TornByLove (5 page)

Two months after our one afternoon together, I woke up in a cold sweat from a nightmare where both Mark and Marlena had died in horrible accidents before I could tell either of them how much I loved them. Even though I don’t think I’d actually said the words to him, Mark must have known I loved him. She didn’t and I’d be damned if I didn’t feel the need to tell her I did at least once.

I managed to wrangle her address from an unsuspecting Mark and showed up at her apartment door one Friday night after work.

She opened the door and stared at me in silence for several moments, a cool look in her dark eyes. “What are you doing here?”

So much for the warm welcome I’d hoped for. “How are you?”

“Fine. Now what are you doing here?”

I sighed. “We need to talk, Marlena.”

“We?” She shook her head. “I don’t think there’s anything you have to say I want to hear, Paul.”

“Fine. Then please just listen to me because I need to talk to you.”

“Why should I? When I wanted and needed to talk to you, you didn’t give a shit and now I don’t either.”

I detected a hint of pain under her anger. “I need to talk to you and I’m hoping you’re much more gracious and forgiving than I’ll ever be.”

“I’m not feeling particularly gracious or forgiving at the moment.”

“Please, Marlena. I know I have no right to expect anything from you but I need you to hear me out.”

She hesitated and then shrugged. “Fine. Make it quick.”

Being so close to her brought all the longing I’d tried so hard to ignore over the past weeks back to the surfaced with a vengeance. I was in danger of making a complete fool of myself by dropping to my knees and begging her to forgive me and to let me be her man.

My heart ached, my throat tightened, and I had to blink rapidly to hold tears at bay. “Marlena.” I whispered her name in an anguished, barely controlled voice.

She bit back a sob before she reached out, caught my hand and pulled me into the apartment. She had to reach past me to close the door.

As she did, her breasts brushed against my arm and I lost it. I snatched her into my arms. Curling my fingers in her hair, I crushed her lips under mine.

At first she held herself stiff with her hands pushing against my chest while she tried to drag her mouth away from mine.

I knew I should have stopped then, but I couldn’t. The taste of her lips and the feel of her body pressed against mine made that impossible. “Please,” I whispered. “Please.”

She moaned and pressed closer.

Satisfied that she wasn’t resisting anymore, I kissed her with a relentless intensity until I felt her lips soften and part under mine. By that time I was hard and so hungry for her I could barely contain my need to slide into her pussy and brand it and her as my own. All my noble ideas for coming vanished and I was just a man who needed to fuck the woman he loved.

Her lips, warm and moist, clung to mine. She reached down and guided my hands from her waist to her firm, rounded ass. I cupped my hands there and ground my groin against her, allowing her to feel the length and hardness of my cock.

“Paul.” She wrapped her arms around my neck and pressed into me. “Oh, Paul, darling! I’m so glad you came! I need and want to feel you inside me again.”

I gasped as I felt her breasts pressing against my chest. For several long, heady moments, the apartment was filled with the sounds of our deep, hungry kisses before I forced my body away from hers, and put several feet between us.

“Paul? What’s wrong?”

“I…wait a minute, Marlena. That’s not why I came.”

Her dark hair hung loose around her beautiful face. She pushed it behind her ears and gave me a cool look. “Oh hell no, Paul. Don’t you stand there and hand me that shit.”

“That’s not why I came.”

“You snatched me into your arms and practically kissed the color off my lips. When I respond, you jerk away and tell me that’s not why you came. Who the hell do you think you are coming here jerking me around like my feelings don’t matter? I have had about enough of your shit!”

I shook my head. “Marlena—”

“I do not want to talk, Paul.”

“Then what do you want?” But I could see the answer in her dark gaze.

“Take your clothes off and take me to bed or get the hell out of my face and my life!”

I swear I had noble reasons for going there. But when offered an ultimatum by the woman I loved and adored, what could I do? “Marlena, we need—”

“You need to give me what I want or get out of my life for good!”

Stick with the program. You cannot sleep with her again.
I stared at her in silence, taking slow deep breaths.

“What’s the matter? You need help making a decision?”

“No. I came to ask you to consider giving Mark a chance…” My voice trailed off as she unbuttoned her blouse and opened her front fastening bra. Oh, God. I’d forgotten how lovely her breasts were.

Locking her gaze with mine, she removed her blouse and bra, leaving her topless.

I took a slow, painful breath when she unzipped her pants and quickly stepped out of them. The tiny thong she wore was quickly tossed aside.

She stood naked in front of me. “Why are you here? To talk? Or to make love to me as only you can?”

I couldn’t hold out against her any longer. I ripped off my clothes and pushed her against the wall. And then paused.
You can’t do this again. You can’t.

She stared at me. “What are you doing, Paul? I know you must feel some of what I do. You can’t have come here just to tell me you don’t want a relationship with me. That would have just been too cruel for words.” She extended a hand. “Love me. Please?”

I stepped close to her, touching my forehead against hers.

She reached down to close her fingers around my cock.

I shuddered as she rubbed the head of my shaft along her slit before she slowly pushed it just inside her. “Paul?”

I opened my eyes and look at her.

“I’m yours, darling. Take me. Please.”

I had to have her. I pushed my hips forward, slowly driving my cock into her.

“Oh, God!” She grabbed my ass and jerked me closer. “It’s been so long…so long…so long.”

I bent my head and brushed my lips against hers.

She moaned against my mouth. “Paul…oh, Paul. I’m yours. All yours. Take me. Fuck me!”

“Oh, God, Marlena. I need you.”

She licked my lips. “Then take me.”

Pressing my hands against the wall beside her body, I fucked her hard and fast. As I did, I fought hard to hold onto my control. I was determined not to come before she did. I gritted my teeth and held on until I felt the countless detonations in her tight, warm pussy and I knew she was coming. Only then did I slide my hands over her ass and roughly stab my cock into her creamy pussy until I exploded inside her.

After I stopped coming, I kept my groin pressed close to her, sucking the side of her neck and feeling as if I’d died and gone to heaven.

She ran her hands over my back, her lips nibbling at my shoulder. “Paul…do me again.”

How could I resist such a heady invitation? I pulled out of her, drew her down to the carpet, sprawled between her legs, and ate her pussy until she lay moaning and shuddering under me. By that time, I was hard again. I slid up her shapely body and thrust my cock into her pussy.

She wrapped her long legs around me and we shared a long, greedy fuck that turned my emotions inside out and left me gasping for breath in her arms.

We lay on the floor in a tangle of limbs for a long time after I stopped coming inside her. I wanted to keep the outside world at bay, but with my lust and physical need for her satisfied, the reason I’d come resurfaced and I knew I’d just committed another unforgivable act.

I dragged myself away from her and lifted us both to our feet. I looked around for my clothes and dressed quickly. She donned her clothes much slower, staring at me with an uncertain look in her lovely, dark eyes. “Paul?”

I closed my eyes briefly. “We need to talk.”

She leaned back against the wall behind her. “About what?”

“I…I need you to do something for me.”

She shrugged. “Anything, Paul. Just name it and it’s yours.”

“I…Marlena, this is difficult to say, but I have to.”

“Then say it. After what we’ve shared, surely you know you can say anything to me you need to.”

She gave me a sweet, secret smile that tore at my heart and almost made me regret why I’d come. Almost, but not quite. There was one thing more important to me than my own need for her. “Marlena, I hope you know how much I…care for you.”

She touched my arm. “Care? What’s the matter, Paul? Having trouble pronouncing the L word?”

“The L word? You mean—”

“Yes, Paul. I mean love.”

I’d never wanted to admit that I was hopelessly in love with a woman more in my life. But that admission would only have led to more selfish desires. It was time I stopped thinking with my cock and heart and thought with my head.

I shook my head. “This is not about love or either of us, Marlena.”

“Really? Then who is it about?”

“Mark.”

“Mark? What’s he got to do with this?”

“He’s miserable. He’s in love with you.”

“In love with me? No. We’ve never even kissed. He likes the idea of being in love with a woman he considers older, but he is not in love with me. And I think you know I’m not in love with him. I like him, but that’s as far as my feelings for him have ever gone.”

“Well that’s not enough! He needs more.”

“There’s no more for him to need!”

“Don’t you care that he’s eating his heart out for you?”

She sucked in a breath. “I would never want him hurt, Paul, but I have never done anything to hurt him. You can’t say the same about how you’ve treated me.”

“What?”

“Do you even care one little bit how I feel? Or am I just an easy lay for you?”

“No!” I closed my hands around her arms and stared down at her. “No! You can’t think that!”

“What else can I think? You come here and fuck me—without a condom again.”

Oh hell no. We were not going there! “I came to talk. You’re the one who pressed the sex issue. Not me.”

“You’re a full-grown man, Paul. Why pretend as if I forced myself on you? Regardless why you say you came, you came and had sex with me—twice and then you tell me Mark is in love with me. Did you fuck me to get me to agree to date him?”

I hadn’t planned to fuck her at all, but I knew she wasn’t in the mood to hear or believe that. And I couldn’t blame her. I hadn’t done much to portray myself in a positive light since we met. “No, I didn’t. I just came to ask you to please go out with him again.”

“No!”

I’d been so sure I could talk her into it that I didn’t behave very well when I couldn’t. “Why can’t you? You said you’d do anything.”

She crossed her arms over her breasts, as if she was trying to hold the pain inside. “Anything except that, Paul. I can’t.”

“You mean you won’t.”

“Fine. Use whatever words you want. I won’t and if you knew my situation, you wouldn’t ask me to.”

“Please, Marlena. Can’t you just go out with him a few times and then let him down gently?”

She shook her head. “No!”

“Why the hell not?”

“You’re an ass.” She started to turn away.

She looked angry but sounded hurt. I caught her hand and turned her back to face me. “I’m all he has and when he hurts, I hurt.”

“That’s great but what happens when I’m hurt? You seem to be fine with that.”

I squeezed her hand. “I’m not all right with hurting you.”

“I think you are and that sucks because…”

“Because what?”

She sucked in a breath and shook her head. “Because I’m pregnant.”

“I don’t care about that!”

“Oh God, Paul. You…don’t?”

“No! All I care about is…” I blinked. “I…wait. What did you say?”

She sighed, shaking her head. “Nothing.” She tugged at her hand.

I tightened my grip. “What did you say?”

“Nothing that will matter to you.” She bit her lip. “How could I have been so stupid with you?”

“Are you serious?”

“It’s not something I’ve ever felt the need to joke about, Paul.”

Oh fuck. “Pregnant? You’re pregnant?”

She nodded.

I stared at her, stunned that I’d fucked up again. I hadn’t learned anything from getting Brenda pregnant all those years ago and having to marry her.

She pressed a hand against her lips. “Go ahead, Paul. Ask.”

“Ask what?”

“Who the father is.”

I frowned. “Unless you sleep around, I’m the father.”

“I don’t sleep around!”

Then I was the father. I was silent while I tried to process that reality and the fact that this time I wanted the baby. And the certainty that Mark was going to be crushed. It couldn’t be avoided now.