Read To Heaven and Back Online
Authors: M.D. Mary C. Neal
To Heaven and Back (20 page)
As I consider the story of my life, I recognize that each of my experiences has prepared me for the next one. There is a divine sequence and order to my life, and this sequence prepared me for my greatest challenge to date: the death of my son. Since his death, I continue to cling to my daily creed (the one taped to the fridge), because it reflects the convictions and logical conclusions I already know to be true based on my past experiences.
1.
I believe God’s promises are true:
God promises not to leave us nor forsake us. God promises to open the door when we knock, and to always welcome us back into his love, no matter how far we have strayed. In my
life, He fulfilled these promises when he brought George into my life, when He was with me in the tumbling car, when He showed me and my scuba instructor the way out of the Florida cave, and when I drowned on a South American river. He loved me even when I was an angry adolescent and when I let Him slip into the background of my life. I could be confident that God had a plan for Willie and for us.
2.
I believe heaven is real:
My patient Jennifer saw the angels. My patient who died after spinal surgery saw angels and described both the angels and heaven to his wife. I experienced heaven first-hand after my kayaking accident. The heaven I witnessed was so pure, love-filled, and magnificent that I did not want to return to earth. When my life still hung in the balance, I was also reassured that my husband and children would be “okay,” even if I died. I have no doubt that Willie was hesitant to leave his family behind and sorry for what we would bear, but I also have no doubt that he was similarly reassured before jubilantly returning to God.
3.
I believe nothing can separate me from God’s love:
God’s love was present with me when I was spinning out of control, when the truck was stuck in the mud in the middle of the Mexican mountains, as well as during
the various times when I was anxious about my personal life or work situations. He held me and loved me when I was pinned in a waterfall and dying. He kept me from feeling pain or worry. The experience of His presence, love, and compassion reassures me that Willie suffered no pain at the end of his life. His spirit probably left his body long before it was broken, and I feel confident that he was greeted by a host of overjoyed and excited witnesses.
4.
I believe God has work for me to do:
While in the hospital after my boating accident, the angels talked about the work we all do on earth, and they discussed some specifics about the work I still needed to do. Clearly, Willie completed his job on earth. He lived passionately, he loved deeply, he achieved success, and he inspired others to become better people. He accomplished a great deal in his nineteen years and made this world a better place for all. He got the job done.
5.
I believe God will see me through and carry me when I cannot walk:
There are many cycles in a person’s life, and everyone experiences hurt, worry, disappointment, grief, and other difficulties. It has been said that one cannot truly appreciate joy without also experiencing sorrow. I had survived many sorrows before Willie’s death, some minor
and some major. God was with me for each one, carrying me forward until I was able to walk on my own and nurture the very small seed of hope for the future that He buries within each of us. This history allows me the certainly of knowing that no matter how devastated and doubtful of the future I may feel, God will always be there to walk with me and carry me into a joyful future. Each event, whether joyous or sorrowful, has given me greater awareness of God’s role in my life and has led me to a deeper faith in God’s unfailing love.
I still don’t know what the future holds for me. I do not doubt God’s promises and I am grateful for the privilege of having had Willie in our lives. He was a great teacher and role model, a great son and friend. Willie believed that change begins with the individual, and passionately embraced Mahatma Gandhi’s idea: “We must be the change we wish to see in the world.” In Willie’s seemingly accelerated life on earth, he accomplished a great deal and inspired others to do the same. He showed others a better way of living. He was certainly the change he wished to see in the world.
He knew who he was and what he stood for. He reached for his dreams. He was kind and always thought about others before himself. He expected each of us to look in the mirror every evening and ask what
we
, not someone else, have done
today
to
help someone else or to make this world a better place for all.
I do not believe that a loss of the magnitude I’ve experienced in losing Willie is something a person “gets beyond,” “works through,” or any of those other well-meaning, but impossible-to-achieve platitudes. Grieving a loss is a matter of learning to incorporate the pain into a new life and a new reality. As Martha Hickman wrote in her book
Healing after Loss
(HarperCollins, 2009), “There is no way out, only forward.”
Many have said that my experience is remarkable. Perhaps it is. What I find more remarkable, however, is how readily many people in our society believe outlandish and unsubstantiated urban myths and conspiracies (Pop Rocks and Coke, JFK assassination, AIDS is man-made, etc.), yet disregard thousands of personal and consistent testimonies of miracles and near-death experiences from people throughout all cultures and religions.
I have spent more than ten years reflecting on my experiences and wondering what I am meant to do with them. In this process, I have continued to be what I have always been: a wife and mother, a spine surgeon, a scientist, a realist, and a cynic, yet I am profoundly changed. I know that above all else, I am a child of God. I know that God loves and values each person on earth. I know that we are each only small threads in God’s glorious tapestry,
but I also know that our choices and our actions are important and really do make a difference.
This knowledge has changed the way I interact with my medical patients. I recognize how significantly a patient’s emotional and spiritual health impacts their recovery and I am able to use my own experiences to give them hope, even in the midst of substantial disability or injury. I often pray for my patients and, occasionally, with them. I now see my professional role as more of a “healer” rather than of someone who just “fixes” their mechanical problem.
I do not know why God chose to intervene in my life. I have led a very ordinary life. I was raised with religion but never truly claimed God’s promises for myself until I was in high school. I spent little time thinking about my spiritual life when I was an undergraduate student, even though I believe God intervened in my life when I was scuba diving in the Florida Springs. I could say the same for my time in medical school and residency. Like many people, I was consumed by the details and obligations of daily life and by the familiar challenge of balancing the needs of work, marriage, and children. Despite being personally touched by God’s presence in my life, my spirituality did not begin to blossom until I thought about what I wanted for my children.
Since I feel quite ordinary in so many ways, I continue to ask the ordinary question, “Why me?”
Why did God choose to give me these extraordinary experiences instead of showing Himself to my cousin who died in the talons of drug addiction or to any of the millions of other believers on earth who have cried out for His help? I am analytical, scientific, and skeptical by nature and by training. I’m not sure I would believe all the events of my life’s story to be true if I had not personally lived each day of them. How can all that I have described happen in one person’s life, and why is it so to stop doubting and just believe?
I do not know all of the answers to these questions, but I do know that millions of people are in dire need of knowing God, receiving His love, experiencing His presence, and accepting the truth of His promises.
People ask why so many miracles occurred in ancient days but not in our present time. I contend that there are just as many miracles occurring today, in the lives of ordinary people. But I also assert that most of us don’t look for miracles, don’t recognize them for what they really are, and don’t really believe them to be of divine origin even if their miraculous nature is noticed.
My life’s experiences would argue against the concepts of coincidence and luck. It would support the belief that there is only the guiding presence and plan of God, who uses His assortment of angels and messengers to lead us and communicate with us.
King Solomon wrote in Ecclesiastes that “people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end” and I would heartily agree. We live our lives in forward motion, but only understand them when looking backward. I therefore challenge you to keep a six- to twelve-month journal of coincidence. In that journal, write down the details of every “coincidence” you experience. In one column, write the details of each major event in your life … What are/were the circumstances surrounding your acceptance into college, meeting your significant other, finding your job, choosing where you live, and so on. Note every time the arrangements easily fall into place. Similarly, every time you struggle with a situation write down the eventual outcome. Write down the “bad” things that happen to you or others and, in an adjacent column, list what happens as a direct or indirect result of these bad things. I believe that when you look back through your journal at the end of your exercise, you will clearly see how many of people, events, decisions, and outcomes are interconnected. I think you will see a pattern of linkage that cannot be attributed to statistical chance. You will see evidence of God’s work in your life, giving assurance that God has a plan for your life. You will begin to recognize coincidental events for the miracles they really are, and you will know that God is with you even in times of sorrow, loneliness, or other misfortune. To paraphrase what Chad Long once said: “Let’s not let life muddle what happens. We are all part of a miracle.”
It is written in
Hebrews 11:1, (NIV):
“Faith is being sure of what we hoped for and certain of what we do not see.” Martin Luther King, Jr., translated this into the world of action when he stated:
“Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.”
It is this faith that sets us free. It allows us to fully embrace life, dissolves fear, and replaces worry with hope. Faith allows us to confidently walk with God into a future filled with joy; one that can become an extraordinary and amazing adventure.
God created us, knows us, loves us, and guides us. With love and grace, He commands us to:
• Rejoice in this knowledge always.
• Live a life of prayer, giving glory to God and continually listening for His guidance.
• Live a life of gratitude, giving thanks in all circumstances.
“You can give without loving,
but you cannot love without giving.”
—Amy Carmichael
A portion of the proceeds from the sale of this book will be given to charitable organizations that strive to:
• Share God’s grace and love in our country and the world.
• Encourage individuals to make each day and each choice matter, and to work to make the world a better place for all.
• Promote responsible stewardship of the world that has been given to us.
• Help bring people into a loving relationship with God.
For further information, please visit:
On this website, you will find information about the specific non-profit organizations to which donations are made. You will also find a means by which you can suggest other non-profit organizations that should be considered.
Since the publication of my book, I have answered many questions about the details of my experiences. Some of the most frequently asked questions are addressed below.