Torn (19 page)

I sighed and drew my knees up to my chest. “I have to fix this. Rose. The gate. The whole freaking Apocalypse. I have to make it better.”

He pressed a kiss to the top of my head. “You will.”

I could only hope that he was right.

I drew in a shaky breath. “They know who I am now. All of them. Demons. Angels.” I twisted around to look at him directly. “Why haven’t they come to my apartment? They come here to the pub, but never there.”

“Protections,” Deacon said. “Penemue had Clarence endow Alice’s apartment with protections. Make sure the demons couldn’t get in without being invited.”

I nodded. That made sense. Though I supposed I needed to be even more on my guard from then on. Since the memo about my secret identity had apparently circulated, and there was nothing to keep them off my street. I frowned, not worried about myself so much as I was about Rose.

“You can stay with me,” Deacon said. “I assure you my place is safe. And secret.”

I almost took him up on that but ended up shaking my head. “You don’t want Johnson in your house,” I said.

He nodded. “True enough. But for you, I’ll take the risk.”

“I don’t know.”

“It’s a good idea,” he said, then bent low and whispered his cell phone number into my ear, his voice holding so much heat I was certain I would either melt or change my mind and go home with him right then.

After all that drama, I really wasn’t in the mood to go to Thirsty, but Gracie was expecting me, and I wasn’t going to disappoint the one non-demon-related friend I now had in this world. I invited Deacon to join me, but he declined, his expression amused. Apparently whatever the parameters of our fledgling relationship were, they did not include the traditional, old-fashioned date.

Probably just as well. Because although I was not interested in Brian, he was interested in Alice. And even in my darkest funk, I knew that it would be beyond rude to show up at Thirsty with a date in tow.

“There you are!” Gracie said, as I pushed my way through the crowd to their booth. More restaurant than club, Thirsty still had a great dance floor, and tonight the patrons were making full use of the live band that management had brought in.

Brian scooted over, and I slid in next to him, the incubus in me picking up on his attraction. And, yeah, I felt the desire in me ratchet up. Felt the sensuality flare. And I felt the darkness in me murmuring that I could have this boy. Could do whatever I wanted, wherever I wanted. And all the while, I would be thinking of Deacon.

I snatched up a menu and clutched it tight, determined to back those thoughts down. To fight the darkness that not only threatened to explode, but which threatened to make me hurt an innocent guy.

“We were beginning to wonder if you were going to stand us up,” Brian said, leaning in close so that I could hear him over the music. His breath tickled my ear, and despite myself, I felt that tug of heat. I glanced away, torn between wanting the heat to dissipate and wanting to stoke it, and I found myself looking at the doorway—and right at Deacon.

The burn I’d been trying to push back erupted, and I knew then that I’d lost the battle. I hadn’t yet learned to control my incubus side, and that was only too apparent with the way Brian now put his hand on my thigh. “So, um, Alice, do you want to dance?”

Gracie’s eyes were narrow, but she didn’t say anything. I left my coat on the seat, and Brian and I slid out of the booth, then eased onto the dance floor. “Do you want to do a movie sometime?” Brian asked, as I raised my arms above my head and let my hips move with the music. I’d been looking over his shoulder, watching Deacon, the way he stood straight and tall. The way a muscle twitched in his cheek.

I moved closer to Brian.

And, yeah, one part of me felt like a shit for doing it. For smiling at him when he slipped his hands around my waist. For arching my back so that our bodies brushed when my hips gyrated. I was driving both of us a little crazy—and Deacon, too.

That, of course, was what I’d wanted, what I craved. That sexual spark. And if the dark part in me wanted to use Brian to get there . . .

Well, I’m ashamed to admit that the part of me that knew better had been soundly subjugated.

“Alice?” Brian pressed, moving his arms up to hook around my neck. “The movie?”

I slid my fingers through his hair and spun around on the floor, giving Deacon my back, and then closing my eyes and letting myself pretend that it was his arms I was in, not Brian’s. “Maybe,” I whispered. “Right now let’s just dance.” I wanted to do nothing more than move to the music. To be the old Lily, who danced and drank and bummed smokes off her friends. A Lily who didn’t hunt demons and didn’t care about the dark.

I could feel Brian’s pulse increase, and I pressed closer, enjoying the fantasy. We moved together for a while, lost in lust and the music.

Then I felt Brian’s erection and caught the intense thrum of his desire. I eased back, the bubble bursting. I wasn’t the old Lily. Not by a long shot. And I wanted out of there. Wanted to make amends to this nice guy for the games I was playing. Games he probably didn’t even realize were going on.

Someone tapped at my shoulder, and I whipped around, expecting to find Deacon.

Instead, my eyes met Gracie’s, hers wide and disturbed.

“Gracie,” I said, the buzz fizzling. “I’m sorry. I—”

“It’s about Rachel,” she said, thrusting my phone toward me. “It rang, and I couldn’t catch your attention, and—”

I wasn’t listening anymore. I had the phone up to my ear, and the man on the other line was telling me that he was from Carney Hospital and that Rachel had been assaulted.

I didn’t hang around to hear the rest of it. With the phone plastered to my ear, I grabbed up my coat, signaled to a worried-looking Gracie and a dazed Brian that I was leaving, then raced out of Thirsty and gunned the bike to the hospital.

“Rachel Purdue,” I said to the first person I saw with a name tag. “Where do I find her?”

“I’m sorry—”

“Patient. Emergency room. Assault victim.”

“Right.” The woman’s voice was soft and calming, and she walked me to a set of double doors and pointed me down the proper hallway. “It’ll be okay, honey,” she said with a soft pat on my back.

I wasn’t at all sure about that, but I jogged down the corridor until I reached the emergency room, then accosted yet another employee.

“She’s doing well,” the lanky redhead said. Her hair had been pulled back into a severe ponytail, and she moved with an efficient step to one of the small cubicles set up for ER patients. I followed her in, then exhaled in relief when I saw Rachel sitting up in bed, her face a black-and-blue mess, but her eyes bright and alert.

“What happened?” I ran forward and took her hands.

“Some of my old acquaintances weren’t exactly thrilled that I decided to change the way I’m living my life.”

I winced, understanding perfectly who the old friends were. “What did they do?”

“Jumped me. By my apartment.” She twisted her head to look at me. “They said I ought to follow your example. You wanna tell me what they meant by that?”

I didn’t, of course. And at the same time, I wanted her to know. I didn’t want her to believe her sister had fallen in with the very thing that Rachel herself was trying to escape. And, yes, I realized that this could be one big, huge, honking trap. Use Alice’s sister to bait me into revealing my true allegiance.

But do that, and they either had to kill me, or I’d have to run. Either way, they couldn’t use my arm to find the rest of the relics.

So I figured I was safe.

Or maybe I was just rationalizing. Bottom line, I wanted Rachel to know the truth. I felt like I owed it to her. She’d lost a sister, after all.

“Alice,” she pressed. “Do you know what they meant?”

I sat up straighter. “It means I’m doing something right,” I said. “It means they think I’m working for the demons. And Rachel,” I added, “my name really isn’t Alice. I told you. I’m Lily.”

“All right, Lily,” she said in an exasperated tone. “Tell me. Tell me everything.”

And I did. All of it. Or most of it. I left out a few bits. Like sex on the floor of the Bloody Tongue. I figured we could skip those details.

When I was finished, she was no longer looking at me like I was crazy. Instead, she closed her eyes and sank back into the thin hospital pillow. “My uncle Egan killed my sister.”

“Yes.”

“And a demon is trapped in your sister.”

“Yes,” I said. And this time my voice broke.

She rolled her head and opened her eyes to look at me. “And now you’re killing demons.”

“That’s my plan. It’s complicated. I have this whole double-agent thing going, and they—”

“I need to sleep.”

I jerked back, almost as if her words were a physical blow. “What?”

“I need to sleep now,” she said. She turned away from me, but I saw the way her shoulders hitched as she held back tears.

“I—okay.” I stood up, wishing I could comfort her. I couldn’t, though. She’d lost her sister, had her world shattered, and looking at me only reminded her of the horrible truth.

“So, I’ll see you at the pub, okay?” But she didn’t answer, and I slid out the door, feeling like this was all my fault. I don’t know. Maybe it was.

I was still in a funk when I reached Zane’s, then felt even more guilty because I had actually considered simply leaving my sister there with him. But she was my responsibility, demon warts and all, and even on a day when I wanted nothing more than to curl into a ball and moan about the sorry state of my life, I had to at least put on a responsible face.

A lesson in parenting that my stepfather had never understood.

It was late when I arrived, and I found Zane up, doing some sort of slow martial arts moves on the mat in the middle of the basement. He saw me, and even as he balanced on one foot, he held his finger to his lips, warning me that she was asleep. I nodded, then stood to the side, waiting for him to finish. When he did, he came toward me, glistening with sweat.

“Where’s Kiera?”

“She is well,” he said. “I sent her home.”

“Oh.” I actually hadn’t thought of her as having a home and felt a little bit foolish.

“What has happened,
ma fleur
?”

“Rachel,” I said. I dragged my fingers through my hair, then sat on the floor, my back to the gray weapons cabinet. I licked my lips, choosing my words carefully, but needing to say what was on my mind. “She chose a side, Zane, and she was punished for it.”

“I see. And which side did she choose?”

“The right one.” I watched his face, searching for a clue as to his true allegiance.

“It is hard sometimes,” he said. “To choose. There is always a price to pay.”

“Did you make a choice?” I asked, softly.

He stood, then moved away from me. “I did not,” he said. “Perhaps I should have.”

I swallowed, the import of what he’d just revealed to me striking home. He hadn’t chosen. Not right. Not wrong. “And now?”

He turned back to face me. “Now I think only of myself.” He lifted his head to look at me directly. “I’ve told you my story, Lily, and it’s a selfish one.”

“What about Kiera?” I asked, blurting out the question before I had considered my words. “Do you think she’s . . .” I trailed off, wanting to ask out loud, but I couldn’t. Instead I backtracked. “Do you think she’s a good partner for me?”

He met my eyes, his expression shuttered. “I think she has your back.”

“That’s not really what I meant.”

He stood up. “Yes,” he said. “I think she is a fine partner.”

“Good.” I stood up, knowing I should just take Rose and go. But I was still antsy. “Rachel’s going to be okay, but she was beaten pretty badly. And all because she wanted to get free.”

He looked at me, his eyes seeing more than I wanted. “It can be hard to give up the dark once it gets inside you. Once it starts to fill those spaces.”

I felt the tears flood my eyes and wanted to sink into the floor, the weight of his words pressing me down. I’d never be able to give up the dark, no matter how much I wanted to pretend otherwise. I wasn’t a normal girl anymore, and even the most fervent wishes wouldn’t bring back my old life.

“Rachel will survive, Lily,” he said, pulling me close. “And so will you. Survival,” he added. “I fear it is what we do best.”

TWENTY

“Just fold and roll,” I said to Rose, putting a knife and fork in a napkin and demonstrating how to wrap the silverware service. “If you can do all of these, that’ll be a huge help.”

She nodded and started in on it, looking like nothing more than a kid working in the family business. Nothing to suggest she was a kid with a demon inside her. Nothing, that was, except for the pallor of her skin and the way her pupils stayed overly dilated. And, of course, the haunted way she looked at me when I’d asked that morning if Johnson was still there.

“He’s here to stay, Lily,” she’d said in that slow, singsong voice. “I thought you knew that.”

“Not to stay,” I’d said, a note of panic rising. “He’s not staying.”

But she hadn’t answered. She’d just turned back into the bathroom and lost herself in the shower.

Now, though, even that dreamy interchange seemed like history. She was awake. She was alert.

She was Rose.

I fingered the locket I wore around my neck, a souvenir of my life as Lily, with pictures of both me and Rose. And as I touched it, I couldn’t help but wonder how long before the other shoe dropped.

The hour was still early, so we had only a smattering of patrons in the pub. Just the few diehards who came in for a prelunch half-pint to warm them up for their lunchtime pint. Rachel had been here when I’d arrived, but she’d managed to avoid me all morning, moving to the kitchen or the stockroom or the walk-in whenever I got within five feet of her.