To Be Honest (3 page)

“There’s enough to last the month if I can get some in the freezer,” she says. “I’ve made stew and éclairs. And a chateau.”

“Gateau.”

Mum looks confused. “No thanks darling. Bit busy at the moment.”

Mum always does a cookery push when she’s feeling strapped for cash. Since Dad left four years ago, I’ve come to recognise the signs: spending on silly things that make her feel better (cushions, clothes, jewellery, scent) followed by scrimping and saving like we’re going to be snowed in for the next six months. Actually, I quite like it. And last year we
did
get snowed in. For half a day, anyway. Tao was hilarious: he ran around like a mad thing in the park and we had to calm him down which never happened after ... but I don’t want to think about that. Anyway, it means I can’t ask for money and I’ll have to work on Sunday after all, to pay for the dress Kai wants me to wear and the Kate Moss skirt and the Oasis top Miss Mint’s got and the jacket. I can ignore the fact that I had my outfit all planned out. I can ignore it quite easily, thank you.

So Felix’s going out with Frankee, is what Erin reckons.

“He snogged her after school yesterday in front of everyone — ‘parently he’s been seeing her for weeks.

“Old news,” Josh says glumly. He’s tagged along after all — I knew he would: it’s that or take Dominic to football - and we’re sitting by Primark on the edge of the not-working fountain in the middle of the high street having breakfast and making game plans. I’ve got a Krispy Kreme, Rach is smoking. Courtney stayed at home in the end, getting ready and sending us stressy texts.

I’m not that bothered, to be honest. Felix isn’t my type, Frankee’s a complete cow and the only reason I’m at all interested is because Kai’s involved by default. They go around everywhere together. What’s going to happen now?

“Will Kai get a girlfriend, then?” I wipe my mouth and ask the question we’re all thinking.

Erin pulls out a pair of tights with a seam up the back. She’s already done half an hour; prefers shopping on her own and she’s an early riser. “Yeah. Me.”

“They’re
gorgeous
,” I slather. I’ve seen them before.

“Miss Mint’s got some.”

“You wearing them tonight?”

She looks at me for a split second, and then drops them in my lap. “Nope. You are.”

I feel a bit dizzy. That’s so nice; I love Erin. We hug.

“If they ladder, I’ll buy you a new pair.”

“Yeah, I know.”

Josh plucks his shoelace. “It’ll take more than tights.”

“What’s wrong with
you
?” snaps Rach. She and Josh have never quite got on: she reckons he’s a drama queen, which he is.

“Shh, look over there,” I clutch Erin’s arm.

Emerging from Boots is Miss Mint, clad in a peacock, flared coat with old gold buttons and military boots. Her hair’s swept into a low chignon like she often wears at school and she’s trying to put a small plastic bag into a massive, beautiful leather one.

“Pregnancy test,” Rach whispers, knowingly.

Miss Mint clips her bag shut and checks her phone. She looks up and I think she’s staring at me. I raise my hand to wave but then realise she’s looking straight through and to my left, to a man like a tank walking towards her. He’s wearing a navy blazer, jeans and posh looking shoes and I know then it must be her fiancé. We watch her hand lift, her mouth move but it’s too noisy and she’s too far away to hear. They kiss quickly, he scoops his hand under her elbow and they make their way through the crowd until they’re practically on top of us. I spring up. So does Erin.

“Miss, hi Miss.” She looks puzzled for a split second, and up close I see the gloss on her lips is redder than she wears at school but otherwise she’s polished; poised.

“Girls. Josh. This is Taff.”

We snort.

“There’s a sale on in Coast,” Miss Mint stage whispers to us. “Taff can’t wait.”

He chuckles, says it’s true and then smiles at me in particular and I don’t know why but I blush. It’s not that I fancy him; he’s too big and old and looks a bit like Prince William after too many roasts but I imagine him having sex with Miss Mint and he winks at me, so fast I’m not sure it happened and then Josh drops sherbet down himself and the others giggle and I do too so then I’m free.

Miss Mint doesn’t even mention the trip on Monday, she’s that cool. We say goodbye, then trawl through the mall, picking up accessories and sweets. Erin buys an incredible blue cape with psychedelic roses but spots Alicia Payne in the distance eating chips, wearing the exact same one so she takes it back. I can’t find the skirt or the top but to be honest, my mind’s more on finding a black dress to impress Kai.

I find it in a shop way, way out of my budget. But it’s perfect: skin-tight, lacy, thigh-skimming. I’ve already bought the skirt and a jacket and there’s no way I can afford it. But I buy it anyway.

“Eighty five quid?!” Rach goggles.

“Had a windfall.”

“From a millionaire?”

I shrug and Josh looks at me funny but I ignore him.

The wind’s picking up and we start to feel hungry again and head to McDonald’s. We buy burgers and milkshakes but Rach doesn’t ‘cos as usual she’s watching her weight so she just gets a Diet Coke and we find a tiny table and squidge in. Erin and Rach start talking calories, Josh waffles on about some club in London and everything’s great until I remember Taff’s look as I’m crunching into a pickle and choke.

“He winked at you.” Josh mind reads.

“Who?” Erin shakes salt all over her fries and rips the cardboard pack open. She’s too fussy to eat with her fingers so she stashes a fork in her bag. She’s weird like that.

“Taff. He wants to get in Lisi’s pants.”

“Shut up, Josh.” How dare he? As if I’d ever say anything about his obsession with Kai. But it’s too late. The girls start listening like I’m reading lottery numbers. Erin sucks her fingers.

“He likes minty green.” Josh tugs my hair, which still is.

“Shut
up
.” I’m so embarrassed. I want to get up and go to the bathroom but I’m slotted next to Rach, who waggles her straw in the air.

“Would you shag him?”

“Who?”

“Taff.”

“No way.”

“If you were Miss Mint, would you shag him?”

I hesitate. Too long.

“You
like
him!
Oh
my god! Urgh, he’s like,
old
and
posh
.”

And rich and famous, I think. Because I happen to know Taff Broxley-Hunt is an ex-Olympic rower. He may be ancient now — in fact I think he must be, like, forty, which is nearly as old as Mum and almost impossible to imagine, but Dad used to talk about him when he was still around. I think he rowed across the Atlantic once, in a boat with another man. I remember seeing pictures of him in Dad’s office.

When Dad was around. Still, I’ll see him quite soon. Well, at Christmas.

So then we realise it’s nearly four and all of us have to get ready but none of us want to split up. So Josh comes to mine and Rach and Erin go to Rach’s and we arrange to meet at seven at the garage near Courtney’s so we can check our outfits.

When we get back, Mum’s brandishing an iron and waiting for
Strictly Showbusiness
which Josh likes too, ‘cos he can be sarcastic and look at sequinned tuxedos at the same time. Conscious of my shopping, I’ve crushed my dress into the skirt bag and I’m wearing the jacket under my normal coat. But Mum’s being perceptive for once.

“What’s that you’ve bought?”

“Jumper.”

“Let’s see,” she pouts.

“Show her,” Josh prompts and I have no choice: I pull out the dress. Mum gasps.

“That’s ... grown up.”

And now I look properly, it is. Way too grown up for me, to be honest, although I’d thought that was the point. I saw the shop assistant’s expression when I came out of the changing room. I shouldn’t have bought it for so many reasons. Not least because ...

“You can’t afford it,” Mum says as she holds it up and sees the tag.

“I can. I’m working double shifts tomorrow and anyway, Josh lent me some, didn’t you?” I stab him with a look. He stares at the ground.

“That was generous, Josh.” Luckily, Mum loves him so as long as he doesn’t say anything, I’ll be fine.

Upstairs, Josh’s quiet. I know better than to open my mouth, but I can’t help it.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have lied. Thanks.”

He’s silent, playing with the sea-Mint glass paperweight Dad got me. I toss shopping, coat, hat on the bed and flop on top.

“Make it up to you? Pay for a taxi tonight?”

He gives me a pitying look, which is worse than anything he could say, and puts the paperweight down. Then he says he’s going to Courtney’s. And then he leaves.

I hear the front door bang. For a minute I’m lost, then I stand up and go to the window. The paperweight’s pure; Arctic clear. I stare out at the neighbourhood rooftops and Mum’s over-Mint garden outside, wet like it’s been crying.

Mum’s cross too. She’s put the iron down and chews her pen when I descend and shakes her head when I offer to help her with French, but when she looks up and sees me wearing the dress she has to say something.

“I just hope he’s worth it.”

That’s all. And as if it wasn’t bad enough having to walk to the garage alone, my heel breaks on the way so I have to put on ballet pumps and text Courtney to make sure she’s not wearing her black shoes. The message fails so I text Josh. No reply. Oh god, what if she is.

I’m worrying about this as I walk past the petrol pumps and see Felix coming out with Frankee. They don’t see me ‘cos they’re linked into each other, oblivious. Felix is undoing a fag packet with his arm wrapped round Frankee’s fake fur shoulders and Frankee’s hair looks great: all shiny-smooth and thick, spanned out across her back like seaweed.

With my soles all soft I slide behind a pump and crouch, swallowing my heart as I watch them pass. It’s not that I’m trying to avoid them for real but if anything else can go wrong before the party the way things are going it probably will, so I’m not taking any chances.

My phone vibrates.

“Where are you?” I can see Erin and Rach crossing the road a few metres away. I stand up, start waving and gabbling about broken shoes until a man in the shop storms out, making neck-slashing gestures. Apparently you can’t use a mobile phone near petrol. Who knew? Anyway, I skip over and Erin slips me a swiped can of Fizz ‘cos she knows I like cider and then we’re off to Courtney’s.

The party’s not looking that lively, to be honest. A couple of balloons tied to the brick post at the end of the wall twist and strain like they don’t want to be there. Ed Sheeran thumps in the back and three boys’ silhouettes sway by the open doors of the club as we walk up the path. I’m feeling a bit nervous, then out of the dark wobbles Courtney, arm in arm with Josh.

They’re both drunk already, swigging from a massive plastic bottle that could contain anything.

“Leese! You made it; you
came
.” Courtney grabs and kisses me on the cheek, nearly slipping.

“Did you get my shoe text from Josh?”

She looks blank. “He said you two had a row.”

Josh looks unhappier than I’ve ever seen him which I hate but I’m furious. So far, he’s ruined any chance of a party mood by being a grump and it looks like I’ll be in flats for the night. Some best friend.

I shake my head and seize Erin and Rach’s hands: I didn’t wear three eye shadow colours for nothing. “It’s all good: show me the money,” I cry and, with my head down, start marching toward the club.

“You’re wearing it,” Josh hurls after me in spite but he can’t touch me: I’m a slithery, sexy vamp in a very black, very tight, very ...

“That’s a short dress.”

Kai’s cheekbones are marble. He’s beside me and I turn into his approval but his eyes are hard, too.

“Um. Yeah.”

Brilliant, Lisi, just brilliant. Could words three and four have
been
any more meaningful?

There’s something there, like he’s torn in the middle and sort of likes my dress, but sort of doesn’t, and we both wait a beat. Then,

“You look too grown-up.” He sounds mildly surprised, like he’s just noticed it’s raining, which it is, and all my hope turns to disappointment and spills out of my heart because I nearly fall over.

Erin’s in with, “well, she
is,
She’s the most grown-up girl here.”

“Hmm,” he hums, and it’s like his mind’s wandered. He’s taken a little gold toothpick from the back of his jeans and on anyone else it would seem crazy but he pulls it off. I sense Josh next to me and instinctively put out my arm for support but he dodges, right into the path of some shadowy figures coming up behind us, and I’m feeling really lost now.

Oooof! There’s a scuffle followed by a funny sound like someone’s pummelling a cushion, and Felix’s punching Josh repeatedly in the waist.