Titanic: The Long Night (20 page)

He shook his head. “I don’t know, miss. Doesn’t seem like there is. They’re sayin’ it’s time to get into the boats, that’s all I know.”

Katie debated. She had to think of the children. But how could she leave the ship without knowing that Brian and Paddy were safe?

Still, she couldn’t deny the sense of urgency spreading among the passengers on deck. Though some had been joking when they first arrived up top, that had ended as the tilt of the ship became more noticeable. Even the most optimistic among them could no longer pretend this was just a routine drill. And those who had been calm, as if they might be waiting for the arrival of a train, were now pressing closer to the lifeboats, intent on finding a place in one. The words of those who spoke now and again were tense, high-pitched with fear.

“I’ll wait just a bit,” Katie told the steward. “But I won’t risk the children, I promise you that.”

Nodding, he hurried off to deal with more cooperative passengers.

Tightly clutching the hands of Bridey and Kevin, and terrified that she had just made a terrible mistake, Katie waited for Brian and Paddy.

Monday, April 15, 1912

Elizabeth’s mother refused to stand out in the cold. She insisted that Elizabeth come with her into the gymnasium, where many people had gathered to wait for instructions. “It’s warm in there,” Nola Farr said, her voice breathless with agitation. As she spoke, she tugged on Elizabeth’s sleeve. “I have no idea what’s happening, but it is foolish to stay out here and freeze to death.”

Elizabeth’s father didn’t go with them, saying he needed to talk to the captain or Bruce Ismay, the head of the White Star Line, to find out exactly “what the situation is.” Max went with him.

No one inside the warm, brightly lit gymnasium seemed to know what the “situation” was. Elizabeth knew the fear she saw in most of the faces and felt within herself was fear of the unknown. No one was aware of exactly what was happening, they only knew that
something
was. And it frightened them. Hands holding coffee cups or glasses trembled, high-pitched voices quavered as they discussed what might be taking place. Occasional laughter sounded false and forced.

Elizabeth saw people deep in intense conversation. Others were standing silent and white-faced, and still others wore the same look of bewilderment she had seen on the shoeless woman. All were wearing the bulky white life vests over their clothing. Although many women were wearing furs, there were others dressed far less sensibly. A beautiful blonde woman in a vivid blue evening gown and matching satin heeled slippers had for warmth only a silk, long-sleeved jacket in the same bright blue. She was visibly shivering with cold and, Elizabeth realized, fear. Another woman had taken the time to don a wide-brimmed, veiled black hat, though she was wearing thin nightclothes under a pink chenille bathrobe. A bald man in pajamas and overcoat had forgotten his eyeglasses and was complaining that he couldn’t see well. His lack of clear vision seemed to be adding to his barely restrained panic as he wandered from group to group, asking querulously if anyone had yet spoken to the captain about this “annoying delay.”

In spite of the tangible anxiety in the gymnasium, as Nola led the way to a warm corner, Elizabeth picked up bits and fragments of conversation meant to reassure.

“…only take a few minutes to fix it. Then we’ll be on our way again. Hardly lose any time at all. The ship’s been breaking speed records, anyway, so we won’t be more than a little late into New York.”

“…might put us off on the lifeboats, but it’ll only be till they’ve seen to the problem. A nuisance, no one’s arguing that, but apparently it’s necessary. Something about weight, I gather. We’ll be back on board before breakfast.”

“
…
not leaving the ship to get into some flimsy old lifeboat, I can tell you. Damn cold out there, catch our death, die of pneumonia before we get to New York.”

“…sue the White Star Line, that’s what I say. I paid a pretty penny for my first-class ticket, and I have a right to better service than this. Speaking to my attorneys, I am, the minute we get back to civilization. They’ll have something to say about all of this nonsense.”

Elizabeth wished she could believe that it was all “nonsense.” But she didn’t, not for a second. Although no one had come right out and said the ship was sinking, she could
feel
that something was very wrong. They wouldn’t be holding a drill this late at night, not when it was so unbearably cold outside. Captain Smith wouldn’t be that inconsiderate. She still held out hope that the first person she had overheard was correct, that if they left the ship at all, it would only be briefly. Then they’d get back on and continue with their trip.

Still, in spite of the reassuring statements, the air of anxiety in the room continued unabated.

A crewman passed through the crowd then, shouting an inquiry as to who still needed a life vest. No one did. “This is only a precaution,” he added, still in a shout as he left the gymnasium. “You will all be returning to your staterooms before long.” Before anyone could press him for details, he was gone.

Elizabeth couldn’t have said why she didn’t believe him. She wanted to. He was a crew member, after all, and should know better than they what was taking place. But there was something in his voice…

She didn’t believe him. She didn’t think anyone else did, either. She could almost smell the fear in the room.

Nola, however, chose to believe. The lines of tension in her face eased, and she expressed annoyance at the inconvenience. “You know I need my sleep, Elizabeth,” she complained as she perched uncertainly on the seat of a mechanical camel. “I’m not the young girl I once was. Not like you. You could go without sleep for days on end and still look fresh and beautiful. But I need my rest if my eyes are not to look like dark, fat pillows in the morning. I must say, they’ve picked a most inconvenient time to take their precautions. And
where
is your father?”

When he returned, pressing through the crowd with Max at his side, Elizabeth could tell from the expression on both their faces that the crewman had indeed been mistaken. Her heart sank. Her father’s brow was furrowed, Max’s face a study in concern. Max moved to Elizabeth’s side and took her hand. Martin Farr did the same with his wife.

“Nola,” he said quietly, calmly, “you are going to have to leave the ship. They’re readying the lifeboats. I would like you to come with me now, so that I may see you and Elizabeth safely off.”

Elizabeth drew in her breath in alarm. “Safely off?” They had to leave the comfort and warmth of the ship and venture out into that black, icy void? She couldn’t. She couldn’t do it. The thought was simply too terrifying. What would happen to them out there?

“Oh, heavens, Martin,” her mother responded with a wave of dismissal from her free hand. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m staying right here where it’s nice and warm.” In spite of the casual tone of her voice, her face had gone very pale. “And what do you mean, see us off? You can’t possibly think I would leave here without you.”

“Oh, I’ll be along.” He helped her dismount the camel. “Young Whittaker here and I shall follow in another boat.” His tone of voice was as casual as hers, but Elizabeth knew the tone was forced. “But it’s women and children first, Nola. You’ve sailed often enough to know that. The men go last, that’s the way of it.”

“Martin.” Mrs. Farr stood very straight, her back stiff with resistance, though her voice shook. “I am not leaving this ship without you. That’s final.”

Her husband’s hazel eyes narrowed. “And what of our daughter? You are not concerned with her welfare?”

“Of course I am! She’ll be fine right here with me until this silliness is over.” She turned toward Elizabeth and spoke in her sweetest, most persuasive voice, though it was still unsteady. Elizabeth knew that tone well. “You’ll be fine, won’t you, dear? You wouldn’t want to leave the ship without your father, would you?”

“Darling, please don’t do that,” Elizabeth’s father said sharply. “Don’t force her to align herself with you in such foolish recklessness.” His voice hardened. “You are both getting into lifeboats, and that’s final. I don’t want to hear another word about it. Come along, then.” His voice softened again as he put an arm around his wife’s shoulders and began gently but firmly leading her forward before she could protest further. “I am telling you, dear heart, I shall be along later. You must trust me.”

As they walked, Max and Elizabeth followed. Her knees felt like warm porridge. Was she really going to have to get into one of those dangling lifeboats? No, she couldn’t. She couldn’t do it. “They say there are ships in the immediate area,” Max told her. “I expect that we’ll be rescued as soon as the lifeboats are in the water. So you needn’t worry about freezing out there, Elizabeth. You won’t be out there long enough to freeze.”

They had to walk very close together to get through the mass of people milling about on the boat deck. The earlier calmness had dissipated. Realizing the seriousness of the situation, people were chattering loudly, demanding assistance, calling out the names of friends and relatives they’d become separated from, pushing anxiously toward the lifeboats. “Then the
Titanic
really is in trouble?” Elizabeth asked. “Is it going to sink?”

He nodded. “Yes, I think so. I know they said it couldn’t, but it looks like they were wrong. I heard someone say just now that we have perhaps no more than two hours, if even that. Your father’s right. You’ve got to get into a boat.”

Elizabeth fought back tears. “You have to come, too, Max. With us.” She wanted him with her. The thought of leaving him behind on a ship that might be sinking was unbearable.

He shook his head. “Can’t do that, Elizabeth. I’m not a child, and I’m not a woman. I’ll wait with your father until the boats for the men have been readied. And I’ll catch up with you on whichever ship picks us up. If it’s a really big ship, it may take a while, but we’ll find each other.”

Just ahead of her, Elizabeth could see the lifeboats being uncovered and lowered slowly on the davits to deck level. The sight stopped the flow of blood in her veins. It was really going to happen. They were all going to have to leave the ship in the pathetically small lifeboats and sail off into that cold, black emptiness out there. And if something happened that prevented them from reboarding the
Titanic
, they could only hope to be plucked off the water by a rescuing ship.

What if that didn’t happen? What if there were no ships out there?

Elizabeth wanted more than anything to be brave and strong, to impress Max with her fortitude. But sheer, raw terror at the sight of the lifeboats being lowered, and the certain knowledge that she was about to be sent off the warm, beautiful ship that still seemed so safe in spite of everything and out into the dark, frigid night without her father and without Max, sent her spinning around to throw herself into his arms and whisper intently, “Oh, Max, I don’t want to leave you here! I’m so frightened!”

He let her stay there, holding her close, his chin resting on the top of her head. He didn’t tell her she was being silly, that she was a coward, didn’t even try to reassure her. Instead, he whispered back, “I’m afraid, too, Elizabeth.”

At first she thought she’d heard him wrong. “You? You’re afraid?”

He laughed ruefully. “Wouldn’t I be stupid not to be afraid? The ship is going down, we know that much now. Anyone who’s not afraid isn’t thinking clearly.”

And indeed, the people milling around them were pushing more forcefully now, anxious to find a place in the boats. The crewmen stationed near the lifeboats spoke firmly, clearly intent on maintaining order. “Women and children first,” one of them called out emphatically. “Women and children first!”

Max put his hands on Elizabeth’s elbows and looked directly into her eyes. “Listen, Elizabeth, that last argument we had—”

She reached up to put a trembling finger over his lips. “Shh! Not now, Max. Please. What’s the difference now? It all seems so silly.”

“I just want to say…I need to tell you—”

“Elizabeth!” her father called from a few feet away. “You must come now!”

Desperation in his eyes, Max said quickly, “Elizabeth, I think I’m in love with you.”

She had to struggle against tears. Why make it worse for him by crying? She smiled instead. “I think you are, too.” Her smile widened. “But that works out quite well, don’t you think? Because I feel the same way about you.”

Her father’s voice rang out again. “Elizabeth!
Now
!”.

There was time then for only one brief kiss, not nearly long enough, but filled with all of the emotion they couldn’t put into words. When they moved apart, they joined Elizabeth’s parents on the lifeboat line.

Katie, waiting with the children in hand, had been watching the sad tableau. She recognized the girl in gray as the one with the happy family. The girl who hadn’t wanted to gawk in third class. Katie needed no interpreter to tell her what was happening between the girl and the handsome, sandy-haired young man talking to her. They were saying their good-byes, and it was so clearly painful for both that it brought tears to Katie’s eyes, though she didn’t know either of them.

She didn’t understand why they were parting. Why wasn’t the young man going with the girl? She was with her parents, instead, but it seemed the father wasn’t disembarking, either. His wife was clinging to him as if she might never see him again. Why wasn’t he going along? There was plenty of room in the lifeboat. Families should always stay together, no matter what was happening.

Small wonder the girl was upset. Leaving both her beau, for he was clearly that, and her father behind, on a ship that was in trouble.

It wasn’t right. It wasn’t right at all.

When Brian and Paddy returned, she would insist that they all leave the ship in the same lifeboat. She wouldn’t let them argue with her. Brian was a man of his word, and he had promised her da he would see to it that she got to America safely. She would hold him to that promise, shame him if he refused to get into the lifeboat.