To Bed or to Wed (12 page)

“Perhaps.” Henry sighed. “It also makes a man too damaged for much of anything else
, regardless of the admiration his tale elicits.”

She glanced at him. “There is hope for every person as long as they’re given understanding and kindness.” She thought back over her dealings with Nathan and tears sprang to her eyes. He’d been so brave, so courageous.
He’d never uttered a word for excuse. And now he was pitied in Society. It must grate on his nerves and add oil to an already raging fire.

A frown pulled at Henry’s thin lips. “Some men are not fit to live with let alone be seen within Society. You’d do well to steer away from him, Charlotte.” His voice had dropped to a whisper. “There are much better men to set your cap for.”

“I haven’t set my cap for anyone.” Though she wanted nothing more than to push away from the table and storm from the room, she resisted. Once word made its way to her mother, she’d never let Charlotte forget her appalling manners. “I merely think it’s ridiculous to avoid a man simply because he’s a bit prickly around the edges.”

Henry scoffed. “Prickly, you think? The man’s a monster. Any woman who aligns herself with him should have our prayers, for it’s only a matter of time before his temper lands on her.”

“Good luck if that is your wish,” Captain Forsythe added. “I sincerely doubt Ravenhurst is capable of love or affection, even if Amherst hadn’t promised the marquess to his daughter. But then, in that situation, no love could bloom anyway. That union is merely for position and coin.”

One of the men down the table snorted. “Perhaps we shall place wagers on the match at White’s.”

Charlotte stewed beneath the gay laughter, railed silently when the conversation turned to other members of the
ton
, but the ridicule didn’t sway her mind. Now, more than ever, she wanted to befriend the marquess, and if not bring him up to scratch, then show him he was worthy of her regard, worthy of friendship and trust. He didn’t need to accept her overtures; he merely needed to know someone cared. Perhaps that would soothe his savage soul.

Damn and blast.
Nathan stared out the parlor window at Brook Street. Snow, again. Granted, it was light and comprised of fluffy flakes, but he didn’t wish to be out in it, and especially not for the express purpose of listening to yet another elderly lord drone on about a law that had little hope of passing. He glanced at his sister. “Some days are more of a trial than others. If it weren’t for Parliament I could be in the country right now.”

Alexandra set her teacup on the table in front of her. “
Doing what? Riding through your snow-covered acreage? Hunting? Tucking yourself away on some quiet corner of the property to reflect on how terrible you think your life is?”

He turned
fully and pinned her with a look. “You think it’s not?” Why was he forever at odds with his sister? When they were children, avoiding their father’s wrath had bonded them close. It was only after she’d married and he took the title that they drifted apart. “After the torture and maltreatment, after being forgotten from my own country, after constantly struggling to keep the rage in check once I came home, haunted by nightmares and the sting of betrayal?”

“You’re alive. It could be worse.” She stared back, uncowed. “Sitting in Parliament is your lot in life. It does no good to complain. If you do not care for it, give up your title and let Jamie try his hand.”

Nathan snorted. “Jamie is far too immature for the task. The older lords would eat him alive.” Especially once his sexual preference got out. “I’d like for him to remain in training for a few more years, or to at least enjoy his life before he must take up this one.”

“Pish posh.” She narrowed her eyes. “For whatever reason, you have changed your mind about letting him have a go at it. If I were a stupid woman, I’d say it was because of your imminent announcement concerning Lady Sophia, but you’ve avoided her since returning to London. There must be another reason.”

“The only reason is my dislike of the world in general.” It was vastly overrated and disappointing. Besides, he didn’t like her scrutiny by half. “I have told you before. I don’t wish to court Lady Sophia.”

“You must. Plans are in the works and they hinge on your making a match with her.” Alexandra rose smoothly then shook out her skirts. “Don’t you think you owe me this since you didn’t bring my husband home?”

His chest tightened. Of course she would mention that again. “So, that’s your game? You intend to bedevil me, guilt me, until I do your bidding all because of Grantley’s death?” How much badgering could he take before the anger took control?

“I have every right.” Her voice sounded as chilly as the world outside.

“You are a candidate for Bedlam if that’s what you think. I couldn’t have saved Grantley if I’d wanted to, and I did. You have no idea. You weren’t there. You were spared the ghastliness of seeing him, day in and day out, while unspeakable things happened to him.” The horror of the situation hurtled into his mind and graveled his voice. “You weren’t there watching helpless when every fiber of your being wanted, strained to help but couldn’t. In some ways it was worse than the physical torture they gave me.” He’d never be free of those images.

“You could have tried harder.” Bitterness laced her voice.
“If you’d truly wanted to, you could have saved him as well as yourself.”

“Right. Forgive me for not striving for perfection while being
beaten.” The familiar heat of anger spread through his insides. “Thank you for reminding me of my mere mortal status.”

She rolled her eyes. “Your debt to me is not yet paid, brother dear.”

“Do not think to guilt me into matrimony.” He couldn’t spend one more moment in her company. “I may prefer my life at the country estate to living in Town, but that doesn’t mean I’m anxious to set up housekeeping with any woman, least of all someone you’ve selected for me with little more thought than how that union will benefit you. I grow weary of living my life for everyone else when what I want is impossible to obtain.” He stopped short of blurting it out.

“
Ah. There is another who has occupied your attention.” Alexandra’s laugh was forced. “You wish to align yourself with the Darrington woman. That is folly, Ravenhurst.”

Botheration
, his sister was shrewd. “You’ll be pleased to know I haven’t seen Lady Charlotte since the Armenstout soirée days ago, and even then I’m afraid I cut her rather publicly. In fact, I left within minutes of arriving.” Shame for his treatment of Charlotte in front of her friends burned through him. He hadn’t needed to resort to such, but he’d sunk low.

“I heard you made quite the impression. The women were confused as to your purpose and the men were asking for wagers on whether you’ll wed Lady Sophia. One could say you enjoy turning Society on its ear for all your reclusiveness and now the daftness you persist in showing when you are out in public.”

“Yes, well, we cannot all be the paragons of virtue you are.”

“No need to come the crab.” She leveled an assessing stare on him. “Besides, I’ve heard your wonderful Lady Charlotte enjoys playing the field. She has so many men dancing attendance on her, no doubt her own announcement will be in the offing before the month is out.”

Annoyance stabbed at his chest. “Is that right?” He’d been under the impression she didn’t care for courting and didn’t have her cap set for anyone.

“Yes, and Henry Armenstout is a front runner. I think they’d suit admirably.” She took a sip of tea before abandoning the beverage altogether.
Alexandra cocked an eyebrow. “Why were you at his soiree if you didn’t stay long enough to accomplish anything? I was told by a friend you nearly came to blows with the man.”

“It’s none of your concern.” He stormed to the door. She didn’t need to know he went looking for Charlotte then
almost had a fight on his hands to find her conversing with an unsavory gentleman. It didn’t matter anyway if Charlotte would encourage attentions from the pup anyway. “Good day.”

“If I don’t see you before retiring tonight, do remember we have the opera tomorrow with Lady Sophia and Amherst.”

“How can I bloody well forget when you harp about her every damn day?” He didn’t care if she heard it. By the time he reached the foyer, his anger had reached a boiling point. The heat of it blazed through his veins and made his heartbeat throb in his temples. There was no time to set aside for meditation or chaste calm. He didn’t want to spend another minute under the same roof as his sister, so when Sanders handed him his greatcoat, gloves and top hat, Nathan whipped them on as fast as his fingers would allow.

The butler hovered nearby. “Will you require a carriage, my lord?”

“No, Sanders. I shall walk, thank you. I welcome the chance to stretch my legs and clear my head.” Nathan wrapped a woolen muffler around his neck. “Don’t expect my return until long after midnight. I suspect the Parliament session will run long this evening.”

“Very good, sir.”
Sanders held the door open then closed it once Nathan cleared the stoop.

Devil take all the women in my life. Why must they be so obstinate?
Nathan followed the steps to the street below then set out down it. Perhaps when he reached Bond Street, he’d stop at a particular chocolate shop and indulge in a coffee before he needed to continue on to the Parliament buildings
. Why couldn’t women be placid, sweet, angelic counterparts that made life around a man better?
He snickered at his incongruous thought. One of the things he admired about Charlotte was that she most certainly was not placid or angelic. He respected that she stood up to him and didn’t run screaming from him when the worst of his moods gripped him.

Not that she’s seen me at my worst.

Her words from their meeting weeks ago on his estate came back to him:
A man can be strong and assertive without allowing his temper to harm the people around him.
He knew, in his heart, she was correct. He only needed to stop trying not to follow in his father’s footsteps. Perhaps overthinking the problem made it worse. Fixing Charlotte’s image in his mind went long ways to promoting calm in his person. The time to lay bare his soul to her drew near, and once he made that confession, there would be no returning to his safe existence. She’d either judge him for his history or she wouldn’t. That was if she was even interested in him what with her alleged social calendar so full.

Snowflakes fell thick and furious around him, covering the ground and clinging to his coat. Before long, the scents of baking bread and pastries filled the air the closer he came to a bakery near the end of Brook Street. His stomach rumbled.
His annoyance of the weather faded. Perhaps a jaunt inside for a scone would be just the thing to pull him from the doldrums. With renewed determination, he strode toward the bakery regardless of the people moving in the opposite direction. The second his attention wavered to brushing the snow from his sleeves, he collided with a pedestrian.

“My apologies.” He gripped the lady
’s arms and steadied her until she found her footing. “I’m afraid I wasn’t paying the attention I should have. Are you hurt?” He gathered the basket she’d dropped during the collision then cast a glance about them to confirm that was the only item she’d mislaid.

She grinned from beneath the brim of a sage-colored bonnet. Her green eyes twinkled while a tumble of blonde-brown curls escaped from their confines. “I am fine, thank you.” She narrowed her eyes. “Are you? You’re staring at me quite intensely. Have I torn a hem or gotten a smudge of dirt on my face?”

Nathan shoved the basket into her hands. “No, you seem undamaged. I merely thought you looked familiar. Have we been introduced before?” The trouble with keeping his distance from Society was that he often forgot names and faces. Everyone became a blur with time.

“I should say so, Lord Ravenhurst, since I am your neighbor in
Mayfair. Not exactly a close neighbor, but a street down.” Her lyrical Italian accent held an amused tone. “I’m Miss Eloisa Hawthorne, remember?”

“Of course! Hello, Miss
Hawthorne. You caught me at sixes and sevens. The last time I saw you or your brother was during the holidays.” She came from a large, Italian family on her mother’s side and had decided to try being independent, which had taken her as far as her brother’s residence in London since he’d married into the
ton
. Beyond that, Nathan didn’t know much about her. “You look well.”