Tommy Gabrini 3: Grace Under Fire (The Gabrini Men Series) (19 page)

“And
what is that?”

“I
want you to tell me exactly how you’re doing.
 
For real this time.”

Grace
attempted to smile off the request, but Tommy’s seriousness forced her to keep
it real too.
 
“I’m doing
 
. . I’m staying busy.”

“That’s
not an answer.”

“I
don’t know what you want me to say.
 
Are
things great?
 
No.
 
We’re in transition, how can things be
great?
 
But I’m managing, Tommy.”

She
waited for him to respond to that, but he didn’t.
 
She studied his eyes.
 
He looked exhausted, but it didn’t seem as if
he was as stressed and strained as she felt that she was.
 
She needed to know his true state as
well.
 
“And you?” she asked.
 
“How’s it going with you?
 
Are you okay?”

“I
haven’t been okay since you left me.
 
I
won’t be okay until you come back home.”
 
Grace looked away from him.
 
“I
know it’s unfair, love.
  
I know I
promised to give you more time.
 
But I
can’t continue to live apart from you.
 
I
know what happened to you was a traumatic thing.
 
I know I can’t even imagine how scary it was
for you.
 
But Alex has been dealt with,
Grace.
 
Her craziness is over.
 
And as for those other females, they’re just
full of shit trying to break us up.
 
And
by staying apart, we’re doing exactly what they want us to do.”

“Has
any of them approached you since I’ve been gone?”

Tommy
hated to admit it, but he wasn’t going to lie to her or sugarcoat the
challenges their marriage still faced.
 
“Yes,” he said.
 
“I’ve been
approached.
 
But they all understand my
commitment to you.
 
They all understand
that you’re the one I want.”

But
those females were still on Grace’s mind.
 
“One or two,” she asked, “or more than that?”

Tommy
exhaled.
 
“More,” he admitted.
 
When a flustered look appeared on her face
and she looked away from him, he took her chin in his hand and turned her face
back toward him.
 
“You’re the one I want,”
he said with so much sincerity that his eyes seemed to water over.
 
“I don’t want any other woman.
 
I don’t give a damn if they dance naked on my
face, Grace, I don’t want them.
 
I want
you.”

“But
do they understand that, Tommy?
 
You’ve
been playing the field for so long that maybe they think you’re still on the
meat market.
 
Maybe they think---” Then
tears appeared in Grace’s eyes.

“I
know, darling,” he said, pulling her into his arms.
 
Then he lifted her onto his lap, holding her
tightly.
 
“I know.”

“I
don’t want to lose you,” he said.
 
“I
love you too much, Tommy.”

“And
I love you.
 
I know it’s been hard,
Grace.
 
I know you didn’t sign up for all
you’ve been put through.”

Tears
were falling freely from Grace’s eyes now.
 
“I don’t know what to do.
 
When
that woman rammed my car, and it went down that embankment, I thought. . . I
just knew . . .”
 
She covered her face
and Tommy wrapped her into his arms, rocking her.
 

He
squeezed his eyes shut too.
 
Because he
knew what it meant being married to a man like him.
 
Because he, too, was coming to realize his
own miscalculations.
 
He should have
never married her.
 
And it was early
enough in their marriage for her to realize it too.
 

And
he had to face his own realization.
 
He
was wrong.
 
He had thought all along that
somehow he was going to shield her.
 
He
had thought, despite Sal’s protestations, and Reno’s, that he was going to be
able to keep Grace away from it all.
 
Reno couldn’t shield Trina.
 
But
he thought he could do it differently.
 
He thought he could shield Grace.
 
He was wrong.

His
heart ached at the reality he had to face.
 
But he had to face it.
 
Because he
loved her.
 
He loved her deeply.
 
And he knew, if he truly loved her, he had to
let her go.
 
Now, before it was too late.
 
Now, before she was so entrenched in being a
Gabrini that she was in it for life.
 
It
would destroy him, but it could redeem her.

He
steeled himself and placed his hand on her chin, so that she could be certain
to see just how serious he was.
 
Seeing
her sad, crying eyes made his decision all the more necessary.
 
He reached into his pocket and handed her his
handkerchief.
 
“I need you to do me
another favor, Grace,” he said to her.

She
began to wipe her eyes.
 
“A favor?”

“Yes.”
 
He nearly buckled, but he knew he had to
release her from all obligations to him.
 
“I want us to move on.”

“Move
on?
 
Together?”

But
Tommy shook his head.
 
“No.
 
Not together.
 
I want us to go our separate ways.”
 
Those words alone tore at his soul.
 
But he refused to let her see it.
 
“I need you to go your separate way.”

She
stared at him.
 
“What are you saying,
Tommy?”

“I’m
saying. . .”
 
He wasn’t going to be able
to say those words, but he knew he had to say those words.
 
For Grace.
 
All for Grace.
 
“I want a
divorce,” he forced himself to say.

 
Grace’s heart dropped through her shoe.
 
One terrible incident, and everything
suddenly changed.
 
For her first, and now
for him too.
 
But a divorce?
 
That would mean that it was over with
Tommy.
 
That would mean she would never
again be related to him.
 
She would just
be the ex-wife.
 
No kids, no family, no
Tommy.

And
she couldn’t bear that.

“I
can’t,” she started, but Tommy cut her off.

“Yes
you can,” he said.
 
Then he turned
firm.
 
“And you will.”

“Tommy,
no!”

“Yes,
Grace, yes!
 
It’s final.
 
My attorney will draw up the papers and that
will be that.
 
Those females will leave
you alone, and you’ll go on with your life.”

“And
what about you?” she asked him, staring in his eyes, daring him to lie to her.

Tommy
didn’t flinch.
 
He couldn’t.
 
For her sake, he couldn’t.
 
“And I’ll go on with mine.”

Grace
stared at him.
 
And for the first time
she realized it was true.
 
He’d be able
to have a life without her.
 
He had his
work, and his family, and, if she were to be honest with herself, his women.
 
Plenty of those.
 
Tommy would be just fine.
 
She wouldn’t, but she knew Tommy would.

She
got off of his lap and sat back in her seat.
 
And for the rest of the trip they just sat there in silence, side by
side but worlds apart, as they both reached their own conclusions.
 
But as Tommy looked over at her, and realized
just what his decision truly meant, he was about to buckle already.
 
How in the world was he going to live without
Grace?
 
She gave him a sense of grounding
that no other woman could ever give to him.
 
She gave him normalcy and decency.
 
How could he give that up?
 
But it
wasn’t about him, he had to remind himself.
 
That was how.

Grace,
too, was torn.
 
She knew being Mrs. Tommy
Gabrini carried risks.
 
She knew it
better now than she’d ever known it before.
 
She thought it wouldn’t be so bad.
 
Tommy didn’t have the kind of mob connections that Reno had, and that
Sal seemed to have.
 
His problems were
always female-related.
 
She thought she
could handle any girl.
 
She was wrong
too.

She
looked at him.
 
He looked at her.
 
His eyes were filled with pain.
 
Her eyes were filled with anguish.
 
They both dreaded this moment with a sinking
dread.

“What
about me?” Grace asked him.
 

Her
question threw him.
 
“You?
 
This is all about you, Grace.
 
You think I made this decision lightly,
without considering you?”

“I
think, like always, you made a decision without including me.
 
And since this concerns my entire future too,
I think I should have a say.”

Tommy
stared at her.
 
He was so torn it felt as
if his very flesh was being ripped apart.
 
In his selfishness, he wanted her to turn him down.
 
He wanted her to say she would never agree to
a divorce.
 
But in his love for her, he
knew it had to be.

“I
don’t want a divorce,” she said to him.
 
“I love you too much.”

“I
love you too.
 
You’ll never understand
how much I love you.
 
But that’s exactly
why I have to do this.
 
Because I love
you and I know what’s best for you.”

“I
know what’s best for me.”

“Then
there should be no disagreement,” Tommy said firmly.
 
“My attorney will draw up the papers, and we
will be divorced.”

Grace
stared at him.
 
She remembered how he was
once engaged to ShoShawna Shanks, the first woman he ever committed to, and how
he dumped her too.
 
And he never looked
back.
 
Now he was dumping her.
 
No matter how hard she tried to understand
his reasons, it still felt like rejection.
 
He wasn’t in love with her enough, she felt, to fight through it.
  
Better to end it now, and cut his losses,
than to drag her along for all eternity.

Tears
reappeared in her big brown eyes and she stood up quickly, to go to the
restroom, to get away from him.

But
she felt a strong hand on her wrist.
 
When she turned, Tommy was looking up at her.
 
And that defiance he had in his voice, was
not revealed in his eyes.
 
Pain was in
his eyes.

He
pulled her down on his lap.
 
They stared
into each other’s eyes.
 
“I can’t do it,”
he said, disappointment, regret, anguish, and love all over his face.
 
“I can’t let you go.”

But
his words were like music to her ears.
 
“You can’t?”

“I
can’t,” he said, shaking his head.
  
“For
the very reason I need to let you go, I can’t let you go.
 
I love you too much.”

Grace’s
heart leaped with joy.
 
He wasn’t willing
to dump her after all.
 
He was willing to
fight.

“When
we get back to Seattle, I’m going to drop you off at your apartment. You will
pack your clothes, get in your car, and come home.
 
I have to go by my office, to make sure it’s
still standing, and then I’ll meet you at the house.”

“And
then?”

“And
then I’m going to take my wife dancing, just as I was going to do the day that
accident happened.”

Grace
smiled.
 
She loved the idea of that.
 
But then she frowned.
 
“But I thought you had to be in Chicago.”

“I
did. I do.
 
But that will have to
wait.
 
My marriage, my wife, always comes
first.”