Tobias (A CURSED BOYS NOVEL Book 1) (18 page)

 I stopped pacing as Micky grabbed me by the shoulders and squared off to me, making sure I paid attention to every word he had to say.

 “I can never repay you for all that you have done for me. You may have hurt people, you may have put people in danger, and you have even killed people, but I won’t sit by and watch you ruin your own life. You are a good man, Tobias. You have honor and compassion and even though you might not be the best thing for that girl, she sure as shit is the best damn thing that has ever happened to you, so stop fucking it up!”

 He was right, I’d give him that.

 “Willow is the best thing that has ever happened to me, but that’s why I have to let her go. I can’t keep putting her in danger; it’s selfish.”

 “No. What’s selfish is you taking away her choice in the matter. You don’t care what she wants; all you care about is making yourself feel better, like you did the right thing. Well guess what, it’s not about you! You can stay the night if you want, I won’t stop you, but if that girl loves you like they say she does, don’t let her go without a fight. Lord knows you will never find another one like her.”

 I could see the pain in his eyes. I wasn’t sure if he was even talking about Willow anymore, or if he was referring to his late wife, but it didn’t matter. I could never forgive myself for what I did to her.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

WILLOW

              After the guys left, I made it my mission to talk to Tobias when they got back, whether he wanted to or not. He might be able to lock me out of his room, but he would be forced to face me now.

 “Are you seriously going to sit here until they come back, just to have him tell you he doesn’t want to talk you?” Jennica asked as she came into the kitchen.

 “Yes, because at least then he will have to say it to my face.”

 “He doesn’t even want to see your face. For Christ sake Willow open your eyes; he’s locked himself in his own room just to get away from you. If anything we should be packing and gone before they get back so we can spare both of you the awkward break up.”

 I closed my eyes and let out a slow breath. I love my sister, I truly do, but if she didn’t shut the hell up I was going to hit her.

 “Are you even listening to me?”

 “She hears you, Jen. Lay off!”

 I have never been so happy to hear Amelia’s voice. I put my elbows on the counter and held my head in my hand trying to gather my thoughts and drown out the two of them bickering.

 I wanted to scream and possibly break something because I was getting frustrated with the both of them. Whatever happened between Tobias and I was no one’s business but our own.

 “Boys are back!” Amelia called as she peered out the window.

 I jumped up out of my seat and rushed into the entrance hall to wait for them. My arms were crossed over my chest and I’m sure I looked just about as irritated as I felt.

 The door opened and the first one in was Colton. He held the door open so Jasper and Jeremy could carry in the rather large box that held a 65 inch flat screen television.

 Once everyone filed in and closed the door, they realized the three of us were standing there. I didn’t even have to take a look around to see that Tobias wasn’t with them.

 “Where is he?”

 “Where is who?” Jasper asked.

 “Tobias.”

 None of them said anything. I understood brotherhood and loyalty, but this was getting absolutely ridiculous.

 “He’s staying in town for a few days.”

 “He’s what!” Amelia shrieked and looked like she was about to take Tristan’s head off.

 “He’s got some things to take care of; I’m sure he will be back before you know it.”

 I walked over and grabbed a pair of my shoes that sat by the door and started putting them on.

 “Um, what are you doing?” Jennica asked, but something about her tone said she already knew the answer.

 “If he doesn’t want to come home and face me, then I’ll just have to go to him.”

 “I don’t think that’s a very good idea. He doesn’t want to see you, Low.”

 “I think it’s a fantastic idea!” Colton chimed.

 “See, even his brother agrees with me.”

 “He doesn’t agree with you; he’s just disagreeing with me.”

 Although that was probably true, I will take all the help I could get. Once my shoes were on I went into the kitchen and grabbed a jacket that hung off the back of a chair.

 “Willow, I think Tobias really wants to be alone for a while.”

 I sighed and turned around to face Tristan. Amelia had followed him in and left Colton and Jennica arguing in the other room.

 “I don’t care if he wants to be alone! I need to talk to him, Tristan, and if I don’t do it now I’ll probably never get the chance.”

 Tristan pinched the bridge of his nose before letting out a sigh and handing over the keys to his truck.

 “Fine, but don’t be too hard on him; he’s already too hard on himself.”

 I thanked him with a smile before he took off upstairs to help Jasper and Jeremy set up the new TV in my room.

 “Want me to come with you?” Amelia asked.

 “Thanks, but I think this is something I need to do on my own. Just do me a favor and keep Jennica from killing Colton while I’m gone.”

 Amelia laughed then pulled me into a hug. I wrapped my arms around her and squeezed her gently.

 “I’ll be back soon.”

 She released me and walked me to the door. I don’t know where Jennica went, but Colton stood leaning against the banister with a cocky little grin on his face as he waved good bye to me.

 I climbed into Tristan’s truck and started the engine. It was still early in the day so I had a lot of day light left. At least I wouldn’t have to worry about driving in the dark.

 It took a while to get there, so when I finally pulled up in front of Micky’s bar it was nearly four in the afternoon. I took a minute to steady myself, because now that I was actually here and about to face Tobias, I was beginning to have doubts.

 What if all Tobias really needed was some time away to get over everything that had happened? I didn’t want to end up pushing him away.

 I closed my eyes and lay back against the seat. I needed to really think this through before rushing in there and potentially ruining everything I wanted to fight for.

 I jumped at the sound of knocking on the glass. A grinning face waved at me from the other side. It was Jonathan. I smiled back, then opened the door and climbed out.

 “You really are a persistent little bunny, aren’t you?”

 “I’m the kind of girl who is willing to fight for what she wants, and if Tobias sent you out here to stop me then tough titties, because I’m not going anywhere until I see him!”

 Instead of fighting me on it, Jonathan just laughed and stepped aside, clearing my way to the door.

 “He doesn’t even know you’re here, but it’s definitely about to get interesting, that’s for sure.”

 I half smiled then headed for the door. Before coming, I had a whole speech prepared for him; but, now that I was here, I couldn’t remember a damn thing.

 Jonathan followed me inside and we found Micky and Daniel sitting at a table.

 “Look what the cat dragged in.” Daniel said while leaning his chair back and balancing on only two chair legs.

 “Actually, it’s more like a dog, a very large sexy dog.”

 Was he serious? I never actually saw Tristan fully transform and I had no idea what the hell these two were, but now I’m assuming werewolves.

 “Did you just use the word ‘sexy’ and ‘dog’ in the same sentence?” I asked, with a rather disturbed expression on my face.

 Jonathan just grinned and disappeared behind the bar table. Micky got up out of his seat and scooped me up into a bear hug, which succeeded in making me actually whimper.

 I have healed a lot since being home, but I am only human after all. Micky must have realized this because he let me go really quick with an apology.

 “I take it Tobias doesn’t know you’re comin’?”

 “Not exactly, but he’s smart, so I’m sure a part of him knows he’d be an idiot not to expect it.”

 “He’s not quite himself right now. Are you sure you want to go up there?”

 “No, but if I don’t I might lose him forever,
that
I am sure of and it is not an option.”

 Micky nodded then kissed the top of my forehead. He reminded me of everything a father should be, everything my father wasn’t.

 I walked up the stairs slowly and with each step I could feel my heart beat speeding up. I reached up and knocked on the door; there was no turning back now.

 “Not really in the mood Jonathan, or Daniel; whichever one you are.”

 I bit my lip and turned the door handle. I let out a low breath in relief that the door wasn’t locked. I pushed it open and stared at Tobias’s back. I could still see the marks from being tortured. I don’t know if he would be scarred forever, or if the marks would fade in time.

 “How do you know it wasn’t Micky?” I finally asked.

 I could see Tobias tense up at the sound of my voice. The entire room shifted; it was almost like someone had sucked the air out.

 “Micky doesn’t bother me up here unless it’s important. Even then he doesn’t knock.”

 I smirked a little then sucked my bottom lip in between my teeth. My words were completely failing me right now and I hated myself for it.

 I walked into the room and closed the door behind me so the two of us could have some privacy. I didn’t know how this conversation would go, but I didn’t need everyone else over hearing it, especially if I was going to end up humiliated.

 “What are you doing here?” he asked flatly without even turning around.

 “You didn’t come back to the house. I wanted to make sure you were alright. You haven’t said a word to me since you got home.”

 “I’m fine.”

 I didn’t believe that for a second. I took a step towards him and he moved away from me before I could touch him.

 “I said I’m fine.”

 “I know.”

 Silence filled the air. Tobias stood by the cot and kept his back to me the entire time.

 “Is that it then? You refuse to talk to me for days and now all I get is ‘I’m fine’?”

 “What more do you want from me?”

 Was he serious right now? I could feel the painful tingling of my throat closing up as sobs threatened to choke me.

 “What do I want? I want you to stop shutting me out and actually talk to me.”

 Tobias finally turned around and, instead of being greeted by a beautiful green; I was staring into the piercing red eyes of his hunger.

 Instinctively, I took a step back, but regretted it instantly at the look on his face before he turned away from me.

 “You should leave.” He growled.

 “No, I’m not going anywhere.”

 “Leave!” he screamed.

 In an instant he was turned around and his face was less than an inch from mine. His fangs were bared and I could feel his hot breath against me with each pant he took to keep himself under control. I swallowed back the lump in my throat and let out a slow breath before shaking my head.

 “No.”

 Tobias growled, then reached for the door but I quickly moved to stand in his way. I finally got him alone; I wasn’t about to let him run off again.

 “Move!”

 “No!”

 “I don’t want to hurt you, Willow.”

 “You won’t. You would never hurt me, so don’t even pretend you want to.”

 “I’d never hurt you? I almost killed you!”

 Tobias turned around and started pacing the room like a caged animal.

 “That wasn’t you Tobias. That was me. I almost killed me; I would do it again in a heartbeat.”

 I could feel the tears slip free and slide down along my cheeks. Tobias just kept pacing like it was the only thing that was keeping him human.

 “Just talk to me Tobias, and when we’re done I’ll leave, if that’s what you want.”

 “What I want? I don’t want that, but you should.”

 “Then what the hell
do
you want, because I’m getting really fucking tired of playing guessing games.”

 “I want to go back to the day I saw you almost get raped and killed in an alley-way, so I can stop myself from bringing you home with me. That is what I want.”

 His words completely shattered my heart. There was no way I could stop the tears from flowing now.

 “Is that what you want? You want to take back everything that has happened since the day you met me? You regret being with me that much?”

 “Don’t put words in my mouth Willow, that’s not what I fucking said.”

 “It pretty much is. You wish you never met me, I get it.”

 “No. I wish I could take back the last fucking month of hell from you. I want to be able to take away all that pain, everything that had been done to you because of me.”

 “I’m fine. I’m home and I’m safe.”

 “Yeah, but not because of me.”

 “What does it matter who saved me; I was saved and I’m ok. We are both alive so why do you hate me so much?”

 “Fuck me, is that what you think Willow? That I hate you?”

 “Well yeah, after the last few days it’s kind of hard not to think you hate me. You barricaded yourself in your room so you didn’t have to talk to me. Hell, you’d rather stay in a cot above a bar than see my face.”

 We stood in silence as he stared at me from across the room. Tears continued to flow and if I didn’t know any better I could have sworn I saw a few running down his cheeks as well.

 “I hate myself, not you. I was there with you and I couldn’t do anything to protect you. I should have been the one who made the nightmares stop. Not my brothers.”

 Tobias crossed the room and pulled me against him; his one hand held me around the waist and the other brushed away my tears.

 “I don’t hate you. I could never hate someone as perfect as you. I just couldn’t face you because I thought you would hate me after everything I did, but more importantly I couldn’t face you if you didn’t hate me. You deserve so much more than I’m able to give you.”