Torch Red: Color Me Torn with Bonus Content (23 page)

“You kids,” says Mr. Roberts in exasperation. Then he follows up by giving the rest of the cast a little lecture on how he expects us to act during the next several weeks of rehearsals. Finally, he says, “You know I can shut the whole thing down right now. And, yes, we’ll lose money and we won’t be able to do much in drama next year. But if you kids can’t behave with a little self-respect and
propriety”—he gives Shawna and Todd a firm look—“then we might as well cut our losses right now.”

To my surprise, he seems to have everyone’s attention and I’m hoping that this speech might help things to settle down around here. I’d hate to see our production canceled just because a few kids can’t keep their hands off each other.

T
O MY RELIEF, THINGS DO SETTLE DOWN FOR THE
O
KLAHOMA!
CAST DUR
ing the next couple of weeks. And for me personally. Justin and I have this sort of unspoken agreement to rehearse as needed and then avoid each other completely during the rest of the time. And it seems to be working. Still, I find myself totally amazed that I ever fell for that guy. Mostly I thank God that I didn’t fall completely. Not that I think God wouldn’t have rescued me from something worse. I’m just glad that he didn’t need to. And, looking back at that time, I realize that both Nate and Casey were really praying for me, and I honestly think that God was looking out for and protecting me, not just from Justin, but from myself too. And that’s pretty awesome.

Now today is Valentine’s Day and I could be feeling all sorry for myself since I seem to be the only one on the planet without a boyfriend. Well, I do tend to exaggerate. But within my old group of friends it seems that everyone is neatly paired off, including Thea, who is now dating Justin (they probably deserve each other). But I have to admit that it really disturbed me when Emily and Todd got back together. Go figure! I guess she thought that since she tested negative for the STD everything was okay between them. “Don’t worry,” she said when I questioned her. “I’m being very careful now.”

Well, I have no response to that. But I am definitely praying for her.

But as I was saying, today is Valentine’s Day and it seems like everyone is acting all lovey-dovey and sweet and gooey, and here I am and I don’t even have a boyfriend. But the thing is,
I am totally cool with that
. Everything’s just fine.

Okay, I’ll admit that I really like Nate
a lot,
and our friendship has steadily grown during the past several weeks. But we’ve both agreed that neither of us is ready to date. Not yet anyway. So we’ve decided to just be friends. Really good friends. And that’s okay. In fact, it’s better than okay. It’s awesome!

But here I am in the locker room again, and the girls are all blabbing on and on about the Valentine’s Dance, or more specifically what they’ll be doing
after
the dance. It seems that several of the guys have rented hotel rooms so they can party on even after the band goes home. Now this used to be a custom reserved for prom night, but it’s clear from what I’m hearing that some people will use any dance as an excuse to “get some.”

Anyway, I for one am getting totally disgusted with the raunchy conversation in here, and I am seriously considering pulling a Casey Renwick on them, although it wouldn’t be completely sincere because I haven’t given up on guys entirely (although I am definitely saving myself for marriage!). I might like to date someday, especially someone as nice as Nate.

So after a particularly bad joke about edible undies, I just completely lose it. “Why don’t you put a sock in it, Thea?” I say as I dangle a sweaty PE sock in front of her face.

She blinks then says, “Well, ex
cuse
me, little Miss Manners.”

“What’s up with you, Zoë?” demands Kirsti. “Don’t tell me you’re jealous. Are you feeling bad that Thea got your guy?”

I roll my eyes at her. “Yeah, you bet.”

Now Thea puts her arm around my shoulders.
“Poor Zoë.
You don’t have a date tonight, do you? Hey, maybe you should join Justin and me. We could have a sweet little threesome.” She chuckles. “If ya know what I mean.”

Now I realize I’m a Christian and I should have more self-control, but this just really irks me. “That is so sick.” Then I wonder why I even bothered to open my mouth, since I am now the center of attention and it’s not really working for me. But suddenly I have an idea.

“But you know what?” I continue talking in what I hope is an intriguing tone. “I do have a little announcement I’d like to make.”

“What?” demands Kirsti.

I can tell they’re all listening. “Do you guys remember when I told you about my surfer dude last summer? How we did it on the beach and everything?” Now Kirsti and Thea nod eagerly like maybe I’m about to give them another juicy tidbit. “Well, that was all just a big fat lie.”

“I
knew
it,” says Kirsti in a triumphant voice. “I
knew
you made that guy up!”

“And you know what else,” I continue in a reckless way, knowing that I have their full attention now, “I am
still
a virgin.”

Well, it’s so quiet in the locker room that you can hear Mrs. Post’s radio quietly playing oldies in her office. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if she was listening too. But several of my friends are looking at me like they don’t really believe what I just said. In fact, I can hardly believe I just admitted it myself.

“It’s true,” I continue. “And you know what else? I’m glad that I’m a virgin, and I don’t care who knows about it. I don’t even care if I’m the last virgin left in Hamilton High.” Although I know this isn’t the case since there’s always Casey Renwick.

“Well, you’re not,” says a voice. And I look over to see Andrea standing up now. “Because I am a virgin too.”

“No way!” says Thea, like she’s getting seriously mad now.

“Way.”
Andrea walks over and stands next to me. “I made it all up last year, just to get you guys off my case. But I’m sick of pretending.” She takes my hand in hers then lifts them both like a victory sign. “Let the world know that I am a virgin too!” She’s smiling now. “Just like Zoë. So get over it.”

Then suddenly, to my total surprise, about fifteen other girls walk over and join us. Okay, they might not exactly be in our particular clique, but then who cares when it comes to virgin sisterhood? Because, one by one, each of them proclaims that they too are virgins. And pretty soon we are all just standing in this circle, laughing and slapping each other on the backs, and it is pretty clear that we are
not
a minority. I mean as wild as it seems,
virgins rule!
Well, at least in this particular class. I’m not sure about the rest of the school.

But I can’t help but notice the “experienced” girls (like Thea, Kirsti, Shawna, and even Emily) watching us. And I can’t help but think they look slightly out of it just now. Like maybe they’re even regretting some of their choices or perhaps they’re actually envious.

And before I start to gloat (which is seriously close to happening) I remember that I belong to God now. And I remember that my God is a gracious and forgiving God. And so I smile at the girls who are looking at us with expressions of slight bewilderment and I say to them, “But, hey, that’s okay, you guys, I still want to be your friend.”

Well, Thea and Kirsti just laugh at me like they think I’m totally nuts. And I suppose I was trying to be slightly funny. But I also notice this hopeful look in Emily’s eyes, and maybe in Shawna’s too. And I’m thinking,
Who knows what might come of this crazy confession?
And suddenly I can’t wait to see what God will do next!

1. Early in the story, Zoë feels ashamed that she’s still a virgin. Why? And why does she lie about it?

2. Zoë seems obsessed by the fact that she doesn’t have a boyfriend. Why is her identity so wrapped up in this? What other qualities does Zoë have that might be more important?

3. Casey Renwick is hugely opposed to dating. How do you think she reached such a strong position?

4. Zoë talks to a number of people about sexuality. Who gave her the best advice? The worst? What would you tell her?

5. Zoë’s parents seem a little checked out. Do you think that’s good or bad? How involved are your parents?

6. What do you think Zoë should’ve done after discovering Todd cheating on her best friend? What would you do?

7. Zoë allowed herself to get into what could’ve been a date-rape situation. How could she have avoided this?

8. Who had the strongest influence in Zoë’s life? Who has the most influence in yours? How do you feel about that influence?

9. Which character in
Torch Red
is the most like you and why? Do you wish you were like a different character? Why?

10. What do you think ultimately drew Zoë to make a commitment to God? What drew you to God? Or are you still searching?

How does a girl climb out of the darkest depression of her life?

“D
ID YOU HEAR ABOUT
J
ASON
?”
C
ARLIE’S EYES ARE WIDE AS SHE GRABS ME
by the arm. But I’m just not in the mood for her theatrics right now. And I’m not interested in any juicy bits of gossip. Not even about Jason. And certainly not today.

I slam my messy locker shut. A sleeve of my favorite red sweatshirt is dangling out, hanging there like a panting tongue, begging to be rescued. But I just give the metal door a loud kick and turn away.

“Morgan!” Carlie is glaring at me now. “Listen to—”

“Just leave me alone!”
I snap at her. “I’m going to be late for economics.” Then I shake free from her grip and just walk away. Okay, I know I’m being totally rude. And Carlie is my friend. I should turn around and apologize. Friends don’t treat friends like this. And, considering that my friends are pretty limited these days (like I can easily count them on one hand with fingers left over), I should really know better than to act like this. But the fact is I just don’t care. Because this
is reality—my life sucks. And I am totally fed up. So everyone will be much better off if they just leave Morgan Bergstrom alone.

It’s like I can’t see anyone as I storm down the hallway toward the east wing. It’s like I’m just walking down this dark tunnel and I’m fueled by anger. Oh, I can tell that kids are here and there, and maybe they’re even looking at me. But I’ve got bigger problems to consider right now.

How can I be expected to get out of bed every morning and show up at this moronic school in order to get a stupid education (which is probably totally worthless) when everything in my life is totally out of control? I mean seriously, how much crud does a seventeen-year-old girl have to take? And it’s not like this is my fault. I mean I’ve tried to do my best, to make good choices, and even be fairly responsible (at least for my age). But even so, it’s like everything in my life just keeps falling apart. It’s all unraveling and I just can’t take it anymore.