To Have and to Hold (2 page)

The fact she felt nothing for him didn't faze him in the least. He'd decided long ago that love would play no part in any marriage of his. “Unlike Damon, I've kept it in my pants since we got engaged.”

“Are you going to throw his name into every conversation we have?”

He glanced over at the unexpected rebuke to catch her with her eyes narrowed and her arms folded. It amused him. She might have grown up a little but Jess was still a featherweight in comparison to him. “Who do you want to invite to the wedding?”

She gave a frustrated sigh and thrust a hand through her hair, sending red curls every which way. He found his eyes lingering on the fiery strands. That was one thing about Jess that hadn't changed—that wild, silky mass of hair so incongruous with her quiet, undemanding personality.

“I'd like to keep it small and if we invite some people from Kowhai,” she named the nearest town, “and not others, it'll cause hard feelings. How about we limit it to the station folk?”

“Nobody else?”

“No,” Jess said, wondering if she was imagining the renewed edge in his tone. “Do people…?”

“Some have been guessing since they heard you were coming back and going straight to Angel.” He reached to flip a switch and she was transfixed by the pure strength under the golden-brown of his skin. “After the wedding is early enough to confirm the rumors.”

Jess nodded, unable to stop thinking that soon Gabe's hands would be touching far more intimate things than the controls of a plane. The thought threatened to reawaken her earlier panic but she forced it down. The day she let that panic show was the day she lost any hope of making this marriage work. Gabriel would never respect a weak woman. “That'll make it easier.”

“Four p.m. tomorrow all right for you?”

Her throat was so dry she had to cough lightly to clear it. “Okay.” There was no reason to wait—they'd made their bargain on a rainy night a year ago.

Now it was time for her to pay up.

“I'
ve put your things in the guest bedroom for tonight.” Gabe braced his hands on the verandah railing on either side of her, the masculine heat of his chest searing her back.

Her stomach twisted though she knew full well he would never force her. Gabe might be ruthless, but if she said no, he'd back off. And all talk of marriage would end. She'd be escorted off the station with no invitation to ever return.

“Only tonight?” she asked, focusing on the distant grandeur of the Alps. Located in the basin beneath those magnificent behemoths, the Mackenzie stunned even in the final grip of winter. But the aching beauty of her homeland couldn't calm her at this moment. “You can't mean us to…so soon?”

“We're going to be married, Jess.”

“I know. But we can't—”

“I was upfront with you about wanting children.”

It took every ounce of her courage to continue in the face of his intractable will. “I'm just saying we need time to get used to each other that way.”

“What way?” The words were spoken against the sensitive skin of her neck, his breath a hot caress.

Desire flashed through her bloodstream, a shock that threatened to turn her world upside down. “You know what I'm trying to say.”

“I've been celibate for a year.” A flat declaration. “If you want more time, find another man.”

“I can't believe you said that.” She tried to turn but he refused to allow it. “You're telling me you'll call off the wedding if I don't agree to have sex with you straight away?”

His body was an inescapable trap around hers. “Think about it, Jess. Why are we marrying? You want to keep the Randall land in your family and I'm thirty-five, at a stage in my life where I want children to ensure Angel Station's future.

“Essentially, we're marrying to provide heirs for both of us. If you're not willing to do what it takes to create them, what's the point? Either we start as we mean to go on or we don't start at all.”

It was a brutally practical depiction of their bargain, heartbreaking in its truth. And it made her furious. Why couldn't he have even
tried
to soften things this one time, when she most needed it? “I'm a virgin, Gabe. So if I make a few mistakes tomorrow, you'll have to excuse me.”

He went completely, utterly motionless behind her. “What did you say?”

She was at once proud for having caught him off-guard, and more than a touch nervous about her admission. “You heard me.”

“Are you telling me Damon never tried anything?”

If he'd had been any other man, she'd have thought the question a deliberate attempt to rub salt into still-open wounds. But sly maliciousness wasn't Gabe's style—he attacked head on. “No.”

“And you didn't find another lover?” He answered his own query before she could say anything. “Of course not. You were waiting for Damon to fall in love with you.”

His cruel guess cut far too close to the mark. “We both know that didn't happen, so I'm rather less experienced than you might be used to.” The understatement of the century. Gabe's women had always had sensuality oozing from their pores, a silent, dark knowledge in their eyes.

“Fine. I'll train you myself.”

Stunned, she swiveled in his arms. “That had better have been a joke.”

He bent his head until his lips were a hairsbreadth from hers. “I thought you knew—I don't have a sense of humor.” His kiss was nothing soft, nothing gentle. Pure male arrogance and resolve, he made her open her mouth for him and when she did, he took her.

No mercy. No holds barred.

As at the airport, Jess froze. But this time, the kiss didn't end in a hard flash. It was an inferno and she found herself clinging to him without knowing how she'd gotten there, her body pressed to his, her mind awash in unadulterated need. When he did release her, it was only so she could gasp in a breath. Then he claimed her again.

And her thoughts scattered like a million grains of sand under a thundering surf.

Gabe took his time tasting Jess, enjoying the lush softness of her mouth. There was no doubt in his mind that she was responding to him on a primal level. It was exactly what he'd set out to achieve. Jess might love another man but she was going to be screaming her husband's name in bed.

What he'd never expected was the exquisite pleasure she gave him in return. That didn't make him happy. Passion had a way of sabotaging the best laid plans, of pushing things off-kilter. In choosing Jess, he'd made the deliberate decision to steer clear of desire. But here she was, wildfire in his arms.

Breaking the kiss, he watched her try to regain control, her breasts rubbing against his chest as she took several ragged breaths. Her lips were wet, her eyes closed and her body pliant. It was tempting to initiate another kiss but he had no intention of ceding power in this arena. Or any other.

Her eyes opened.

Rubbing his thumb over her lower lip, he dropped his other hand to rest on the curve of her hip. “We'll have no problems in bed.”

The sweetly feminine submissiveness disappeared in a split-second. “Let me go. You've proved your point.”

Releasing her, he stepped back and dropped his eyes to the pebbled hardness of her nipples. A flush streaked up her neck but she didn't make any effort to cover them. Stubborn. He'd delight in taming her. “Get some sleep. It'll be a busy day tomorrow. And Jess, remember, I'm not a man who lets go of what's mine.”

* * *

Mrs. Croft, the cook and housekeeper for the main house on Angel Station, was bustling about in the kitchen by the time Jess came downstairs at around seven the next morning.

“What's with the sleeping in, Jess my girl?” The older woman bussed her on the cheek. A friend of Jess's mother, she'd known Jess a long time.

Jess rubbed at her face, skin tingling from the cold water she'd used to wash it. “Blame it on the time change. Where's Gabe?” She tried and failed in her attempt not to think about the ruthlessness with which he'd demonstrated her susceptibility to him last night. She shouldn't have been surprised. Gabe had a reputation as an iron-willed adversary in business. Why had she supposed he'd be any different as a husband?

“Gone to check on the stock with Jim.” Mrs. C. named the foreman. “The man doesn't seem to realize it's his wedding day and he should be nervous.”

Jess almost laughed at the idea of Gabe being nervous about anything. Except today, she had no laughter in her. “Is there anything I can do to help you?” Maybe keeping busy would stop the thoughts pinwheeling through her mind.

The older woman waved away the offer. “Just sit and eat some breakfast. Then you'll be free to pretty yourself up for the wedding.”

Jess ate the food that was put in front of her, but had anyone asked her what she'd eaten, she wouldn't have been able to tell them. Her mind was too full of other things. The heart of her, the part that had loved Damon forever, kept insisting that she was making a terrible mistake, that she should walk away from this wedding. Maybe Damon…

No.

Kayla was pregnant. Jess wouldn't be able to live with herself if something happened to either mother or child because of her actions. And the truth was, Damon had had more than two decades to fall in love with Jess. He'd always chosen someone else.

What about that phone call? The madness in her whispered again. Don't you remember what he—Stop! Screaming silently at her self, she pushed aside the empty plate. “I think I'll go for a walk to clear my head.”

Mrs. C. nodded. “Gabe's out by the east barn.”

Smiling, Jess thanked her, walked outside and headed west. After last night, her husband-to-be was the last person she wanted to see. Because in those few explosive moments on the verandah, he'd destroyed everything she thought she knew about herself. What kind of a woman loved one man and kissed another with such passionate need?

Two of the sheepdogs ran past, then returned to circle her before deciding to lead the way. The interruption was precisely what she'd needed. Taking a deep, deep breath of the crisp morning air, she focused her attention on the untamed splendor of the land around her—tussock-covered hills dotted with sheep, hardy wildflowers more beautiful than any cultured garden and over it all, an endless blue sky.

Mind and body calmed. This was right. This land was where she was meant to be—everything in her knew it. She could never walk away.

No matter what the cost.

The dogs barked and raced off. She followed at a more leisurely pace, her eye taking in the west barn in the distance. It was the single structure to have survived the catastrophic fire twenty-five years ago. Her father had been one of those who'd come to fight the flames that night, but no one had been able to stop the conflagration. Like a beast let loose from some infernal region, it had devoured almost everything…and everyone.

Having reached the old building, she decided to push open the door and look around, but that was before she saw who was inside. “Mrs. C. said you were in the other barn.”

Gabe slammed one hay bale on top of another, sending dust sparkling into the invading sunlight. “So eager to see me?” Pulling off his work gloves, he thrust them into the back pocket of his jeans.

She refused to let him see how much he'd rattled her. “What are you doing here?” And why did her eyes keep going to the sweat-slick muscles of his arms, revealed by the short sleeves of his T-shirt?

“We needed to create some space in here and everyone else was busy.”

“Oh.” She scuffed the floor with her shoe. “Can I ask you something?”

His answer was a grunt as he shrugged into the sheepskin jacket he'd apparently thrown off earlier. Taking that as a yes, she carried on. “After the wedding sometime, maybe tomorrow or the day after…would you mind if we visited my parents?” They were buried next to each other in the Randall family cemetery, only about a sixty-minute drive away. Although Angel was a huge spread, the family quarters had been built relatively close to those of the adjoining station.

“Of course I don't mind.” His face was all harsh masculine lines when he glanced at her, but she thought she heard a buried thread of unexpected gentleness.

His understanding probably wouldn't last through her next request but she was going to start this marriage as she meant to go on—she would not let Gabriel Dumont crush either her mind or her spirit. “I want to visit your family, too.”

Silence.

“I don't have any memories of them, but I know Michael was four, Angelica even younger.” No response. She pushed on. “They were your family. We should remember them.”

“Fine.” It was a flat sound but at least he'd agreed. “You ready for the wedding?” He nodded at the door.

She tugged it open, her palm sweaty in spite of the low temperature. “As ready as I'll ever be.”

Stepping out, they began to walk toward the main house.

“We're not going to have time for a honeymoon.”

“I understand. That's okay.” It was no lie. The idea of being with Gabe 24/7 in some romantic resort tied her stomach up into a thousand knots. She was about to say something else when her attention was caught by a dark blue sedan pulling up to the house. It was followed by an almost identical vehicle in deep green. “Did you invite some other people?”

“That's David Reese, my lawyer.” He picked up the pace. “The other car will be Phil Snell, your lawyer.”

“Mine?” She nearly had to jog to keep up with him.

“If you sign the pre-nup without independent legal advice, you could challenge it down the road.”

“Oh.”

They didn't speak the rest of the way. Both lawyers were nice enough at first glance and when Phil took her aside for a private chat, Jess found him to be a very sharp operator. But of course he would be—Gabriel wanted this airtight.

“If you and Mr. Dumont divorce, you'll have no claim on the land,” Phil summarized. “But you'll get a substantial monetary settlement dependent on the duration of the marriage. It's an extremely good deal. Your fiancé is a generous man.”

This had never been about money. It was about her heritage, about promises, about loyalty. “Where do I sign?”

Afterward, she walked up to her bedroom, something inexplicably heavy and painful inside of her. It seemed wrong that her wedding day should start like this, with a discussion of money and assets. But what else had she expected? Angel Station was Gabe's heartbeat—as his future wife, she fell somewhere far, far lower on his list of priorities.

“Nothing you didn't already know,” she whispered to herself, running her hand down the ivory satin of her wedding dress. So why was she suddenly so sure she was about to make the worst mistake of her life?

“I miss you, Jessie. I should've never let you go. Come back to me…”

Trembling, she picked up the phone, barely aware of what she was doing and began to punch in a number from memory. The first six digits were easy but a single tear streaked down her face as her finger hovered over the last one.
No
. Shaking her head, she hung up before she threw away both her father's memory and her own self-respect in an effort to chase an impossible dream.