banging you so often and so thoroughly. I mean, that’s a hell of a workout.”

“Just so long as you don’t turn it into an exercise video. I might have a few choice words to say about being part of your floor work.”

Mac traipsed into her bedroom, dressed, and fixed up the food and water dishes for the ferrets. Only one waste pad needed changing. She took the biodegradable bag from the garbage can outside with her. It was getting pretty aromatic, so she needed to set up the composting area for the animal waste.

Mac grabbed the shovel she used for digging in places that weren’t part of the garden area. Neil stepped out of the house then, so she told him where she was going. He said he’d go back and help ‘the kids’ with whatever remained to be done on the second goat pen.

She chose an area somewhat in the corner of her property, but still out of sight from the road, and from the neighbouring land should someone decide to visit their property boundaries. She’d picked the spot because of a fallen tree that would be behind the bins, helping to conceal them. If they stepped far enough onto her property to see what would soon be a compost bin, the sensors would soon be in place to register the intrusion.

Mac intended for the bins to be fairly well camouflaged anyway. People might know that someone owned the property, of course, but she hoped to avoid them knowing anyone was actively working the land. She’d probably made lots of noise when she’d prepped the areas for the concrete pads, but that had been a long time ago.

When she got the chance to go over the land registry maps with Neil she could find out if he remembered hearing anything around the time she’d been doing the work. Hopefully he would also be able to tell her if the other owners had developed their land. Not everyone did. Sometimes it was just an investment.

Mac dug a wide trench for the compost boxes she intended to bury here. With the number of animals they had now, they’d need quite a few bins. By next spring they should have some good compost for the garden, but for safety sake it needed to brew for months to remove the risk of salmonella.

Mac went back to the house and built the first composting box. She wouldn’t be building the rest today, so she left with it as soon as it was complete. All in all she had her composting area at least partially set up within the hour. She dropped in the small bag of ferret waste, scattered soil on top, and closed the lid with a sigh. Now to deal with the rest of the animals that would be filling up the bin.

The second goat pen was complete. It was a lot further from the house than the one they were leaving the does in, which was a damn good thing. If the bucks had that much of an aroma now, she wasn’t looking forward to the smell when they were in rut.

“You just need two sheds put up for now, right?” Mac nodded at Neil.

“Right, but humour me and at least
pretend
to look at the directions first, would ya?” Neil laughed, and started fishing for the page that had wafted further into the box when he pulled out a few pieces.

Mac shook her head. They’d done everything bass-ackwards when it came to the animals, because there had been such a rush to get them and bring them home. At least when they built the third and fourth pens they’d be able to do things in order. Everything would be completely in place when they moved any goats into them.

By the time the sheds were assembled, Mac was in a foul mood. She was sure she could have built them from scratch, including cutting down the trees and using the sawmill to turn them into boards, faster than the sheds had gone up. If she’d had to do the job by herself, it would have taken her a month of Sundays.

It was a good thing Neil actually
had
read his directions, because the design was as counter-intuitive as she had ever seen. Although the panels were deeply corrugated, they still flopped around a fair bit just from their size. Any stability they attained came with the later installation of cross-braces and attachment to the other panels. They hadn’t poured a concrete pad or anything. The goats were far too nosy for them to even attempt it.

They could move the building onto a pad later, once they had a place to shift the goats to, getting them out of the way. At least this way it gave the goats an opportunity to eat up all the grass. Maybe she’d also let them graze away the grass in the new pens before putting in the pads and sheds. Waste not, want not, she figured.

It wasn’t until they were done for the night that a breeze finally kicked up, of course. Everyone was hot and tired, so the four younger adults started talking about going for a swim. Mac and Neil declined to join them, so they went off on their own to grab stuff like swimwear and towels. Billy and Neil had both grabbed overnight bags this time, so Billy had a change of clothes for after his swim.

Mostly Mac wanted some peace and quiet to relax and get a grip on what was happening in her life right now. She’d already done a fair bit of thinking while working on the compost bin, but she still had things to sort through in her head.

Mac was lifting her ponytail off the back of her neck to revel in the cool breeze when Neil came up behind her to rub her shoulders. A surprised moan came out of her mouth. She hadn’t even noticed how tight her muscles were. The shoveling had warmed them up, making them loose, but her irritation with the sheds had turned the ones in her shoulders into knots.

“This is assault, sir. Please cease and desist all criminal activity. You have three hours to comply.”

“Mm-hm. I’ll get right on that. Got your cuffs with you? I’d like to be taken in for house arrest. Maybe go biblical with the whole eye-for-an-eye thing. What do you say?”

“You rub my back, I’ll rub yours? That’s a deal. My cuffs are in the house. If you come quietly I might use them on you.”

“I can come quietly,” he whispered in her ear. “You have a little more difficulty there as I recall.” She stiffened as the spear of heat slammed through her body, and let out a soft gasp.
Ah, God
, she marveled, wondering when the man’s potency would wear off for her. Hopefully never, because she was pretty sure she was looking at a very long-term commitment with him.

“If they’re all out of the house swimming,” she began, barely managing to speak. Neil didn’t need her to finish the sentence. They went straight to the house and into her bedroom. Seconds after the outside door closed, signaling the exodus of the other four, Neil thrust inside her.

Once he was hilted, however, he stopped.

“I could spend the rest of my life right here.” Mac looked into his eyes, but couldn’t speak. A feeling so powerful washed over her that she shuddered. It spread through her chest and out into her limbs, until the words were pushing up through her throat. Until she couldn’t have stopped them if her life depended on it. She tried to choke them off before they came out, she really did, but the whisper still traveled across her tongue and into the ether.

“I love you, Neil.” She knew there was utter shock on her face as she looked into his brilliantly green eyes. She could feel it in every pore.

“You don’t have to be scared, honey,” he whispered. “You already know I love you, too. There isn’t a doubt in my mind about you. I love you, baby,” he repeated, and began to move inside her. By his third stroke, Mac was convulsing beneath him, the spasms in her vaginal muscles triggering his orgasm so that he spilled scalding heat inside her.

Mac was still in complete shock. She knew she shouldn’t be, since she’d been honest enough with herself to admit her own feelings. Her shock came from having spoken the words aloud. Words she could not pull back inside herself, and pretend did not exist. It was too late for that now. Her feelings for him had cracked her heart wide open, until the emotions came pouring out in an endless torrent.

There was a heady sense of freedom in her vulnerability, however. Until then she hadn’t noticed how much work it had taken to maintain the protective shell she kept around her heart. There was no fear in her now, though. Only wonder that she had found anything like this, after mostly writing off the possibility in her own mind.

“You don’t have to run from this, Mac. It doesn’t matter how crazy it might seem. It’s what we feel.”

“Neil,” she whispered to him, her mouth finding his. This time it was intentional when she spoke the words she knew he needed to hear again.

As soon as the words left her mouth he began to move inside her once more, slow and gentle. He rolled them over until she was rising above him, holding to the torturous pace. When they came together an endless time later, they shattered completely, the pieces of them temporarily becoming a single being.

*     *     *

Ever so slowly Mac became aware of her surroundings again. Neil was stroking her hair as her head rested in the hollow between his shoulder and chest. It was certainly convenient to have a man that was so much taller than she was, she realized. Granted, everything about him seemed to fit her. His thoughts must have been running in a similar vein, because they spoke at the same time.

“I love you.” At any other time it might have been funny, but right then it seemed more poignant to her than anything else. They both smiled. She could see the relaxed wonder on his face, as he moved his hand from her hair and brushed the backs of his fingers across her cheek.

“You’ve got such soft skin. You really are beautiful, you know. In fact...” He reached down to the jeans he’d dropped on the floor, and pulled out his phone to snap a selfie of the two of them. When she saw the result, she told him to send it to her phone.

When she didn’t hear a corresponding notification beep she asked if he was sure he’d sent it to the right number. He showed her the MMS on his screen. Mac looked around for her phone. It was a BlackBerry Passport, which was large and oddly-shaped, and it also happened to be red so it should have been easy to spot.

“Well, hell. What have I done with the damn thing now?” The last time she’d used it was when Neil’s text had come in to tell her he was coming up to the gate. She’d only looked at the screen, but then she couldn’t remember whether or not she’d put it back in her pocket. She moved her lazy carcass away from Neil’s warmth and reached for her jeans. Nothing.