To Mend a Broken Heart (24 page)

“I love him, Richard. I love him so much and it hurts me to say that to you, but I have to tell you. I told you before I wasn’t sure what I felt, but I know now that it’s love. It’s different to what you and I shared, but it’s love, it’s all consuming love and I know, I know you made it happen,” I wipe my tears, “All you ever wanted was for me to be happy, all you ever wanted was to see me smile and I believe, I really, really believe, you sent Daniel to me, to make me smile.”

I look over my shoulder and Daniel is looking my way, his eyes glassy and sad. I raise my hand and wave him forward. I need to introduce him, I need to show Richard who he sent me, the kind, good, loving man I’m going to spend my life with. On today, of all days, I need to show Richard how thankful I am that he sent Daniel to me, that his final gift to me is one I’m so thankful for. I hear his footsteps beside me and I hold out my hand. He takes it and kneels beside me, saying nothing but offering his support.

“Richard, this is Daniel. I know you know him, you sent him to me,” I look over and see a tear roll down Daniel’s cheek, “He is my life now. My angel. Please look over us and know, I miss you and I always will. It might seem fast, it might even seem like I can’t possibly have loved you if I could fall in love again so quickly, but it’s because of that love, because of your love for me that I can, that I have. Thank you, thank you for my Daniel, Richard. I love you.”

Daniel wraps me in his arms and lets me cry. He soothes me and tells me he understands, that he wishes he could take away the pain I’m feeling. Doesn’t he understand? By being with me, he is doing exactly that. I have turned a corner today. I have said goodbye to my past and walked with my head held high into my future. Daniel is my future. Daniel is always going to be my future. Now it’s time to see what that future holds for us both.

Chapter Twenty-Two

Life does get easier again. When the anniversary has passed, I feel closer to Daniel than I ever have before. A bond was formed that day that will never be broken, a bond so strong, it can survive anything life has to throw at it. I’m sure of this, I feel it in the place I feel everything with Daniel. In my heart. When I get home after visiting Richard’s grave, I do something I haven’t been ready to do before now, something I didn’t want to do before now. I remove my wedding and engagement ring. I’ve decided to move on, to leave my life with Richard in the past and focus on my future and I can’t do that while I’m still wearing Richard’s rings. It isn’t fair to Daniel, it isn’t fair to us as a couple. When I slip them off and place them in my jewellery box, amongst the other treasures Richard had given me in our time together, I feel an overwhelming wash of grief for my old life. Then I remember, I have a life to live now, and that life is with Daniel.

In the weeks that pass, our routine slowly sorts itself out. It breaks my heart to have to give up volunteering, but with work getting busier it just isn’t possible to keep the commitment. The solace and comfort I once found there I realise is Daniel and I have Daniel in my life all the time. We continue to work out our relationship, to learn about each other, to work out what makes each other tick, each others likes and dislikes. We go on dates as the two of us and dates with Ginny and Ryan. We spend most evenings together and usually sleep at Daniel’s, the memories of Richard at my house sometimes still too powerful for me. When Daniel is needed to go away to Germany for work and I’m unable to join him, I find the distance does wonderful things for our relationship, our reunion after a week away is one that takes us both by surprise. We are growing stronger as each day passes, I feel more in love with him and I know he feels the same.

Today, we are going to Ginny and Ryan’s for lunch. I’m sitting in Daniel’s reading room, reading a book on my kindle that I just can’t put down, the fictional world sucking me in completely, when he walks in. He just walks into the room, wearing simple enough jeans and a blue jumper. He stops just inside the door and looks at me. Just a look. Nothing more. But in that look, he seduces me so completely, one look from those blue eyes and I’m a hot flustered mess. I put down my kindle and I go to him. I wrap my arms around his strong shoulders and I kiss him with everything I have. I kiss him so he has no reason to question my utter devotion to him.

“What was that for?” he asks, pulling back a little breathless.

“Just because, I need you to know what you do to me.”

“Is it because I’m wearing blue?” he asks, one eyebrow lifting comically.

“Yes,” I grin, “It’s because you’re wearing blue.”

“I thought so, this is my lucky jumper.”

“Your lucky jumper?”

“It’s the exact jumper I was wearing the day I met you, and look how well that turned out for me.” he traces my nose with his finger then kisses the very tip of it.

“I think I won the prize that day, Daniel.”

“Oh no, you’re definitely the prize.”

I look into his blue eyes and fall in love with him, all over again, right there and then. Daniel really is incredible, so beautiful inside and out. He reaches for my hand and we just stand there, gazing at each other, both of us I’m sure wondering how we got so lucky as to find each other.

“Shall we get going?” Daniel asks, breaking the spell we’re under, “We don’t want to be late.”

“No, we really don’t. Ginny would actually kill us I think.”

“Maim probably, I don’t think she is the murdering type.” he chuckles as we walk out of the house and to his car.

“I don’t know, you’ve never been late for lunch when she’s spent hours preparing it.”

“Have you?”

“No, don’t be ridiculous, I don’t want to poke the bear!” I laugh.

“You’re so funny,” he sighs, “I love you so much, Katie.” he leans over and presses his lips to mine.

“Stop that or we will be late!” I groan into his warm mouth.

“Noted,” he grins pulling back, “I blame you, you tempt me all the time.”

“Likewise, Mr Lambert.”

The drive to Ginny’s doesn’t take long at all and when I knock on the door, Ryan opens it grinning past me to Daniel. It makes my heart feel full that Daniel and Ryan have formed a friendship as important and strong as Ryan’s friendship with Richard, maybe even stronger. A relationship that has healed what losing his childhood friend did to Ryan.

“Munchkin and the Jolly Blonde Giant are here!” he calls back to Ginny.

“Such a greeting,” I sigh, pushing past my friend, “I’ll remember to greet you in much the same way next time you come over.”

“She complains, but I know she loves it!” Ryan tells Daniel.

“How are you?” I hear them begin chatting as I walk into the kitchen to find my friend.

“Hey beautiful,” I call to her as I step into the big light room, “How are you?”

“Hey yourself,” she holds her hands out to me, “You’re looking so well.” she smiles happily.

“I am well. Where is my boy?” I search the room for Aidan.

“He’s asleep, he was up in the night with a temperature so he’s knackered.”

“Much like Daddy then.” Ryan yawns.

“Yes,” Ginny looks apologetic, “Much like Daddy.”

“You were up with the bubba?”

“He wouldn’t settle with Mummy, it was all Daddy last night.” he yawns.

“You can sleep in tomorrow, I promise.” Ginny blows a kiss to her husband who grins like a soppy idiot.

“I don’t mind,” he shakes his head, “I wanted you to sleep.” a look passes between them that I don’t miss and I don’t understand either.

“Oh, you two. You’re so adorable.” I tease them.

“I know, right?” Ryan cocks his head to the side.

“Hello Blondie.” Ginny calls to Daniel, her affectionate name for him.

“Hey,” he grins, holding up the wine we bought, “I thought this might be nice.”

“You’re so naughty,” she teasingly scorns him, “But thank you all the same.”

She takes the bottle from his hands, places it on the counter then wraps her arms around him in greeting. He returns the hug smiling. I watch as Ginny leans up to whisper something in his ear and Daniel replies much the same way. Ryan coughs and alerts them to our presence.

“Ever get the feeling you’re completely missing something, Munchkin?” he asks me.

“Yes.” I nod.

“I’m just checking my Blondie is looking after my best friend is all.” Ginny tells us both stepping away and back into the kitchen.

“I get the same question every time,” Daniel tells me, wrapping his arm around my waist, he leans his head down and whispers in my ear, “How’s my girl? Is she doing okay, really?”

“You can just ask me that.” I tell Ginny.

“Kate, you would lie to me rather than make anything of it.”

“I would not!”

“You would,” she tells me, “You forget I’ve known you since you and I were children.”

“I really am fine though, I’m doing well. More than well, I’m doing great!”

“Thanks to the Blonde Giant.” Ryan adds.

“Yes,” I look up to Daniel and smile, “Thanks to the Blonde Giant.”

He smiles shyly and presses a kiss to my forehead. I am surrounded by love and kindness, by my favourite people in the whole world and I’m happy. The little things in life are the most important and they are also the biggest things. When I look back at my friends, Ryan is smiling at Ginny who has tears in her eyes.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” she waves her hand around her face, “I’m just…It’s so…You two make me so deliciously happy! I love you both, you know that don’t you? I’d do anything for both of you. Anything.”

“We do know,” Daniel answers for both of us, “And we’d do the same.”

Daniel and Ryan disappear into Ryan’s study while I help Ginny with lunch. I watch Ginny move around the kitchen, a little slower than normal. She keeps stopping and taking a few deep breaths and she is continuously sipping from a glass I first thought had apple juice in it, but now I look closer, it has bubbles in. Suddenly, everything clicks into place, the look I saw between Ryan and Ginny, the moving slowly, the drink.

“Ginny?”

“Yes sweetie?”

“You’re pregnant.”

Her eyes meet mine, tears swimming there. She nods slowly, looking like she isn’t sure how to tell me. I step up to her and wrap my arms around my best friend. She breaks down in my arms and I don’t understand why.

“Hey, what is with the tears?”

“I don’t…It’s hormones. And I don’t…It wasn’t planned, it’s a complete surprise,” she takes a deep breath and looks at me, “And I’m worried what it will make Daniel feel.” she whispers.

Ginny, the best person in the world. The kind of friend everyone wants, is worried about the feelings Daniel might feel when she tells him she’s pregnant. She’s worried about how someone else will feel rather than focusing on how she feels.

“He’ll be over the moon for you, sweetie.” I tell her.

“I know he will, but Kate, it’s bound to bring back memories. I don’t want to hurt him.”

“Don’t be silly, he will deal with it like he deals with everything else,” I kiss her cheek, “Congratulations.” I whisper.

“Thank you.” she whispers back tearily.

“What did Ryan say to the little surprise?”

“He is delighted, he wants more children, neither of us thought it would be this soon though, but I guess this little one has other ideas.” she pats her still flat stomach.

“How far along?” I ask her.

“About six weeks and bloody hell, the sickness is worse now than it ever was with Aidan.” she takes a sip of her drink and smiles.

“It must be a girl then.” I say excitedly.

“That’s what Ryan said, but how can you know that?”

“Well, it’s just a guess.”

“I’m so tired. That’s another reason Ryan was up with Aidan last night, I literally cannot keep my eyes open past seven in the evening, I barely make it to then.”

“Well, let Ryan take over and do things while you’re feeling like this. Why didn’t you tell me? We would never have made you cook lunch.”

“Sweets, I made it easy, quiche, salad, new potatoes. And I totally cheated and bought dessert.”

“So you should. Now, what can I do?”

“Lay the table? I can sit down and chat then.”

“Get your butt on the seat and rest,” I look back at her as I make my way over to the table, “I really am so excited for you both, Ginny, you’re the best parents in the world. That little one is so lucky.”

“Thank you.” she smiles.

“And their Auntie Katie is going to spoil them rotten!”

“And their Uncle Daniel will take beautiful photos of them when they arrive.”

“Oooh! He totally will.”

“How are you doing, Katie?”

“I’m really, really good. I promise you, I would tell you if I wasn’t.”

“And you’re finally allowing yourself to be happy?”

“Yes. Richard’s anniversary… I took Daniel to meet him, Ginny. I sat there and my past met my future. I hope he understands, I hope he knows my love for him isn’t any less because I have Daniel now. I can’t be without him, Ginny. I can’t even bear to think about it.”

“I’m so happy for you, you deserve this, he deserves this. Happiness and love look good on you, I forgot how good.”

“I forgot how good it feels to feel loved, to be loved and love in return. To wake up with a smile rather than a tear. To know, whatever happens, I’ll have someone who loves me and who I can turn to. I love him so much, Ginny. I didn’t think I’d ever love anyone the way I loved Richard, but I think…” I close my mouth, not wanting to say the words aloud.

“You think…?” Ginny prompts.

“I think I love him more.” I whisper, squeezing my eyes tightly shut.

“That’s okay sweetie.” Ginny soothes.

“I lived through losing Richard, Ginny. I lived through it because I had Daniel. I don’t think I’d ever survive losing him.” the thought alone brings tears to my eyes.

“You won’t lose him. Have faith sweetie.”

I do have faith I won’t lose him. I will hold on to him so tight because without him, I don’t think I’d be able to live. He is so much a part of me, a bigger part than I think Richard was. Daniel is the key to my survival. He is the reason I’m standing here. The boys reappear some time later grinning like naughty school boys. Ryan has a sleepy Aidan in his arms who looks a little peaky. Daniel walks right up to Ginny and wraps her in a hug. She looks at me shocked and then she smiles.

“He told you.”

“He did, congratulations, Ginny. I’m so happy for you both.”

“Thank you, Daniel. That means so much.”

“Ryan also told me about your worries, about how… It brings back nothing but beautiful memories for me. I hope one day, I’ll create more of those,” Daniel’s eyes shoot over to mine for a second before they go back to Ginny, “I don’t want you to worry about me, just worry about the little one you’re keeping safe.”