To Kill a Wizard: Rose's Story (The Protectors of Tarak Book 1) (21 page)

“But it wasn’t. And no one showed me,” I whispered, shaking my head.

It took a long time before she responded. “There is so much I don’t understand about you. From the beginning, I knew you were powerful. But not as powerful as me. And yet, you do things that even
I
can’t do.”

Numbness spread through me. Her words held no more meaning than the whisper of the wind.

Her voice came to me all in a rush, like she’d been speaking for a long time, but only now was I hearing her. “You learned your magic so quickly too, as if you’d been doing it all your life.”

“I have.”

“What?” the sharpness of her question hit me like a slap, and it took me a second to realize I’d spoken. Said something I shouldn’t have. And yet, I found it hard to care.

Turning, I took in her thoughtful expression and forced a word past my heavy mouth. “Nothing.”

Her gaze held meanings I didn’t understand. “We choose girls between thirteen and eighteen because without our help, most of those with magic won’t show their powers until long after that age. Witches, those girls with magic so weak we didn’t bother to take them, usually don’t develop their powers until their twenties.” She paused, her eyes narrowing. “So what could make you so different?”

My necklace warmed against my throat, startling me into alertness. I couldn’t allow myself to be swallowed by guilt and misery, not with a snake poised to strike. I reached to touch my necklace, hidden beneath the top of my dress, but stopped.

It came to me in a rush of understanding. It was my necklace. The piece of The Orb given to me by my father on my thirteenth birthday. My powers had begun to develop not long after. That was why I was different from the other girls. It was also the missing piece of the puzzle, the reason Blair saw me as such a riddle.

Goose bumps raced along my skin.

But my necklace was also likely the reason I’d be able to access The Orb without knowing I had. It’d been a blessing since the day I got it. How had it suddenly become a curse?

Another memory struck me, of the battle, of the chorus of miserable voices I heard just before I’d experienced that unexpected surge of magic. That was the moment I’d taken what didn’t belong to me. That was the moment I’d destroyed innocent lives for a battle that wasn’t my own.

“Well?” she asked, her mouth forming a thin line. “You know the answer, don’t you?”

I hung my head, avoiding her gaze. “All I know is my hands are stained with the blood of all these girls.” I swallowed past the lump in my throat. The words I’d meant to use to distract her from her questions had struck their place in my heart. “I’m a killer.”

She placed a hand on my shoulder. “I know this is difficult. I was once where you sit now. I once had to grow up. I had to realize that sometimes lives must be sacrificed for the greater good, and now, you’ve learned this lesson too. These girls might’ve died, but had they not, you and everyone you have ever known would be dead. Would that be any better?”

I shook my head, blinking back the tears gathering at the corners of my eyes. Something worse had occurred to me. Something so much worse. “Did I kill Sirena?”

“Sirena?”

“Yes,” I whispered. “My friend who came here with me, did I kill her?”

She sighed. “Does it really matter?”

I stumbled to my feet, still clutching the flower in my hands. “Yes, it matters!”

Blair straightened. “I will tell you, but I’ll never answer this question again. From this point forward, you’ll need to start seeing yourself as a Protector. You’ll have to accept that your job is to protect the kingdom, regardless of the cost.”

“I will.”

I made the vow knowing I’d never truly see myself as a Protector, nor ever leave my past behind. Because I needed to know. Because I couldn’t take another breath without a slice of pain, if I had to live the remainder of my days wondering whether I’d killed my best friend.

She reached her hand out, gliding it slowly through the air. “
Antona
,
Antona
,
Antona
.”

Blair spoke the name of the Goddess of the Lost, softly, as if she was whispering a secret to a dear friend. I listened to the way she spoke the words, and a tingle spread across my skin. This was the true name of the goddess, a powerful name to remember.

The tingling vanished as quickly as it’d begun, and she turned to me, her expression unreadable. “Sirena still lives.”

Relief flooded through me. I hadn’t killed my best friend. There was still time to find her and to save her. No matter what it cost me to do so.

But then, I looked down at the dead flower in my hands, and my relief faded. I’d still killed countless others.

“You can no longer count every life as important, or the deaths of the few will outweigh the triumphs of protecting many more lives. Do you understand?”

The urge to scream
no
built in my chest, but I pushed the feeling down. I couldn’t argue with this heartless creature. I couldn’t tell her that every life had value. But I could always remember this moment. I might be led to do some terrible things in the days to come, but I couldn’t lose my sense of right and wrong.

“I understand.”

Blair regarded me for a long minute, and I kept my eyes focused on the ground, concealing my contradictory thoughts.

“Then, it’s time for the next step in your training.”

She turned, but my next words stopped her. “I’ll do what you ask, but I need something in exchange.”

“In exchange?” She faced me. “You’re a Protector now. Why would you need something in order to do your job… your responsibility to your kingdom? Or did you forget what you just vowed to me?”

I stood, still holding the dead flower gently. “I need to know there’s a way I can get Sirena and Yara back.”

Her jaw clenched. “No one can save Yara now. Her mind is gone. She belongs to us, in just the way this castle does. Whatever made her human is now gone.”

Outrage clung to my words, even as I tried to force them down. “Even the
wizards
could give people back their minds once they enslaved them.”

Instead of anger, she responded with a level tone. “I’m glad you noticed. No matter what people tell you, anyone is capable of evil, not just wizards.”

“You don’t need to tell me that.”

One shapely brow rose. “I will tell you this, with absolute certainty, there is no one capable of freeing Yara now. Without the commands of The Protectors, her greatest achievement would be breathing in and out.”

I regarded her carefully. “I believe you.”

Relief shone in her eyes.

“But what about Sirena?”

Her jaw clenched again. “I’m the only one capable of changing a girl from a flower back into a girl again. But it’s rarely done.”

I pulled my shoulders back and tried to speak with absolute confidence. “I don’t care. I want her back.”

She looked away from me and began pacing.

It was painful not to speak, but I forced myself to remain silent. At least she was considering my request. That was more than I expected.

At last, she stopped and turned to me. “If I free your friend, you’ll help us without complaint?”

I took a deep breath. “Yes.”

Satisfaction filled her expression. “I have a similar deal with another Protector, so I will tell you the same thing I told her. When the wizards are defeated, and you have done your part, I will free your friend. But you must know, not everyone comes back from the transformation… the same way they entered. It is a painful process to become human again, and most people never fully recover.”

A cold sweat trickled down the back of my neck, despite the chilly weather. I’d never considered how Sirena might be impacted by her transformation. Doubt twisted through me. Would she thank me for bringing her back, if it was painful and left her forever changed?

I had to hope she would.

“It doesn’t matter. I want her back.”

Blair nodded. “Then we shall have the same deal.”

She reached for my hand.

I took a step back. “How do I know you’ll do what you say?”

A softness stole over her features. “Rose, I know what I seem to you, but you’re just going to have to trust me. There’s no other way.”

I didn’t trust her. But she was right, I had no other choice.

We shook hands.

“Things will be easier now that you’ve accepted what you are and your role among us.” A slight smile touched her lips. “You may even come to like it here.”

Turning, she strode back towards the castle.

I watched her go, then slipped the dead flower into the pocket of my brown dress and hurried after her. She led me back to the dining hall, where the servants were clearing the elaborate meal.

My gaze clung to the silent girls, my heart aching.

“You look cold,” Meisha said, staring at where I stood unable to move in the center of the room.

“Cold.. or dumb?” Clarissa’s words were cruel, but they held an unexpected softness.

“She’s ready to begin her training,” Blair said, sitting gracefully in her usual chair at the head of the table. “You’ll both handle her physical training, and I, when I can, will handle her magical training.”

“Physical training?”

Meisha’s skin held a gray tint as she spoke. “It is foolish to believe magic will keep you safe from everything. Your body is an equally important weapon, and one you must learn to use.”

I nodded, but in reality, the idea of becoming a weapon like Clarissa terrified me. Learning how to use my magic correctly, that would make me safer. But learning to fight, what would that do to me? And under Clarissa’s guidance?

“Go to your room and rest,” Blair ordered. “Meisha and Clarissa will come for you tomorrow to begin your training. I have something to discuss with them for now.”

Even though I’d slept a great deal already, my muscles ached with exhaustion. Using so much of my magic, even after drinking the potion, meant I needed to rest and rebuild my magic. Any yet, I dreaded lying down, knowing what waited for me in my dreams.

Who waited for me.

It was impossible to leave. Not until I asked her about the last person whose only chance at freedom might also rest on my shoulders alone. “I want to trust you… after seeing what happened in Sereus. I can almost believe you, but what of Asher?”

Blair’s face twisted into an expression of fury, and she leapt to her feet, pressing her hands into the table as she glared down at me. “He is DEAD!”

Smoke coiled from her hands, and the smell of burned wood filled the air as a wave of scorching heat struck me.

Clarissa stiffened and rose. “This seems like as good a time as any to leave.”

She moved quickly, glancing back once, before disappearing down the hall.

Several silent moments passed as Blair obviously fought to control her rage, and Meisha carefully inspected the table.

The heat radiating from Blair and her unexpected display of anger scared me, but beneath that fear was outrage. How did she expect me to trust her if she was always lying to me? I knew Asher was alive. I could feel it deep inside, like the beating of my own heart.

These women took and took from me. My friends. The man I suspected I loved. And all they did was demand my help. I wished I could just walk away, but walking away from these women also meant walking away from my only chance to get any of them back.

“I don’t believe you,” I said, breaking the silence with my quaking voice.

It took me a moment to recognize that some of the room’s sweltering heat was coming from my own magic gathered around me like a cloak. My head spun. What was I doing? I couldn’t let my anger overwhelm logic. I should’ve let her think I believed her, but more than that, I shouldn’t be calling my magic to me as if I wanted a fight.

Releasing my powers, I turned on shaking legs and walked until I reached the hallway. There, I stopped. Leaning against a thick tapestry, I eased my way to the ground.

“What is it about the wizard boy that has shaken you so?” Meisha asked.

I leaned forward at the sound of her voice, realizing I could hear them, even though they couldn’t see me.

“I’m not shaken. Nothing shakes me.”

“And yet,” Meisha said. “You left burns in our table.”

“It’s not the boy who impacts my emotions, it’s the girl. We have so little time, and we’ve waited so long for her.”

“We waited longer than I wanted,” Meisha said, her voice tentative.

“I could’ve collected her when she was thirteen, but she was not old enough or strong enough to endure all that she will have to. I thought giving her this time was the one good thing that I could do for her, before she has a lifetime of suffering.”

The room was silent for a minute. My pulse raced and sweat dripped down my back.

“But it seems the world wishes to punish me for my crimes. Everything from the first moment we selected her has gone terribly wrong.”