To the Sea (Follow your Bliss) (10 page)

Chapter Fourteen

Kira
drove along the coast with the window down, letting the smell of the sea air
buffet her senses.

Arriving
back at Lilac Court, she still rode the energy of her surfing experience. After
lunch, she cleared the kitchen table, setting out the stack of bills, papers,
and other mail she’d uncharacteristically put off. In the last week, she’d done
the bare minimum around the house, devoting all her energy to completing the
Foster-Davis project.

 Kira
sorted letters in two piles, ones addressed to her, and ones to Jeremy. She
started with her own since they were probably the most urgent. She frantically
tore open a letter from the clinic she went to with Nicole. Cursing Jeremy, she
closed her eyes and took a deep breath before unfolding the sheet of paper. All
the checks were in the negative column. She let her head hang back, release her
breath, and then slumped in her chair as the reason for the testing burned into
her mind.

Kira
recycled all the junk mail, leafed through cards of condolence, a letter from the
auto insurance company, inquiries to their property, and solicitations for
legal representation for wrongful injury. She snorted.

“If
you can mend broken hearts then I’m all ears.”

Kira
straightened out her neglected checking account, thankful that she’d kept her
own. When they married, she and Jeremy kept all their finances separate, but he
had certain bills directly withdrawn from his account and she had some from
hers. Jeremy had savings too, but she hadn’t dealt with that, his 401K, or any
of his business, yet. She assumed it all waited for her attention, the stack of
rectangular, white envelopes sitting discouragingly with his name printed in
the center.

When
Kira logged into her bank account, it showed the bottom line getting
dangerously low; she’d taken unpaid time, and all that shopping she and Nicole
had done put a dent in the total. In addition, she still paid off the hefty
student loans not covered by her scholarship and a credit card she’d used for
the wedding. Jeremy had been flush because his parents paid for Harvard and
everything else he wanted.

She
grumbled each time she tore open an envelope addressed to Jeremy. “If he loved
Courtney so much, she should be doing this,” Kira said ruefully after getting a
paper cut.

She
browsed a bank statement, confirming the auto-payments for some of the
household bills. When she got to the end, the total available funds indicated
Jeremy had over fifty-thousand dollars saved. The investment statements
confirmed it was actually his money, not some scam he pulled, which wouldn’t
have surprised her at that point.

 Jeremy
obviously believed he was invincible, but when they’d married, she’d had the
forethought to set up a prenuptial agreement. Without having to do any
research, Kira knew all those zeroes with the five sitting prominently at the
front belonged to her. However, what debt he’d accrued, she couldn’t be sure of
either. On top of what she’d recently learned about her former husband, who
knew what other kinds of messes he’d left. He could’ve had a double life with a
wife and kids in middle-America, and a thriving door-to-door vacuum cleaner
sales business. She sighed, her chest aching.

“Money
can’t fix my broken heart,” she whispered. Then Ian’s sparkling eyes and
kissing Jamie glided into her vision. She shook the distractions out of her
head. Twilight settled when Kira opened the last envelope, her back aching from
paddling and hunching over the computer. There wasn’t a name or title above the
return address so she’d figured it was just junk mail, but tore it open anyway.
The letter inside revealed Jeremy’s life insurance policy would be issuing her
a check. The numbers teased her.
$500,000.
Kira fell out of her chair.

“Jeremy
you bastard,” she said lying on the West Elm rug beneath the table and looking
at the ceiling. Part of her felt wild with relief, but a greater part couldn’t
accept the money. They’d married; however, Kira didn’t have reason to believe
he provided for her out of the goodness and love in his heart. She considered
calling Nicole, but didn’t want to bother her so late.

She
knew he didn’t have life insurance in case they had kids, she couldn’t imagine
he’d take the bet that far. Would they? But if they did, he’d want Jeremy
Junior looked after and sent to Harvard, all expenses paid, just like the rest
of the men in his family. The Annandales observed an upper class canon that
Kira only half understood. There were investments, charitable donations, and
accounts for a variety of interests. They casually dropped contribution and
account totals at family gatherings in respectable financial competition.
Jeremy had just gotten started, but perhaps life insurance, a tally of his
worth, was part of the prestige in his world.

Kira
took her seat at the table, unsure what to do. She worried about hang-ups,
debts, or even a love child he may have left her to sort out. The sum of all
the accounts plus the life insurance was very different from surviving on tofu
and kale back at the commune.

Kira’s
eyes grew heavy. She completed the paperwork then retired upstairs, scrolls of
black numbers set against a white background flashing before her eyes. She
splashed water on her face, hoping to wash it all away. When that didn’t work,
she tumbled into bed. The last thing she remembered was looking deeply into the
memory of Ian’s eyes set against the lapping waves.

Kira
dreamt of her body intertwined with Jamie’s as they rolled and romped in the
sand, his lips touching hers, chest to chest, their hips pressing into each
other, but then he morphed into Jeremy, with cold hands and bony fingers. She
woke in a sweat at five a.m.

Brushing
the dream off, Kira quickly got ready, donning the beach babe bikini. She
remembered to grab underwear, tossing the cotton ones back into her drawer and
riffling toward the back for a lacy pair.

Filled
with anticipation as she drove to the shore, she couldn’t suss out that which
was greater, seeing Ian and surfing or Jamie and feeling his body ravenous for
hers. She tried to think back to when she last felt that way. An empty bed appeared
in her mind.

Kira
remembered being excited about Jeremy when they’d first met. Her sorority
sisters egged her on, but her own insecurities and inexperience at having never
been with someone before him overshadowed all her other feelings.

The
surf, Ian, and Jamie were hers, completely her own. She shoved thoughts of
Jeremy from her mind when she pulled into the lot long before she was due at
the lesson. Just the gull sat on the wall. Like the thin clouds overhead, she
deflated.

Kira
got out and watched the swell. The sky slowly cleared from the early morning
fog. Through the mist, someone caught a wave and rode it smoothly in. Looking
as far out to sea as she could, she started to discern them coming in sets when
Ian appeared in front of her, board in hand, wet from top to bottom.

“Good
Morning,” he said brightly, his patent smile bringing one to her lips.

“Hello.”

If
ever someone could look good in yards of neoprene, an award belonged to him.
Kira could make out his muscles beneath the material. The way he moved was at
once graceful and strong.

“How
was it out there?” she asked.

“Wicked.”
He took his seat next to Kira, closer this time. They discussed the sets Kira
had observed and he said it was a lucky day when you caught site of those.

“What’d
you think of yesterday?” he asked, rubbing water and sand from his hair.

Scene
one with him, scene two with Jamie, or scene three when she learned about the
money Jeremy had and her ever-growing anxiety about it. She opted for the
obvious.

“Best
time in recent memory to tell you the truth.”

“Only
the truth, always,” he said.

Kira
smiled at that for her own, deeper reasons. His offer of the truth, even during
simple conversation, was a priceless gift after the web of lies she’d recently
unraveled.

“I
hope today will be just as good.”

“I
think so. It’s a little punchy right now, but the tide’s changing, should be
good swell for getting on your feet.” They chatted easily in each other’s
company and then headed over to the Boardroom to get ready.

Kira
felt her cheeks redden when she spotted Jamie, but he was busy with a customer.
Ian followed her into the back room where she slid on the wetsuit. Ian riffled
through boxes again.

“Ah
ha! I’ve been looking for these for ages,” he said holding three waxy pucks in
his hands. He started juggling them, nearly falling over more boxes.

Kira
giggled.

“Board
wax. Andy special ordered some for me, but I couldn’t find it in this disaster.
This is the best kind,” he said, tossing one deftly at Kira. She caught it. It
smelled creamy like coconut.

Once
suited up and with board in hand, Kira and Ian made the trek across the beach.
He quizzed her on what to do if she fell off and went over safety measures.
Like a good student, she put her hands over her head demonstrating what he’d
instructed. He set the board down and had her work on her popup on dry land,
which was nearly as humiliating as the day before. Once she’d done it three
consecutive times, they dipped into the waves.

Kira
got onto the board with far more ease this time. Her body remembered what to
do. She found her midline and the freshly waxed board helped her stabilize.
Once on her belly, Ian had her practice paddling again.

“You
know what’s next? Right?” he asked with a twinkle in his eyes. “Come on surfer
girl. We’re going to get you up on a wave,” he said whooping and grabbing her
hand to lead her a little farther out. He lined the board up perpendicular to
the shoreline and held onto the tail. Kira paddled while holding it stationary.

“You’ll
feel me push and release you. Keep paddling, when you hear me holler popup, go
for it.”

He
made it sound so easy, but she wasn’t sure she wanted him to let go. She felt
secure in his hands.

“What
do you say, are you ready? We’ll only do it if you’re ready.”

Kira
took a deep breath. With it, she sensed where the water and air met at an
invisible spot. The saltiness filled her nose. The gulls called above. She felt
Ian’s warmth and encouragement just an arm’s reach away.

“I’m
ready,” Kira said confidently.

Ian
watched for a wave over his shoulder. “Okay, paddle.”

After
a handful of strokes, he released the board, and with a rush, she moved
forward.

Then
he shouted, “Popup.”

Slowly,
as if the wave waited for her to find her footing, she got up and rode it. The
sea air flowed through her.

Then
she was down.
Splash
. Ian rushed to her side in seconds. He extended his
hands for hers, pulling her to her feet. They intertwined their fingers and
squeezed in triumph. Kira jumped up and down giddily.

“You
had it. You did it. That was awesome.” Then he grabbed the nearly nine-foot
missile before it hit either of them as the incoming white water battered it.
“Again?”

“Again.”

Ian
set Kira up, she paddled, he pushed, and then she popped up. Then another time
and another. She fell off about an equal number of times to actually getting to
her feet. She sat on the board waiting for the next set with Ian standing in
the water beside her.

“That
was—” But the words that came to mind didn’t do it justice: exhilarating,
beautiful, powerful, alive. The smothering sadness she met every night was
absent.

“I
know,” Ian said without her having to finish.

While
he gave Kira some pointers, a sharp whistle interrupted them. Vanessa, wearing
a wetsuit pulled down to her waist, stood on the shore with one hand on her
hip, the other waving them in.

“You’ve
got to be kidding me,” Ian muttered. Kira noticed his annoyed expression. He
checked his watch. “I guess that’s my next lesson. Sorry, I was having fun.”

“Me
too,” she assured him. “It’s work though, right?” Kira said glumly thinking
that she too had to return to her job the following day.

“You
did great.”

He
gave her a smile she didn’t know what to make of. It was at once friendly and
tender. He wore a tremulousness on his lips that told her he wanted to ask
something, but was too shy.

“I’ll
be back,” Kira quickly said before Vanessa edged between them.

***

Butterflies
danced in Kira’s stomach when she entered the Boardroom just as Jamie got off
the phone.

“Good
morning, beautiful,” he said taking a big sip of coffee. “Missed you earlier.
Late night last night. Big party at Tug’s. Lee here had to open the shop,” he
said pointing to a guy with spikey black hair fixing a nearby display.

“So
how was it out there today?”

“Great.
I got up.”

“Nothing
like that first time, ‘eh?” Jamie said looking at her with a juicy smile.