To Conquer Mr. Darcy (14 page)

“You seem to have the facts well in hand, sir. I assume that you have something more to say to me than to recite history.”

“Lizzy, I am not seeking to anger you. I would like, for the sake of my own comfort, to ascertain the state of your affections towards Mr. Darcy, but I have no doubt that you see as clearly as do I that under the circumstances I have little choice as to my course of action.”

“And what would that be, sir?”

Mr. Bennet massaged his temples. It distressed him more than he could say to see his favorite child in this state, and not to be allowed to offer her comfort or understanding. “You will have to marry him, Lizzy. I can only hope that this is more palatable to you than it seems at the moment.”

She looked him in the eye, having already reached this conclusion on her own. “Is there anything else, sir?” she asked levelly.

Standing, he sighed, and walked over to her and placed a kiss on her forehead. “No, there is not, except to say that I am always available if you would like to speak further of this, and that I do want the best for you, Lizzy.”

She softened slightly, sorry to see his pain for the position in which she had put herself. “I know,” she said quietly.

Elizabeth declined to join the family for dinner, pleading a headache and the need to complete her preparations for her departure on the morrow. Although her natural high spirits were beginning to reassert themselves somewhat, she felt unequal to the challenge of being the focus of everyone’s attention, especially her mother and her aunt Phillips. She was also embarrassed to be the subject of a scandal, and would prefer not to know any further details of the rumors. Her hope was that she could learn to make the best of an unfortunate situation, and she reminded herself firmly that although her marriage to Darcy was destined to be conflictual, at least there was a basis of affection underneath. She now regretted refusing to hear him out that afternoon. It was not a promising beginning to what was bound to be a long series of compromises, and, if she were to be completely honest, she found it upsetting that they had parted on such a hostile note.

Mrs. Bennet did not appear to miss her daughter, since her presence was not necessary to a discussion of the wonderful match she had made, and how every mother in the district would be envious. If Elizabeth wished to hide in her room rather than to display her conquest, it was of no importance to her mother.

However, it was a different matter entirely after dinner when Mr. Darcy chose to call, requesting to speak with Elizabeth despite the unseemly hour. After all, he had apparently not actually proposed yet, and Mrs. Bennet was certainly not going to permit any possible opportunity for that to be bypassed, regardless of headache or heartache. She appeared at her daughter’s door, demanding her presence to speak to Mr. Darcy, fussing over her hair and gown, all while insisting that she make haste and not keep the gentleman waiting. Elizabeth could not but be amused by her mother’s machinations, especially when she discovered that, in complete disregard for propriety, her mother expected her to meet Darcy in the rear sitting room rather than joining the other guests.

Darcy was standing by the window, looking serious, and twisting the ring on his finger. Elizabeth, feeling it would be beneficial to set a more positive tone, said lightly, “You appear to have an ally, sir. I believe that had I not cooperated in coming down immediately, my mother would have used a horsewhip!”

Relaxing slightly at this evidence that her anger had abated, he said, “I am sorry to hear that you have been feeling unwell.”

She shook her head. “I am well enough. I did not feel the inclination to be in company this evening.”

“I am sorry then to disturb you.” He felt unequal to exchanging these distant pleasantries with her after reliving her rejection for hours. He could not bear to face the withdrawal of her affections. If he lost her now, he did not know how he would survive it. He crossed the room and took both her hands in his. “I came to beg your understanding and forgiveness. I do not wish to part as we did.”

Elizabeth hesitated. She had to explain her need to be involved in decisions, and her intent was to be pleasant and calm with him as she clarified her problems with his behavior and her future expectations. She had not anticipated, however, how painful it would be to be in his presence with a quarrel between them, nor how much she would long for a resolution of the sense of betrayal she still felt. She wanted more than anything else to throw herself into his arms, but was resolved not to continue their past neglect of proprieties, given the difficulties it had already caused. “Nor do I, and I am glad that it is important to you as well.”

“There is nothing more important to me than you,” he said softly.

She cast her eyes down in embarrassment. “I…”

“And I deeply regret that my actions led to this outcome.”

“Mr. Darcy,” she said uncomfortably, “I appreciate your apology, but I believe that we must discuss the matter somewhat further, as I fear that otherwise we may face ongoing difficulties. I would prefer to resolve the matter now, if you are willing.”

“As you wish, of course,” he said cautiously, an element of fear beginning to settle in him. “What do you wish to discuss?”

“I fear that we have differing understandings of why the events of today were upsetting for me, so I would ask for clarification of the reason for your apology.”

His heart sank. “For upsetting you, and for being sufficiently lacking in self-control that there could be grounds for these rumors in the first place.”

“But not, apparently, for what you said.”

His pride reasserted itself. “I am sorry that it upset you, and that it put you in a difficult position. I do not see that I had any choice—at least any honorable one—but to say what I did.”

She took a deep breath. “Had you seen fit to consult me, I might even have agreed, but you did not see fit to consult me. Please bear in mind in the future that I expect to be involved in decisions that concern me to this extent, whether or not you see any choice in the matter.”

The rush of relief he felt at her reference to the future was great. “I… will endeavor to do my best, because I do value your opinion, Miss Bennet. Had there been an opportunity in this case, I certainly would have informed you of my plans.”

“You would have
informed
me of your
plans
. Mr. Darcy, you seem to be in the habit of making decisions for other people, and expecting them to bend to your will. You will have to make an exception for me, however, because I will not tolerate it. This, more than anything else, is what upset me today.” At the look on his face, she feared that she had gone too far.

He turned away and walked to the window, where he stood in silence and looked out. Her words had angered him, and he knew better than to answer her when he was angry. Did she not realize he was constantly expected to make decisions for others, and how hard he strove to act in their best interest? She clearly had no understanding of his responsibilities. He willed his breathing to slow. He could not afford to be irate with her right now; too much was at stake, and any hold he had on her affections too tenuous. God, if he lost her now…. There could be no repetition of his furious lashing out at Hunsford. Of course, at Hunsford she had been in the right, although he could not admit it for some time.

Was it possible she could be correct again? Clinically, he looked at her complaint. He could still see no fault in his behavior, but if he looked at it from her position—yes, he could see that he would not have liked it either. Perhaps he had fallen too much into the habit of making decisions by himself, and that would indeed need to change if he married. Yes, that much he could accept, but he could not bring himself to face her accusing look. First he needed to find a way to tell her that he understood, but he was paralyzed by his fear that her warmth of the previous days would be a thing of the past, regardless of his actions now.

Elizabeth was discovering that Darcy in a rage, even a silent one, was a frightening thing, and that, having unleashed the tiger, she had no idea of how to rein it in. Yet another fear underlay that one. What if she had finally pushed him too far? At what point would he decide she was not worth the struggle? She gathered all her courage and forced herself to approach him. Bracing herself physically as well as mentally, she reached out and put her hand lightly on his arm.

He looked down at her hand as if puzzled where it had come from, and then abruptly crushed her into his arms. She let out a half-sobbing breath of relief as she laid her head against his chest, grateful beyond words not to be rejected. Her desire to believe that they could work this out, that they could go back to the previous day and begin again, was overwhelming.

Burying his face in her hair, Darcy said a silent prayer of gratitude. He could accept anything as long as he had Elizabeth, but he could no longer bear this constant uncertainty of her regard. The doubt had become more than he could stand. “Elizabeth,” he pleaded, with an edge of desperation, “for God’s sake, please tell me that you care, even if only a little bit.”

She reached up and took his face in her hands. “Can you not tell?” she asked with a catch in her voice.

“No, I cannot. I have misread you so badly and so often that I no longer believe that I can judge.”

“Mr. Darcy,” she said with some amusement, “I hope that you do not believe I give my favors this freely to men I do not care about!”

There was a pause as he took this in. “Miss Bennet, I do believe that you are teasing me.”

“Do you not deserve it, sir?” she asked archly.

“And this is what
you
deserve for even teasing about giving your favors to other men.” He took possession of her lips demandingly. His fiercely possessive kisses kindled a need she had not known that she had, as his hands, claiming the right to explore the curves of her body, engendered in her a desire that made her wish she were his in truth. Gratified by her response, he deepened his kisses. By the time he was satisfied, Elizabeth found herself clinging to his shoulders for support. “I feel it only fair to warn you, Miss Bennet, that I am a very possessive man.”

With a shaky laugh, she said, “That hardly comes as a surprise!” Her plan to insist on observing the proprieties was turning out to be less than successful.

“Good,” he said, returning to plunder her mouth again. “Pray do not forget it.”

Elizabeth, somehow able to recollect through the passionate haze he had induced in her that Darcy tended to be in need of a surprising amount of reassurance regarding the obvious, said, “Mr. Darcy, you have no cause for concern. I have always assumed that my husband would be the only man I would ever kiss, and I have seen no reason to revise that opinion.”

His eyes kindled. “Perhaps we should make that official.” He watched closely for her reaction. He had no intention of making a proposal this time until she was ready.

Elizabeth looked at him, willing her pulses to slow.
Yes, let us get past this,
she thought.
I would have rather waited until I had fewer reservations, but since I have no choice in the matter, we may as well have done with it. And there is no reason for him to know that I have doubts; certainly it was only a matter of time until I was ready to accept him, and he deserves the happiness of believing that I accept him with no qualms.
“What did you have in mind, sir?” she asked with a knowing smile.

With a feeling of exultation, he took both of her hands in his. He pressed the lightest of kisses inside of her wrist first on one hand, then the other, leaving Elizabeth feeling barely able to think, much less to be coherent. “Miss Bennet, will you do me the infinite honor of agreeing to be my wife?”

She took a deep breath. “The honor would be mine, sir.”

There was a moment of stillness, then he said, “Say that again.”

She smiled at him impishly. “Yes. Yes, I will marry you. Yes, I will be your wife. Yes, I will spend my life with you. Yes, I will be the mother of your children. Yes.”

“Please feel free to continue, Miss Bennet. I could listen to this for a long time.”

“Such vanity! No, sir, I believe that it is your turn to speak; I have upheld my end of the conversation.”

His eyes, lit by heartfelt delight, locked with hers. “There are no words for how I feel at this moment, my love.” He brought out of his pocket a small box, from which he removed a sapphire ring that he slipped onto her finger.

“It is beautiful,” she said quietly.

“I am glad to finally have it where it belongs,” he said. Their eyes met, and the sheer joy in his melted any last bits of resistance she might have had. “Kiss me, Elizabeth,” he whispered.

With a raised eyebrow and a mischievous smile, she freed her hands from his and wound them around his neck. Allowing her body to touch his lightly, she pulled his head down to hers and deliberately put into practice everything she had learned from his kisses. She ran her fingers into his unruly curls, delighting in the manner in which her action clearly aroused Darcy. Enjoying this sense of power, she tested it further by trailing her fingers down his neck along the edge of his cravat, and was rewarded by a clear increase in his response.

“Dear God, life with you is not going to be dull,” he said feelingly when she finally released him.

“I should hope not!” she said with a sparkle in her voice. She felt inordinately pleased with herself.

“I must speak to your father now, and then we will tell the rest of your family.”

“Mr. Darcy,” Elizabeth said a bit sharply. “Did we not have a recent discussion on the subject of consulting me on decisions?”

He had the grace to look slightly embarrassed. “Ahh… yes, we did. My apologies, my dearest. I can see I will require some retraining.”

“Your apology is accepted.”

“How shall we inform people of our engagement, then?” He stole a quick kiss out of sheer pleasure over being able to say those words.

“With all the present fuss, I would almost prefer to wait.”

He opened his mouth to tell her that was impossible, and then thought better of it. “I would have some concerns about leaving your family to deal with these rumors in our absence without knowledge of our engagement to present in response.”

“Your point is well taken. Very well, we can tell them now. Would you be willing to consider, however, delaying announcing the news at Pemberley? I would feel more comfortable coming there first as a guest, without all the expectations that would accompany me if I were to be known as the future mistress.”

“I would prefer not to delay it long, but I see no harm in a few weeks,” he conceded.

“Thank you.” They smiled at one another in accord. “While you are speaking with my father, perhaps I will join the rest of the family, which should allow my mother to get through the worst of her effusions before you arrive.”

“I had thought that we would tell your family together.”

She laughed. “Do you think that once you walk out of this room and into the library that there will be anything left to tell? But that is only fair; I shall await you here.”

“I will return as soon as I may,” he said, but found that he had to give her one more lingering kiss before he could face the brief separation.