Rearing up, she cried out as his fingertips pressed in, screamed when he slid them further along to the hard nub of her pleasure. She was already peaking, he realized in shock, even as he circled her again, even as he pushed a finger deep inside her. Her body squeezed him, tight and so soft he wanted to weep in desperation, wanted to cry out with her as she pushed and rocked against his hand.
Waiting till the last spasm shook her, Collin laid her back against the burgundy rug and tore at the buttons of his riding breeches. His eyes took in her panting mouth, her tight nipples, before they settled on her center, pink and wet and spread before him.
"I willna last long, mo caitein. No longer than you. I'm sorry." She trembled a little as he finally slipped free of his damned clothes.
Her hand rose, and Collin tried to stop her, tried to stay her movement, but her fingers brushed his erection before he could manage a word. Looking down, unable to help himself, he saw her small hand, her delicate fingers trying to wrap around him, to grasp him. The sight of that hand, nearly too small to circle the whole of his shaft, sent him over the edge. He pulled out of her reach, braced his knees against the ground, and slid the tip of himself inside her.
His body was already straining, already drawing itself up to explode, and he knew he could not hesitate or it would be over before it began.
"I'm sorry," he growled again and thrust deep and hard, sinking himself to the hilt.
His release was upon him even as she screamed, even as he felt the sudden resistance that was even more suddenly gone, even as he realized with a horrible shock that something was very wrong.
His muscles clenched. His seed spilled into her, and her small white hands pushed at his shoulders, trying to free her body from his.
Chapter 10
The room began to right itself, slowly inching back into place. Collin reared back, still tight inside her, and stared into her wide eyes. He felt the beginnings of a thought, felt his brain begin to ease back to reality, and tried to deny what it was telling him.
Absolutely not. He had not taken her maidenhead.
But she was shaking beneath him, trembling, her face tight and pale. "Please," she bleated, hands pressed into her own stomach.
He withdrew with a grimace and stared in disbelief at the bright smear of blood on his flesh. Blinking hard, he shook his head, rose to his feet. His mind stirred anew as he padded into the kitchen and wet a cloth with cold water. He delivered it to Alexandra, tossed her his shirt to cover herself, and turned to find his breeches.
"I'm sorry," she said from behind him.
"Sorry." He fastened his buttons with numb fingers.
"Yes."
He swung about to find her still huddled on the floor, his shirt clutched tight to her body. Her chin inched up, and he was shocked by the urge to slap her. "That's it?"
"What?"
"Is that the whole of your apology?"
"I. . ." She swallowed, glanced around at her scattered clothing. "I would like to explain."
"Oh, explain*. Explain what? That you are a liar and a cheat? That you tricked me into coming here? Explain that I will have to do the honorable thing and marry you because I'm now covered in your virgin's blood? Good God, is there someone hiding in the broom closet, waiting to give witness?"
Her jaw tightened, flexed to rock. "Don't be ridiculous."
Collin choked, coughing on his rage. "What the hell have you done, Alexandra?"
Her eyes jerked around the room again. "Could you please turn around so I can dress?"
"Turn around?" Collin could hear himself shouting and cared not a whit. "Turn around? For God's sake, woman, I just plowed through ye!"
She drew herself up straight, red spots of rage bright on her pale cheeks. "Fine." Standing, she crumpled his shirt and threw it at his face. Collin glimpsed a pink drop of fluid snaking down her thigh before he turned his back to her.
Rustling cloth and soft curses reached his ears as she dressed. Collin's heart began to stutter with panic as the reality of the situation sunk in. She would be his wife now. His wife.
Jeannie Kirkland would be pleased, at least.
"I didn't come here to trick you into marriage," Alex spit at his back when she finally felt covered enough. The words spun him around.
"Well, it's too late to cry off now."
"No, Collin, listen. I don't want to marry you, I just—"
He cut her off with a snort, spreading his hands wide. "It's too late."
Alex resisted the urge to press her hands to the ache between her legs.
"You are despicable. To trap me into a marriage that I never once encouraged. Jesus, you're English. An English princess. What the hell am I supposed to do with you at a horse farm? God damn it!" A small stool flew across the floor, propelled by his bare foot.
She gasped, struck by hurt and sudden alarm. She had known he wouldn't be happy, but she hadn't thought he'd be quite so mad. What did it matter anyway, if he was the first or the tenth?
"You were a virgin. You could have married anyone. Why do this to me?"
She blinked back tears and the urge to hit him. "Don't be stupid," she yelled instead of slapping. "Why would I want to marry you?" He didn't even look her way, simply kept pacing and panting, enraged because he might have to suffer her presence for the rest of his life.
"I am the daughter of a duke. I am rich, richer than you'll ever be, Collin Blackburn. What the hell makes you think I would deign to marry a Scots bastard who breeds horses for money?" That got his attention, froze him in his tracks. "I wasn't looking for marriage, you idiot. I was looking to get 'plowed' as you so eloquently put it. Really, what's the point of being a whore if you can't enjoy yourself once in a while?"
" 'Enjoy yourself.''"
The rush of her anger drained away at the hatred in his eyes. When he took a step, she backed away.
"Ye wee selfish bitch. You've been handed everything your whole life. Everything and still it wasn't enough. You had to ruin your brother's life and your own. My brother too. And now me.
"I was one of those shiny things you wanted, eh? Another toy to entertain you? Well, you've had me. Was it as good as you expected, spreading your legs for a low-born Scot?"
Her chin shook, giving her away. She clenched her teeth and glared. "No," she answered, very clearly. "No, it wasn't nearly as good as I'd hoped."
She had thought him angry enough, but her reckless, spiteful words goaded him into fury. The skin of his face tightened and paled, and his silver eyes glittered. She took another step back, actually flinched when he raised his arm. She stared at his large hand, waiting for it to strike her, but he only ran it through his hair, gaping in disgust at her fear.
"Do you think me an animal, Alex? Is that why you wanted me? The danger of a man who might strike you when you need it?"
"No, I. . ." Her throat closed up with tears that she refused to let out. "I just wanted to be with you."
"You knew I would not want this. You knew I would never have done this if I'd known."
"I did," she answered with false bravado. "But I never lied to you. You just assumed."
Collin shook his head and the sadness on his face thickened the tears in her throat. "I did assume. You're right. And you will marry me now, whether you will it or no."
"I won't."
"I'll go to your brother and tell him what's happened."
"No. I'll deny it. . . that I was a virgin. I'll tell him you're after my fortune."
He drew back, taking her in with cold eyes this time, eyes that measured her and found her less than he'd expected. "You'd truly do that?"
"I would."
His face turned from her. He looked out the window, at nothing, at darkness. She watched the anger drain from him, watched his shoulders slump.
"I tried hard not to dishonor you when I thought you a harlot. To be the one to make you into that. . ." The sound of his choking laugh made her ache. "You knew it would hurt me."
"I'm sorry," she whispered, as one tear finally escaped her control. "I'm sorry. I wanted you, you're right. But it's not fair. If I were a man—"
"But you're not a man. You're a woman—a girl, it seems."
"I don't want to marry," she cried out, frustrated and hurt. "You or anyone else. My life is more now than it ever was. I am free to do as I please."
"Don't be childish," he spat. "You are not free. Where are all your friends? Where are your loyal suitors? You are free to dress as a boy and roust about with laborers, but what of a husband? What of children?"
"I don't want—"
"And your brother will marry one day, have a wife and a family. Will she be happy to have you hanging about, running her estate, crowding her responsibilities?"
Alex sneered at him, outraged that he would try to take apart her life. "My brother would never marry a woman who did not welcome me."
"I'm glad you don't mind so limiting his choice of mate."
When she raised a hand to push a stray curl off her forehead, she was frightened to see how badly it shook. Collin didn't notice. He was staring at the floor now, hard, as if it had gotten him into this mess. His breath jumped out in a great huff and he glanced at her, then away as he moved to grab his boots.
"I need to think."
Staring at him, afraid to speak, she wondered if he was leaving, if he would just resaddle his horse and ride away. As she watched, he tucked in his shirt, fastened his buttons, pulled on his boots and coat. He did not once look at her, did not say a word before he turned and walked out the door, shutting it with a quiet thump.
Alex let her weak knees give and sat down hard on the floor, on the exact spot where she'd just been deflowered. He was so angry. She hadn't thought he'd be so angry.
Weren't men supposed to be honored by being the first? Surely he was just the tiniest bit thrilled.
"Blast!" She fell back onto the rug with a moan. "Stupid, stupid!" This was not going as planned. She'd finally managed to get rid of this damned burden of a maidenhead and now she sat alone on the floor, bleeding and sore and teary-eyed. Worst of all, she felt guilty. He hated her now. She had led him astray, tempted him into ignoring his morals. She should have known better. Anyone who'd ever heard the story of Adam and Eve should have known better. The woman is always to blame for sin.
Still, she couldn't pout herself into believing him unreasonable. She had misled him, knowing exactly how he'd feel if he knew the truth, knowing he'd be shamed. And it hadn't even been worth it. After that first experience with him months ago, she'd been so impatient to complete the act, had been so sure after that prelude that the finale would be so much more.
She'd even been hopeful he wouldn't notice, had begun to wonder if she was still a virgin after all the fumbling with Damien. And Danielle had assured her that virginity could be faked, so she'd thought it must be a subtle thing, like the difference between one vintage wine and the next.
It had not been subtle at all. She'd felt like a fish squirming on a spear and was surprised there wasn't a pool of blood widening beneath her.
Curious, she eased the wet cloth under her skirt and pressed it between her legs. The cold was shocking and heavenly. When she drew it away, only a few spots of blood stained the white. Utterly undramatic.
Well, she knew now. And all those whispers of a woman's burden and wifely duties were apparently true. The act itself must be strictly for the man's satisfaction. But the before. That was something. Perhaps even worth the after. Certainly no woman would do it otherwise.
Sighing, Alex pushed herself up to her knees and stood with slow care. She'd assumed he would offer marriage if he discovered the truth, but she had planned to explain reasonably, gently, that she had no wish to marry. She hadn't expected that he would be so opposed to marrying her. Selfish English bitch, indeed. She was no more selfish than he. He had not saved himself for marriage, had he?
Wondering if he'd abandoned her, she tiptoed to the front door and opened it a crack. Nothing. She stuck her head out in the green-scented air. It was true dark now, and quiet. She waited for her eyes to adjust, hoping Collin wasn't standing a few feet away watching her gawk about like a startled cow. She found the yard empty and peered toward the stable. No light, no sound but the soft snort of a sleepy horse.
Muttering a curse, she crept off the step and snuck across the leaf-strewn grass toward the darker square of the open stable door. A prayer tumbled silently from her lips as she drew closer. If Collin was inside, what would she say? Oh, hello. You 're still here. Just checking. And if he wanted to yell at her for a few more minutes. . . Wouldn't that be fun?
But he wasn't inside, unless he crouched in one of the black corners. No, he wasn't there, but his horse was. He hadn't abandoned her.
Tears filled her eyes and spilled over to leave hot trails across her cheeks. Alex swiped them away with a hard flick of her hand and sniffed loudly, startling Collin's horse into a nicker.
