Too Hot Four Hula: 4 (The Tiki Goddess Mystery Series) (4 page)

5

LIHUE AIRPORT WAS a far cry from LAX or even Honolulu. The Hawaiian Air check-in desks were located in the long open air lobby that stretched from one end of the three-block structure to the other. Em had printed out their boarding passes last night, but since Louie had bags to check, they had to line up for a ticket agent rather than go straight to security.

“Go with the flow” had been her mantra since they left the house before dawn to catch the eight a.m. flight. She didn’t like the notion that she was a control freak, but she was having a hard time squelching the urge to organize her eccentric traveling companions.

Louie had filled an assortment of 1950s luggage covered in decals from various exotic ports of call that he’d seen before he married and settled down on Kauai. He’d barely been able to close the largest suitcase after carefully wrapping and depositing his favorite cocktail shakers, drink umbrellas, swizzle sticks, and a couple of his favorite tiki mugs inside. The clasp looked perilously close to snapping.

Dressed in a crimson aloha shirt covered with images of papayas, pineapples, and bananas, he looked like an oversized fruit bowl.

They were surrounded by a gaggle of women in matching “Yes, we are THE Hula Maidens” T-shirts and traditional purple
pau
hula skirts. With four yards of fabric gathered around their waists they looked like a school of beached puffer fish. Fake silk flower arrangements were pinned in above their left ears. The cement floor around them was covered with rolling bags, cardboard boxes, oversized straw purses, and even a one-hundred-and-fifty quart cooler closed with duct tape.

Nearby TSA agents in powder blue uniform shirts covered in official embroidered patches and badges grimly waited for the onslaught to begin beside the luggage x-ray conveyor belt.

The queue inched closer to the Hawaiian Air check-in counter. Em rolled her single carry-on beside her. Everything she needed for the four-night, five-day trip was inside. Her attention drifted to her uncle’s suitcases again, and her “go with the flow” drifted away on the trade wind breeze.

“Uncle Louie, did you ever take your Booze Bible into the business center to get it copied?”

Louie’s Booze Bible was a handwritten ring binder containing every cocktail recipe and accompanying legend he’d written since before he had opened the Goddess.

He patted the battered leather briefcase hanging from an over-the-shoulder strap.

“I’ve got it. Don’t worry. I’m not letting this briefcase out of my sight.”

“But . . .”

He frowned behind his aviator sunglasses. “I’m worried about leaving Letterman.”

“He and Sophie looked perfectly happy when we drove off.”

“He was squawking his head off. He’s not used to being fed with three-foot barbecue tongs.”

“It’s not safe for her to get any closer.”

“He won’t get to go outside and sit on his perch in the shade until I get back.”

“She’ll follow your instructions to the letter. She’s not going to risk having him outside. He’ll be fine.” The macaw was older than Em, in great health, and would probably outlive them both. She was about to reassure Louie again when she was jostled from behind.

“Oops. Sorry,” Kiki said before she glanced over her shoulder. “Settle down, Flora. You just shoved me into Em.”

The heavyset woman behind Kiki waved her hand as if shooing a fly. The long row of gold Hawaiian Heritage bangle bracelets on her arm clanked together.

“
Kala mai
, Kiki, but I gotta move away from Lillian. She’s been givin’ me stink eye since last night.”

It was hard to miss Lillian’s pink bouffant hairdo. The woman was a few yards away with realtor Suzi Matamoto, and she was indeed giving Flora stink eye. Photographer Trish Oakley was snapping away with her camera, documenting every move the group made.

Kiki turned to Em. “Lillian thinks Flora slapped her in the mouth on purpose during the performance. She’s still upset. I think she’s probably just nervous because she never goes anywhere without MyBob.”

“Do you think they’ll actually come to blows?” Em said softly.

“No way.” Kiki didn’t sound really certain.

Go with the flow
, Em reminded herself. Go with the flow.

There was a scraping sound behind them as Big Estelle shoved the ice chest across the floor. The cooler was big enough to bury Precious in.

“What’s in there?” Em was almost afraid to know.

“The usual. Flowers and
maile
for lei, frozen
akule
, and twenty pounds of Hanalei poi.” Kiki thought a minute and added, “Also a box of malasadas stuffed with whipped cream.”

In what universe was this normal stuff?
Em wondered.

“I really can’t believe we’re all here.” Kiki smiled as she scanned her troupe. “It’s so wonderful to have the girls all together, not to mention the fact that we’re going to support Louie.” She clasped her hands over her heart and sighed. “Well, life just doesn’t get any better, does it?”

Em couldn’t comment on that since she’d just spotted Little Estelle chatting with the good looking Hawaiian Air employee who was assigned to her wheelchair. She was outfitted in the Maiden’s official travel T-shirt, but instead of a
pau
skirt, she had on purple capri pants and a white visor on her head that sported a huge “I’m Looking for Love” pin with three-dimensional eyes that bugged out.

A woman waiting in the line beside them reached over the rope swag and tapped Em on the shoulder.

“Do y’all live here?” she asked.

“What was your first clue? The ice chest or the outfits?” Em laughed.

“Are you part of some Hawaiian circus?”

Em followed the woman’s gaze. Down the line, Precious was rubbing the back of her head and kicking the shin of a surfer wielding a long surfboard wrapped in a padded bag.

Kiki leaned around Em to address the woman.

“I’m surprised you don’t recognize us,” Kiki smiled. “We’re the Hula Maidens. Stars of the reality show
Trouble in Paradise
. Maybe you missed it?”

“The only reality show I watch is
Honey Boo Boo
.”

Kiki looked her up and down. “That figures.”

“The line is moving, Kiki,” Em said, hoping to avoid a fight. “Time to roll.”

Somehow they made it through ticketing and checked their bags with the TSA agents, but not before the agents insisted Big Estelle cut the tape on the cooler so they could look inside. Em saw the men exchange glances as they checked out the neat packages of frozen fish and Hanalei poi. Em wondered if the girls would ever see the cooler again, but the agents let them tape it up again before it disappeared into the x-ray machine.

“Let’s get fried rice,” Suzi Matamoto suggested. “This is the best of any place in town, and you can only get it once you get through security.”

“Louie?” Em turned to her uncle. “You want to get fried rice?”

“Sure. Best on the island. I just hope they’re not out of it already. It’s already going on seven a.m. you know.”

“Probably best if we stick together,” Em said before she noticed Kiki wasn’t with them. “Trish,” she called out to one of the sanest members of the troupe. “Where’s Kiki?”

“At the bar,” Trish called as the automatic door to the cafeteria swooshed open.

“It’s not even open yet.” As the group surged forward, Em was pushed into the cafeteria on the crest of a Hula Maiden wave.

“She likes to stand outside and look in the window,” Flora said. “She says a girl can dream.”

Just then the cafeteria door opened and Kiki leaned in. “The Pali Boys are setting up out here in the lobby to play for the tourists. Forget the rice. We’ve got time for a couple of dances!”

Em and Louie barely got out of the way as the Maidens all dropped their carry-ons, purses, and backpacks at the nearest table and stampeded back out the door.

6

INSIDE THE BOARDING area at Gate 6, Em clung to her go-with-the-flow attitude and paged through the latest edition of the
Garden Island
news. The all caps banner headline screamed “Activists Claim GMO Corn Causes Zombies.” Her mind wasn’t on the story but kept drifting to Phillip. She wondered if her ex had changed at all and wished she hadn’t agreed to meet with him.

The Maidens had just filed in. Too late to get seats together, they were scattered around the room chatting about their successful appearance in the lobby and how they’d left travelers cheering for more. The plane had arrived and was waiting in view at the end of the jet way.

Flora wedged into the seat beside Em and was fanning herself with a
lau hala
fan. She leaned over and said, “One tourist came up to me and said he
nevah
saw anything like us in his life.”

“I’m sure,” Em said. Before she could add anything, their flight number was announced. All around the room passengers began pulling out their boarding passes and grabbing their belongings.

Big Estelle came bustling over to Em. “No one has seen Mother.” She glanced into the Gate 5 waiting area on the other side of the long, narrow room.

Em took one look at the straw bags and heavy leather pack Big Estelle was wrestling with and said, “Let me run out to the lobby and look for her.”

Big Estelle sighed. “Sorry, Em. That would be great. You can go a lot faster than I can.”

“Watch my stuff for me.” Em hurried out into the open air corridor outside the boarding gate. She headed along the cement walk to the lobby where passengers could not only enjoy the cafeteria or the bar and live Hawaiian music, but could also grab a bottle of water, gum, candy, or a newspaper from one of the smaller stores but also that last minute flower lei to take with them.

Em’s sandals slapped against her heels as she ran through the lobby, ducked into the cafeteria and then the bar. Not even Kiki was there. She even looked behind turning display racks in both the sundry and flower shops, but didn’t see Little Estelle.

How could they have lost an old lady in a wheelchair? Em figured Little Estelle must have rolled off on her own while the others were dancing.

Airport security lines fed into the lobby. Em walked up to the glass dividers and watched travelers grab their bags and belongings out of plastic bins rolling off the conveyer belt. Uniformed TSA agents were eyeballing every move. A gray-haired Hawaiian man in uniform manned a podium at the exit.

“Did an elderly woman in a wheelchair go by?” Em asked him.

He looked her up and down with an expression reserved for crazy
haoles
. He nodded toward the area marked off for more thorough screenings. Em spotted Little Estelle standing beside her wheelchair, one arm outstretched, one hand braced on a countertop for balance, as a handsome young man waved a wand over her Hula Maiden T-shirt. She had a smile as wide as a Hawaiian rainbow on her face.

“I don’t suppose there’s any way I can go over there,” Em asked the security guard.

“Nope.”

“They’re going to start boarding our plane,” she tried.

“Sorry.”

She cupped her mouth and called, “Estelle! Little Estelle, you’re going to miss the plane!”

Little Estelle glanced over. “It’ll be worth it, honey!”

“Sir? You with the wand,” Em yelled. A family trooped past her lugging their baggage and cutting off her view. When they moved on she saw the young TSA agent looking her way.

“Her plane is about to leave,” she yelled.

He motioned for Little Estelle to sit down. She hesitated until he took her arm and helped lower her into the wheelchair. The young agent walked over to Em.

“What’s going on here?” she asked him.

“May I see your boarding pass?”

Luckily Em had it in her pocket. She pulled it out and handed it to him. The dark-eyed man who looked to be in his late twenties looked it over carefully and handed it back.

“If you’re finished with her I can take her to the gate,” Em said.

By now they were at the miniscule area set off for more thorough screenings.

“I’d be happy to hand her over, but Auntie is insisting she’s feeling a little terroristic. Said she was afraid someone slipped something dangerous into her underwear and we should check it out.”

Little Estelle poked him in the ribs with her index finger. “I’m not your ‘auntie,’ gorgeous, and there’s something very dangerous in my underwear.” He had referred to Estelle as auntie, not out of disrespect, but as most locals did when speaking to an older woman, related or not.

“Why isn’t a female agent patting her down?” Em wanted to know.

“Hey, butt out. Don’t spoil the fun,” Estelle said.

“You’re going to miss the plane, Estelle. Is that what you want?” Em heard an announcement that their flight to Honolulu was now boarding at Gate 6.

“What I want,” Estelle said, “is Mr. Hunk’s phone number, but he won’t give it to me.”

“Please,” Em appealed to the TSA agent. “Can she go now? Her daughter already hauled her carry-ons to the gate.” Since she was behind Estelle’s wheelchair, she raised her index finger to her temple and rolled it around in circles.

The young officer immediately put down the wand and told Little Estelle she was free to go.

Em didn’t give her a chance to protest as she backed the chair out of the small booth and shoved it through the security line exit, across the lobby, and down the walkway to the gate. Em’s cell phone went off, and she pulled it out of her capri pocket as she bustled along.

“We’re in the jet way,” Louie said. “Where are you?”

“We’re on the way. Don’t let them leave.”

“Ha. Fat chance. This is the on-time airline. If you aren’t here in a second they’ll lock the door, and we’ll be wheels up without you.”

Em shoved the phone into her pocket and barreled down the inclined walkway.

“Yee-haw! Now we’re moving.” Little Estelle flapped her arms as if flying.

Em wheeled her through the automatic doors to the gate. Thankfully the room had emptied, and there were only a few passengers left to board. The aisle between the rows of chairs was clear. Em rushed Little Estelle to the front of the line and caught her breath after they made it on with only two passengers left ahead of them.

By the time Little Estelle was settled in a bulkhead seat and chatting away to the man beside her, Em was able to make her way to her own seat beside Louie. She passed Big Estelle in an aisle seat, and a few rows back she saw Trish, also on the aisle. Louie had to get up to let Em slide into her window seat. She dropped into it and looked around. He’d already tucked her purse under the seat in front of her.