Torn Between Two Lovers (7 page)

“That's the way you want it, that's the way it is. You hungry? My car's right outside. Let's go get something to eat.”

He didn't reply. He just started walking to the door, and of course I followed.

I ended up at Egypt's door in need of a friendly ear. Ordinarily I wouldn't show up at her house without calling, but I knew her husband was out of town on business. I also knew she had a bottle of my favorite wine, and, boy, I could use a drink or two.

When Egypt answered the door, I gave her a pitiful look and said, “Girl, I hope you don't mind, but right about now I could use a friend.”

“Of course I don't mind. Come on in.” She embraced me. “You all right? What's wrong? We missed you at book club last week.”

“Please, with all this craziness going on in my life, I wasn't even thinking about book club,” I said sadly as I walked past her into the house. “You still have that bottle of wine I brought over here last week for our book club meeting?”

“Yeah.” She nodded. “It's in the bar fridge. Let me get it for you.” She walked through her foyer and into the family room. I followed behind her and sat on one of the stools while she poured two glasses of wine.

“So, what's going on, girl? Everything all right at home?” she asked as she handed me a glass.

“Like I said before, I don't even know where to start. My life's so screwed up you'll probably end up thinking I'm insane by the time I finish telling you this story.” I took a long swallow and drained nearly half the glass of wine.

She laughed. “Try me. I've been through my share of drama, remember?” I had to chuckle because she wasn't lying. My little bit of BS was nothing compared to what she and her sister went through last year. When Egypt asked her sister to carry a baby for her and her husband, who just happened to be her sister's ex, things got way out of control. They had so much drama somebody should have written a book about that shit. Nonetheless, I was there to vent about my own mess, so that's exactly what I did.

“Okay, well, Michael showed up outside my office the other day and followed me and Leon all the way down to Williamsburg.”

“Michael? Who the hell is Michael?” She put her hand up to stop me. “Wait a minute. Michael…Michael…Why does that name ring a bell?” She was silent for a moment, and then her eyes got wide. “I remember him! That's the light-skinned pretty boy you took on the dinner cruise last Valentine's Day.”

“Uh-huh, that's him.” I didn't like the way she categorized him as a pretty boy. It made him sound stuck-up, and Michael was far from that. Because he'd spent his teenage years as the fat kid who couldn't get a date, he was actually pretty humble for someone who was now hotter than hot. I didn't protest Egypt's description, though, because I know she didn't mean any harm. She'd met Michael, and at the time, she didn't seem to think he was conceited. Besides, how would I look now, defending my ex when I had just recommitted myself to my marriage?

“Damn, I forgot about him. Girl, you sure had everybody whispering about you that night. I thought he was just something to do to get back at Leon while you were separated, but there was one rumor that he might have been a hired escort.”

I sat back on my stool, truly offended. “Hell no, he's not an escort! Michael is my boo—” Oh, shoot. Had I really just said that? I wished I could take it back, but it was too late now. “Or at least he
was
my boo,” I corrected myself. “I don't have to pay some man to be with me!” That kind of shit pissed me off. Some people seem to think that the only way a big sister can get a good-looking man is with her pocketbook. Just some jealous haters, as far as I was concerned. They had no idea how many men prefer a woman with a nice, soft body and some meat on her bones to press up against.

Egypt threw her hands up in the air. “Listen, don't kill the messenger. You know how petty them people at the office can be. They're always talking about someone. And nobody expected you to show up to a Valentine's Day party with a man other than Leon. Hell, me and you are pretty tight, and you didn't even tell me about him.”

“That's 'cause I don't keep my business all out in the street.” Egypt was about the closest thing I had to a female best friend, but I still kept most of my personal business personal, especially since she worked in my office, where nosy people would no doubt be pumping her for information. “But, anyway, when I got with Michael, I was done with Leon. At least until I found out my so-called best friend had set Leon up. Girl, I could still kill Jerome's ass for doing that shit.” I didn't know if the pain of that betrayal would ever go away.

“Oh, Jerome…” She shook her head but left the subject alone. Egypt used to try to get me to reconcile with him, but fortunately she knew enough not to bother anymore. She brought the subject back to Michael. “I just didn't know things were so serious with this Michael.”

“They were about as serious as you could get until I found out my husband never cheated on me.” I took a sip of my wine. “That's why I'm in this predicament now.”

“What predicament? Why didn't you just tell Michael that you're back with your husband and that he needs to keep it moving?”

“I did, but he won't. He says he's in love with me.”

She let out a laugh. “Damn, you put it on his ass, didn't you? Let me find out you got skills.”

I sipped my wine, swirling what was left in the glass as I allowed my mind to wander back to some of my more adventurous sexual escapades with Michael. Damn, we had had some good times together.

“We put it on each other. That's the problem.”

Egypt got a troubled look on her face. “Oh my goodness. Are you still sleeping with him?”

“No, I swear.” I raised my right hand. I didn't want her to think less of me, and she probably would have left it alone, but then I slipped up. “I broke it off a few months ago, when Leon and I renewed our vows.”

“But you've been back with Leon almost a year…. Holdup…” I could see her doing the math in her head, and then her mouth kind of fell open as she finished her calculations. “You were messing with them both at the same time?”

I lifted my glass and drained it in a feeble attempt to hide my face. This was humiliating. “Can I get a refill, please?”

“Damn, this Michael must be one special guy.” She ignored the empty wineglass I'd placed back on the bar.

“If we'd gotten together before me and Leon, we'd be married right now.”

“Oh my God. You're in love with this guy, aren't you? That's the real reason you're worried he's come back. You're in love with him!”

“I love my husband, Egypt,” I said matter-of-factly, hoping my response didn't sound too automatic and hollow. I did not want her confusing the facts. Hell, I didn't want to confuse the facts. I did love Leon.

“Yeah, but you love Michael, too, don't you? That's why you asked me if I'd ever been in love with anyone other than Rashad right before you renewed your vows. You were thinking about Michael.”

I gestured at my glass. “My wine? Can I get a refill on my wine?”

“Stop playing, Loraine. You're in love with two men, aren't you?”

“I love my husband, Egypt.”

“Stop avoiding my question,” she snapped. I reached for the bottle and she grabbed my wrist.

“I'm not avoiding your question. My answer is I love my husband. There is no answer other than that,” I said adamantly, pulling my arm and the wine back to my side of the bar. “This wouldn't even be an issue if it wasn't for Leon's problem with sex.”

“Leon has problems with sex? You never told me that.” Now she was going to be laughing behind his back. Dammit, why did I have to go and open my big mouth? Coming here was a bad idea. I hated to say it, but I never had to censor my words around Jerome. I could say anything to him and not worry about having it come back to bite me. Would I ever find another friend like that?

“What type of problems?” Egypt asked, pushing for some juicy details I wasn't about to offer up.

“I'd rather not talk about that. It's not exactly something I want to go around jabbering about. And don't be judging him, please. Not being able to perform is a real blow to a man's ego.”

“Who the hell am I to judge anybody? I'm the woman who can't have babies, remember? In a way, I can relate.”

We were both quiet. Egypt's infertility was a tough subject for her, and I was surprised she'd even mentioned it. I let her process her thoughts for a moment, after which she brought the subject away from that difficult topic.

“Lots of men have problems in that area. Maybe he should talk to his doctor about Viagra or something. I heard those little blue pills work wonders.”

“I wish a pill could solve his problem, but it's a lot deeper than that.”

“What do you mean?”

Oh, how I wish she didn't feel the need to keep digging deeper. But at the same time, I hadn't been able to talk to anyone about how hard it was for me to deal with Leon's problem. I felt bad for him because he felt inadequate, but I couldn't deny that it was no picnic for me either. I was kind of curious how another woman would react. Would she think I was selfish?

I blurted out, “Leon has a problem with premature ejaculation.”

“Oh, my…I'm sorry.” I felt myself relax a little. I knew she meant she felt sorry for me, as a wife, having to deal with that. “I know that has to be difficult.”

“
Difficult
isn't even the word. I mean, I love Leon, and I want to remain true to him, but this has been going on for five, almost six years. You know you hate to kick a dog when he's down, and when we took that vow, we said for better or worse…. I honestly meant it, but every once in a while, a girl needs…well, you know.”

“Wow. Yeah, I do. I don't know what I'd do if I were in your shoes. I ain't gonna lie. I might go out there and find me some side dick too.”

It felt good to laugh and relieve some of the tension that had been sitting on my shoulders. “It didn't always used to be this way. When we first got married, Leon was like a stallion that I wanted to ride all the time. Then after his uncle's death, things just went south. But I got used to it, until we separated and I met Michael.”

She nodded like she knew exactly what I was saying.

“Egypt, he's woken up things I don't think I can live without, and now he's showing up at my door to remind me of them.”

“I wouldn't beat myself up over this,” she advised. I was starting to feel better about having shared this with her. It felt good to get some support for a change, instead of always playing the role of supportive wife. “Leon needs to step up, and if he's not up to the job, well, then maybe he should move over for a man who can.”

Wait. Maybe she was taking this even a little further than was necessary.

“No, it's not like that. You've got to understand. I love Leon, and he's really working on his problem. He's seeing a doctor, trying to get help. I'm going to stick by him. I just don't need Michael constantly reminding me of what I'm not getting.”

“No, you sure don't.” Egypt reached over and hugged me like a true friend would. “A word of advice, Loraine: You keep this Michael as far away as you can, because a man like that has a way of seducing a woman's soul. Trust me, I know. That's what happened to me and Rashad, and I'm still trying to clean up the mess our relationship caused within my family.” Although I appreciated Egypt's vote of encouragement, I wasn't too sure inside. How could I fight down the feelings that remained lodged in my heart for Michael?

Thank goodness I was the owner, because I didn't stroll into work until late in the afternoon. I'd actually been doing a lot of that lately. After seeing Loraine take Leon to what used to be
our
spot, I'd been throwing daily pity parties for myself. As I strolled through the gym, headed toward my office, I was prepared to do it again. My mind was on the bottle of tequila in the top drawer of my desk. I guess my mood was written all over my face, because Gordon, an old friend and the manager of the facility, furrowed his brow and said, “You look like you could use a drink.”

“No, I could use two drinks,” I replied.

“Well, before you get into a drunken stupor, we've got real problems.” I looked at him with a frown, wishing he wouldn't continue. But of course he did. “We got two treadmills down, and Connie called in sick, so I'm gonna have to do the seven o'clock step class myself.”

He didn't sound too happy about that, but I really didn't care. I had other things on my mind. “Okay, man. Teach the class.” I walked past him and opened the door to my private office, hoping he would get the hint and leave me alone. All I really cared about was getting to that bottle.

“Mike, you listening to me, man?” Gordon got up and followed me into my office. He entered just as I was sitting down at my desk, before I had a chance to open the drawer and pull out the bottle. “We got problems. What do you want me to do?”

“I want you to handle it, dammit!” I snapped. “Isn't that what I pay you for? Do I have to micromanage everything around here?” He didn't deserve it, but I was taking out my frustration on him.

“Hey, look. I just wanted you to know. It's your money I'm planning on spending for new treadmills. If you don't give a shit, neither do I.” He gave me attitude right back, and I was about to snap at him, but I caught myself.

“Look, G, I know you were trying to look out for me. I just have a lot on my mind.” I pulled out the tequila and a glass and poured myself a shot. I would have pulled out two, but Gordon never drank until his shift was over—a discipline I used to prescribe to myself.

“Translation: You went to see Loraine again, and she sent your ass back here with your head between your legs.”

“What are you, a fucking mind reader?” I threw back the shot and swallowed it, feeling the fire in the back of my throat.

“Sorry, Mike, but you don't have to be a mind reader to see she's just not into you like that anymore. The woman used to call here every day looking for you. She hasn't called in months.”

I rolled my eyes. Why the hell couldn't anyone see what I was seeing?

“Sooner or later, you're going to have to face facts. You were just a little something-something while her husband was getting his act together.”

I didn't acknowledge his point. Instead, I asked, “What's the definition of a stalker?”

Gordon narrowed his eyes at me as if he already knew exactly where I was going with this. “Someone who follows you around unwanted.”

Jesus, maybe I was stalking her.

“Do you think I'm stalking Loraine?”

“No, I think you're trying to win her back, but she may not see it that way, and she's the only one who counts. There's a thin line between being in love and being obsessed.”

“I'm not trying to stalk her. I just want her to talk to me. Is that so bad?”

“I don't know; you tell me. You've lost about fifteen pounds. You barely come to work, and when you're here, all you do is talk about Loraine this and Loraine that. If you're not obsessed, you're getting there, and that's not good.”

I didn't bother to deny it. I guess I was acting crazy, but as far as I was concerned, my craziness was warranted. I needed Loraine to remember what we had together, and then she'd see she was really supposed to be with me.

I heaved a sigh. “G, I hear you loud and clear, but I just can't give up. We're meant to be.”

“Hey, give it a rest. Women don't accuse men of stalking them if they're meant to be together. Now, I don't know what you're doing, but it's pretty obvious she ain't interested, and if you push it too far, you might end up in jail.” I swear, nothing like a good friend to give it to you straight.

“So what do you think I should do?”

“I think you need to move on before you get yourself thrown in jail. That lady's got a lot of friends at city hall. It's time to move on, Mike.”

I laughed. “She told me I need to move on too.”

“Maybe you should take her advice.”

“Maybe.”

“Speaking of moving on, Celeste called three times.”

“What does she want?” I sighed. Celeste Monroe was a former physical training client. She was really pretty, with a fantastic figure and a good head on her shoulders. To put it in a few words, she really had her shit together. I would have had to be blind not to see she was interested, and a fool not to be interested myself. I tried to keep it professional, so things never got off the ground between us. When she was at a point where she didn't need a coach anymore, I'd already started seeing Loraine, so it didn't matter how beautiful Celeste was; I wasn't interested.

Recently, Celeste had found out Loraine and I weren't together, and she had been trying to hook up on a date. Many of my friends, including Gordon, thought she was the one. Of course, I was preoccupied with getting Loraine back, but Celeste wouldn't take no for an answer.

“She wanted to speak to you.” I guess Gordon read my look of dismissal, because he said, “I don't understand why you won't give her a chance, man.”

“Hmph,” I grunted.

“You know what? You're pathetic. Here you are running behind a married woman like some lovesick fool when you got a woman like Celeste worshipping the ground you walk on.”

“I don't want a woman who worships the ground I walk on, G. I want Loraine.”

“You haven't even given the woman a chance, Mike. Meanwhile, a guy like me can't get a girl like Celeste to give him the time of day. Man, I swear life just ain't fair.”

“Man, if life was fair, I'd be with Loraine right now.”

 

After two and a half weeks of feeling sorry for myself, no word from Loraine, and Gordon pushing me like he was my momma looking to have grandkids, I finally relented and went out with Celeste a few times. I'd be lying if I didn't admit I had a good time. She was a special woman who kept me laughing and intrigued whenever we were together; but despite all that, I still thought of Loraine constantly. I just couldn't get her out of my head. I woke up thinking about her and went to sleep with an image of her in my mind. I was whipped with a capital
W
.

I wasn't trying to be two-faced with Celeste. From day one, I was straight up with her about my feelings for Loraine. I told her I was still deeply in love with my ex, and if by chance she'd take me back, I'd drop everything to be with her. Surprisingly, Celeste didn't seem to care. From what she said, she just wanted time to show me what kind of woman she was and could be to me. After that, let the chips fall where they may. I liked her attitude but wondered when it came down to it if she would really practice what she preached.

Either way, I decided to take it slow. We were on our fourth date before I invited her to my house. All we did was watch TV. I was a big fan of
Heroes,
and as it turned out, so was Celeste. I made my special salad with grilled chicken, walnuts, and dried cranberries, which Celeste loved, and we sat in front of the TV, enjoying dinner and a glass of wine while we watched the show.

When it was over, I left Celeste in the living room and took the dirty dishes into the kitchen. When I returned, she was standing in front of my mantel, holding a framed picture of Loraine and me. Gordon had told me about ten times to get rid of that picture, or at least remove it from plain sight. I'd taken down all the photos in my office, but I never did move this one. It was my favorite picture of us from when we went to Martha's Vineyard during the time she and Leon were separated. We were all hugged up and smiling big, bright smiles into the camera. Anyone who saw that picture could tell how much in love we were.

“Is this your ex?”

“Yeah, that's her.” I nodded a little apprehensively. I got up and took the picture out of her hand, placing it back on the mantel. I expected Celeste to comment about her looks, or maybe her size, but she didn't.

“You look happy,” was all Celeste said as she walked back over to the sofa and sat down.

“We were happy. I hope it doesn't bother you that I still have that picture up, but I'm not moving it right now.”

Celeste let out a sigh. “I can't say that it doesn't bother me, because I'd be telling a lie. I just don't want any surprises or to be disrespected. If you and this woman get back together, I just want you to tell me. I don't want to hear it from anyone else.”

“That's only fair.” I sat down next to her and took her hand. “I promise if it happens, you won't hear it from anyone but me.”

The next thing I knew, Celeste kissed me on the mouth. At first, it was a slow, tentative kiss; then it became a little more passionate. Ten minutes later, we were still fully clothed, but I was lying on top of her. My hands were roaming her body freely, while hers struggled to loosen my belt.

We were both intoxicated with lust until she said, “Michael, condom's in my purse, but I can't reach it.”

Suddenly, I was alert. I was sober. Everything I was doing was real, and real meant consequences.

From where I lay, I looked up and saw the picture of Loraine. I pulled away from Celeste. “I can't do this, Celeste.”

“Why? What did I do?”

“You didn't do anything. I'm just not ready for this. Not yet anyway.”

Celeste smiled and gave me a gentle, understanding kiss. “Take your time. I'm not going anywhere.”