To Say Goodbye (16 page)

She came a few seconds behind him, heaving from exhaustion, her hair an utter mess. Her ponytail was falling out, she could barely talk, and her face was damp with perspiration, despite the chill in the air.

“Thank. You,” she managed to punctuate as she took the puppy from his arms, her breath floating in ringlets in the biting air.

“You’re welcome. What happened? Here, come sit down for a few and catch your breath.” He led her to the bench, where she graciously sat, attaching a leash from her pocket to the puppy’s collar.

“I didn’t think he could run so fast. I took him outside to pee. I didn’t have time to get a fence yet. And he must’ve seen a rabbit or something because—bam!—he was gone.”

“He ran from your house?” It was only about six blocks away, but still, it was probably quite a feat when you were chasing a spastic puppy.

She nodded. “A car almost smooshed Henry. A car almost smooshed me. It was awful. I’m so glad you were here.” After she said the words, she looked embarrassed.

“So I take it his name is Henry?” He didn’t want to give her a chance to end the conversation prematurely, so he decided to pick neutral conversation territory.

“Yep.”

“When did you get him?”

“I didn’t. Stella and Larry bought him for me. I’m so glad,” she said, sarcasm dripping from her words. He noticed, however, that there was a glimmer of a smile on her face as she eyed the puppy, despite the harrowing morning events.

“He’s adorable. It’ll get better. We all have our rough days, huh, bud?” Jackson said, petting the dog. He’d always been a sucker for dogs.

“Well, I hope so. So far, he’s almost worn out his welcome. He kept me up all night last night, and then this morning, we had this escapade. I’m so sorry. You must’ve thought I’d lost my mind. Plus, I look terrible.”

“Not true. About the looking terrible part.”

She nudged him. “So you think I’m crazy?”

He made a gesture with his hand to say, “a little,” and she laughed.

“You’re probably right. I do feel a bit crazy sometimes.”

“Don’t we all?”

They sat for a moment as if neither knew what to say.

“Sophia,” he started just as she stood to say she better get going. “Sophia, wait.”

He stood, too, facing her, the dog’s leash in her hand.

She shook her head. “Jackson, I can’t.”

He took a breath. It was now or never.

“Sophia, I know this whole thing is complicated. A train wreck even. Neither of us expected Tim to die. We didn’t think there would be anything between us. But dammit, there is. We can’t pretend it’s not there or that it’ll go away because we want it to. And the truth is, I’ve been thinking about it. I don’t want it to go away, Sophia. You’re the best thing that’s happened to me since Logan. Seriously. I know I’m not the best thing that’s ever happened to you. I know that was Tim. But he’s gone. I wish he weren’t. I wish he were here right now to kick my ass for saying this to you. He’s not. He’s not here, so we have to go on with our lives. The thing is, I miss you. I think I’m falling for you.”

He exhaled, staring into her blue eyes, which were now watering. She looked to the ground for a minute, more tears welling, as he stood in agony, not knowing what he’d just done. He’d been courageous; he’d said what he wanted to say. Maybe it was too much.

Just when he was giving up hope, just when he was ready to apologize, she looked up. Her frizzy hair and tears punctuated her bewildered state, but to him, she was gorgeous, a radiant being.

“The thing is, Jackson, I think I’m falling for you too. And it scares me and it makes me feel like shit because of everything. But I miss you too.”

He opened his mouth to respond, but before he could say anything, she was on her tiptoes, her lips moving on his, their bodies melding to each other. She kissed him hard, forcefully, like she meant it this time.

And he kissed her right back, pouring all of his fears and doubts into one kiss, pouring a lifetime of regrets and hopes and fears and dreams into the moment between them. When they finally pulled apart, he noticed the misty fog in the background and the quietness of the area. It was as if time had stopped for them, and in many ways, time
had
stopped. They were no longer Jackson and Sophia from their past... they were the Jackson and Sophia who could carry each other into a new future.

She laughed then, looking down at her feet. “So that was all it took to bore him and wear him out?” she joked. Henry was curled up on her feet, dead asleep.

“Yep, write it down. All you have to do is chase him six blocks through traffic in yellow Crocs, find a hunky military man to stop him, make out with said military man, and presto. Henry’s tired.”

“Hey, what’s wrong with my Crocs?”

“We just had a beautiful moment, I talk about myself being hunky, and all you’re worried about is if I like your Crocs?”

“I work in the beauty industry. I have to keep a reputation for looking good, you know.”

He wrapped his fingers around her wrist and pulled her back in. “You look good no matter what you’re wearing,” he whispered, and he took her lips with his again.

“I don’t know where this is going, Jackson Gauge, and I don’t even know completely if it’s right. But God, it feels good,” she whispered into his mouth as they kissed for a long time, only stopping to walk back to her house, his arm around her shoulders.

It was sealed.

Jackson Gauge was a new man once more.

SOPHIA

D
espite Henry’s incessant crying and two impromptu potty breaks, Sophia slept better that night. Tim’s side of the bed was still empty, and she still missed him like hell. Her heart still burned when she woke up and the realization of his absence sunk in.

Still, it was a little easier. She didn’t feel the complete and utter debilitation of his absence. She didn’t have a constant stream of thoughts rotating through her head about how long until her time here was done. Suddenly, she felt something she hadn’t felt in a while—hope.

She’d told herself the kiss was not a big deal, that it shouldn’t be a big deal. She told herself it was just two lonely adults turning to each other. In her heart, though, she knew better. When Jackson Gauge had kissed her, when she had kissed him back, everything had slipped away, all of the bad anyway. Suddenly, she saw so clearly what she’d been trying to ignore.

He was good for her, and she was good for him.

It still wouldn’t be easy. She knew it was an odd situation, an awkward turn of events. She tried not to think about what others would say or how people would react. She tried not to think about the time frame of it or how it fit into the appropriate cycle of grief. For once since Tim died, she tried not to think at all. Instead, she focused on leaving her heart open to experience what it would, what it wanted to. She would worry about the logic and the rational thinking later, if at all.

_______________

The familiar whining stirred her from her dreams, but her head was still foggy.

“I’m coming,” she croaked as she struggled to lift herself out of bed.

In the middle of the night, she’d been submerged in a wistful atmosphere of magic thanks to the kiss. However, at 6:30 a.m., Henry’s ceaseless need for early trips to the grass was wearing on her.

“I’m too old for this,” she mumbled as she went to the dog’s cage to get him and take him outside. She leashed up the dog—she’d learned her lesson after yesterday—before stomping out the front door.

It was a much colder morning than yesterday, so she wrapped herself tightly in her robe. Frost painted the grass, and the air warned of a coming storm. Henry yanked her toward the side yard, and she stumbled. As she glanced into the unnerving darkness, she caught sight of someone in the yard a distance from the back door. Her heart stopped, and she contemplated running back inside. Exhaustion prevented her from doing anything of the sort. She squinted into the darkness. Henry, peeing in the grass, woofed so weakly, it was laughable. So much for a guard dog.

Someone appeared to be stooping down in the backyard near the giant oak tree. She crept closer to the backyard to get a better view. Everything in her told her to go inside and call the cops, but she was just too damn intrigued. So she did what every ditz did in the horror movie, the ditz she often made fun of—she walked closer to the point of interest. Sophia figured she couldn’t poke fun at the idiots in the movies anymore and ask why they would do something so dumb.

“Hello?” she whispered into the early morning air. The figure turned, still blurry in the blackness.

“Sophia? Did I wake you? I’m sorry.”

Jackson. She breathed a sigh of relief. Then confusion set in.

“What the hell are you doing? It’s 6:30.”

“I’m sorry. I was trying to be quiet. I have to be at work at 8:00, so I had to come early.”

She walked the dog closer, and Henry jumped on Jackson’s leg, tail wagging.

“You’re going to get the police called on you. Or shot.” She peered at the yard near him, confusion eventually giving way to realization. “What are you doing anyway?”

He sighed. “Listen, I knew you needed an area for Henry. I couldn’t install an actual fence with the ground frozen solid, so I had to make do.” Jackson motioned toward a strong, fifteen-foot leash tethered around the base of the tree. Sophia grinned.

“I was going to leave a note on your door. This should make things easier for you. You won’t have to worry about the guy running off. . . as long as you make sure his collar is secure.”

Sophia gave it a try, buckling the hook to Henry’s collar. Henry pranced around the tree, tangling himself up.

“Okay, well it seemed like a good idea,” Jackson said, laughing as he tried to untangle the dog. Henry was so excited, he was jumping all over Jackson. Despite her grogginess, Sophia had to laugh.

“You do know you could have waited until later? You didn’t have to come at the crack of dawn. Or before it. I feel awful.”

“You should.” He smiled. She was close enough to appreciate it now.

“Or maybe I should feel worried. Only a crazy man would be doing this.”

“Or a man who doesn’t want to see Henry get away again.”

“You just don’t want to chase him again.”

“Maybe. Or maybe I just wanted to try to do something to help out.”

“Well, I appreciate it. Really. You shouldn’t have done all of this.” Henry was mercifully unwrapped and now peeing on the tree. He let out a gruff bark, and Sophia wrapped her arms around herself, the freezing air chilling her lungs.

“I’m going to go inside and make some coffee and breakfast before I freeze. Do you want to come in?”

“Sounds awesome.”

Jackson unhooked Henry, following Sophia with the pup. On her way through the door, Sophia smiled to herself. Jackson was a good man, a damn good man.

_______________

“Honey, you sound like you’re in a good mood. It’s good to hear you like this,” Sophia’s mom said when she called her after work that afternoon.

The makeshift tether was mercifully working well; Henry was actually playing in the yard right now as she watched from the window. Jackson had seemed to appreciate his payment, too—some waffles and scrambled eggs.

“Yeah, things are pretty good right now.” Sophia twirled a curl between her fingers. She’d actually styled her hair today. Despite her exhaustion from Henry’s resistance to sleep, she’d felt inspired after Jackson left for work. Things were looking different. She was feeling different.

She’d called to update her mom about Henry. Her mom had responded with plans to come over for dinner on Saturday to see him. She was also a sucker for animals.

“Well, yeah, the puppy seems to be doing wonders for you.”

Sophia took a breath. It was time. “Mom, it’s not just Henry. The thing is, I’m seeing someone.”

There was a pause as the news sank in with her mom. Then, her mom’s voice bellowed through the phone, “Honey, that’s great!” She could hear the genuine tone in her mom’s voice, could picture the accompanying smile. She meant it. Her reaction hadn’t been that it was too soon or that she was crazy. Maybe it was okay after all.

“Yeah. I mean, we are taking it really, really slow. But he makes me happy again.”

“Is it someone I know?”

“Jackson Gauge.”

“Tim’s old friend?”

“Yeah. That’s him.”

There was a pause. Her mom hesitated. “Listen, Sophia, I’m thrilled for you. I am. But do you think it’s a good idea to date someone who was so close to Tim?”

Sophia’s heart fell. She’d feared this reaction, these words.

“We didn’t plan on this happening, we didn’t.”

“Okay, honey. I just want you to be careful.”

“I will.”

“Maybe you could have him over on Saturday?”

“Will it be weird for you?”

“No, dear. Of course not.”

Sophia agreed to talk to Jackson about dinner. Hanging up the phone, she didn’t feel as good about the situation as she’d hoped. That dangerous thing called doubt sidled in, and she feared she wouldn’t be able to stop it.

_______________

“Jackson, you did not have to go overboard for this,” Sophia scolded as she answered the door. She was dressed for the casual night she had planned in her home. He, on the other hand, wore a button-up shirt and a tie.

“I didn’t know what to wear.”

“It’s fine. Come in. You look awesome.”

“These are for you,” he said, his hands appearing to be a bit shaky as he handed her a bouquet of roses.

“They’re beautiful. Thank you.” By this point, Henry was tugging on Jackson’s pant leg. Jackson laughed. “How’s little Houdini doing here? Did he break off his leash yet?” The simple solution was thankfully working, at least for now. With the ground frozen from the weather, she’d have to wait until everything thawed out this spring to get a real fence installed. She just hoped Henry stayed small enough for the tether to keep working.

“Nope. It’s holding steady. Apparently a really skilled man installed it.”

“Obviously,” he teased as he sat on the floor to pet Henry. The dog loved him as evidenced by his wagging tail.