To Love and Protect (43 page)

He did remain solicitous as to how she felt, continuously checking on her.
 
Clarissa kept assuring him she had recovered, but he would never be able to get the image of her in the throes of her illness out of his mind.
 
If necessary, they would only go from village to village until they reached London.
 
Be honest, you are enjoying your time alone with your wife
, he chastised himself.
 
He knew once they returned to London, they would be pulled back into the whirl of the
ton
, the intrigue surrounding Lorraine and Franklin, and his duties to the government.

Justin tried to focus on reading over some old London newssheets he picked up at the coaching inn they had stayed at last night.
 
It seemed Gertie had hosted a party that made the social column.
 
She would be pleased.
 
She and Mamma truly needed to get together again.
 
He knew that writing was a poor substitute to actually visiting in person.

He turned the page and a notice caught his eye.
 
Allen Henry, Lord Marsden announces his engagement to Lorraine Blackerby, Dowager Duchess of Hamilton
.
 
Good grief, the woman did not waste any time.
 
How had she managed to have Hamilton declared dead?
 
The authorities would not have declared a powerful peer of the realm like the Duke of Hamilton dead without substantial proof.
 
Imagine the shock to one and all if he walked in on the wedding ceremony.
 
Unfortunately, that would prove too dangerous.
 
Justin also wondered how she and Marsden had bypassed society’s dictates of waiting the requisite year of mourning upon the death of a spouse.
 

According to those in and around London, Hamilton had been gone six months.
 
Shock passed through Justin as he realized how much time had passed since he received the summons to Gertie’s house.
 
There had been the initial month that Hamilton had disappeared.
 
Then it had taken him and Clarissa several weeks to even locate the aging duke.
 
Once they had found him, they had endured the travel by sea to Scotland.
 
Before they had known it, December had slipped into January.
 
Then Clarissa had fallen ill, and they had spent more weeks.
 
Justin looked out the window at the passing landscape.
 
Now here they were in mid-April and flowers pushed up through the damp earth, and trees were unfurling their leaves.

He lowered the newssheet and watched Clarissa.
 
Her head rested on the wall behind her, elongating her neck and tempting him to kiss it.
 
He could not resist the temptation.
 
Leaning across the distance, he placed a lingering kiss on the side of her neck.
 

“Don’t,” he heard her say in a strained voice.
 
He pulled back, truly studying her, not just admiring her assets.
 
Her face looked pasty and her lips were clenched firmly together.
 
Justin watched her swallow convulsively.
 
Beads of perspiration appeared on her forehead even in the coolness of the carriage.
 
Even though April had come upon them, the days were still cool, and heralded rain on most days.

“Clare, what’s the matter?”
 
Just at that moment, the carriage hit a hole in the road and lurched sickeningly.

“Stop the carriage,” she got out weakly, a hand flew to her mouth.
 
Justin quickly shouted the orders, and before it came to a complete stop, Clarissa escaped out the door.
 
Once he disembarked, he found her loosing her breakfast into some bushes on the side of the road.
 
She had been wearing her hair loose in the carriage, so Justin quickly held it back from her face.
 

“Is my lady all right?” called the driver.

“She will be,” Justin replied.
 
When she quit being sick, Justin jogged back to the carriage and returned shortly with a piece of cloth and a flask of liquid.
 
“Don’t drink it,” he said as he handed it to her, “it might make you sick again.
 
Just rinse and spit.”
 
Clarissa nodded her agreement.
 
After she had done that and mopped her sweat-soaked face, Justin helped her to stand upright, letting her lean against him for support.
 
“How are you feeling now?”

“My stomach aches.
 
Just like when I was seasick only this was all of a sudden.
 
I hate being sick.
 
I was so enjoying the return trip.
 
How long before we are back in London?” a quiet despair had entered her voice.

“A few days.”

“I have never felt so horrible in my life.”

“Do you think you caught something at one of the inns?”

“I don’t know.”

“Do you want to try to go on?”

“All right,” she said warily, eyeing the pitted road ahead of them.

Justin helped her into the carriage and helped her get settled.
 
They traveled on for another hour before Clarissa once again halted their progress.
 

“We’re stopping at the next inn.”

“I just want to go home.
 
I don’t even care if Franklin does find us.”

“I know, love, but we can’t keep this up with you feeling bad.
 
Hopefully you will have time to rest, and we can get back on the road in a day or two.”

They pulled into an inn right before noon.
 
After paying for a room, Justin helped Clarissa up the stairs and saw her settled.
 
She had already fallen asleep before he even left the room to see about something to settle her stomach.

***

Several hours later, Clarissa woke to shadows in the room.
 
Justin sat beside her on the bed, a worried look on his face.

“How long did I sleep?” she asked stretching with a yawn.

“Hours,” he replied distractedly.

“Are you all right?”

“No.”

“What’s wrong?”

“I’ve been worried out of my mind that you had a relapse.”

“You can’t worry yourself like this every time I get sick.”

“I know.”

“I’m starving.”

He eyed her skeptically.
 
“Are you certain that’s wise after this morning?”

She just rolled her eyes before sending him down for food.

***

Justin woke early the next morning and let the coachman know they would be leaving in an hour.
 
He returned to the room to shave and opened the door to the sound of Clarissa being sick again.

“Dammit, Clarissa, what’s the matter?”
 
She gave him an evil look before she leaned against the wall in exhaustion.
 
“Yesterday morning you were sick.
 
You took a nap once we arrived here and when you awoke and ate everything in sight.
 
I told you not to eat that much, but you didn’t listen to me and now look.
 
You’re sick again.”

“Are you finished?”

“I don’t know.”
 
A knock sounded on the door.
 
A bubbly young girl stood on the other side holding a tray of food.
 
The smell wafted into the room and Clarissa turned green.
 
“Please go away,” she got out before becoming ill once more.
 
She was so focused on trying to make sure her stomach stayed within the confines of her body, that she missed the exchange at the door.
 
When nothing more happened for several minutes, she leaned back into a warm, muscular wall.
 
Exhausted, she leaned gratefully against her husband, who wiped her face and neck with a cool cloth.

“Are you going to be all right?”

“I wish I knew,” she chuckled softly.

“How can you laugh?”

“The alternative is to throw a tantrum and wail to the heavens about the unfairness of it all, and frankly, I just don’t have the energy at this moment.
 
It seems like I have spent more of my time in your presence sick than not.
 
I promise you, I’m usually the picture of health.”

Another knock sounded on the door, and Justin got to his feet.
 
Before crossing the room, he made certain Clarissa was settled and decent.
 
He opened the door to the innkeeper’s wife this time.
 

“My daughter said your wife’s feelin’ poorly.
 
Thought I would pop up and see if she needed a woman’s assistance,” she peeked around the door and saw Clarissa sitting very unladylike on the floor, propped up against the wall.
 
She leaned her head sideways against the washstand, looking too tired and weak to hold it up herself.
 
“Oh, you poor mite.
 
What’s ailing you?”

“I wish I knew,” silvery tears tracked down Clarissa’s pale cheeks at the stranger’s kindness.

“You just tell me how you’ve been feeling, and we’ll go from there.
 
Aye?”
 
The motherly woman crouched next to Clarissa and patted her shoulder.
 
Clarissa started near the beginning, recalling her seasickness then the attack she suffered in Scotland.
 
Then she told her how she had suddenly taken ill in the coach yesterday and then again upon waking.
 

Justin stayed across the room as the two women conversed quietly, but he kept a careful eye on Clarissa and remained at the ready.
 
The older woman said something and Clarissa’s face paled.
 
In only a few moments he saw a wild, haunted look in her eyes and she began shaking her head.

“No, no, it can’t be.
 
It will be too close.
 
No,” she wailed, before becoming sick once more.

“There, there.
 
I know just the thing.
 
Helped settle my stomach every time I found myself in the family way.
 
I’ll be back,” the woman stood and crossed the room.
 
Her words rang in Justin’s ears, and he stood frozen to his spot.
 
“Your wife needs you right now, young man.
 
Go on.
 
Her sickness isn’t catching.”
 
Justin felt himself cross the room as if in a fog.
 

Clarissa felt as if her she would expel her stomach at any moment, but unfortunately nothing made an appearance.
 
Finally, her stomach stopped its revolt.
 
She used the washcloth once more to mop her face.
 
She leaned back and saw the frozen stance of her husband.

“You said your courses…”

“I know, but that has been weeks ago,” she cut him off.
 
“I should have had them again.
 
And we have been very…umm…amorous,” she stammered, a hot flush covered her skin.

“But…”

“But what, Justin?
 
Do you think I alone am to blame for all of this?
 
It took two of us, and if you remember, I asked you to do whatever you could to prevent a child.”

“It’s not always that easy.
 
Are you sure you weren’t using me for stud services?” he asked, an accusing note in his voice.
 

“What are you trying to say?”
 

He should have heard the warning in her words, but was too consumed by his own thoughts.
 
“I’m saying you should have turned me away.
 
You should have told me to stay out of your bed until we knew it would be well after your birthday before a babe made an appearance.
 
Perhaps you decided your father’s idea had merit.”

“I can’t believe you.”

“Believe it.
 
Is it true, Clarissa?
 
Did you use me for what I could do for you?
 
Give you?”
 

“Go to Hell, Southerby and take my father with you.
 
I hope you both will be very happy together, what with his machinations and your suspicions.”
 
A knock sounded at the door and then the motherly woman let herself into the room, seemingly oblivious to the tension around her.

“Here you go now.
 
Eat this dry bread and sip this tea and you’ll be right as rain.”

“Thank you,” Clarissa mumbled the words and took a nibble of the bread.

“Sir, your lady should rest in the mornings if you insist on traveling.
 
I know it will take you longer, but she will feel more the thing in the afternoons, if she is like most.”

“And if she’s not?”

“It won’t matter what time of day you travel, she will be miserable.”

“Thank you.
 
Here’s an extra coin for your trouble and seeing to my wife.”

“Thank you, sir, but it isn’t necessary.”

“I insist.
 
Thank you.”
 
The woman bobbed once more as she exited the room.
 
When the innkeeper’s wife left, a heavy silence hung between the two in the room.
 
Justin looked up in time to see Clarissa take another hesitant bite of the bread, her eyes shot daggers at him.

“I need some fresh air,” he announced before turning and leaving the room.
 
He heard something hit the door with a loud thud just as he closed it.
 
Justin worked hard to release the tension in his neck and shoulders as he stepped outside.
 
He stopped to let the coachman know that they would not be leaving until after noon and asked the man to make inquiries about upcoming villages and how long it would take them to reach London if they only traveled during the afternoons.
 
They would be traveling at a snail’s pace, and they were quickly running out of time to confront Lorraine and Franklin.
 
Regardless, he would not risk Clarissa’s health.