Torrent (Alpha Love - a Paranormal Werewolf Shifter Romance Book 4) (4 page)

The concern and softness in his eyes is enough to quench some of the fire burning in her belly, but not all of it. “I know, Ash. I know. I feel the same, if anything were to happen to you, I don’t know what I’d do.” She closes the distance between them, resting her hand on his chest, feeling the way it seems to be beating double time.

Ashton pulls her towards him, brushing a stray strand of hair out of her eyes and behind her ear. It’s a tender gesture and the love that fills his eyes is enough to make her forget all the anger and hurt that she has built up inside of her since last night when he’d practically vetoed her petition to be turned. That’s until he opens his beautiful mouth again.

“I just don’t want to get you involved in all of this.” He leans his head towards hers, intensity burning in his blue eyes.

Before their foreheads can meet, before he can get any closer she takes a step back. “You don’t want me to get involved? I thought I was
already
involved?” She doesn’t repeat what she’d said the night before, about having allied herself with him and with the pack. There was nothing outside for her anymore. By taking their side she had lost her job, her credibility and it wasn’t much of a stretch to realize that she was probably a wanted woman. She couldn’t believe that he would throw that sacrifice back in her face just because… “It’s because I’m not like you, because I’m not were. Is that how it works? If you’re not really part of the gang then whatever you’ve given up doesn’t count?” She can barely contain her anger.

“That’s not what I meant!” Ashton releases her, stepping back to give him the space he needs to stop himself from desperately wanting to touch her. Having her so close and distancing himself was like a hungry man walking away from a feast. It was harder than she would ever know, harder than he would ever allow her to know.

“Then what did you mean?” Sofie’s brown eyes flash with rage. “Because as far as I’m concerned, I’m more than involved, I’m a part of this now. Why are you the only person in this whole place that can’t seem to see that?” The hurt creeps into her voice, hinting at the vulnerability that Ashton knows lies underneath her sometimes-flinty exterior.

“I can see that, Sofe,” he says sadly, looking at her with longing. “You’re at risk here. If you stay with us then you’re a target and I can’t protect you and the rest of the pack at the same time. I need my head in the game and the way I feel about you throws me off.”

“’If’ I stay with the pack? What do you mean ‘if’? Where else am I going to go? I think it’s clear that my prospects are pretty few and far between after yesterday.” Sofie chuckles dryly, it’s not enough to fool either of them, there’s nothing funny about the situation she’s found herself in. She locks eyes with Ashton and she knows that she’s not going to like what she’s about to hear. With him she didn’t need a crystal ball. At times like this he was an open book to her, at other times more like a secret diary that’s been padlocked and buried.

Ashton takes a deep breath and closes his eyes, steeling himself for what he’s about to say and how little he wants to say it. What he’s about to do is the hardest part about all of this. Pushing away the person he needs most is the last thing his heart is telling him to do, but right now he needs to listen more to his head. That’s part of the deal of being the Alpha, his brain had to rule his heart, at all times. So he gathers himself together and says the words that strip him to the core. “I’m sending you away.”

“Sorry, I think I just slipped back a few hundred years. It sounded like you said you were sending me away. Like a package in the mail.” Sofie tries to keep her mouth from hanging open at Ashton’s words.

Ashton winces at the direct hit. “You need to get out of here as soon as possible, before things get any worse. The rest of the pack will follow, but it’ll take a little while to talk them round to the idea. In the meantime, I’m not prepared to put you at risk.” Sofie can barely believe what it is that she’s hearing. She feels a little like her world is spinning away from her.

Ashton takes advantage of her silence, plunging on with his plan while she’s still assimilating what he’s just said. “There’s a pack in Alaska that we have ties with – the Frontiers. I got in touch with them last night, after Lola. It could have been you lying on the floor bleeding out instead of her. Losing a member of the pack would have been bad enough, but losing you...I don’t know how I would have come back from that.” Ashton shakes his head like he doesn’t even want to imagine what could have happened.

“Alaska?” She latches onto one word at a time. “Do you know how far away that is? What am I saying? Of course you do! You’re the one that’s had this all neatly planned out.”

“Don’t make this any harder than it needs to be. Do you think that this is easy for me, that I’m enjoying asking you to leave me? It won’t be for long; the pack will follow along soon after. There’s enough uninhabited land there for us to find a new home there.” The way Ashton says the word ‘home’ tells her how little he believes that anywhere other than where he’s standing can fill that remit.

“Do I get any say in this at all? Because the last time I checked I was the one that got to decide what I do and don’t do.” Sofie narrows her eyes at him, infuriated at how calm he seems to be when she feels like she’s about to boil over.

“I’m just trying to do the right thing here. Don’t punish me for it.” Ashton rakes his fingers through his sandy hair in frustration, clearly struggling to keep his voice level.

“I’m not punishing you, I’m pissed. There’s a difference.” Sofie’s voice is clipped as her brain keeps whirring.

“You’re pissed at me, what a surprise!” Ashton mutters under his breath and Sofie gives him a look that have turned lesser men to stone.

“No, the big surprise here is that you thought you could pull this Alpha bullshit on me and that it would work!” Sofie shakes her head at his naiveté. “You can’t send me away, I refuse to go. How about that? I’m not leaving the pack and I’m not leaving you, not when I’m partly responsible for everything that’s happened here and not when I can help.” Her tone of voice softens as she steps closer to him, wishing that she wasn’t so desperate to have his arms around her. “Is it really that much easier for you to send me away than it is to let me help you?”

The silence between them is broken by the dull thwacking sounds as the weres outside continuing with the chopping of logs. At this rate they’ll have enough to get them through at the very least a few years of winter.

“There’s nothing easy about any of this, Sofie!” The last trace of Ashton’s patience has officially left the building and he doesn’t do anything to hide his temper.

His eyes blaze gold as the wolf inside of him makes an appearance. A few days ago she might have been wary, taken a step back from him, but not now. She knew that he wouldn’t ever hurt her, not physically anyway. He was far too capable of wrenching her heart just with a misplaced word or phrase and she hated that he had that power over her. She wasn’t used to depending on someone so utterly for her own happiness, a few words from him could completely throw off her equilibrium.

So as his eyes glow she takes a step towards him rather than away. “Then don’t push me away. After last night, after everything you said, everything we talked about...” She lets the memory of what they had shared sink in. She had told him that she was in love with him and now he was telling her to go.

The internal struggle that Ashton is experiencing is plastered across his face. His body seems to make his decision before his mind has a chance to catch up and he gathers her up in his arms, crushing her to his chest. He holds her so hard against him it’s almost hard to breathe. But oxygen is overrated, she decides, being this close to him is all that she needs. She looks up at him and runs her hand across the dark blonde stubble along his jaw, feeling the prickles underneath her skin. She breathes in the scent of him, the clean smell of soap and the manly muskiness underneath it. It’s an intoxicating mix. Ashton leans down and presses his full lips gently against hers. It’s a chaste kiss, but so full of feeling that it brings tears to her eyes.

When he lifts his head, he keeps his gaze fixed on her dark eyes, eyes that seem to be able to see right into his very soul. “I meant everything that I said to you last night. That’s why you have to go.” Sofie opens her mouth to protest and then closes it again when she sees Ashton’s expression. It’s clearly hard for him to say what he needs to; she’s not going to make it any more difficult for him by interrupting every five seconds.

“I can’t protect you here, not with all the craziness that’s going on outside. People hate us, your old boss is leading the charge against us and I don’t have any intention of putting you in his firing line, not again. The next time you might not be so lucky.” Ashton’s jaw tightens as the thought of what that would mean sinks in. Sofie thinks back to the dream that she’d woken from with Luke’s gun to her temple but she doesn’t say anything, Ash doesn’t seem to need any additional reasons to be paranoid over her safety.

“You can protect me a damn sight better than anyone else, Ash. You’re a werewolf,” she reminds him gently. “There’s not much that can compare to that.”

“Yes, but I’m not just a were. I’m an Alpha and I have a pack to lead.” As Ashton says the words she wonders if she’s imagining that he seems to almost be saying ‘but I wish I didn’t have to.’

“I know, I know, the pack always comes first. I get it.” Sofie holds up her hand, not needing him to repeat it, they’ve been over it before, again and again. The pack is his responsibility and that’s never going to change.

“That’s exactly the problem.” Ashton’s hold tightens even more around Sofie’s waist, pulling her as close to him as is humanly possible. “When I’m with you the pack doesn’t come first. You do.” The gravity of what he’s saying slowly sinks into her brain and she tries not to show how pleased she is that he feels more tied to her than anything else.

“And is that so very bad?” Sofie hazards a look up at him from under her thick lashes and her sultry expression is rewarded with a smile cracking on his face that was looking so serious.

“I wish it wasn’t. But it is for the 18 people that I’m sworn to protect.” The reminder of his duties is gentle but Sofie wonders if she’ll ever get used to it. Being with Ashton is more than just dealing with him and with the fact that he’s a werewolf – as if that wasn’t enough – it’s also about dealing with his pack, a whole other host of people and worries and obligations. It was like marrying into the Kennedy family, if the Kennedy family were werewolves.

“So you’re making me leave so that you concentrate on the pack? Have I done something to make you think that I don’t get how this whole Alpha thing works? Have I ever asked you to put me before Lindsey or Gus or Hector or Lola and the rest of the pack?” Sofie shakes her head, hurt that he would think she would be so selfish. Much as she would like to feel as important to him as the pack she would never have asked him to choose, not ever. She tries to take a step away from him, needing some space, but his arms around her tighten their hold.

“No, running girl, you haven’t ever asked me to choose. But you don’t have to. I do that all on my own.” He looks up to the ceiling, like he’s searching for strength. He sighs deeply, surrendering himself to the truth of what he’s saying. “When I’m with you, I can’t think straight and that’s exactly what I need to be able to do.” His blue eyes look deeply into hers, imprinting his soul onto hers. “You take all my control away. When I’m around you, I become a loose cannon; I’m all brawn and no brain. I’m so focused on you and keeping you safe that everything else fades into the background.” Sofie’s eyes widen at his words, at the tenderness there and at their significance. “But I can’t afford to be like that, to feel that way, not when so many lives are in my hands.” He looks at her, willing her to understand what he’s trying to tell her.

She waits a beat, thoughts and feelings swimming around her head. Before the words are even out of her mouth she knows that they won’t help her cause, but she needs to say them. “The best way to protect me would be to turn me, to make me like you.” Ashton shakes his head, releasing his hold on her and starting to pace up and down. “It’s what I want. Why won’t you listen to that?”

“We’ve talked about it already, Sofie. You had your vote, the pack didn’t pass the motion, that’s the end of it.” His voice is a low growl, his eyes menacing, as if the very idea of turning her into a were has made him angry

“It wasn’t the pack that didn’t agree, it was Gus, your right hand man, who only voted against it to make you happy, as you well know. Don’t insult my intelligence by pretending that things went down any differently than we both know that they did.” Sofie points a shaking finger at him, accusatorily.

Ashton’s eyes flash and his tone is full of frustration. “I’m not having the same argument again, just because you’re not happy with the way things played out. News flash, Sofie, we don’t always get what we want!” The last words are a shout and Sofie wonders how much of that little speech was about her and how much was about him and not being able to have what he wants.

“You’re right, there’s no point in having the same fight again and again. You’re not going to change your mind anytime soon and neither will I, so let’s leave it at that. The up-shot is that I’m not going, I’m not leaving you and the pack behind to go to Alaska. Read my lips: it’s not going to happen. Where you go, I go, it’s that simple.” She shrugs her shoulders to highlight how straightforward it is in her mind.

“It’s not a request, Sofie. You can’t stay here. You don’t have a choice.” Ashton’s words are angry but the expression on his face looks more like concern than it does frustration. Sofie doesn’t have time to list the ways in which his words are offensive before Ashton makes a gesture with his hand to cut her off. “If you are serious about wanting to become part of the pack then you need to start learning how to obey orders without questioning them every time. And, right now, I don’t know if you’re able to do that.” Ashton’s expression is a challenge, like he’s thrown down a gauntlet and he’s waiting to see if she’ll pick it up or not. He’s cold with her, distancing himself from her already. But his gaze is zeroed in on the necklace that she’s wearing, the one that he gave her -- the one that had saved her life.

Sofie looks at him, at the man that she loves, that she’s given up everything for and the anger that has been bubbling up inside of her at his words dissipates like air bubbles finding their way to the surface of water. She knows what thoughts are running through his mind, they’re painted on his face. He’s thinking about the day that he lost his mother, something that he still blames himself for, despite the fact that he was just a kid at the time. It was the same day that he lost control of the wolf and wreaked bloody vengeance on the men that were responsible for her death. From the way he’s looking at her, there’s no doubt that he would enact the same revenge on anyone that hurt her. She didn’t need a confession; his eyes held all the truth that she would ever need.

Sofie can see how hard it is for him to send her away, to say what needs to be said. He’s making too much of a show of pushing her away for her to believe it’s actually what he wants. He’s not fooling anyone, not even himself. He’s the Pack Master, the man responsible for the lives of a pack of Lycans, what is essentially an endangered species, especially if Luke gets his way. But that’s not all he is, he’s also the scared little boy that just wants his mother back and never wants to have to go through a loss like that again. It’s the knowledge of that which makes her soften to him again.

“When do I leave?” She asks the question in a low voice, head bowed, seemingly resigned to the fate that Ashton has decided for her.

He doesn’t make any attempt to hide his surprise at her sudden change of heart. His eyes look like they’re about ready to pop out of his head, but his voice remains even. “Tonight. You need to go tonight.”

Sofie feels like she’s being choked, not only is he sending her away, but he’s asking her to leave immediately. It’s not enough time, not enough time to say goodbye to him. But would it there ever be enough time for that, she wonders?

“With everything that’s going on, I can’t risk you staying here for any longer. The sooner you get out of Beaumont and away from Calambor is the sooner you’ll be safer.” Ashton nods in agreement at his own words, like he’s still working on convincing himself of the truth of that. Sofie doesn’t point out that as news of the weres and the footage from the day before has now spread nationally, there aren’t many places where she would be safe anymore, but she remains silent. There’s no point in telling him something that he already knows. “You’ll travel with Gus, he’ll do what needs to be done to get you to Alaska.”

Sofie has started shaking her head firmly before Ashton has even finished his sentence. “Gus? You’re sending Gus with me? Are you really that pissed at me?” She shoots for humor but Ashton isn’t smiling.