To Love and to Cherish (27 page)

He'd explained the reverence in which young men held a young woman who was both beautiful and genteel. He'd also encouraged her to be more assertive, not to hesitate to say and do what she wanted. At the time, he'd considered it a subtle way to court a young woman without
really
courting her. From the beginning, he'd be ashamed of what he was doing. He'd only managed it by focusing on Steve's future.

“A young woman needs to know what a man feels for her,” Martha said. “That's difficult when he's incapable of speech.”

“I've never been incapable of speech.”

Martha laughed. “I don't mean
you
. I'm talking about young men.”

Jared felt he'd suddenly gone gray and aged three decades. In frustration he asked, “Are you talking about any young man in particular?”

“Ted Drummond.” Martha blushed. “I thought you knew.”

Jared recalled Martha mentioning Ted—Jared sometimes had trouble keeping his mind on their conversations—but the boy was so handsome every woman mentioned him sooner or later. He'd met Ted a couple of times but didn't find him remarkable in any way except his looks. “What about him?”

“You told me to speak my mind, let people know what I thought. Well, I told Ted what I felt for him.” She laughed. “I thought he was going to faint or run away, but he pulled himself together and we had a good talk.”

“Good. What did you talk about?”

“Us. His future.
My
future. Everything.” Martha flashed a brilliant smile. “We're engaged, and I owe it all to you.”

Jared was suddenly afflicted with the aforementioned shortcoming of the younger generation. He was speechless. Everyone knew Martha was a flirt, but how could he have so misjudged their conversation? Was he so busy thinking about Laurie that he hadn't paid enough attention to what Martha had been saying to know she wasn't thinking about him? Apparently she had talked so freely because she saw him as an older cousin or friend of the family. As much as this punctured his vanity, he was relieved that his selfishness hadn't hurt Martha. “Have you told your parents?”

Martha frowned. “They're not happy that I want to marry a stable hand. They would rather I marry someone much older, like you.”

Jared wasn't sure how much more pounding his ego could take, but he decided to stick it out. “Ted's not really a stable hand. He's more like Morley Sumner's partner.”

“That's what I told Papa. Will you talk to him? He'll listen to you.”

Now he was going to have to play go-between for this modern-day Romeo and Juliet. Jared doubted Reverend Simpson would care what he thought, but after what he'd tried to do, he owed it to Martha to talk with her father. “Let me know when will be a good time. Just don't blame me if he doesn't listen.”

“I'm sure he will. Everybody respects you so much. Now I have to run away. Mama has given me several errands.”

A smiling Martha Simpson jumped up from the table, gave him a kiss on the cheek, and scurried away. Feeling like he'd stepped into the midst of a funnel cloud, Jared shook his head in bewilderment. He'd gotten off easier than he deserved. Even more remarkable, he'd actually helped Martha and Ted.

As for the kiss on the cheek, it wouldn't cause any trouble. Not after Martha announced her engagement. Besides, would anyone seriously believe Martha could be romantically interested in such an old man?

***

Steve met Jared at the door when he returned to the ranch. It was clear the boy was very upset.

“Loomis says Miss Laurie isn't coming to the ranch today. He says she's
never
coming to the ranch again, and it's not because she's sick. I knew something was wrong when she made me leave the other night. What did you do to her? Loomis won't tell me. All he said was you were the most stupid man he'd ever met. Then he packed his saddlebags and rode off.”

Jared didn't know what to tell the boy. He hadn't seen Loomis since the fight. He didn't know how he could have known anything about what passed between him and Laurie. Still, what Loomis did or didn't know wasn't important. Laurie being pregnant with their child was all that mattered. As long as Laurie refused to marry him, he didn't know how to resolve the situation. Jared headed for the kitchen with Steve trailing behind.

“Laurie isn't sick, but she isn't feeling well,” he told the boy. “I'll go back to see her tomorrow. Maybe she'll feel better by then.”

He was lying again. Well, not lying exactly, but certainly giving a false impression. He'd been a straightforwardly honest man his whole life. The way he'd tried to take advantage of Martha Simpson wasn't typical of him and he was ashamed, but what he'd done to Laurie was much, much worse. How could he have ended up in such a morass when his intentions had been so good?

Because he'd let his desire for Laurie outrun his sense of decency. It didn't matter that she had been willing. It didn't matter that she appeared to have enjoyed it as much as he did. It only mattered that his behavior had put her in a position that would ruin her reputation and cast a shadow over the life of their baby.

He struggled to absorb the fact that he was going to be a father. What kind of role model would he be? He'd sold up in Texas to come west looking for brothers he knew nothing about and had very little chance of finding. He'd bought a ranch that couldn't succeed without Herefords he didn't have the money to buy. He'd signed a business agreement that severely limited his potential income then decided to get out of it by courting a woman he didn't love. No wonder Laurie didn't want to marry him. He didn't deserve a woman like her.

“I want to go with you,” Steve said.

“Where?” Jared had been so deep in thought he'd lost the thread of their conversation. He'd also forgotten he'd come into the kitchen to make coffee. He reached for a pot to fill with water.

“To see Miss Laurie,” Steve reminded him. “Maybe she'll come back if I talk to her. I know she likes it here. I'll starve if I have to keep eating Odell's cooking. If she comes back, maybe Loomis will, too.”

That was something else. He'd lost the respect of his best friend. Loomis would never work with him again. “I know we all liked Laurie,” he said to Steve, “but—”

“I loved her,” Steve declared emphatically. “I thought you loved her, too.”

Jared put the pot on the stove and lit the fire. “The way you would love her and the way I would love her aren't the same.”

“I know that,” the boy stated. “I'm not stupid, but all of us saw the way you looked at her. Nick was hoping you'd ask him to be best man, but I told him you'd choose Loomis.”

Jared was shocked to know the men had been discussing a wedding between him and Laurie. Had he been so bowled over by Laurie that he'd completely lost touch with everyone else? “How many times did Laurie tell you she would never marry again?” He went into the storage room to get the coffee beans.

“Lots, but she didn't mean it. She'd marry you if you asked her. Did you ever tell her you loved her?”

“No,” he shouted back at Steve.

“Then you don't know what she would have said.”

“There are things you don't know.”

“If you're going to tell me I'm too young, you can stow it,” the boy replied, angrily. “I saw the way she looked at you.”

Jared put the coffee in the grinder. “She looked at everybody else just as much, sometimes more,” he said over the noise.

Steve moved to the doorway. “Of course she did. You didn't think a woman of her character was going to throw herself at you, did you? She was waiting for you to speak first.”

“Why would I say anything? I was courting Martha Simpson.”

Steven snorted in disgust. “You weren't courting Martha. You were running away from Miss Laurie.”

Done grinding the coffee, Jared came out of the storage room and closed the door. “There are some things I should have told you earlier.”

“What?” Steve looked like he was prepared to question anything Jared said.

“I made a miscalculation when I agreed to give Laurie a full partnership.”

“What kind of miscalculation?”

“Giving Laurie half the ranch cut everybody's share in half.”

“We knew that, but it didn't matter.”

“But the men wouldn't have enough money to start over on their own. You wouldn't have enough money to go back East, maybe go to college.”

Steve shook his head. “Loomis said you were so head-over-heels in love with Miss Laurie you couldn't think straight. If having Herefords can double our profits, we'll end up with the same amount of money. That water is boiling. Are you going to make coffee, or just let the water boil away?”

Jared took the pot off the heat and dropped the coffee into the pot. “We don't know having Herefords will double our profits. Besides, we don't have them yet.”

“We were willing to take the chance because we thought Miss Laurie was worth it. We thought you did, too.”

He opened his mouth to say he thought Laurie was worth more than that, but he closed it again. Why should Steve believe him? He'd taken advantage of Laurie, then turned his back on her when things didn't turn out like he expected.

That wasn't exactly right. He hadn't turned his back on her. She was adamant she would never remarry so he had to look for another way. No, that wasn't right, either. He hadn't said he loved her, hadn't asked her to marry him. As Steve said, he didn't know how she would have answered. Would she have married him?

“If I had asked Laurie to marry me, she'd have thought I was doing it just for the money,” he told Steve.

“Would you?”

“Would I what?”

“Have been marrying her just for the money?”

Jared had been about to pour his coffee, but he paused. “Of course not.”

“Why would you have been marrying her?”

“I wouldn't ask any woman to marry me unless I loved her.”

“So if you asked her to marry you, you'd have been in love with her. Right?”

“Yes.”

“Did you ask her?”

“Yes.”

“What did she say?” the boy asked eagerly.

“She refused me.”

He looked crestfallen. “Why?”

“She doesn't believe I love her.”

“You do. I know you do. You told her you did, didn't you?”

The words he was about to utter caught in his throat. When Laurie asked if he loved her, he'd hesitated because he'd never stopped to ask himself what his
true
feelings for her were. Was it merely lust, desire, or was it more? Of course it was more, but how much more? What
kind
of more?

“You didn't answer my question,” Steve reminded him. “Did you tell her you loved her?”

The answer was simple. “No.”

Steve stared at him in disbelief. “Why not? You've been in love with her almost from the beginning. Even Odell knew it, and he can't see anything that isn't shoved under his nose.”

He didn't have an answer except to say he'd been a complete fool. The most wonderful woman in the world had stepped into his life, and he hadn't the sense to realize it. He
was
in love with Laurie. He probably had been after her first day at the ranch, but all he had been able to think about was her face and her body. Why would she want to marry a man like that? More important, why hadn't he known he was in love with her?

He'd been given every indication. He couldn't stop thinking about her. He missed her when she wasn't around. When he was working, he would think of things he wanted to tell her as soon as he got home. When she left each evening, he practically held his breath until she returned the next morning. When he was with her, he couldn't think of anyone else.

“I've been blind,” he told Steve. “And stupid. I should have talked to you and the boys. And Laurie. Especially Laurie. I can't understand how I could have missed what everyone else knew, but I'm going to make sure it never happens again.”

“Does that mean Miss Laurie will come back?” Steve's eyes shone with eagerness.

“I'm going to do everything I can to see that she does, but I need your help.”

“I'll do anything you want.”

“I need the other guys, too.”

“They're as eager to get her back as I am.”

“Good. Now here's what I want you do to.”

Norman rose from his seat behind his huge desk. “I was going to come out to the ranch this afternoon,” he said when Jared was ushered into his office. “After seeing the kiss Miss Simpson gave you at lunch yesterday, I've decided to give you the loan.”

“I'm glad I could save you a trip and clear up a misunderstanding,” Jared replied without sitting down. “Miss Simpson is going to marry Ted Drummond. What you saw was a kiss of gratitude because I'd given her some helpful advice.”

Norman sat back down. “Then you're not going to marry her?”

“No.”

Norman looked like a petulant child who'd lost a favorite toy. “Then I withdraw my offer of a loan.”

“That's okay. The reason I came in was to tell you I'm no longer interested in a loan from you.”

The transformation that swept over Norman was stunning. He looked vulnerable, possibly even scared. “You've got to get your loan from me. You can't go to that new bank.”

Jared had to restrain an impulse to gloat. “I
don't
have to get my loan from you. In light of the conditions you imposed, I'm ashamed of myself for considering it. I was a coward, but it won't happen again. I hadn't thought of approaching the owners of the new bank, but thanks for the suggestion.”

Norman looked defeated. “Why are you doing this? Do you hate me, too?”

Jared was surprised by the question. “I don't know you well enough to have any personal feelings for you one way or the other, but I do think you're an unprincipled businessman who would do anything to make money. On top of that, you're a malicious person who enjoys manipulating people. After the way you've treated Laurie, I'm surprised people in town still talk to you. If you didn't have Cassie working for you, I expect you'd have lost half your customers by now.” Jared paused. “I can sympathize with you, though. I've been blind, couldn't see what was obvious to everyone else. I thought I was right so I pushed ahead, but I was wrong. Now I've come close to losing the most important person in my life.”

“Laurie.”

“See, even you knew it before I did. I'm not worthy to be her husband, but I'm going to do everything I can to convince her to marry me anyway, even if it means I'll never be able to buy those Herefords. If she does marry me, you can be sure I'll never put money, anything, or anybody ahead of her again.”

***

“Don't blame Papa,” Naomi was saying to Laurie. “He was so worried, I knew something was wrong. I wouldn't give him any peace until he told me.”

Laurie didn't know whether she was more angry or relieved. It was a comfort to have someone to talk to, but she was upset Naomi knew of her predicament. She had intended to leave Cactus Corner before anyone other than the doctor knew.

“Have you told anyone else?”

“No, not even Colby.”

Naomi hadn't told Colby yet, but she would. They were so closely attuned he would know something was wrong and worm it out of her. Not that it would take very long. It was impossible for them to keep secrets from each other.

“Have you seen Jared?”

“Yes. He asked me to marry him, but I refused.”

Naomi's reaction was so extreme it was comical. “Are you crazy? You're in love with him.”

“But he's not in love with me. I swore I would never marry again after Noah died. I certainly wouldn't make the mistake of marrying a man who didn't love me.”

“I think he does love you,” Naomi insisted.

“Then why is he seeing Martha Simpson?”

“Because she's a lovely young woman who flirts with every single man in town.”

“Jared is not a child. Not even a lovely young flirt can make him do something he doesn't want to do.”

“Don't be ridiculous. Most men are helpless when up against a pretty young woman who's generous with her smiles.”

“Thanks for trying to make me feel better, but I'm not going to marry Jared.”

“What are you going to do?”

“I'm going to leave town. I'm trying to decide whether to move to Tucson or even farther away.”

Naomi gripped both her cousin's hands. “You can't do that.”

“You can't think I'd try to rear this child in Cactus Corner with everybody knowing his father was married to another woman. Maybe you could brazen it out, but I can't.”

“No, I couldn't do that,” Naomi confessed, “but you can't move away.”

“I can't see any other alternative.”

“There has to be something. We've got to think.”

“Thinking is not going to change the fact that I refuse to raise my child with the stigma of being illegitimate.”

“You should have thought of that before you slept with Jared.”

Naomi tried to apologize, but Laurie wouldn't let her. “Of course I should have. I've said worse things to myself than you ever will. At the time, I felt what I was doing was important. I even convinced myself it was necessary if I was ever to have a normal life, but now I know it was foolish. I can try to blame it on my marriage to Noah, Norman's stinginess, or my father selling me to the highest bidder, but it was my decision. I was too blinded by having freedom to see what anyone else would have seen as an inevitable result.” Laurie laughed softly. “Loomis followed Jared into town. When he found out I had refused Jared, he offered to marry me.”

“Do you love Loomis?”

“Of course not, and he doesn't love me. He was just being kind.”

“There must be someone you would like to marry besides Jared.”

“I love Jared, but I'm still not sure I want to marry. If I weren't expecting a baby, I wouldn't be considering it now.”

“Not even though you love Jared?”

Laurie laughed guiltily and blushed. “I considered being his mistress rather than his wife.”

“Laurie Hale Spencer!” Naomi exclaimed. “I can't believe I heard you say that.”

“Neither can I. And if you tell anyone,
anyone,
and that includes Sibyl, I'll deny it.”

The two women stared at each other. Laurie tried to keep a straight face, but Naomi looked so serious she couldn't. First she twisted her mouth to keep a smile from forming. Then she pinched herself to suppress a snicker. Moments later a gurgle of laughter burst from her. Naomi looked horrified before laughter overcame her.

“You're horrible,” Naomi said, “and I'm just as bad. Who would ever have thought you'd turn into a lewd woman?”

Laurie wiped her eyes. “I always wondered what it would be like to be able to choose the men I slept with. I guess my father was right to be worried about me.”

“Don't get me started on your father. That man—”

A knock on the front door interrupted their conversation.

“I wonder who that can be,” Laurie said.

“It could be anyone coming to check on you. Everybody knows you haven't gone to the ranch for two days. They're bound to think you must be sick.”

“Well, I'm not. I want you to assure everyone I'm in perfect health.”

The knocks came again, more insistent this time.

“You'd better see who it is,” Naomi said. “Then we can get back to discussing what to do.”

Laurie reluctantly got to her feet. “There's no discussion. I'm moving.”

“There's got to be another way.”

“There isn't, so stop worrying.”

Laurie had been prepared to greet one of the women in town. She wasn't prepared to find Jared on her porch. She must be a stupid woman who couldn't learn her lesson even when it was obvious. Despite her dilemma, just seeing him sent her heart racing and her spirits soaring. It wasn't just his handsome face or his imposing physique. He looked so worried, so tense, she wanted to put her arms around him and assure him everything would be all right.

“I'm coming in,” he announced and proceeded to do exactly that.

“What do you want?” Laurie asked. “We said everything last night.” But she didn't mean it. However much it hurt to know it wasn't likely to happen, she couldn't relinquish the hope that he had come to love her.

“You may have said everything you wanted to say, but I didn't.” He stopped in his tracks when he saw Naomi.

“Don't think I'm going anywhere,” Naomi said, grim determination writ large on her face. “I'm going to pay close attention to every word you say. They'd better be good. If not, you're in big trouble.”

“I'm glad you're here,” Jared said. “Maybe you can talk some sense into Laurie.”

“Why
are
you here?” Laurie asked Jared.

Jared crossed to Laurie and took both her hands in his. “I want you to marry me.”

How could the words she longed to hear hurt so much? “I've already told—”

“This has nothing to do with the baby. I was in love with you before you knew about that. I was just too stupid to realize it.”

Naomi didn't give Laurie a chance to answer. “She's in love with you, too. Don't let her deny it.”

“I can speak for myself,” Laurie said to her cousin.

“You haven't been doing very well, so I thought I'd give you a little help. We've gotten to the part where Jared loves you and you love Jared. Don't stop now.”

“Do you
really
love me?” Jared asked Laurie.

“You know I said I was never going to marry again.”

“That's not what I asked. Do you love me? Because I love you very much.”

Laurie wouldn't let herself believe it just yet. “What about Martha Simpson?”

“I'm embarrassed to say I let Norman's threats and her smile cause me to behave very foolishly.”

“What did I tell you?” Naomi asked Laurie.

Laurie had never wished her cousin at the other end of the earth until right now. “Do you mind if we have this conversation without interruption?”

“Okay, as long as you don't get sidetracked on things that are irrelevant.”

“Martha Simpson isn't irrelevant.”

“She is if you love Jared and he loves you.”

“She's right, you know,” Jared said to Laurie. “I've never been in love with Martha nor she with me. She only wanted advice on how to deal with a young man who was hesitant to say what was in his heart. Apparently I convinced her it was all right for her to say it for him. So now she's engaged to Ted Drummond.”

Laurie was surprised—and relieved. “Why was she reluctant to marry Ted? He's the most handsome man I've ever seen.”

“More so than me?”

“I love you, but I'm not blind. At least not where Ted's looks are concerned.” Oops! She'd committed herself before she was absolutely sure that
he
loved
her
.

“We're getting off track again,” Naomi warned.

“I'm liking your cousin more and more,” Jared said. “She never forgets what's most important.”

“And what is that?” Laurie asked.

“You agreeing to marry me. You still haven't given me an answer.”

Laurie met his gaze, her heart in her throat. “Can you tell me that this has nothing to do with the baby, the money, or the loan, that you would want to marry me if none of that had ever happened?”

“I can do better than that,” Jared said. “I not only love you unconditionally, I'm
going
to marry you. I think we ought to do it today.”

Laurie's heart started beating so fast it was hard to breathe. “I can't get married five minutes after I say yes.”

“Of course you can. All you have to do is say
yes
. The boys are waiting for us at the church along with Reverend Simpson. I've already got the license.”

Naomi jumped to her feet. “I've got to get Colby and Sibyl. Papa, too. We're not going to miss this.” She was out of the house before Laurie could collect her wits.

She heard the words, saw the love in Jared's eyes, but could hardly believe this was really happening. Five minutes ago, she was planning to leave Cactus Corner as soon as possible to avoid disgrace. Now, in the next five minutes, Jared wanted her to become his wife. “Are you sure you want to do this?” she asked.

“Didn't you hear me when I said everybody was waiting? All you have to do is say yes.”

Laurie hesitated.

“I know it's an awkward situation. I wish I could change that, but I can't. I can only try to assure you that I would love you regardless of the circumstances. You're the most beautiful, the most remarkable, and most wonderful woman I've ever met. All the men adore you. Everybody in Cactus Corner adores you. Why wouldn't I?”

“Not one of them wants to marry me.”

“Loomis told me he asked you to marry him.”

“He was feeling sorry for me. He doesn't love me.”

“I'm not so sure.”

“I don't love him, so it doesn't matter.” She shook her head to clear it. “Why are we talking about Loomis?”

“Because you're looking for every excuse to keep from saying you'll marry me. I can wait all day, but I doubt the preacher will.”

“Do you really have the boys and the preacher waiting?”

“You'll soon be able to see for yourself.”

“How could you be sure I'd marry you?”

“I couldn't, but I was determined to take advantage of any momentary weakness or indecision.”

“You'd marry me on those terms?”

“I'll marry you on
any
terms.”

She scanned his face and looked deep into his eyes. What she saw there erased all her doubts. “I believe you would.”

“I'm ready to prove it if you'll just give me the chance.”

“I have one condition before I'll give you my answer.”

“Anything.”

“The money I was going to give you for the partnership—”

“I don't care about the money. I've told Norman I don't want his loan. I'll try to make it with longhorns. If necessary, I'll go back into the army.”