To Catch A Duke (10 page)

By the time they were ensconced in
his carriage, he was wound tight, trying not to fidget and not succeeding all
that well.
 
It wasn't lost on him that
neither of them spoke, as if she felt the same tension he did, throbbing as if
it had a life of its own.
 
It was also
not lost that Julia swiped at her eye once, as if a tear was threatening to
fall.
 
Damn and blast!

Finally, as the conveyance pulled
away and headed back towards Mayfair and Candlewood House, Benjamin tuned to
Julia in the shadowed darkness.
 
She
still had not said a word, but now the tears were sliding down her cheeks.
 
There was enough light from the street lamps
for him to see them glisten on her fair skin, tracing their way down her face
by following the path of her scars.

"I'm sorry," she began,
swiping at her eyes again.
 
"We
were having a lovely time, and I ruined it.
 
I did not mean to.
 
The play was
wonderful and it was one of the things that I asked to do before I left London.
 
I am usually much stronger than this."

"No one can be strong
forever," he informed her gently as he moved to her side of the carriage
to sit beside her.
 
"You have
greater fortitude than any woman I know.
 
Another woman would have left London long ago.
 
Most would never have come at all.
 
Not you."

She lowered her eyes.
 
"Tonight when all of those people came to
the box, I thought I could tolerate it.
 
The gossip, the stares.
 
I
thought I was used to it.
 
But the women
were so cruel.
 
The things they
whispered when you could not hear, about how you were taking pity on me, about
how I was delusional, thinking that you could want me."
 
She pounded her fist on the carriage seat,
her anger threatening to overflow.
 
"They do not know how it is between us.
 
They do not know of our long-standing friendship.
 
Yet they assume and they gossip and
tonight..."

"Shh."
 
Benjamin pulled her tightly into his
embrace, clearly surprising her.
 
He
felt her stiffen for a moment before relaxing against him, precisely the way
she used to do when they were younger.
 
"Do no worry about it, sweeting.
 
As long as we know the truth, that is all that matters."

"But it does appear as though
we are courting," she countered as she sagged against him, glad for his
strength.
 
"I know that we spoke
earlier, and that it is necessary to keep Landover away from me until the
season ends.
 
I do not wish to be ruined
or return to Seldon Park in disgrace.
 
Making everyone believe that we are truly in love accomplishes
that.
 
But perhaps that is not a good
plan.
 
Perhaps I should just return to
Sussex now.
 
Then we will all be
safe."
 
Her heart would be safe as
well, she added silently to herself.

Benjamin turned her to face him,
his eyes glittering in the darkness.
 
"Is that what you truly want?
 
To leave?"
 
The very thought
chilled him.
 
It was only today that
he'd discovered that he wanted to get to know the woman Julia had become.
 
He could not do that if she ran back to
Seldon Park.
 
Just as it was for her,
these few waning weeks of the season were his only chance.

She shook her head vehemently.
 
"No.
 
I do not wish to leave.
 
You know
that.
 
But all of this?"
 
She waved her hand at the darkened streets
beyond.
 
"It is, perhaps, more than
I had anticipated.
 
I knew that I would
not be welcomed, but I also did not think I would be reviled for being seen in
public with you, either."
 
Julia
snorted, an indelicate sound, and in that moment, Benjamin saw a flash of the
young girl he remembered.
 
"But
perhaps I should have.
 
You are the most
eligible man in all of England, after all.
 
A duke.
 
The top prize to be had
on the marriage mart.
 
It must make most
of society wonder why in the world you would be with me."

There were a hundred different
answers he could have given her, each one truer than the next.
 
In his heart, however, there was one answer
that was stronger and more powerful than all of the others combined.
 
But he could not say it.
 
To do so would be to change everything.
 
He could not risk that, did not want to risk
losing her.
 
Then he looked at her
again.
 
His beautiful, willful, magical
Julia.
 
And he found that he could say
the words, or something like them, after all.

"I am with you because of
this."

Then he kissed her and in that
moment, Benjamin's world shifted, and he knew with certainty that it would
never shift back.

Three days.
 
It had been three days since the kiss, and
Julia had yet to be alone with Benjamin again.
 
It was nothing short of agony.

Oh, she'd seen him each and every
day, as he'd escorted her to various events, including her longed for horseback
ride at dawn, just as he'd promised.
 
But they were never alone, much to her chagrin.
 
It was as if he was afraid of her, or, at
the very least, afraid of what she might say.
 
Or what he might say.
 
Perhaps he
feared she would chastise him for his behavior.

Julia wasn't certain what she
wanted him to say, at least not precisely.
 
What she was certain of was that she did
not
want him to
apologize for the kiss.
 
It was the
single most spectacular moment of her life, and she did not want it marred or
tainted by apologies.
 
He might regret
it, but she did not.

Even now, she could still feel the
press of his lips to hers, their gentle warmth as he coaxed her into the kiss,
teasing her lips with his tongue.
 
When
his tongue had darted past her lips to tangle with hers, she'd thought to pull
back.
 
That was her first kiss, after all,
and, well, it seemed more than a little scandalous.

But Benjamin had pulled her closer,
his hands framing her face, nudging her, urging her on.
 
She'd softened under his touch then, her
body molding to his until one of them moaned a bit.
 
She supposed it had been her.
 
With each stroke of his tongue, each caress of his lips on her skin,
she'd given in until there was no liberty she would not have allowed him.

They'd kissed until the carriage
had rolled to a stop in front of Rosemont House, leaving her weak-kneed and
breathless.
 
Not to mention more than a
little confused.
 
Her body had been
pulsing with need, and a part of her had hoped that he might invite himself
inside and continue ravishing her.
 
She
would have allowed it.
 
Nicholas was not
home, after all.

In truth, had she been someone of
less consequence, she knew he might have.
 
It was no secret that Benjamin indulged in the pleasures of the flesh
frequently.
 
Some were ladies of
quality, but others were opera dancers and the like.
 
Though never prostitutes.
 
He did have some scruples she had learned over the years.

Instead, he'd set her away from
him, and then, like the proper gentleman that he was, he'd escorted her to the
door, kissing her hand properly and chastely.
 
As if he hadn't been thoroughly kissing her in the secluded darkness not
moments before.

He did walk awkwardly, she had
noted, so there was that.
 
She did
affect him.
 
She wasn't sure if she
would.
 
Then again, perhaps any female
could arouse sexual desire in him.
 
She
was no longer as knowledgeable about Benjamin as she had once been.

After that, she'd lain awake all
night, thinking and wondering.
 
Would he
kiss her again?
 
Had it been a
mistake?
 
Would the gray-gowned woman
she had observed at the theater report back to Lady Berkshire that she and the
duke had left early?
 
If so, would
Nicholas be angry?
 
After all, there was
certainly no expectation that she would wed Benjamin.

When the sun had risen the next
morning, however, her questions had been assuaged a bit by the veritable
greenhouse of flowers that had appeared.
 
Strangely, however, the duke had not.
 
Nor did he the next day or the following, at least not during regular
calling hours when they might go driving again, or at the very least, share
some tea and discuss what had transpired between them.
 
The pre-dawn ride did not count, at least
not in her mind, since he had followed at a great distance, which had not
allowed conversation between them.
 
It
had also been over quickly as, once they had reached the park, he had gone off,
leaving her in the care of her groom.

He did, however, show up every
evening to escort her to that night's entertainment, whatever it happened to
be.
 
But they were never alone.
 
Either Nicholas or the gray-gowned lady was
present, even in the carriage, which was a change, and not a welcome one, at
least in her mind, from the first two nights.
 
Tonight, their chaperone, if one could call him that, was her brother,
and he was in a foul mood.
 
So much for
flowers and romance.

Julia had not seen her brother in
such a state for many years, and despite repeated attempts, she could not coax
him into a better humor or convince him to confide in her what was amiss.
 
At some point during the ride, she had
simply stopped trying.
 
Instead, she
watched the dreary London scenery roll past.

It had rained all day, and she had
feared that finally, there would be something that would keep the duke from her
side.
 
Not that she knew what to say to
him any longer.
 
Too much time had
passed.
 
That kiss had changed so much,
at least for her.
 
What if it hadn't for
him?
 
Julia had hoped to broach the
subject at some point that evening, once she was informed that their trip to
Vauxhall Gardens was still occurring.
 
There was a concert and fireworks scheduled for the evening's entertainment,
and since the rain had stopped, the event could go on as planned.

Throughout the rest of the trip,
she continued to daydream about their destination.
 
For even if nothing transpired between her and Benjamin that
night, well the fantasies were still nice.
 
At the moment, it was also likely the only way she would ever touch him
again - in her mind.

The garden's pathways, she
remembered, were noted for their darkness.
 
Julia herself had never seen them, but she had heard stories.
 
Some rather detailed, in fact.
 
Perhaps Benjamin would take a walk with her,
away from the prying eyes of the
ton
, and continue what they had only
just begun the night of the opera.
 
She
wanted to ask if he would be willing, but of course, she could not.
 
It would not be proper, and certainly not
with her brother, grump that he was, seated next to her.
 
Given the mood he was in, she was certain he
would probably detach someone's head from their shoulders, maybe even hers,
thus ruining the evening.

When they finally reached their
destination, Nicholas vaulted out of the coach and stalked away, leaving
Benjamin and Julia alone.
 
She opened
her mouth to speak, but his finger to her lips kept her silent. Together, they
strolled through the entrance and toward one of the supper boxes.
 
She fought her natural inclination to stare
at the wonders around her, and instead concentrated on the people they passed
as they walked the lighted pathways, each face peering at her closely, often
with a mix of horror and pity in their gaze.

Still, she did manage to take in
the entire spectacle before her.
 
The
gardens were lush, and the lamps that hung delicately from the trees reminded
her of a painting she'd seen once of a fairy's garden.
 
Here the wealthy mixed with the lower
classes, at least to some degree, and she was surprised to find that those
dressed in shabbier attire did not stare at her the way the upper class
did.
 
It was a curious thing, but she
forced her mind away from that and onto the sound of music floating on the air
around her.

If she believed in love and
romance, this place would be the perfect setting for a declaration of marriage,
she decided as she walked beside Benjamin, conscious of her hand where it
rested lightly on his arm.
 
There was
nothing to compare to this in all the world, she was certain.

As if the duke could read her mind,
she glanced up to see him smiling down at her, not an easy thing to do
considering her height.
 
Then again, he
was still taller than she, so that was all that mattered, she supposed.
 
"Do you like it?"

"It is magnificent."
 
If there was a little bit of breathiness to
her voice, so be it.
 
She truly was
enchanted and overwhelmed.
 
"I
cannot imagine a lovelier place."

"There are, you
know."
 
He glanced around, as if
attempting to see the gardens through her eyes.
 
"There are places that are more exotic, more
breathtaking.
 
But I do agree that there
is something special about this place."

"I cannot imagine
them."
 
For truly, she could
not.
 
Until she'd come to London, nearly
her entire life had been in Sussex.
 
Even with the vast array of books in the library at Seldon Park, she
could not imagine much beyond England's shores.

He squeezed her hand lightly, as if
somehow sensing her longing to see more of the world beyond.
 
"I have been to some of them, you
know.
 
Mostly during my tour of the
Continent.
 
There is a great, wide world
out there, Julia.
 
The deserts and
pyramids in Egypt.
 
The Swiss Alps.
 
The ruins of ancient Greece.
 
All wondrous and beautiful in their own
right."

"There are times when I wish I
could see them as well.
 
Though that
would require me being a man, I suppose."
 
She hadn't mean to speak that thought aloud, but once she had, Julia
found she had no desire to take it back.
 
While she wasn't about to unveil all of the secrets of her heart to
Benjamin, she felt that one or two might not be such a bad thing.
 
Perhaps then, he might understand her a
little better, see that she was not the child she once was.
 
Maybe even kiss her again.
 
Then, she mumbled under her breath,
"not that anyone would see me differently if I were."

Perhaps, she thought, if she could
goad him into anger, then he would at least talk to her about something other
than the weather, which had been his preferred topic of conversation for much
of the evening thus far.

Benjamin led her to a supper box
and seemed as if he wanted to enter, which made sense, as she was certain he'd
made all of the appropriate arrangements for the evening.
 
Instead, however, they continued walking, past
the boxes and onto one of the more dimly lit pathways.
 
Beyond that lay the darkness.
 
She should be afraid, if for her reputation,
if nothing else.
 
But hang it all, she
was tired of being worried about her reputation.
 
In three weeks, it would not matter anyway.
 
She would be gone, and, along with that, her
only chance of having the kind of experiences she had always dreamed of.
 
That included time with the duke.

So when he led her onto one of the
darkened, shadowy pathways, she followed him, hand on his arm, never once
hesitating.
 
This was progress, and,
while she could not and would not want to undo the kiss, perhaps he was making
at least some attempt to regain the easy way that had been between them for so
long.

When they finally stopped walking,
Julia discovered that the music that had seemed so loud before was very faint
now, as if coming from a great distance, carried by the wind.
 
It was also quite dark, the last of the dim
lanterns still close enough to cast the occasional shadow, but far enough away
that no one would see them together in the darkness.

"Do you really think I do not
see you as female?" he asked finally, confusion clear on his face.
 
"After what took place between us, do
you think I do not know?"

She clutched her reticule tightly,
uncertain what he wanted from her.
 
This
was all so new that she did not quite know how to respond.
 
"I do not know, my lord, as you have
not spoken of it since.
 
I rather
thought you might regret it."

"Regret it?"
 
He made a strangled sound, rather as if he
was in pain.
 
"Good God, Julia, do
you have any idea how much I do
not
regret it?"

"No, Benjamin, I do
not."
 
She allowed herself to grow
angry now, as well.
 
"In fact,
since you have barely spoken to me in several days, I rather thought you were
ashamed of that kiss.
 
And of me!"

She was shocked when he reached out
and grabbed her wrist, pulling her hard against him.
 
She could feel the rise and fall of his chest, the heat radiating
from his body through his evening clothes.
 
More than that, she could feel his desire pressing against her thigh,
further proof that he, in fact, did not regret the kiss.
 
In fact, he was aroused by it.
 
And by her, much to her surprise.