To Save You (8 page)

“It’s Dessie, said it’s urgent.” Of course, James doesn’t know about this. About his sisters problems. He must still think that Dessie and I are dating or we had something.

I wait until he walks out of my room to answer the phone. “What’s wrong? Why are you calling me so late?”

“It’s Presley.” She says. I immediately start putting on clothes. “I think she was drugged or something, she didn’t do drugs. She didn’t even take a sip of alcohol. Presley is acting wild, doing stuff she wouldn’t do.”

“Where are you?” I grab my keys and head out.

“I managed to get her home, but now she’s destroying her parents place.” I could hear the things crashing on the floor. “I can’t get her to calm down!”

“I’ll be there in half an hour, just make sure she doesn’t hurt herself.”

“You’re an hour away, how are-“ I stop her.

“I’ll be there in half an hour.”

Speeding the whole way there, I managed to make it in thirty five minutes. All the lights were on at the house. Looking at it from the outside, it looked calm and quiet.

Before I could even get to the door, Dessie ran out of the house. I could see that Presley had scared her. I saw relief on her face when she saw me.

“She’s locked herself in the upstairs bathroom when she heard me talking to you.” I walked past her and went into the home I’ve been in many times before.

James used to throw parties here every weekend. I’ve seen the worst happen to this house, but I’ve never seen it in this condition. Every picture frame had been thrown to the ground and smashed.

I quickly made my way to the upstairs bathroom where I heard the sobbing coming from. I turned the handle, but the door was locked.

“Go away, Dessie!” Presley screamed.

“It’s not Dessie.” I say.

Silence. “I don’t want to see you either!”

“Well, you’re not getting rid of me that easily. If you don’t open this door, I’m going to have to call your brother, maybe even your parents.” I knew threats were not the way to go, but I didn’t know how else to handle this. “Will you please open this door, Presley?” I asked softly.

The lock clicked, she only unlocked it. I opened the door slowly, afraid of what I was going to see in the bathroom.

Presley was sitting with her head in her knees on the floor. I sat next to her, pushing her hair away from her face and she looked at me. It broke my heart how defeated she looked, no one should have to go through this.

“What’s wrong with me?” She sniffles. “Half the time I don’t know what is going on with me. I don’t know why I feel so sad all the time.” I grabbed her hands, quickly glancing over her body, feeling relief when I don’t see any new wounds.

“I’m going to help you figure this out.” I promise her.

“What if I can’t be helped?” She whispers.

“Everyone can be helped, they just have to be willing to accept it.”

Chapter Fifteen

Presley Masters

I took one of my mother’s Valium so I could sleep. I think I hit a breaking point last night, I hadn’t slept in four days. Things that I knew didn’t make sense in my head, made sense last night.

I thought maybe if I trashed my parents house I would feel better. I thought if I locked myself in the bathroom, I would disappear. I was so hostile, and I don’t even know why. I knew Dessie and Mathew just wanted to help, but I wouldn’t allow them to help.

Mathew stayed with me until I woke up. I had a clearer head when I had woken up. I suddenly realized that I had to explain the mess to my parents. I ruined all those frames, I smashed things against the wall, leaving them chipped.

I felt so stupid for doing what I did. If only I had better control of myself, I wouldn’t have done any of that.

“Wait. What happened last night?” My mother asked.

“I drank a little, and I guess I got too drunk too fast. I got reckless and I smashed the frames, and threw stuff against the wall in the family room.”

“Presley, you have to learn how to control your alcohol consumption. Try to stay away from it now. You’re lucky we were planning to redo the house anyway, so don’t worry about the chips on the walls.”

My mother didn’t really believe in disciplining James or I. She thought life would teach us the lessons we needed, so it didn’t surprise me that she didn’t really care about what I did. Don’t get me wrong, my mother loves us, but she was as passive as they came.

“I’ll get Georgie to clean up the mess today, I don’t want you hurting yourself. Wear shoes around the house. Are you okay now?” I thought about it.

I thought of telling her about how sad and numb I felt. How I have felt since I was fifteen, but I knew she wouldn’t be able to handle it.

“I’m fine.” I say just as Mathew comes back into my room. He frowns at the words that leave my mouth.

“Alright then, I have to go now, but good luck on your midterms next week. I love you.” Another thing I couldn’t tell her. I was on the brink of failing most of my classes. I had fallen behind from missing so many classes, the only classes I was passing was English and Photography.

“I love you, too.” I end the call and I look at Mathew.

“We should get back to campus. What did your mom say about the mess?”

“Georgie is coming by later to clean up.” Georgie is our maid.

He sits down next to me.

“I think we should tell your parents about what you’re going through.” I started to panic at the thought of my parents knowing.

“No. I can’t tell them.” I know how mental illness is dealt with in my family. It is ignored and looked down upon. My parents are religious, their beliefs are strong. If I have something serious, they will make me join a convent to save me instead of taking medication or sending me to a psychiatric hospital.

“We can have James-“ I cut him off.

“No. If you tell my parents or James, I’ll never forgive you, Mathew. I have to deal with this without their help.”

“You can’t just try to hide this from them forever, Presley. Eventually they will find out. They love you, they will get you the help you need.” What if he’s right and then will get me the help I need? What happens if the doctors say I can’t be fixed? That I will be like this for the rest of my life.

“Mathew, I’m serious. I’m not ready to tell them.” He sighs.

“Fine.” I knew I was putting him in a terrible position. This is why I didn’t want to get involved with him. I just hurt everyone around me. “Do you want to ride with me or Dessie?” I dreaded going back to campus.

“You.” I say quietly.

He puts his hand out for me to grab, and I intertwine our fingers together. We walk out to his car and I see Dessie in my car. I walk up to the window.

“I assumed you wanted to go with him.” She says and she smiles.

“I’ll get him to drop me off at your place, can we talk?” Dessie nods. “Call Finn, too.” Finn and Dessie have been getting along great, but they were just friends. My friends.

“I will.”

“Thank you.” I got into the car with Mathew.

“Is everything okay?” Finn asks as soon as he gets to Dessie’s apartment. There was a reason I only wanted the two of them, I didn’t want to hurt Mathew anymore. I planned on ending it, we could be friends, but it’s just too hard right now to be anything more with him. My heart ached.

“We’re all fine.” I say.

We were sat on Dessie’s couch. Finn sat next to me. “So why have you called this meeting?” Finn asks.

“I um.” Suddenly there was a huge lump in my throat. They were both looking at me. I felt the tears building up. “I think I need to break up with Mathew.” I say it so quietly because I can’t say it any louder without bursting into tears.

“What did he do?” Finn looked agitated. “Did he hurt you?” I could see he was ready to run out and confront Mathew.

“No. I’m hurting him.” I wipe the tears that have slipped. “I thought maybe, he could help me, but I can’t even tell him what’s wrong with me. I’m being selfish.” I broke out into sobs, unable to keep it in anymore.

As soon as Mathew left for the soccer game, I went over to James’ apartment. I knocked and James opened the door. He seemed surprised to see me. We haven’t been talking like we used to.

“What’s going on, PB?” I was on his spin chair in his room and he was sitting on his bed. He had four more weeks of his cast, and then he would be doing rehab for his leg with the athletic trainer.

“I need your help talking to mom and dad.” I admit to him. I was going to be kicked out of school this semester if I didn’t get my grades up. I needed at least C’s.

“With what?”

“I don’t want to be at SU.”

“Do you want to transfer somewhere else?” He asks, a little bit confused about where I was going with this.

“I was thinking community college. I can take as many classes as I want, at my own pace. I can do free lance jobs, I already have more than a few offers.” My photo teacher has been showing my portfolio for this semester to some colleagues of his, and he’s been getting great feedback for me.

James just stares at me. “What about all the friends you’ve made? And Dessie? Aren’t you going to miss it here?”

“Of course I am, but I’m not thriving here. I feel so overwhelmed. I think community college will be helpful, and my photography career is taking off.” I was being as honest as I could be with James.

James is silent once again for a few moments. “Okay. If that’s what you want, I can help you talk to mom and dad at the end of the semester. Just show them that you tried to make it work here, and I’m sure they will have no problem with it.”

“Thank you.” I only have to make it through the next few months and I’ll be okay. I can do that.

Chapter Sixteen

Mathew Pennington

“I am not okay.” I could see that this was the first time Presley had ever allowed herself to say those words out loud. “This is something I have to deal with and I’ve thought about this long and hard.”

I knew exactly where this was going. She was going to break up with me. And she was justifying it with her admitting she isn’t as okay as she pretends to be.

“You’re breaking up with me.”

“You’re great, I don’t deserve to be in a relationship with you. You’re destined to be with a beautiful girl, one who doesn’t have as many problems as I do. I know you’ll treat her amazing, and you’ll make her happy.” I could see with every word she spoke, that it was tearing her up inside.

“I want to be with you.”

“We can’t ever work.” She stands. I felt my heart being ripped in two.

“How is this so easy for you?” I hated myself the second those words came out of my mouth. Why did I say that?

“It isn’t, Mathew. What makes you think that it is?” I stand and I kiss her. I know Presley hates being caught off guard, but I have to prove to her that this isn’t something I’m ready to give up.

I pull away from her and lean my forehead against hers. She’s begun to cry, which was not my intention. I’m a bit taken aback that this is her reaction.

“Why are you crying?” I whisper.

“You’re making this harder for me, Mathew.” She wipes away her tears with the back of her hand and she takes a few steps back.

“I don’t mean to.”

“You told me you’d do whatever you could to help me. I need you to not pursue me. I really can’t do us right now.” Presley doesn’t wait for my answer. She leaves me in my room, alone. I lost her.

It was a few days before Halloween, Presley and I broke up weeks ago. I can’t even step into the library for fear that I might run into her. I don’t go into the cafeteria when I know she doesn’t have a class, I’ve also been avoiding James.

When did I become the type of person to avoid people?

James seems to be wrapped up in his own head, so it’s not like he’s noticed that I’ve been avoiding him. He’s getting better emotionally, he’s not using girls like tissues anymore. Cindy has been around more lately, I even occasionally see him with Dessie in the quad.

“Boots and Boxers party.” Gill, one of my soccer buddies, hands me the flyer for the latest party.

“I don’t know, man. I don’t really feel like going.” I have to admit that I’ve been feeling depressed.

Even though I do everything to avoid Presley, it’s not like I don’t run into her. She’s with Finn. He always has his arm around her waist and leans in real close to talk to her. It pisses me off that she even lets him touch her.

“Why not? This is like the best party of the year, aside from our Halloween party. You have to come, it’s mandatory.” I roll my eyes.

“I have to bounce back from midterms.” I lie. I aced all of my exams, business classes were going great. “I can’t flunk this semester.”

“I know for a fact that you passed, you’ll do fine this semester. This is about something else, isn’t it?” Gill sits down in front of me and stares me down. Gill is odd, but effective. He doesn’t like no for an answer. “It’s a girl, isn’t it? Which girl on campus has you wrapped around their pretty little finger.”

I gave him a long look. I contemplated telling him, but he had a big mouth. If I told him, it’d definitely get out to James.

“No. It’s not.” I knew the only way to get him off my back was to go. “I’ll be there tonight…I need to get wasted.”

Presley was like a drug. I could not get her out of my system, but it’s not like I have even tried. I didn’t want to let go of her, yet, but she has definitely let go of me. She’s replaced me with Finn.

“I can help you with that.” Gill says a little too proudly.

“I’ll see you tonight.”

As soon as I get to the party, I could smell the weed. That was something I never messed with because I needed to pass my drug tests for soccer, off season was a different story though. I did it occasionally. Tonight would not be one of those nights.

All the girls here were dressed provocatively in the smallest of boxers and the sexiest boots they could find. Some girls had shirts on, others were in bras.

“Glad you could make it, Matty.” Gill says and pats me on the back and hands me a bottle of beer.