To Love and Trust (Boundaries) (5 page)

It was a long, lingering kiss, far more intimate than that of a platonic friend, and Rachel was shocked by the strength of the jealousy that overpowered her.

“I understand you wanted to see me.”

“I didn’t mean here,” he growled, and ushered her into his office, closing the door firmly behind him.

What the hell was that all about?
Rachel strained her ears to see if she could decipher the low voices from Adam’s office, but she couldn’t make anything out. She scowled at the door. Why was Dominique here and, more importantly, why had she kissed Adam like that?

The fifteen minutes that Dominique was in Adam’s office seemed to last an eternity and when she finally heard their voices nearing his door, Rachel pretended to be deeply engrossed in something on her computer. The door opened and Dominique strode out, stopping briefly to look down at Rachel.

“Let me know when you’ve finished with her,” she drawled to Adam, her eyes looking directly at Rachel’s breasts, “I can think of a few things I could use her for.”

Rachel glared at her in anger, more at the way Dominique had spoken about her as if she weren’t there than what she’d actually said.

Without another glance at Adam, Dominique winked at Rachel then turned and left, leaving Rachel staring, open-mouthed at the doorway then at Adam. Instead of offering any kind of explanation, though, he just glared at her before storming back into his office and slamming the door behind him.

From that moment on, the day got worse as Adam’s mood deteriorated rapidly and Rachel felt she could do no right. What the hell had Dominique said to piss him off so much, and why had she kissed him as if it were something she had done many times before? Rachel wanted to storm into Adam’s office and demand that he tell her what was going on, but, even in her agitated state, she had the sense to know that confronting him when he was in this mood was practically suicidal.

By six o’clock there was still no let-up in Adam’s mood, and Rachel decided it might be wise to slip out unnoticed rather than risk disturbing him. She hesitated outside his door on her way out, wanting,
needing
a hug from him, but decided that it was probably safer to let him be for tonight. For a day that had started out so well, it sure had turned out to be a shitty one.

Chapter Four

“So, what’s his name?” Rachel leaned back in her seat and took a sip of her wine. She’d been in a rotten mood when she’d arrived home from work thanks to Adam and that bloody Dominique woman, but Mandy had soon cheered her up when she’d reminded her they were going to the pub for their girly night out. And now, sitting in the hot, crowded bar, Rachel wanted the full, unabridged version of Mandy’s new romance.

Mandy’s face flushed and she actually looked nervous as she took a large gulp of wine to steady herself.

“Well, it’s not what you think,” she said, lowering her voice in case anyone could hear.

“Mandy, what’s got into you? I only asked his name.” Rachel frowned—this wasn’t like her confident, outgoing friend at all.

“Dawn,” whispered Mandy, her eyes frantically scanning for prying ears.

“Huh?” It took a moment for Mandy’s answer to sink in. “Dawn? It’s a girl?”

Mandy nodded with a sheepish grin, and Rachel burst out laughing.

“Were you worried about telling me you’re seeing a girl?”

“Well…yeah.” Mandy was clutching her wine glass tightly, her hand shaking slightly.

“Oh, hun, you silly thing, I think that’s really cool. So you’re not only a Domme, but you’re gay as well. Wow, you never did do things by halves!” Rachel raised her glass to Mandy with a grin and took a sip of her wine.

“Well, I’m not really gay—I still like men, so I guess that makes me bisexual.” She looked around her again to make sure no one was listening. “God, it sounds weird saying it out loud.”

“I never thought I’d see the day you were coy,” laughed Rachel. “So tell me about her, what’s she like?”

Mandy’s face broke into a broad smile as she thought about her new girlfriend. “Oh, Rach, she’s gorgeous, she looks a bit like a petite Naomi Campbell. She’s from New York and moved to London about six months ago.”

“What does she do?” asked Rachel. There was a sparkle in Mandy’s eyes and Rachel felt genuinely pleased that her friend had met someone who clearly made her so happy.

“She’s a journalist, works for
The Times
.” Mandy finished her wine and indicated to Rachel that she should drink up so they could get another round in.

“So, I take it she’s a submissive then, seeing that you met her on the BDSM website?” Rachel finished her wine, which had turned warm quickly in the stuffy pub, and pulled a face as the sharp liquid stung the back of her throat. How could a drink that was so delicious when it was cold be like vinegar as soon as it warmed up a bit?

Mandy giggled. “Yes, she’s bisexual, submissive and totally gorgeous. Her brother lives in London and she’s staying with him, but he didn’t know about her interest in BDSM so it was difficult for her to meet anyone at first. So one night she went along to a local munch.”

Rachel frowned. That Ted fella on the website had mentioned that word as well. “What’s a munch?”

Mandy laughed at Rachel’s puzzled expression. “It’s an informal meeting where you can meet other people in the lifestyle. I didn’t know what it was either. Anyway, she met a couple of other submissives who invited her along to Boundaries.”

Rachel blushed at hearing the name of Adam’s club but didn’t say anything. “Well, it turns out that her brother’s a Dom and the first person she bumped into on her first visit to Boundaries, literally, was him. Apparently he went mad. He didn’t know his little sister was into BDSM and was seriously pissed off.”

Rachel giggled. She could well imagine some scary Dom bumping into his little sister at a kink club and going into overprotective big brother mode.

Mandy stood, picked up their glasses and grinned at Rachel. “Same again?”

When Rachel nodded, she leaned over and whispered in her ear, “By the way, Rach, you know Dawn’s brother.”

Rachel frowned. “Do I?” She hardly knew anyone at the club who was a girl except for Chrissie, who was gay and not a Dom anyway, and Amelia.

“Yeah, his name’s Luke.” She chuckled then turned around and headed for the bar.

Rachel stared after Mandy in shock.
Luke? Wow, what are the chances of that?
Her face flushed as she remembered the kinky taxi ride that night—Luke putting the cuffs and collar on her then ordering her to touch herself.

It took a good five minutes for Mandy to return with their drinks, by which time Rachel was desperate to grill her about Luke.

Before she’d even sat back down, Rachel laid into her. “Did you mean Luke, as in the Luke who took me to Boundaries?”

“How many Lukes do you know?” said Mandy with a grin. “Of course that Luke. Once he’d gotten over his initial shock, he calmed down and grudgingly accepted the fact that Dawn is into kink as well.”

“Well, he didn’t really have much choice, did he? He can hardly judge her when he’s into it himself.” And boy was he into it. Apart from Adam, he was the sexiest, but also the most commanding Dom Rachel had seen so far at the club.

“Exactly. Anyway, Dawn had been with him the night he responded to your post and when he’d logged off, she joined the site straight afterwards, which was around the same time as I did. Both our names came up in the ‘New Members’ section so she sent me a post to say hello and that’s how we got ‘chatting’.”

“That’s fantastic. I can’t believe you never told me, though.” Rachel prodded Mandy in a mock reprimand and they both raised their glasses in a toast. “Here’s to us, babe.”

“I’ll drink to that. By the way, Dawn wants to take me to Boundaries on Saturday night. Are you okay with that?”

Rachel laughed. “Of course I am. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Well, you know, you were there first, so to speak. I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable or anything.”

“Don’t be stupid. It’ll be great to see you there and, anyway, it means I’ll get to meet Dawn.” Rachel was pleased that Mandy had finally met someone and was glad she’d felt comfortable sharing her news. It must have been hard enough ‘coming out’ with the Domme thing, but the fact that she was bisexual as well must have been difficult to confess.
Well, good on her
. Mandy was happy and that’s what was important.

“So, how’s it going with you and Adam?” asked Mandy, moving the subject away from herself.

Rachel felt a warm glow deep inside her at the sound of his name, and smiled. “Great. He certainly makes work more interesting.”

“Ooh, that’s so naughty, I love it. So, he’s spanked you, right?”

Rachel nodded and blushed.

“Did you enjoy it?”

“I loved it.” Memories of her burning arse made her catch her breath as a shudder ran through her body. “I can’t explain it, Mandy, it’s like nothing I’ve ever experienced before. It hurts and, at first, I’m not sure I want him to carry on, but at the same time I’m desperate for him to continue. It makes me feel so alive and free, and after a while nothing else matters except his hand smacking my arse.”

“So is it just the corporal stuff that turns you on, or do you like the D/s side of it as well?” Mandy looked fascinated by what she was hearing, and Rachel wondered if she was trying to get into the mind of a submissive so she would understand Dawn’s needs better.

She paused as she contemplated Mandy’s question. She tried to imagine Adam spanking her without actually dominating her and she knew her answer straight away. She didn’t want him to just ‘Top’ her, she wanted him to dominate her, to order her to kneel in that stern Dom voice that turned her stomach to jelly, and demand her complete surrender.

“I think I’m actually more turned on by the whole Dom/sub thing than the other stuff—although, I do enjoy the discipline as well, don’t get me wrong. It’s as if something inside me melts when he orders me to do something. He takes complete control of me, almost forcing me into submission, and I love it. It’s crazy, I know, but I really love it.”

Mandy nodded her understanding. “And what about Adam? Do you love him as well?”

Rachel’s stomach plummeted. Wow, she hadn’t been expecting that. She stared open-mouthed at Mandy. Her head started spinning. Did she love him? Although it was early days yet, she was pretty sure that yes, she did. Oh, God, how had that happened? She’d promised herself never to love anyone again, to never become vulnerable and, ultimately, be hurt again. Her high spirits sank to a new low and she fought back familiar tears.

“Rachel, stop it.” Mandy’s stern voice snapped her out of her dark thoughts. “Adam isn’t Paul, or your family. You’ve got to stop torturing yourself and move on.” She reached over and took hold of Rachel’s cool hand then gave it a squeeze. “Adam seems like a good man and he’s certainly brought a smile back to your face. Give him a chance, hun, allow yourself to love him and let him love you back.”

“I don’t know how he feels about me,” sighed Rachel. “He likes me, obviously, but he hasn’t said anything about being in love with me.” An uncomfortable memory of what he’d said the other night played on her mind and she frowned.

“What?” asked Mandy.

“Even if he did love me, it wouldn’t work,” she said sadly, as she recalled their recent conversation about his wife.

“Why? That’s rubbish, Rach.”

“No it’s not. You see, his ex-wife was his slave. They had a Total Power Exchange, or whatever it’s called, and it was when it became too much for her that their marriage broke down. He told me he wants another slave and he’s already made a few comments about me wearing his collar.”

“Oh.” Mandy squeezed Rachel’s hand. She obviously knew exactly what was going through Rachel’s mind.

“I don’t want that, Mandy. I don’t want to be in a relationship where I can’t make decisions for myself or where I have to ask permission to go to the fucking toilet.” Anger flared up inside her and she wondered what the hell she’d gotten herself into.

Mandy’s face showed her concern at Rachel’s distress. “Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that,” she said tactfully. “Maybe he doesn’t really want that, either.”

But Rachel knew he did, she’d heard him say it. If she could have kept her feelings in check and just enjoyed the kinky sex, she would have been fine, but she’d done exactly what she hadn’t wanted to do, she’d fallen for him, and there didn’t appear to be any kind of happy ending in sight. She was absolutely sure about one thing, though. She would never be his slave…
Never
!

* * * *

After a restless night, Rachel turned up at work the next morning filled with uncertainty about her future with Adam. When she’d admitted to Mandy last night that she loved him, the implications of those feelings had come crashing down on her. No matter how she looked at it, she knew she would get hurt—again. Why the hell had she allowed herself to let her guard down? Stupid, stupid,
stupid
!

She’d lain awake until the small hours trying to work through her feelings, but it didn’t seem to matter how she envisioned their relationship would progress, it invariably led to heartbreak. Either he’d tire of her and move on to some other willing submissive, or he’d demand that she give up her freedom and independence and become his slave. Either way, there was no happy ending for her because, no matter how much she might love him, she wouldn’t ever agree to become his slave.

So now what? She knew she should call the whole thing off, tell him she wasn’t interested in him anymore, quit her job and bury herself in a hole somewhere to heal. But she couldn’t. She’d discovered a new side of her sexuality that excited and fulfilled her, but it wouldn’t be the same without Adam. It was because of him that she found it so exciting. She didn’t only need the BDSM—she’d acknowledged to herself that she needed Adam as well.

She stepped out of the lift, then went straight into the small kitchen and made coffees for herself and Adam. After placing her cup on her desk, she knocked lightly on his door and stuck her head round it. Adam was on the phone so she silently walked up to his desk, found a coaster and placed his coffee in front of him.